Disclaimer: See chapter 1.
Author's note: I cannot tell you how overwhelmed I was with the response to this story. To those who reviewed, thank you so much, you don't know what it meant to me. I try to respond to each review, but this week was crazy with work so I didn't get the chance. To all who added this to their favorites or put it on alert, your support keeps me going. To those who simply read it, I'm incredibly glad you gave it a shot and I hope you enjoyed it.
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She didn't know where she was, but she knew someone was very close to her – too close to her.
She opened her eyes to find Deeks hovering fretfully over her. "I thought you were stirring, I noticed the change in your breathing patterns." He sounded triumphantly proud. The look on her face caused him to back up with such speed that he fell backwards into the chair next to her bed.
He tried to cover his discomfort with a slew of rapid-fire questions. "Are you alright? Do you need anything? I'm at your service," he said, and really, she felt bad, because he sounded truly eager to help her.
"I'm okay," she whispered, though she really wanted some water.
"Don't worry," he said, and he sounded reassuring until the next sentence out of his mouth: "I told them I was your husband." She blinked at him, and then started to laugh. He was joking. He had to be. She was sure of it.
His face remained serious, bordering on worried, as her laughter slowly faded. Oh God.
"You didn't," she whispered, the words coming out more as a hiss.
"They wouldn't have let me stay otherwise," he said, grasping her hand. "And Callen said I had to stay by your side, and if I didn't, then – " He abruptly broke off, thinking that Nell probably wouldn't be pleased to hear exactly how Callen planned to torture him if he let her out of his sight for an instant.
"My husband?" She tried to shriek, but her throat was too dry. "You could have just flashed your badge and said you weren't leaving!"
He considered that for a moment; it clearly hadn't dawned on him. "Yes, I could have."
Her reply, in which she would have threatened to painfully murder him, was interrupted by a nurse coming to check her vitals.
"You're doing quite well, no need to worry," the young woman said cheerfully, as she attached a blood pressure cuff to Nell's uninjured arm. "Just a mild case of shock, you'll be right as rain in no time."
Nell didn't understand how rain could be "right," but she was focused more on Deeks than the well-meaning platitudes of her nurse. "Husband," she scoffed, forgetting the nurse was listening to them.
At the other woman's confused look, Deeks quickly asked Nell, "Do you want something to drink? Water? Soda? Coffee?"
"I hate coffee," she snapped, letting her irritation at him shine through. "You should know that. Seeing as we're married."
Deeks laughed nervously and glanced at the nurse who was shaking her head in pity and handing Nell a glass of water. "My wife is very temperamental, especially when injured. Isn't that right...dear heart?"
Nell inadvertently inhaled her water and started coughing furiously. Deeks hit her on the back sharply, as if that would help (he watched too many movies) and she swatted his hand away furiously. "Don't touch me!"
"Oh honey, it's like our wedding night all over again," he said, forcing a laugh, as the nurse cast him one more strange look and then left the room, after making sure Nell was able to catch her breath again.
"What is wrong with you?" She muttered, making a conscious effort to slow her breathing and control any more urges to cough.
"Look," he said seriously, "I know you're not happy, but trust me when I say this was the best of a variety of unappealing choices."
"Being married to me is unappealing?"
He stared at the ceiling, counted to ten, and tried again. "Nell, Callen ordered me to keep an eye on you."
"And you're his little helper, doing anything and everything he says?" She scowled. Truthfully, she wasn't mad at Deeks, but at Callen, and for the mere fact that he wasn't there. It wasn't fair, she knew, but she couldn't help feeling the way she did. She thought that he'd basically told her he wouldn't leave her side; to find out that he had apparently left her at the first opportunity was...heartbreaking.
Deeks patted her hand in an attempt at reassurance, well aware it was the last thing she wanted – from him at least. "I'm…sorry."
She swallowed hard and looked away from him, blinking back her tears. Where the hell had Callen gone? Had he just left her here upon realizing she had passed out? Did he see her as useless, or worse, a burden?
She certainly felt pathetic. Who passed out from a superficial gunshot wound to the arm! She must have been really tired, and the stress and pain had exacerbated her condition, what else could explain it?
Not to mention, where did she get off feeling sorry for herself? It wasn't like her, and she could only blame her self-pity on her injury. It was throwing off her judgment and causing her to act…decidedly unlike herself.
She tried to carefully move her arm, relieved when it responded, though it was quite painful.
