Review or no review, I shall keep on writing!
So I noticed a few grammar mistakes on my last few chapters but like a lazy fuck that I am, I won't correct them until later :3 lolololololol
Again, I don't own anything besides my Ooc's and Oc's.
Enjoy!
Xx
Chapter four: I'm so sick
"I'm so sick, infected with where I live. Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness. I'm so sick, I'm so sick."
-Flyleaf
Dear Friend,
The nights are so long and never had I been afraid of the dark. I remembered the first night I woke up at a dark room and started to panic. Like a good friend, Cindy was there to soothe me even when I was in pain. I had been asleep for three days straight and according to Cindy, and…Sam…my body shut down and on the fourth day that I finally woke up is when I screamed as if there was no tomorrow.
I remember my red head friend walked in the room and I sat up straight staring at my crush, "Samantha, what's wrong?" she asked as she looked at him and sat by my side. I pulled the blanket up to my face and said, "Why is Jensen Ackles in the same room as I am?"
"Sammie…sweetie," I felt her hand pulling the cover down but I refused to open my eyes, "he's not Jensen Ackles. That's…umm…he's Dean. The real Dean Winchester." I opened my eyes and saw him. I took a good look at him and looked at me with wide eyes. I looked back at Cindy, "You're fucking with me, and I'm in hell with you. This-this is some sick punishment, and-and I think I'm going to puke." I spoke fast and I just pushed between the two actors and rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door close.
I felt so sick and so dirty, I really did throw up and I felt good for a while. I stood in the bathroom and cracked the door open and peeked a little. I saw the two tall men talking to Cindy and she looked frustrated. Jared –err- Sam placed a hand on her arm and she looked down and up at him then sat down on a chair. I closed the door and turned the faucet on the bathtub and took the coldest shower ever.
I remember clearly that I was afraid to step out of the bathroom and face them but I couldn't stay in the bathroom forever and I had questions to be answered.
Luckily, the days that I was unconscious the guys were nice enough to bring clothes for us while we recovered. When I walked out of the bathroom the Winchester brothers were nowhere to be seen and Cindy handed me fresh new clothes. I remember what I was wearing that day; a pair of dark jeans, a gray V-neck and my dried converse. The rest of our clothes we had to dispose it and for the rest of the afternoon we stayed at the hotel and waited for them to return.
Cindy and I were at the small living room watching TV but we weren't really paying attention. We were mostly talking.
"What happened?" I asked her. She ran a hand through her long hair, "You want the real answer or the fairy tale story?" I looked at her, giving her the 'really?' look. She sighed, "What happened is that we shouldn't be alive."
"Well no shit Sherlock."
"Sam quit being sassy." She said and then after a while we both laughed at the same time. It took a while for us to get serious but she eventually told me what happened. We don't remember what happened when we were drowning, but somehow Azazel got a hold of us and we don't know why. Now, the Winchester found us and according to Cindy, Sam said he had a vision of us in the water and a vision of the warehouse where Azazel kept us hidden. The question is, how? And did Azazel managed to put demon blood in me? Again, Sam believes that he did due to the side effects and the problem is why did he do it?
That night, the Winchesters came back with food and I walked back to the room. I wasn't ready to face them. It was too good to be true and I still felt that I was dead and God is playing some sick joke on me.
Actually, it took me days to accept the truth that I was not dead and that they are real, that they are not fictional. I still needed more proof; a proof that I wasn't dead but then again, does a dead person feel? Do they have emotions? Do they see what I see?
If it were any other fan, they would be fangirling so hard. Just like Cindy did, but at nights. I on the other hand, I couldn't fangirl. I guess I was too constipated and blinded by the fact that it's them.
It was one Sunday afternoon when I found out that I got ditched. No one left a note to know where they went. I sat on the coffee table and looked outside of the window; the day was sunny and it looked pretty warm outside. Warm in the middle of October? Where are we? I saw a brochure on the table and we were in Kansas.
My thoughts at the moment were: what the hell? I wanted the real reality back.
I got tired staying inside the room, so I decided to walk out and get fresh air. My friend, I felt like a vampire being suicidal as I walked outside in the intense sunlight.
