The Field Reports of a Victorian Sontaran

by Pipwolf

BOY! THIS IS NOT A DIARY! THIS IS A COLLECTION OF FIELD REPORTS! ... These humans are absolutely despicable on this planet. All the better that I'm recording this information of events from my stay for the Greater Sontaran Empire.

4. Sherbet Fancies and their Effects

It did not take me long to discover that the human confectionary 'sherbet fancies' are no threat at all. The incendiary darts had the most amusing effect on them, but no, no threat at all. On the contrary in fact; they are present to surrender their bodies willingly to nourish more dominant species—Sontarans. The boy laughed this off (as he does in the manner that apparently endears her to the Madame so), saying the humans here invented them for their own consumption.

Upon further testing (details will not be inserted lest the boy choose to view these files), it seemed that these 'sherbet fancies' had more potential than the pathetic human body could ever hope to unlock (this, of course, has been tested several times). The lust for war is heightened even further than usual, resourcefulness is increased, as well as creativity. Whilst many fellow Sontarans out there may think the last point is irrelevant and a waste of energy, I can assure them that several feline mammals in the native territory have met their demise in more glorious ways than they could ever hope to witness.

For some reason, the boy and the Madame dislike my consumption of these sherbet fancies. I suppose I can understand why the boy would hold a grudge, as they are, after all, his, but the Madame says it makes me 'hyper'. After researching the meaning of 'hyper' in a dictionary (the holy human book of the true meaning of words), I declared war on Madame Vastra for tarnishing my reputation. To avoid tarnishing it further, I will briefly conclude that it ended in a miserable defeat.

I am now banned from exiting the house whilst under the influence of sherbet fancies. Apparently, I once caused havoc around London, and Madame had to drag me into the sewers to stop drawing attention from the puny citizens.

And so the boy continues consuming his sherbet fancies, oblivious to the greater potential they hold. Until I can decipher this planet's system of currency, I'll have to keep smuggling them from him.

Human's Notes: Sorry, it is a tad bit short. So, how was that? Want to see Strax deal with something else? Please leave suggestions and/or reviews, if so!