It has occurred to me that a report on what the humans call 'day-to-day' life may be essential, especially if the enemy attempts to ambush us within a routine. They'll never see us coming!
It has to be said, the Madame and her boy are terribly boring. There's never any bloodshed, declaration of war or artillery drills. Unless, of course, they are arguing, but that either ends in the boy huffing off into the human room of food preparation, or the Madame attempting to 'eat' the boy. At this, I must comment. If I was to attempt to eat another being, the mouth is certainly not where I'd start.
The closest I get to combat is through watching Madame and the boy's training sessions. Whilst the lack of firearms is most frustrating, Madame's skill (and the boy's, I suppose) with the sword prove her to be a worthy opponent. A worthy opponent that I will hopefully obliterate on the field of war!
Madame allowed me to join in on a session once: I was instructed to fire upon them with the laser-cannon, only to have her deflect the projectiles with her sword. I have yet to decide how I feel about this.
The nights usually take two routes: a night at home, or a night out on a case. Strangely enough, I am forbidden to join in on these cases unless told otherwise. Clearly, the Madame is asking for defeat in battle.
Nights at home are far too quiet for my liking. The Madame and her boy spend their time in the 'library' or the 'drawing room', where they either read (a skill I am slowly picking up) or writing (according to the boy, my 'handwriting' is atrocious. After much thought, I have concluded this 'handwriting' that spoils my reputation so must be destroyed, but I have yet to find it). Occasionally, the Madame attempts to eat the boy, which leads to one of them dragging the other upstairs, only for screams to be heard shortly after. It still confounds me as to how either of them is still in one piece when the morning comes; didn't one of them obliterate the other during the night?
During the day, I am mostly free to do as I please. The boy has appointed some of his duties to me, some of which are rather intriguing. Why must dishes be washed? Why not destroy them after they've been used, and purchase new ones, clean and ready for war?
Of course, my bimonthly visits to the land of 'Glasgow' are what keep my soldier's blood boiling. I have met a pleasant human there by the name of 'Archie', and his strange way of speaking while throwing out insults is amusing, albeit difficult to decipher at times. I believe Madame allowed me time off to Glasgow to 'give her a break', yet I recall her once saying to the boy (behind a closed door, I am disgusted to add) that she wished that I had 'never discovered that place'. Humans and lizards, so many unnecessary, complicated emotions. A complete waste of time, in my opinion.
Human's Notes: Did I ever mention that I wasn't planning for any of these to be particularly long? Strax's attention span doesn't go that far, nor does mine.