Disclaimer: See chapter 1.
Author's note: Thanks to everyone who has given this story a shot. To all who have added it to favorites, reviewed it, put it on alert, or simply read it, I love you. I'm so happy that others get as much enjoyment reading this as I do writing it.
XXXXXX
Present
"For the 23rd time, I have to advise you against this," Kensi said, leaning against the wall of Callen's house as Nell worked to unlock his back door.
"I did take it under advisement."
"And chose to ignore me."
"Exactly," Nell said, cursing as the tumblers slipped and she had to try again.
"You do that a lot lately," Kensi remarked, glancing around, half hoping neighbors would see their suspicious behavior and call the police. It'd give her a legitimate excuse to stop Nell before she did…God knows what (Nell still hadn't clued her in, only said vaguely she had 'left something there').
"What?" Nell asked, looking up.
"You don't listen. Why is that?"
Nell didn't answer, and focused on the task at hand. She'd had to remove her sling to be able to use both hands, and it wasn't helping her injury. Turning her arm, she hissed as a jolt of pain shot through her. "You could help me here."
"I could, but I think this is a terrible idea. I only came because I knew you'd come without me and you shouldn't be alone when we still don't know who shot you," Kensi sighed, realizing that wasn't going to help her friend open up to her. "Where did you learn to pick locks?"
Nell froze, then shook her head. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
"It's probably for the best," Kensi muttered.
Nell tried to clear her head and started again. Within moments, the lock clicked and she had to force herself not to shout for joy when she was able to open the door. She started searching, trying to remember where she'd last had her phone. It had been three days – some parts of that night were forever etched in her mind, others had completely disappeared. For instance, she couldn't remember the exact last place she'd used her phone, but she knew she had it when she'd gone to Callen's. She hadn't had it at the hospital. It stood to reason she left it here.
She distantly heard Kensi walking around the house, her footsteps echoing in the mostly empty rooms. "Why does he bother locking the doors? There's literally nothing here to steal."
"The better question is: Where is he?" Nell asked quietly, and if Kensi heard her, she didn't answer. "I'm looking for my phone," she added.
"We could have gotten you another one."
"Another one wouldn't be my phone."
Kensi shrugged and left to look around the rest of the house. About five minutes later she came back with Nell's phone. "This was in the bathroom on the floor, behind the door. I assume it's yours."
"You found it!" Nell grabbed it from her and quickly turned it on, grateful it still had battery power. She very pointedly ignored the smudges on the edge that she knew to be her blood.
Kensi was becoming more irritated by the second. "What's so special about your phone?"
Nell knew she probably shouldn't, but she had the feeling Kensi would do something drastic soon (like call Hetty) if she didn't at least give her a partial answer. Besides, she needed the other woman's help. "Eric modified it for me; through this I can access the computers back at headquarters."
Kensi eyed her suspiciously. "Is that legal?"
"It's…necessary when we're working on a case and I have to be away from ops."
"I'll take that as a no," Kensi sighed. "Disregarding the legality of it, I would assume it's only approved when you're actively working on a case. Which…" she trailed off, not wanting to speculate on what had happened between Hetty and Nell, but knowing it hadn't gone well. All she knew, from what Hetty had briefly told her, was that Nell was no longer officially working on their current case.
"Don't worry, I haven't forgotten," Nell said, not bothering to hide her bitterness. It surprised Kensi; she'd never heard that tone from her before.
"What are you doing?" Kensi asked, though she had a pretty good guess.
"Looking for Callen."
Kensi almost smiled; she would have won the bet. "He said he had to do something," Kensi reminded her. "He wouldn't even tell Sam what it was. He'll be back."
Nell looked over at her, then quickly away. It didn't matter how brief the contact was; Kensi still saw something haunted in the other woman's eyes. "He better," Nell whispered.
"Nell –" Kensi began, but whatever reassurances she might have made were forever lost with the sudden loud banging on the front door.
"LAPD, open up!" Someone yelled, and Kensi quickly moved to open the front door before it was kicked down.