Deeks was watching her closely. "You really are fine. It didn't do much damage. Most people wouldn't even need to be hospitalized…" he trailed off, apparently realizing his words didn't help her much.
She frowned at him. "Thanks, that makes me feel much better. I overreact so badly to being shot that I have to be unnecessarily admitted to the hospital."
"I didn't mean –" He broke off, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Everything I'm saying is coming out wrong."
"And that's different from usual, how?" Kensi asked from the doorway, and they both turned to her; Deeks with impatient frustration, and Nell with relief. Maybe the other woman had some answers.
She bit back her first question (Where's Callen?) because it didn't make sense, even to herself. She hadn't yet justified her sudden obsession with him so that it would be acceptable in her own mind. She highly doubted the others would understand it if she couldn't even explain it to herself.
That left asking about any leads they had. "Have you found anything?"
Kensi shook her head, clearly disappointed. "Not yet. How are you feeling?"
"Fantastic," Nell forced a smile. "Everyone tells me I'm fine and that my reaction to being shot was bizarre."
Kensi took a moment to try and glare Deeks to death. "That's not what anyone is saying. I was talking to your doctor before I came in here. First, you are going to be alright. Secondly, he said it's perfectly normal for some people to react to trauma the way you did. You're certainly not used to it – not the way the rest of us are. Plus, you lost a decent amount of blood, and you were exhausted. It's not surprising that you fainted. And that's all it was."
Nell didn't know if she believed her. She wanted to, but Kensi could simply be trying to make her feel better.
She didn't know if it mattered either way.
Nell was about to ask when she could go home when Kensi's phone rang. She stepped outside to answer it, and Deeks took the opportunity to try and fix things.
"I've thought about it from every angle, Nell, and I've decided the best course of action is to allow you to come home with me."
She was speechless for almost a full minute, and only his clear anticipation of her response spurred her to answer. "You…what?"
"You can't go home, someone could be after you," he said, somewhat rationally. "Therefore, I'll open my home to you."
She was about to start laughing again (it was either that or start screaming), when his next words disarmed her. "I'll keep you safe."
"That's not your job," she said softly, wondering at the strange urge she had to cry.
"It's all of our jobs," he said matter of factly. "We love you."
She couldn't respond to that in a steady voice. She did the next best thing, which was to get out of bed and hug him as hard as she could with her uninjured arm. He didn't know what to do for a few seconds, before deciding the best course of action was to simply hug her back.
"You really scared us," he said in a low voice, and she nodded, releasing him to sit back on her bed.
"I was really scared myself. We're even."
Kensi came back into the room, pausing for a millisecond as if she realized she had interrupted something, then forged on as she often did. "That was Sam, Eric called him – he's been scouring surveillance footage from around Callen's home and thinks he found something."
Before she could explain, another nurse came in to check on Nell. She took several minutes, during which Nell impatiently bit her tongue to keep from grilling Kensi more about Sam's phone call.
Once she was gone, right as Kensi was about to elaborate on Eric's find, the man himself walked into her room.
"Nell!" Eric exclaimed, "I've been worried sick. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she reassured him, forcing herself to smile. Truth was, she felt far worse than she had upon waking a half hour earlier, and the only thing she wanted was more pain medicine. Well, that or to fall unconscious, maybe both.
Kensi was eyeing him suspiciously. "How did you get in here? Callen said no visitors were allowed before he left."
"Oh, that," Eric smiled sheepishly. "I told them I was your husband. The nurse looked at me strangely, then said she had to go check something. When she left, I just came down to your room."
Kensi rolled her eyes. "Great security this place has – would you excuse me?" She didn't sound that angry, but from the way she stormed out, it was clear she intended to give the entire staff hell.
Nell looked back and forth between Deeks and Eric. "What is wrong with you two? You're federal agents. You don't have to make up lies to get in to see me. And thanks for coming up with the same one, by the way, because that doesn't make me look strange."
Eric immediately went on the defensive. "I had important information for you guys, I had to come up with something."
"What is it?" Deeks asked, cutting off Nell's next complaint.
Eric explained how he'd found a stolen black sedan in the vicinity of Callen's house near the time of the shooting, and from his research (angles and timing and process of elimination and a bunch of other stuff Nell tuned out because she was too distracted by her arm), he told them it was most likely the car the perpetrators had been driving. He'd put out an APB and also sent Sam and Callen the information.
