Left a bit...and...FIRE! The white, horse-shaped piece bounced off the board and abruptly burst into flames. Ah, my trusty laser hand-cannon. Never failed its duty.
"STRAX! That's the 5th bloody piece now! What the 'ell am I goin' t' do with you?" the boy bellowed at he. He had turned a strange shade of red that the Madame seemed to be attracted to, but he seemed angry at me. What had I done? I asked just this.
"You move the piece, Strax! When I say you take another piece, you move your piece and take my piece off the board gently. You do NOT shoot it off!"
"But this is a game of war!" I argued back, clearly frustrated. Who'd heard of a war without grenades, lasers or firearms? The boy seemed to be really irritated now, but I still couldn't see why. He'd only been sat here for 3 hours, teaching me this special type of war game of 'Chess'. It seemed that the War Plains of Chess were fresh and not bloodstained, ready for battle, with the varying soldiers of war poised to strike. However, I did not understand why the different pieces, which all were soldiers, had different roles. In a Sontaran clone batch, we are all alike, and we are all of identical capability. There is no soldier that can only move horizontally and vertically, or just diagonally, or just one step at a time. Nor did we have one soldier where, if they were to fall in combat, the war is lost. All soldiers embrace death! We do not fall if our comrades do, even if we look forward to our death!
I tried to question the logic in this to the boy, but he just kept saying that they were 'the rules'. I say 'the rules' need a good Sontaran beating! Solar –powered fish should do the job. They'll only be incinerated to a meagre pile of dust, so clean-up will be effortless. I've had my share of clean-up duty on Sontar to last me 5 lifetimes (considering we Sontarans usually don't last long).
What was this strange rule of warning when your enemy was under threat as well? Just obliterate them on the spot! Don't give them a chance! Again, 'the rules' said otherwise.
"No Strax, you can't move a piece wherever you like..." the boy wearily said, tugging the wooden piece from my fingers and returning it to its previous square. "Thought you'd be not too bad at this, sayin' you're a tactician an' all..."
"All Sontarans are tacticians!" I argued. What didn't this boy understand about us Sontarans?
"Well, you're clearly not that much of a tactician, or you would have noticed that your queen is under threat from both of Jenny's bishops," said Madame Vastra, who had seemingly floated into the room to settle next to the boy on his seat.
I stared at these bishops, both of which were apparently threatening whichever piece was my 'queen', before looking up.
"What does a 'bishop' do again?"
The boy just groaned into the Madame's neck.
Soldier's Footnotes: An anonymous soldier suggested the theme of the boy trying to teach me a human game, or the prospect of me becoming an 'uncle'. Is this a type of evolution? Either way, may you one day reveal your face, anonymous soldier, so I may obliterate you on the glorious fields of war!
Human's Notes: Sorry about the italics overload at the beginning! I'm personally a bit dubious about the whole Vastra-Jenny child thing, and Jenny even considering Strax to be a 'brother', which is why I chose chess over, well, that. Thanks anyway, anonymous!
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