XXXXXX
2 days earlier
Sam stepped between Callen and Deeks. The last thing they needed was hospital security trying to break up a fist fight between two federal agents. "Let's take a step back until cooler heads prevail," he said, speaking to both of them, but directing his words solely at Callen.
"He's the one coming after me," Deeks argued, adrenaline still running at the prospect of a fight.
"Want me to list the reasons why?" Callen bit out. "First, you're supposed to be protecting Nell –"
"I am," Deeks said, "see her right there? She's okay and in one piece."
Callen went on as if he hadn't spoken. "Then you're telling the whole staff you two are married. And you," he turned to Eric, "same thing. What are you two thinking, or are you not thinking at all? Yeah," he scoffed, turning back to Deeks, "you're doing such a great job that Eric of all people can talk his way into the room in what, ten seconds?"
"Hey," Eric was clearly offended. "That isn't because of Deeks' ineffectiveness, it's because I'm a master of persuasion."
"You're a what?" Kensi asked. "That's not a thing."
"It is too a thing," he sounded suspiciously close to sulking. "Otherwise, I wouldn't be in here, would I?"
Callen was still furious. "Then you tell the staff that a man – who many of them haven't met yet, mind you – is going to be coming here, and to let him in because he's related to Nell? What if I was an assassin?"
"Then I'd probably be dead," Nell said matter of factly.
"This isn't a joke!" Callen yelled, turning to her.
"I didn't mean it as a joke. But you know what? You're not an assassin, and I'm perfectly safe. And I have complete faith that if someone did show up here to kill me, Marty would be more than capable of protecting me from him."
Callen turned away, frustrated, and stalked to the opposite side of the room. He stared out the window, wondering why it was so hard to calm himself. They faced these situations all the time, on every case, and everyone knew the risks. More importantly, everyone knew how to protect themselves from those risks, and how to react in lethal situations. This time wasn't any different – he shouldn't be acting as if it were.
"You have complete faith in him, too," Nell said, her words quiet but determined, reaching everyone in the room. "Otherwise you would have never left him here with me, while you…" she broke off, still unsure where he'd gone, and irrationally angry with him over that fact.
He had to ignore the questions she had, at least for now. They were extremely clear, even though she hadn't voiced them out loud. "Fine, I will forget about everything – for now. Deeks, you and I will have a chat later. When Sam isn't around."
Deeks looked back and forth between the partners with growing panic. "No, let's have that chat now. I'd prefer now."
"You bet you would," Callen affirmed.
"This is getting us nowhere," Sam said, trying to remain the rational one. "Nell is right, and you know it."
Callen nodded. "You are right," he told Nell, then turned to Deeks. "But I still think it was the worst way to go about it that you could have come up with. Obviously no one in this hospital would believe you were married to Nell."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Deeks complained. "I can charm any woman."
"Oh wow," Kensi started laughing. "Next time you make up a claim like that, remember it can be easily disproved by half of the population."
"I don't know," Nell mused. "He's certainly not unattractive."
That brought the entire room to a standstill, as they stared at Nell, not quite sure they'd heard correctly.
"I'm just saying, Marty is a nice guy. It's not an impossibility," she smiled at Deeks who gave her a fake bow in appreciation.
"It is too an impossibility!" Callen exclaimed, bringing the much unwanted focus of the room to him instead. He forged on for lack of anything else to do. "I'm just saying I can't see Deeks with…" you. He'd never understand you. Not like I do. He couldn't say that. "…a girl like you."
"A girl like me?" Nell pursed her lips, wondering if she should be insulted.
He had a feeling he was digging his own grave, and for some reason he couldn't stop. "Yeah you're…you're…Nell." He tried to infuse as much feeling into her name as he could, hoping she'd get the message without him having to say it.
She must have gotten at least part of it from the way her eyes softened a bit.
And Nell did understand, at least she thought she did. Sort of. He was still cryptic, though, and he was making things too complicated. She couldn't blame him. It wasn't as if he'd had a lifetime of role models to teach him how to express his feelings.
Still, she didn't think she was asking that much.
She really hated arguing with herself, especially when she could see both sides of an issue. It was such a waste of time.