"Where are they, anyway?" He asked, as Kensi returned. "They haven't checked in recently."
"Why would he?" Nell asked, sounding far angrier than she meant to. She blamed it on the pain. "I'm fine, right? That's what everyone keeps telling me. I'm sure he has better things to do."
Her words were met with stunned silence. It was Eric who bravely spoke first, if timidly. "Um…he?"
She inwardly cursed herself – Eric had been talking about both Sam and Callen, and she'd returned with a rant about only their senior agent. Fantastic. "Never mind," she said, forcing herself to sound calm, though it was nearly impossible.
"I think you need some rest," Deeks said warily. Nell pretended not to notice the questioning glances the other three were passing amongst each other.
"Fine," she said, refusing to look at him.
Rest was the last thing she needed. She needed some pain medicine, and a way to vent her anger (for the first time she could remember, she wanted to punch something), and mostly she needed for the people who had shot at her, tried to kill her and Callen, to be in custody. Although, she wouldn't mind if they were dead either, and the thought was far darker than she thought she was capable.
She felt cold spread through her along with a newfound worry – she didn't seem to know herself much at all, lately. She was having strange thoughts, strange feelings…it was as if overnight she had fundamentally changed, and the person she was before was trying to reconcile the past her with this new version of her. And failing miserably.
"Throwing a party in here, huh?" A voice said from the doorway, and she turned so quickly it was a wonder she didn't get whiplash. Nell bit her lip to keep from lashing out and demanding to know where he'd been. She had no right to ask.
Callen wasn't oblivious to the strange tension in the room, as Eric, Kensi, and Deeks stood around mutely, looking distinctly uncomfortable. Nell stared at the blanket, absently pulling at it and pretending nothing was bothering her.
"Did I miss something?" He asked, and no one answered him. Alright, then. He tipped his head, an unsubtle gesture telling them to leave.
He'd never seen them flee a room with such speed, unless Hetty was the one doing the ordering.
"What's going on?" He asked, settling into the chair Deeks had vacated. It was a few feet from the bed and he didn't move it closer because she was obviously upset, and from the way she wasn't really looking at him, he had an inkling it might have to do with him.
She took too long to respond. The ticking clock on the wall sounded impossibly loud in the silence.
"Nothing," she said finally, when it became clear he wasn't going to leave until she answered him.
He nodded slowly. "Yeah, it seems like nothing. You seem perfectly –"
"Do not say fine!" She erupted, shocking herself more than him. "I am not fine!" In her sudden rage, she took the cup of water the nurse had given her and threw it as hard as she could. Unfortunately, it was paper, and barely made a sound as it hit the wall; that only made her madder. She grabbed the plastic pitcher and threw that, as well. It caught the edge of a vase of flowers on the table across the room. Pitcher and vase both fell to the floor with a loud crash, glass scattering everywhere.
She stared in horror – she didn't even know who gave her those flowers. Kensi burst into the room, breaking her concentration. The woman was about to raise her weapon until she took in the scene. She shot a worried look at Callen, who only shook his head and waved for her to leave again. She did, slowly, but the worry on her face didn't disappear. Nell saw it in her own mind, even after the door closed behind Kensi.
She turned to Callen, who was watching her with a calmness that she knew was practiced. She wondered what he really thought of her outburst. Was he worried like Kensi? Or afraid she wasn't cut out to work with them? Maybe disappointed that she couldn't…she shut her eyes and didn't finish the thought.
In reality, all he wanted to do was hold her. Something about her made him want to take her far away, to a place where it was just the two of them, and he could protect her from the world. He inwardly smiled at what she might do to him if he tried.
He didn't ask why she'd done what she had; he simply waited.
The overwhelming outrage and feeling of injustice about the world that had led to her physical outburst had dissipated, but the sentiments that led to it were still there, under the skin, demanding release. "Someone shot at me tonight," she began. "They shot at us." Her voice was rising in pitch, her fury growing. "They tried to kill me. They tried to kill us! We could be dead right now!" She turned to him in dismay. "Doesn't that infuriate you?"
It did far more than that, but he'd had years of practice controlling his emotions, and when that failed, he'd learned to compartmentalize them. If he reacted to everything the way he wanted, he'd be long dead by now. He wanted to explain that to her, but had no idea how. "Nell, I –"
She wasn't listening to him. In fact, she was halfway across the room, intent on picking up the flowers which could probably be saved. He reached her just in time, grabbing her around the waist. "Nell, that's glass," he reminded her, as she looked down at her bare feet.
