A/N: I haven't updated in a few days... Why? Well, I was coughing up blood and that crap, while writing an essay. Awesome. Not really. Anyway, I still have the fever, but I'm kinda enjoying it because my roommates are treating me like royalty. Oh, I wish this will never end! I mean, Roommate #1 (R1) even bought me Skittles! SKITTLES! Not just regular skittles, SOUR SKITTLES! *sob sob* I'm so lucky... to *sob sob* have such... *sob* awesome roommates.. *sob sob* Ugh, my headache... R2! Get me some boba! Boba is delicious ;) Wahaha! BEST. FREAKIN. ROOMMATES. EVER. R2 just went out. R1 is making me his/her (not giving away my gender :P sorry, stalkers!) famous lasagna. This can't get any better. SERIOUSLY.
Sasha calmly strode into Armin's room. Pausing, she looked around cautiously. After concluding it was safe, she fished a small dildo out of her backpack and carelessly tossed it on the bed. "And then the.." Sasha froze. Armin wasn't supposed to be back in the barracks yet. The boys were supposed to be hiking! Frantically, she jumped into the closet and peeked through the crack. "Yeah," the petite blond boy limped into the room, arm slung over Eren's shoulder. "I would've fallen off the cliff if it weren't for you, Eren. Thanks!"
"No problem!" the Titan shifter replied, suddenly stopping.
"What is it?"
"Why is there a dildo on your bed?" Eren asked, backing away.
"WHAT?! I swear I put it away-"
"What?! You use a dildo?!"
Sasha was stunned. ARMIN ACTUALLY HAS A DILDO?! Disgusted, she sat back, and her hand landed on a peculiar lump. She held it up towards the crack of light, and.. it was a dildo. Armin's dildo. Sasha gasped, and the toy fell to the ground. The side with the small button pressed against the floor and the sex toy began to vibrate. Panicking, Sasha grabbed it and pressed the "off" button. "Did you hear something-" Armin began, but was silenced with a wave of Eren's hand.
"You use a dildo?!"
"Y-yes.."
"Why?! To masturbate?!"
"Y-yes, to simulate sexual inter-"
"No! Just.. no!"
"Wait, why do you use a fake penis? Are you-"
"I might be attracted to guys.."
"...Armin, I still accept you as a friend, even if you are-"
Armin's face became redder than an apple. "Eren, please don't say that word. Nobody will accept me, it's our secret. Don't say the word-"
"Homosexual.."
"Eren.." Armin took a deep breath, as if trying to calm his nerves. "You...said..the word.."
"I thought you liked Annie or Krista too.."
"I might be bi, okay?"
"Not 'might'.. you ARE."
"Eren, can we discuss another topic? I'm rather uncomfortable with this one.."
"No. If you're going through this, I'm going to help you get over it."
"I appreciate that, I really do, but I'd rather you not.."
"Let's go tell all our friends. They'll still accept you!" Eren grabbed Armin's hand.
"No!" Lashing out, Armin grabbed the dildo and jammed it into Eren's mouth. "Don't say anything!"
"Mmmfsshh!" Eren's muffled yells were silenced when Armin harshly shoved Eren onto the bed. "Hffssshhm!"
"I'm sorry, but nobody will know." Using the techniques that they taught in military training, Armin quickly knocked Eren out with a quick chop to the neck, and the Titan shifter collapsed. "I'm sorry.." the boy whispered. After tying Eren up, Armin calmly left the room for supper.
"Damn," Sasha grumbled, placing her hands over her growling stomach. "I'm starved." Potato Girl casually walked into the dining hall, as if she hadn't witnessed the event that had occurred minutes before. After piling her tray with food, she planted herself in a seat between Mikasa and Jean. "'Sup guys?"
"Where is Eren?" Mikasa asked, poking at her food. Armin gulped.
"I injured my leg here and-uh- he carried me back to my room. When we got there, he was so tired, he fell asleep on my bed instantly. I'll save some food for him, since he's really exhausted." Holy shit, Sasha thought. Armin's a smooth liar!
"Oh? I'm going to go check on him," Mikasa said as she stood up. Armin frantically ushered her back to her seat.
"He's sleep-deprived! Don't disturb his precious sleep!"
"Okay."
Sasha couldn't help but smile as Armin broke into a sweat while trying to keep Mikasa from leaving. "Eren's our friend," Sasha let herself grin. "If he's tired and not feeling hot, we should check on him." The half Asian beauty nodded in agreement.
"No! He's resting!"
"He can rest after dinner," Mikasa spoke flatly. "I'm getting him."
"No! What kind of sister are you, Mikasa?! He's not feeling well, so let him rest, for fuck's sake!" Armin gasped and slapped his hand over his mouth.
"Damn, Armin's pissed!" Connie snickered. "What's going on?" The baldie glanced at Sasha and Potato Girl nodded, then quickly turned back to the conversation between the Asian and the blond. Mikasa powerfully shoved Armin to the side, and he slid across the wooden floor.
"I'm checking on Eren."
"No!" Armin lunged forward and gripped Mikasa's arm until his knuckles turned white. "Later, okay?"
Mikasa glared at him for.. one... two... three.. four five six seven eight nine ten... eleven seconds before grunting, "Fine."
Armin slumped back into his seat and let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Mikasa burst out of her seat and exited the dining hall. "Shit!" The blond scrambled out of his seat, knocking a couple plates off the table. Connie and Sasha giggled as the pathetic blond tripped at the entrance. Mikasa's growl echoed through the halls.
"WHY IS EREN UNCONSCIOUS AND TIED UP?!"