"What do you think, Nell?" Deeks asked. "Is Callen right? Could I never end up with –" he smartly stopped himself from saying 'you,' both because he was afraid of Callen's reaction and because although he truly cared about Nell, he'd never had any romantic feelings toward her. " – a girl like you?"
She caught the teasing glint of his eyes. The part of herself she was becoming more acquainted with (the darker part she didn't understand) told her to play along on the off-chance it would make Callen jealous.
"Actually, the jury's still out," Nell said, trying to sound charming (and sure she was failing). "What would you do to court me?"
"This is getting weird," Eric muttered, edging toward the door.
"First, I would take you back to the 1800's when the term 'courtship' had a much stricter societal definition –"
"Ah right, the foundation of our modern term 'dating'," Nell said, smiling. "If you're looking for ideas, I like candy. And flowers."
"What's your favorite kind? I'm partial to chrysanthemums –"
Kensi held up her hand, more than aware of Eric's discomfort, Sam's exasperation, and, most importantly, Callen's increasing agitation. "As fascinating as this is, I'm going to stop you right there. We don't need a history lesson on courtship. In fact, we shouldn't be discussing that topic, and certainly not in regards to the two of you, ever."
"Amen," Callen muttered; he'd started pacing again. He had no idea what was going on with Deeks and Nell. Had he somehow been so oblivious that he'd missed an obvious attraction between them? Maybe they were secretly dating and he simply hadn't picked up on it. The very thought made him want to punch the wall, or Deeks. No, definitely Deeks.
"G," Sam began, "we have a lead now with the car Eric found. We'll get a hit." Nell couldn't tell if Sam genuinely thought Callen's distress was due to a feeling of helplessness about their current situation. From his words, it seemed like it, but knowing Sam, she guessed he was trying to give his partner a way to explain his aggravation.
Nell both regretted that she was causing him distress and delighted in the fact that she'd gotten a reaction out of him. The latter made her feel cold, despite the fact that he'd disappeared for a good portion of the night and had yet to tell her where he'd gone.
No matter what he did, she couldn't justify harassing him. Not after he'd saved her life. And certainly not after he'd probably run through the night a thousand times in his head, thinking of the 'what if's' and realizing how close they'd both come to dying.
She had no way of knowing that twenty minutes later she'd forget about her remorse and dedicate her immediate future to making his life a living hell.
XXXXXX
Present
"You get to explain to Callen why we were detained for breaking into his house," Kensi told her, as Nell pretended not to hear her.
They were in the back of a squad car, being 'escorted' to the nearest police headquarters. Kensi hadn't been able to talk their way out of it, despite her desperate pleas and numerous flashes of her badge. They weren't officially arrested, just being brought in for questioning.
Nell knew they should have been arrested, because technically they'd broken the law, but she didn't think it should be a crime to reclaim your own property if it was in the possession of someone else.
Although to be fair, said person hadn't stolen her phone, or even known he'd 'had' it, so to speak. If he ever answered his phone, the entire situation could have been avoided. Instead, from what she'd seen before the police arrived, Callen had turned off his own phone and she had no way to reach him or track his location. He was crafty, she'd give him that.
"I'm not getting blamed for this," Kensi added, not so much worried as trying to get a response from Nell.
"What do you expect me to do?"
"I don't know, come up with an explanation that gets them to release us without having to notify anyone at NCIS about what we were doing tonight."
"That's pretty unlikely," Nell said. She racked her brain, trying to decide what to do. "I'll try Callen again, maybe he'll pick up this time."
"Ha, not likely," Kensi shook her head. "You've left him, what, a half dozen messages? And he hasn't responded to a single one. So I doubt he will this time."
"Actually, it was nine…" Nell half-coughed, aware that made it sound worse.
"Why is he ignoring you, anyways?"
Nell stared at her hands; that was a question she'd asked herself many times over the past two days. "We didn't exactly leave each other on the best terms," she admitted, although that didn't fully explain it. Sure, she and Callen hadn't agreed on the next course of action to take, but she had no idea why he'd outright ignore her messages.