Right, she could hurt herself. "I'll get my shoes, they must be around here." She tried to go find them, but Callen hadn't let go of her. "I want to pick up the flowers," she said impatiently.
"Nell –"
"Just let me," she argued, trying to pull away.
"You're more important than the flowers," he said, which stopped her efforts cold. While she processed that, he took advantage of her stillness to check the bandages on her right arm. It didn't appear she'd reopened any stitches; there was no blood.
When he moved her right arm, she belatedly realized what he was doing. "I didn't hurt it again. I threw with my other one."
The corner of his mouth turned up slightly. "Yeah, I caught that."
"I was aiming for the door," she admitted sheepishly. The door was in the opposite direction of the table where the vase had been.
He looked at her incredulously, and she shrugged, then winced at the way the movement pulled at her stitches. He caught the distress on her face and it reminded him that it had been present since he walked in the room. Now he knew part of the reason why. "You're in pain," he murmured, gently running his hand down her right arm.
She let out a deep breath. She hadn't wanted to say anything, hadn't wanted to appear weaker than she already was. Since he saw it, though, there was no point denying it. "Yes, I am. Very much."
He didn't bother asking why she hadn't told anyone, because he had a few guesses. He pressed the call button on the bed to summon a nurse. "Do you feel better now?" He asked, referring to her sudden fit of anger.
She nodded, but there was something else in her eyes aside from exhaustion and pain from the shooting. It was fear he saw lingering in her eyes.
"We are going to find them," he promised, gripping her shoulders as much as he could without hurting her arm. He meant it, with everything he had in him. He needed her to understand that.
She shook her head, and he realized the fear he was seeing wasn't about the men out there. She was definitely afraid because of the shooting, but there was something much deeper lurking in her eyes.
If he wasn't mistaken, Nell was far more afraid of something else.
"Nell?" He asked, feeling his already immense worry for her grow exponentially.
"This isn't…" she swallowed, feeling herself start to choke up. As if this weren't bad enough already. "This isn't who I am," she managed. When her gaze strayed to the broken vase on the floor, understanding passed through him like lightning.
"We know that's not who you are," he said, his quiet words comforting her in a way that, she believed, in that moment, little else ever could have.
She pressed her lips together, fighting the urge to reply, and looked up at him.
"I know that's not who you are," he whispered, leaning closer. "You're allowed to react, you're allowed to be furious, you're allowed to scream and throw things and hate the world."
She was already shaking her head in the negative. She was not allowed any of that. "My job requires –"
He cut her off. "Nell Jones…you're allowed to be human."
She felt a tear slide down her face, entirely against her will, and looked down at her feet to keep him from noticing. Seeing her own bare feet, inches from his shoes, she was struck again by their differences. She was in a hospital gown, laid up because of a wound that was (despite the pain) pretty superficial, and he was still dressed to work, obviously hadn't stopped all night.
She knew if he'd been the one shot tonight, he'd still be the same as he was now – ready to track down the shooters. He'd never be sitting in the hospital, waiting for the rest of his team to do the work for him.
Of course, that line of thought reminded her of the fact that he had been shot a few years ago, that he'd almost died. He very well could have, and she'd never have met him. Their team probably wouldn't exist, all of them scattered among NCIS in different capacities. They'd be with other, different teams.
She felt a sudden, squeezing tightness in her chest. She didn't want to be anywhere else, on any other team, with other people. With him…not existing.
He hadn't moved, but she did, taking the last step forward to hug him, as well as she could with one functioning arm. If he was surprised, he didn't show it. All he did was wrap his arms around her and let her lean against him.
She was still furious with him for leaving her in the hospital, but she set it aside for the moment. She didn't want to ruin this. He was a warm, solid presence, and he reassured her by doing nothing at all. She blinked away more tears from her eyes. She'd never felt such peace simply by being near another person, touching them, existing with them together in the same space and time.
It was another one of the reasons why she was so afraid. She'd never relied on anyone before, in this way, and the fact that she did now – that these feelings had emerged unexpectedly, from nowhere – terrified her to her very soul. No one should be able to feel content with the world because of a single person in it. That was incredibly dangerous.
She had no idea what she felt, and she had no idea what to do about it.
