Chapter 19

Fear Not This Night

Bruce stared blankly at the small screen that had shut itself off. Why did this guy have to bring Rick into this? It just didn't make sense to him but granted by the looks everyone else currently had on their face it didn't make sense to them either.

Tony turned off the screen, his jaw tight with anger. No one seemed to find anything to say to each other. Clint focused on flying to somewhere safe, back to New Mexico probably to stay in hidden lab there. Natasha had gotten up and placed a hand on Bruce's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him as Steve tried to make sure Tony wouldn't do something stupid. Bruce simply pulled away and walked to the back of the quinjet to sit down. He put his head in his hands as his mind raced.

That idiot kid, why did he go and get caught? Running out onto the test site all those years back and always following me. Always making sure that Hulk didn't hurt anyone until finally I got him to stop and live his own life. But that wasn't enough, was it? No he went and trained with Captain America all those years ago. Finally he got out of it and went back to his dream of making a band but could I leave him alone after all of that? No. Could he leave me alone? No. I ask for help and he shows up. I seem to need help and he shows up. He gets in trouble and I show up. But this time… I can't help him, I couldn't save him. He got himself killed all because he had to help to repay some false debt to me that didn't exist but it made him happy. He's gone all because I couldn't leave him alone and because he believed he owed me his life. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

Bruce wanted to yell out, he wanted to cry and was barely holding it all in. No one said anything until they were near the site which was when Clint called out, "Guys, we got a problem."

Bruce had gotten up to go check on this so called problem and to his disappointment, Clint was right. Even this high up Bruce could recognize the movements below them. "Ross," Bruce growled. They had retaken the military base and had been tipped off to where Bruce's secret lab was. At least by the fire blazing from the cave where it was kept, that is what Bruce assumed. Ross certainly wasn't trying to stay hidden, he wanted them to know he was there, he wanted to incite anger out of Bruce.

"We have a backup plan right?" Clint questioned trying to keep the quinjet high enough for them to go unnoticed by the soldiers below them but it wouldn't last for long.

"There are hundreds of caves out here that Ross won't have time to check," Bruce replied, a distinct lack of emotion in his voice, "We can rest there."

Clint nodded though didn't like the idea of just searching out a new cave but fact was everyone was growing tired and after what they had seen they needed to stop and get themselves together. It didn't take them long to spot a cave among the rock formations away from where the troops were. The rock formation was large enough for them to hide quinjet somewhat and the cave was a short way up it giving them a decent view of the surrounding area in case someone tried to sneak up on them.

The group walked out without a word to each other. On the horizon they could see the faint glow of the base and lab that were completely ablaze. Bruce was watching the faint glow from the entrance of the cave as the group settled further inside. Clint and Steve had set to work finding anything they could burn to make a fire, the air rapidly cooling with the sun down and soon enough it would be freezing. Tony had checked the back of the quinjet thoroughly until finding a container of rations meant for crashes and other emergencies; this did qualify as a emergency.

Natasha was keeping watch in case the military started to move towards them, at least that's what had been said out loud to the group. Normally Tony would point out that Clint should probably keep watch but he could tell that watching the military wasn't actually what Natasha was doing. Natasha's gaze often went to where Bruce was, making sure he didn't break down and do something stupid. If anyone was going to be able to convince him to keep calm about what he had witnessed it was likely going to be Natasha. She was the one who brought him into this and she was rather confident that Bruce wouldn't hurt her if she got in his way not after what they'd been through.

The fire was going strong thanks to Steve and Clint who sat in silence watching it; now and then they'd take a bite from the "Meal Ready-to-Eat" that the ration packs contained but otherwise they didn't move at all. Tony was tinkering as best as he could with his suit with some tools he had found in the quinjet and some parts that it didn't need according to him. It kept his hands busy and his mind off of what they had witnessed and the uncomfortable silence that had taken hold.

Natasha was leaning against the wall of the cave watching the fire now and then taking a bite of a god-knows-what bar that was in one of the ration packs. She shot a worried look towards Bruce who hadn't moved from his spot at the cave entrance except to sit down with his legs dangling out of the cave. She had been well aware he hadn't taken a ration pack for two reasons: one: it was still sitting there and two: she had kept a close eye on him. More than anything she knew he needed to eat. The constant Hulk episodes brought on by the current disaster were not being kind to the man, she knew that by the way he held himself, the distant look he got and how his body seemed like it constantly wanted to collapse. She worried what would happen if he didn't eat and rest properly soon. However she was unsure how to justify getting the man to eat when it seemed like almost no one could eat, granted the others were taking bites of their food but no one had any real appetite. Natasha pushed off of the wall finally and walked over grabbing the pack that had been left for Bruce. Steve and Clint watched her in complete silence but interested in what she was going to do as she walked slowly over to Bruce.