As time passed, she was becoming more uneasy about the entire situation. Either he was far angrier at her than she'd suspected, or something had happened to him. Neither option eased the growing dread she felt every time she thought about him.
XXXXXX
2 days earlier
The room cleared soon after her inward, meaningless promise to herself to try and keep Callen from hurting whenever she possibly could. Perhaps the others sensed the two of them needed some time alone.
Nell had been hopeful, too, that Callen might finally talk to her. Really talk to her, away from the superficial conversations they always had; away from endlessly revolving around the shooting incident, which provided him with a great excuse to never discuss anything more important. Not that their lives weren't important, but there was something else going on that she couldn't deal with.
Because she didn't know how.
She didn't know if he had any clue what was going through her mind half the time, or if he was oblivious. Sometimes she thought he knew, and that he felt the same. Other times, it seemed as if he had no idea, or that he outright rejected it.
And really, if he had no idea, she knew she should keep it that way. The last thing either of them needed was to engage in something that would complicate both their personal and (more importantly) their professional lives.
But God, how she wanted to. And really, she wondered if they weren't both involved already, even if it had never been officially stated or acknowledged.
He ended all her hopes of gaining any clarification with one sentence. "There's something I have to do."
She knew that look, knew that tone. "No, Callen."
"You have to stay here," he said, confirming her suspicions.
"I don't want to stay here."
He sighed; he felt terrible about this, but there was no other option. "This...what I have to do…" he wanted to reach out to her, but didn't think he could deal with it if she refused him. "I have to do it alone."
She shook her head in absolute denial, tears forming in her eyes that she refused to shed. Didn't he get that he didn't have to be alone anymore? "You don't."
He looked away from her, putting a few more steps between them for good measure. "But I do."
"Callen –"
"Nell, you have to stay here."
"No!" She cried, wanting to shake him, to force him to see reason.
"Yes," he said grimly. "I have to see this…thing through. And you're staying here."
His words were final. She knew he'd make sure she followed them as best he could. If he had to lock her up, she had no doubt he'd do it.
An inward peace came over her and she resolutely met his eyes. "Fine."
"Hear me out, Nell. I only want – wait, what?"
"I said fine. I'll stay here."
He studied her with suspicion. "You don't mean that."
She swallowed, tried to tell herself it wasn't a lie, because maybe if she believed it, he would, too. "I do mean it."
"That's too easy, the Nell I know –"
"Maybe you don't know me," she broke in, letting her hurt and anger show. It helped her hide. "Maybe you don't know me at all."
He took another step back, assessing her with the indifferent attitude she had come to associate with the capable NCIS agent he was. "Maybe you're right. That still doesn't mean I believe you, though. I hope you understand that I have to assign someone to watch you."
Actually, she didn't understand at all. In fact, she wanted to throttle him. Instead, all she did was nod. "That makes sense."
He took a few steps toward the door, then paused, as if he wasn't sure of something. Maybe he was sensing how terribly he'd handled the situation. Maybe it was more than that. Whatever it was, it made him turn back to her and say, with as much force as she'd ever heard him say anything: "This isn't over, Nell Jones."
He left before she could close the distance between them, before she could hold onto him for all she was worth and tell him that he was damn right, it wasn't over.
And if he never returned, she would never forgive him for denying her that.
XXXXXX
Present
Kensi crossed her arms and turned to Nell where they were sitting on a bench in the LAPD headquarters. Nell had a fleeting wonder about what would happen if they tried to get up and walk out. She guessed it would end with a holding cell, or two.
"Have any ideas?" Kensi sounded pissed, and Nell didn't blame her. But still…
"I didn't force you to come with me. You did that on your own."
"Because I was worried about you," Kensi argued. "You know that."
Nell deflated a bit. "I know, and I'm grateful. Truly."
Kensi found her own anger diminishing at the very real worry on Nell's face. "Maybe Sam –"
"I tried, he didn't answer his phone, either," Nell said. She wondered if he was helping Callen with whatever he had to do.
"Or Deeks? Of everyone, he has the most ties here."