I bet the sun was happy and shit saying: Good afternoon humans! Let me show you some love by giving you sunburn! Marking you that you are mine! Mineminemineminemine!
Sorry, this is what happens when the sleeping pills take effect.
Either way, long story short. I went out to the back of the hotel there was a big lake and behind the lake there was a forest. A few people were chilling by the deck and others walking by the bay of the lake. I went to the deck and sat down, my feet barely touching the blue water. I took in the whole scenery; the whole landscape looked so alive, so colorful. I felt like I was part of the movie and I was playing some type of character trying to figure out what is her role, only thing in this movie there is some kind of plot twist.
A sick plot twist.
I remember looking down and saw my reflection in the water. I looked tired; I had dark circles around my eyes, my hair looked dull, and I noticed a few scars on my arms. I started to feel ashamed about my body and wrapped my arms around myself.
As I looked at myself, and something was off about my eyes. I squinted my eyes and leaned more in and I noticed that my eyes were no longer the same color; they were all black. I freaked out and felt someone place a hand on my shoulder pulling me back and I looked up.
"Hey, be careful-"
I felt something tug around my ankle and pull me into the water. I didn't have the chance to scream for help, but I felt being dragged down to the lake. Dean jumped in and I saw him swimming down towards me, his hand outstretched reaching for mine. It was useless to scream because the only thing that escaped from my mouth was bubbles and my lungs screaming for air.
The darkness wanted to take over but I tried to kick whatever was gripping my ankle. I looked down and I saw nothing, nothing but more darkness and I no longer felt anything on my ankle. I did, however, felt someone grabbing by my arm and pulling me up to the surface. It was so dramatic that I felt like the little mermaid, jumping up in the surface gasping for air.
"I got you." Dean assured me. He pulled us to the surface; I lay on my back as I coughed the water out and breathed really hard. Dean was on his knees and hand breathing heavy and looked at me, "Are you alright?" he asked. I looked at him, I couldn't talk but I shook my head indicating that I was fine.
"Let's get you out of here and look for your friend and Sam." He said as he helped me to get up.
It was another day with my second near death experience. I looked on the bright side though; I was the shotgun in Dean's Impala.
Xx
Dear friend,
To what point do you know what a nightmare is and what is real? Just few nights ago I saw the black-eyed demons and I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or it was just a quick memory. I didn't recognize the face to know who it was, it was just too blurry. It was a tall figure and it was just standing far from me, it didn't move or say anything. It just stood there.
Cindy: "It's the meds, Sammy. Its part the side effects."
Me: "No, I don't think so."
It was lunch time today at the PW (Psychotic Ward), and for lunch we had whole wheat, low-fat peanut butter and jelly sandwich and for drink it was milk, orange juice, or water. I chose Milk since I dislike orange juice. Our assigned tech stood against the wall watching us and taking notes if we are eating, how much we ate, what we drank, and if we finished it all.
I chewed on my food carefully and looked at my surroundings. Everyone in this room looked miserable and hopeless; it is rare that you hear someone talk positive. If someone talks positive it means that they are insane, but if someone is miserable that means it is normal. That is how the Doctors see it and it doesn't make sense to me.
The day went my slow and to make matter worse, I had a mental break down. Cindy and I were just walking down the hallway when all of a sudden I thought I saw him. I saw him standing in the middle of the hallway looking confused as he looked around, not knowing where to go.
"Dean?" I whispered and he looked at me, "Dean!" I shouted. I ran towards him, the ghost of him. He looked down at me with a worried look that he would always give me when something bad is about to happen.
"Dean?" I called him again, he was moving his lips but no sound came out. It all happened so fast, Cindy was trying to move me telling me that nothing was there but those damn techs just came in time and held me back. Dean was still standing there giving me a pure horror look when the nurses tried to sedate me.
The drugs were getting the best of me, and slowly it was taking effect. I was starting to see double vision but he was still there when I was falling.
This time, he didn't catch me when I fell.
Xx
Hey guys! So here's chapter four! It is supposed to be short because it's a journal entry, so be patience with me! As you can see, each chapter contains flashbacks from the beginning and then it goes through the day at the Psychiatric Ward (PW). I hope you like the story so far!
Song: I'm so sick by flyleaf.