"Nell?" He asked, and she actually welcomed the interruption in her thoughts, which were going in circles and leading her nowhere.
"Callen?"
"Are you…" he stopped himself from using the word 'fine' and she almost smiled, "…okay?"
"For the moment," she told him. And it surprised her to realize she actually meant it.
"Why wouldn't you look at me when I came in the room?" He asked, surprising her with his directness. She didn't know what to say, and even if she had, she didn't know if she'd have been ready to say it.
Instead, she opted to shake her head, blinking back more tears, which made her feel exponentially worse. She felt like she needed to cry and let go of all her emotions, but every time she started, she felt guilty about having those emotions in the first place. She was stuck.
He sensed her distress and closed the last few inches between them, resting his forehead on hers. "It's okay."
She had a flashback to his home, right after the shooting, when she'd longed to do the very same thing but been unable. She breathed in shakily, shutting her eyes and trying not to give herself away. Maybe he was only giving her – or himself – comfort. He probably wanted reassurance that she was fine. He probably loved her the same way Deeks had said earlier. She could not – would not – do anything to jeopardize that. But as they stood there, in the same space, breathing the same air, it took everything in her to stop herself from doing something she couldn't take back.
Apparently Callen didn't feel the same way, because he brushed a gentle kiss over her lips, then jerked away, putting himself between her and the door when he heard someone enter. He had much better reflexes than her, because she hadn't heard anything, and was only aware of someone in the doorway because of his actions.
The nurse standing there had her mouth open as if she'd been about to speak, but was shocked into silence. "I…you called?"
"Some time ago," Callen frowned, realizing it had taken a completely unacceptable amount of time for anyone to respond. "Nell needs more pain medicine." He relaxed, but hadn't let go of her; in fact, his words were spoken almost into her hair.
The nurse left and returned in record time with a couple pills for her. The other woman seemed awkward as she moved around the room, and even reluctant to get too close to her or Callen. As soon as Nell swallowed the pills, the nurse disappeared as quickly as she could.
"Was that weird?" Nell asked, as she got back into bed.
"She was acting pretty strange," Callen agreed. "Maybe she knew I was angry that it took forever for her to get in here. I'll have a talk with them."
"No, it was more than that. She couldn't even look at us," Nell said. "She was uncomfortable being in here with us. Almost as if she caught us doing something…inappropriate."
Callen gave her a look and she inadvertently blushed. "Not that we were! All I'm saying is, didn't it seem like she walked in on us…" she trailed off, letting him fill in the blanks. It didn't make sense, though, because all the woman might have seen was Callen's brief (friendly) kiss with her, and then him holding her, perhaps too closely, but nothing amiss for good friends, right?
She was about to chalk it up to something that would never be answered when Deeks reentered the room.
"Is everything alright in here?" He asked.
"Just fine," Callen said, picking up the flowers from earlier.
"The nurse just came out of the room as if it were on fire. What were you two doing in here?" Deeks asked, not bothering to hide his lascivious tone.
"Nothing," Nell insisted, as Kensi and Eric also came in, clearly concerned about her.
"Uh huh," Deeks said, not buying it. He paused a beat, then added, "Just so you know, Callen, when that nurse asked me earlier if you were family, I totally had your back. I told her you were Nell's brother."
Nell started laughing at the horrified look on Callen's face, because it was too ridiculous.
"What were you two doing in here?" Kensi asked, intrigued. She'd clearly seen Callen's dismay.
"Nothing remiss," Nell said quickly. "Though, if you're talking about siblings, then maybe it would seem…" she started laughing again at the memory of the nurse's face.
"The only reason I'm not going to kill you," Callen told Deeks evenly, "is because you made her laugh again."
"What's going on in here?" Sam demanded as he appeared in the doorway. "A nurse told me that I could find Nell in here with both of her husbands and, I quote, 'her really, really close brother.'"
"Don't worry," Deeks said, in a tone which encouraged everyone to worry. "When she came out of your room, I told her that the love you two share can't be stopped by any moral bounds, not even those of society."
"We're eventually going to be kicked out of this hospital," Eric sighed, stepping to the side when Callen lunged for Deeks.
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TBC – I hope this chapter lived up to expectations. I have an idea, but I'm not entirely set on where this story is going. Don't be afraid to let me know what you think, or if you have any suggestions of what you'd like to see later on. I appreciate your feedback!