"I left him a message, too," Nell said. "I think he'll come if he gets it, but…"
"What is with everyone ignoring their phones?" Kensi said with frustration.
Nell shrugged. "They do have to sleep sometime," she said, referring to the fact that it was a little after 3 AM.
"That's no excuse!" Kensi snapped.
"I'll call Hetty," Nell said, without thinking it through. Then she inwardly groaned. Sure enough, Kensi quickly called her on it.
"You will, will you? Good luck with that," Kensi said, laughing humorlessly. "I'm sure she'll love getting a call from you about how you broke into Callen's house while he wasn't home, in order to retrieve your phone, so that you could access the government's computers and try to track him down."
Nell felt physically sick recalling her encounter with Hetty. She really had nowhere left to turn. "When you put it that way…maybe you should make the call."
Kensi was about to ask an officer if she could do so when her partner walked through the doors.
"What illegal thing did you two do now? And why didn't you invite me to watch it?" Deeks asked, trying not to smirk at the sight of Kensi and Nell being held by the LAPD.
"Just shut up and get us out of here," Kensi said, in a tone that implied dire consequences if he stalled one moment longer.
Deeks' smile disappeared and he went to talk to the sergeant. Twenty minutes later, they were both released and the three of them stepped out into the cool night air.
"Can't say I never did anything for you," Deeks told Kensi.
"Yeah, I can," she assured him. "But…thanks."
"Least I could do," he said, glancing over at Nell. "Is everything alright with her?" He whispered to Kensi.
Kensi looked over at Nell who was on her phone, the police having released it back to her. She sighed morosely. "Not even close. You got Nell's message?"
"No, actually – at least, not until after. Callen called me an hour ago to tell me you two were being detained."
Nell heard that and turned on Deeks with a speed of which he hadn't known she was capable.
"He got my message and called you instead of coming here himself?"
Deeks smiled nervously. "He's busy with…something. He wanted to come."
"Sure he did," Nell said, and once again Kensi winced at the bitter tone of the younger woman.
"Really, he's –" Deeks stopped short, aware he'd made a fatal mistake.
Nell and Kensi both stopped, Nell turning on him with unconcealed fury. "You better finish that statement."
Deeks looked desperately toward Kensi, begging silently for a way out. His partner merely folded her arms and regarded him with a cold gaze that told him if he didn't answer the other woman, he'd forever regret it. He cursed the tendency of women to stick together.
"Fine, but you can never tell him that I told you," Deeks begged.
"I'll be the one to decide that," Nell told him.
He considered his current predicament against any future problems he'd have with Callen, and the present won out. He was terrified of what the other man might do to him, but when faced with Kensi and Nell's combined determination, he really had no choice but to tell them what Callen had said.
After all, he could only come up with a plan for the future if he saved himself in the present.
A few minutes later, after hearing what Deeks had to say, Nell made up her mind. "I'm going to find him. You two are welcome to come along if you want."
"Wait, what about Hetty?" Kensi asked, hoping the mention of the older woman's name would spark reason in Nell. Her hopes backfired, though, with Hetty's name only solidifying the younger woman's determination
"What about her?" Nell asked, without inflection. "I'll deal with that when the time comes." She walked away without waiting for an answer.
"I don't like this, Kensi," Deeks said, quickening his pace to keep up with the determined analyst. "What happened between her and Hetty?"
"I'm not exactly sure," Kensi admitted. "But it was nothing good."
XXXXXX
2 days earlier
After Callen left, Nell returned to her bed, trying to formulate a plan on how to get out of the hospital, and more importantly, find him.
Her plans were interrupted when Hetty came to see her.
"Miss Jones, it's a relief to see you're doing well."
Nell snapped her head up. Her insides felt as if they turned to stone, and she wondered how the hell she was going to explain her way out of this one.
As if Hetty anticipated her explanations (excuses, Nell's inner voice whispered), she continued before Nell could speak. "The doctors tell me you should recover quickly."
"Yeah, that's what they say," Nell said, proud that her voice remained steady even as she was shaking inside.
"Then I look forward to your release from the hospital," Hetty said, reassuringly.
