This is urgent. URGENT.

You will never guess what?!!? MOYASHI JOINED UP.

That utter bastard, who does he think he is, strutting in here, attempting to look cool?! I WAS HERE FIRST! FIRST!! And I am not childish! He is invading my space! What do I have to do to get away from him; die?! I woke up in the morning to find this note on my door:

"I know what your up to. Go online, check it out, BaKanda. -Allen."

The nerve of that bastard!! Seriously, can't I report him or something?!

This is what he wrote:

ExorcistAllenWalker:

Dear BaKanda -Aww, can't handle the internet~?But your fans, they'll be terribly upset! Ha ha. In case you're too stupid to figure it out, that was a wonderful thing called , I really don't understand how people turn my hatred for you into being attracted to you. But what does make sense to me is you and Mugen. Seriously, you're so socially crippled.

It would only make sense for your sword, the only thing you seem to have positive feelings for, to be your significant other....But that whole thing about Mugen feeding on your...ugh...was kind of... of all, no matter what creature you were, I would never, ever touch you. Ever. I am not stupid, BaKanda, only you everyone - Of course Kanda doesn't like anyone. This is Kanda. Even though the whole thing about him and Mugen makes a lot of sense, obviously, the only one he loves is himself.

Stupid, self-absorbed, girly-haired man.A few final notes:Thank you, Lenalee!And......Guys. I don't like Lenalee, alright? Or BaKanda. Or whoever you could possibly pair me up with. I don't really have time for things like that. I'm an exorcist. Besides, Komui would murder , and I don't have a hero complex. :'((Oh my gosh, I love these smiley things!)And, finally, I AM NOT SHORT! I'm only 15, and I'm still growing! BaKanda is just taller than me because he's three years older than me. It only makes sense!That is all. :D- AllenP.S. I'm putting this on alert. This will be amusing.

… Ok, I am going to rant now. Be prepared.

(Actually, one of the reasons I am so mad was becasue he made fun of Mugen...)

Ok, alright, ok.

…What the hell are you doing, Moyashi?! Stupid punk, you don't belong on here! You suck at writing, and you are just copying me! You see, I best you in fighting, arguing, and a WHOLE lot more, so what makes you think you can best me in words?! I mean, I actually have a talent for writing! You?! You have none! (Also, you are short!)

You know, Moyashi, I really hate you. Just like a mindless sheep, you follow everyone else and have no distinct personality. This is one of the things I hate about you. I also hate how gullible and naive you are. I mean, you trust just about ANYONE you come across!! I hate the way your hair is white, too! (Oh, it makes you super-special, doesn't it?! )

And don't talk about FANS! I have more fans than you! I'm number one in the popularity polls; that's right, its your show and your not even the one everyone likes! See how that works?! AND I AM NOT SOCIALLY CRIPPLED! I just don't go around, talking to what's-his-name and that-random-guy! Seriously, you would have thought that at least your father would have told you NOT TO SPEAK TO STRANGERS. I could say a lot of other things revolving around that subject, but I won't, I know where LIMITS are, not like you, BAKA MOYASHI. (AND you are short!!)

And Mugen is a tool that has saved your sorry ass/ the world on a number of times! At least I actually have a SWORD, not some pathetic excuse for a blade like YOURS. Seriously, its so bulky and slow, I am surprised you can hit ANYTHING with it! In fact, how do your puny arms even lift that thing, Moyashi!?!

CREATURE?!?! I am a human being, you little ass-hole! I have a heart (and some other major organs) and I have the physical makeup of a human, so therefore, I AM HUMAN (also, I don't have some ugly scar sliced into my face that makes me look like a child has drawn on me)!

AND I DO NOT LOVE MYSELF! Just because I like to show off (and I can actually pull that off, mister 'Oh, I am going to act all big and tough and then I will get hit by a level one'!) doesn't mean I like myself (also, just because I look after my body, and I don't shove crappy food into it, and I bathe often, and I wash my hair, It doesn't make me SELF ABSORBED)!

Grrrrr… GRRR MY HAIR IS NOT GIRLY! IT IS FINE, YOUR HAIR IS WEIRD AND WHITE AND CURSED. LOOK AT YOUR HAIR! LOOK AT IT!! IF MINE IS GIRLY, THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS YOURS?!

And I got rid of Lenalee by telling her I am working. She is as stupid as you are, Moyashi!!

AllenXLenalee

AllenXLenalee

MOYASHIXLENALEE

The secret is out, ne?! That, or maybe you are GAY with Lavi, hmm?! I saw you two in the outside bath together! WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE, I WONDER?! And also, you DO have a hero complex. Maybe, If I beat the shit out of you, you wouldn't be so 'high-and-mighty'?!

Similes make you look even more queer, you do know that, right?

Yeah, yeah, whatever. When I was your age, I was still taller than you. FACE IT, MOYASHI, you are not growing at all, and you will remain short. Ok? And, just in case you are too dumb to notice, I am patronising you.

Ok, you know what?! I'll beat you. I'll beat you in anything. Ok, so a writing war it is!! Come on, Moyashi, or are you too chicken to do it?

Fangirls! I will write anything (that isn't yaoi/yuri) on request (the best request), just like Moyashi, except I will do it better!!

The war is on, Moyashi! Can you keep up with the likes of me?!

-Kanda.

PS: I DO NOT HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES- ok, you know what? I am going to end up ranting here, too, so I'll shut up. For now.

PPS: What is this about me and cats?! I don't like them!! Or dogs!! Or animals in general!!

Ok... ok... I'm calm.