Armin froze.
"WHO..WAS..IT?!"
"Uh, I saw Jean go into my room before dinner!" Armin lied through gritted teeth.
"JEAN.." The copper haired teen whipped around.
"What's up, Mikasa?" The enraged sister of the victim snatched the collar of his shirt and pulled him to her until their noses were almost touching. "M-Mikasa?" The copper haired boy was terrified.
"Was it you.. who stuck that penis in his mouth?!" Mikasa deadpanned. Jean snickered, but quickly stopped after being socked in the stomach so hard, his eyes rolled to the back of his head.
"It wasn't me!"
"I don't believe you."
"I can prove it! I was with Marco! Ask him! And Reiner! And Berthodlt! Ask them!"
Mikasa turned to the side and all the boys mentioned nodded. She dropped him and dusted herself off. "I'm sorry. You just seem very suspicious. Please don't hold a grudge over this." The fair girl walked away.
A very angry Jean approached Armin. "Armin, were you trying to frame me?" Jean cracked his knuckles and Armin's eyes widened. "Armin?"
"I'm sorry!"
"Better be!" A potato hit Jean square in the nose before his fist could collide with the blond's face.
"Don't pick on Armin," Connie said, as Sasha slugged him in the arm for throwing her precious potato.
After leaving the dining hall, Sasha and Connie walked into Armin's room, where Eren was explaining what happened to Mikasa, who was clenching her fists.
"Armin.."
"What happened?" Connie asked.
"I found out Armin's into guys and he didn't want me to tell anyone about it. Or his dildo," Eren explained.
Connie leaned over to Sasha. "Was this your prank?" he whispered. Sasha nodded. "This is sort of funny, but I can do better."
Sasha replied, "Let's see it then."
"Where are you going?" Jean asked, grabbing Connie's shoulder. "It's really late and the streets aren't safe at night."
Connie was headed to town to get supplies for his practical joke. WAS. Until he bumped into Jean, who was curious about where he was going. "I wanna go into town.. to you know," Connie backed towards the door. "Chillax." Jean nodded.
"I'm coming too!" the copper haired teen slung his arm across Connie's shoulder. "Hurry! Or Shadis is gonna notice!" Connie hurried out the door, followed by Jean.
As soon as they reached town, Jean ditched the fuzzy haired boy and went straight toward a tavern full of strippers. "Pervert," Connie huffed as he strode into a dirty alley. "Hey," he greeted a hooded figure. (Yes, this is the guy with the suspicious powders.) "I need some itching powder that dissolves in water. The hooded figure nodded. "And some kind of drug that makes someone high, that doesn't knock'em out. And I'll need some illegal stuff." The hooded figure handed him a bag and Connie slipped him a crumpled bill. "Thanks!" Connie hurried off to locate Jean so they could head back to the barracks
"POTATO CHIPS!" a really drunk Jean hollered at a female stripper. "POTASHOOO CHIPPPSSHH!"
Connie slapped Jean unconscious. "How much alcohol did he have?!" baldie asked the bartender.
"Seven shots of the Titan mix."
"Damn.." Connie groaned. "That's so unhealthy, yet impressive.."
"I AM A HORSEY FROM THE STATE OF BAGUETTES!"
Connie slapped Jean in the face and left him at the bar.
Connie carefully put a handful of itching powder in each shower head, snickering like a maniac. (He was wearing gloves, of course.) He skipped the shower stall he usually used. Yawning, he headed back to sleep.
After training.. (5 P.M.)
"I'm ready for a shower!" Reiner stretched as he gathered his clothes.
"Yeah, me too," Armin said.
"Gonna jerk off to us naked?" Jean teased, earning himself a punch from Eren.
"Don't make fun of Armin!"
Connie snickered as the rest of the boys undressed and headed to their normal shower stalls. Connie stripped and headed to his stall, which its shower head did not contain itching powder. After a few minutes, he started hearing the sound of nails on dry skin. "Man, I'm itchy!"
"Maybe it's an allergic reaction.."
"I'm itchy too!"
To avert suspicion, Connie shouted, "Holy shit man, IT ITCHES!"
Dining hall, after itchy shower (7 P.M.)
Connie walked into the dining hall, grinning, while the other boys continued to scratch themselves raw. "Someone put something in our showers, but I drank this concoction-" Connie held up the bag of powder. "-mixed with water and the itching went away." A very scaly, red, Eren lunged at the bag and sprinkled some into his water. The bag was passed around the table, and all the boys consumed the substance.
"I feel like.." Berthodlt shouted in a sing song voice. "DANCING!"
Armin jumped on the table and tore off his pants. He put them on his head. "I WANNA SING!"
Eren flipped the table and the dishes clattered onto the floor, next to Armin.
Mikasa stared in awe as Eren whipped off his shirt, showing off his abs. "The hell?!" Connie feigned innocence. "I did see some illegal stuff in Eren's room the other day.. maybe he shared?"
Shadis stormed into the room just as Connie announced it. Furious, the man stalked into Eren's room, and tore the place apart, searching for the forbidden substance. Then he found it-where Connie had planted it- under a pillow. Enraged, he screamed, "Jaeger! Come here!" Eren ran over and went into Titan mode.
The Rogue Titan stood, and broke through the ceiling. As the roof began to cave down, Connie couldn't help but break into laughter as Shadis screamed his lungs out.
A/N: To be continued... WAHAHA! For every review, a baby unicorn is born healthy. For every favorite or follow, a demon monkey turns into a pregnant unicorn. Save the unicorn race! Seriously, save the unicorns. Save those poor creatures. :) See ya next time!