Under any other circumstances, Nell might have allowed herself to relax. However, she knew she'd disobeyed Hetty's direct orders, and that the older woman, as compassionate as she was, would not simply ignore such a breach of protocol.
"I have reviewed the circumstances of the shooting," Hetty began, looking distinctly uncomfortable, as if she didn't want to go on. But she did. "I have decided the best course of action is to allow you a medical leave to recover."
Nell shut her eyes. She was no idiot – she understood all too well that Hetty was trying to lessen the blow. She didn't fault the woman for it; she had to do her job. Still, that didn't mean that Nell agreed with it.
"I did what I had to do."
"You did what you thought you had to do," Hetty corrected. "You visited Agent Callen when I expressly told you to have no contact with him during his personal leave. You intended to share with him details of the current case the team is working. You put both yourself and Agent Callen in danger, and either or both of you could have paid for that recklessness with your lives."
Nell knew that already, but to hear Hetty say it was like a physical blow. She couldn't deny it anymore. She had endangered both of them. It was sheer luck that they had come through the shooting relatively unscathed. "I know," she whispered.
"Furthermore," Hetty continued, her voice flattening as if the next words were distasteful to her. "I'm ordering you to stay away from Agent Callen."
"What?" Nell asked, genuinely confused.
"At least until we resolve the shooting," Hetty clarified. "One of you is putting the other in danger. Or maybe you're both targets. The fact is, we don't know, and it's safer for you two to stay apart. You may not like it –"
"That's ridiculous!" Nell exclaimed. How dare Hetty dictate who she did or didn't see on her own personal time? This had nothing to do with a case, or Callen's personal leave. Their boss simply didn't want them to contact each other, period. And why?
Hetty's next words answered Nell's unasked question. "Frankly, Miss Jones, I'm not blind. I know that the relationship between you and Agent Callen has entered…unfamiliar territory. You two are closer than you were in the past. It is that personal involvement that puts both of you in unnecessary danger. If you're both too concerned with…" she shook her head, as if rethinking her words. "That's why I'm telling you to stay away from each other until this thing is resolved. I think that's safest."
Nell had never considered openly defying Hetty before. Sure, she'd visited Callen against Hetty's orders, but she had convinced herself that was barely a breach; she was simply checking up on her friend. However, in that moment, after Hetty told her to stay away from Callen, she wanted to find a target on which she could take out her anger. She wanted to scream that Hetty had no say in her personal life. She wanted to destroy the hospital room. She wanted to find Callen and stand with him as they both told Hetty that neither of them would let their personal lives be controlled by their jobs.
She wanted to quit.
Hetty must have read her face. "Miss Jones," the older woman came closer to the bed, placing her hand on Nell's uninjured arm. "I am truly grateful that you are alright. I don't know what I'd do if you or Agent Callen –" she stopped, apparently some things too terrible for even Henrietta Lange to contemplate. "But I can't ignore what you did. I hope you understand I'm not doing this to punish you. I'm doing it to protect you. Both of you."
To Nell, the two things were interchangeable. And she couldn't hide her hatred of the order, was all too aware it flashed across her face, visible to anyone, and especially to the woman in front of her.
"Please, don't misunderstand me," Hetty tried again.
"You don't have to worry about me staying away from Callen," Nell said, cold fury coating her voice. She'd never encountered a more unfair situation in her life. "He already made it clear that he's gone off on his own and that I'm expected to sit here and do nothing."
"Miss Jones – Nell – I hope that –"
"You can go," Nell cut her off.
Hetty looked as if she regretted her earlier words. She said nothing more, simply turned and left the room.
Nell stared at the door for a long time after Hetty left. The rest of her team had gone through that door, followed by Callen, and now Hetty. Everything she thought she knew had changed. She had no idea what to do next. Furthermore, she didn't know if anything she did would make a difference. Callen wanted to be alone, he'd made that abundantly clear. And for some reason, everything she did lately had to do with him. Where did that leave her?
She was completely lost.
It was only because she was alone in the room that she allowed herself to cry.
XXXXXX