"You need to eat," Natasha held the pack out to Bruce who didn't move or look at her earning a frown and stubborn glare from her. "Bruce. Eat. Your body needs it." When no reply came she forced the pack into his hands, her concern for him becoming a slight panic that Bruce might have completely shut down. "Bruce, if they come you need to have the strength to run or fight and you can't have that if you don't eat."

Still there was nothing from the man.

"Bruce! Starving yourself won't bring him back!" The yell left Natasha before she could think of what she said. Everyone seemed to freeze in place, more than before, only the occasional crackle of the fire making any sound. A breath caught in Natasha's throat and she was painfully aware of everyone but Bruce looking at her. Tony had stopped what he was doing to watch the two. Clint and Steve were wide eyed as they waited to see how Bruce would react, both ready to jump in if this went badly. Natasha didn't realize her hands were balled up into fist from the tension of everything. "Please," she breathed, her eyes closed for a moment. She forced her body to relax, forced the tension to leave.

Bruce slowly looked up at Natasha and she had no idea which emotion was more powerful in his eyes. Anger, sadness or fear, but all three were there, though she didn't think any of them were for her but rather what was running through the man's mind. Bruce looked at the ration pack now in his hands. "Eating won't bring him back either."

"You can't avenge his death if you don't eat," Natasha replied softly kneeling down to Bruce's eye level. "You know he'd tell you to eat too. He'd be yelling at you for being stupid and not keeping your strength up."

Bruce kept his gaze on his pack, never looking at Natasha. Soon a few tears fell from his face and landed on the pack, his entire body shaking. Bruce's voice shook with the rest of him as he answered, "Natasha, I'm afraid. More than I've ever been. Each time I ran, I knew Rick was there. Each time I fought, Rick was there. He was my best friend; I risked my life for him. I was ready to die for this kid I didn't know and so he was always there for me after. Now though, he's gone. This thing we're up against, it took him from me. A bomb wasn't able to do that but this guy was. He did it so publically, all to make a point. Now we have to fight this guy? You saw what he did to Clint. We've seen only a fraction of his forces and to be honest, look at how many close calls we've had. You almost didn't make it out of the Madhouse; I almost didn't make it out of the museum. Ross is hunting us, so is everyone else. For all we know they'll find us tonight here but we don't have anywhere else to go now. How are we supposed to do this? I'm just so… terrified." The words spilled out of Bruce, his shaking never stopping as he rambled on in fear. His heart was pounding faster and faster with every word he let spill out.

Natasha gently rubbed Bruce's back unsure what to think at first, Bruce wasn't exactly known for letting this much emotion out at once, he'd always kept it inside him. "I know Bruce. I've been through it myself. I've lost a lot of people who risked everything for me."

"But all of this we can't… I just…" Bruce let out a primal yell of frustration. "Why'd I get dragged back into this? Why'd I let him get dragged back into this?"

Natasha knew where this line of thought would go, he'd blame her for this and in some ways he'd be right to since she asked him for help. Still she looked at him, "Bruce, calm down. You can't let Hulk out here. I know it hurts probably better than anyone but you can't lose control here. You can't let them win by breaking you. Please."

Bruce glared at Natasha his eyes showing flashes of green. Natasha swallowed back her fear, the fear that he'd lose it and turn on her or all of them. She kept control of her voice as she spoke softly again to Bruce, "I know you won't hurt me. You don't want to hurt me. I know you; you don't want to hurt any of us. Calm down, please." Relief flooded over her when Bruce's eyes returned to brown and he looked back down at his ration pack. Natasha kept her hand on his back, hoping the human contact would continue to anchor him instead of letting him lose himself in his depression and anger.

Soon enough she was aware of another presence by her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Clint sit down beside her, his legs out of the cave like Bruce's, after a moment Natasha sat the same way, a hand still on Bruce's back as he continued to shake, other than a few shaky breaths from Bruce all three of them were quiet for a while. Eventually the sound of Tony returning to work started up.

Clint was looking up at the stars. "You forget what they're like," Clint suddenly broke the silence, "when you're locked up. Yet you have to be amazed when you finally see them properly again. Not from a city but out here where it's completely dark and the stars are just perfectly out. I remember seeing them like this when I was on the road with the circus. Back then I don't think I ever thought that one day I could fly a jet to get closer, to get higher. However there's always that annoying part where you can only see them at night, which seems to always be the one time when you're completely alone, except for those annoying stars, they couldn't let anyone be alone out here. They couldn't leave anyone alone in darkness."

"You're giving attributes to stars, attributes that don't exist at that," Bruce pointed out, "They're always there, even during the day." If there was one way to get Bruce talking it was to make him be a scientist.

"Always there, but you can only see them at night," Clint shrugged.

Bruce looked up at the sky after a moment looking at the stars. He could feel his heart slowing and his body stopped shaking. "Since when do you get like this?" Bruce questioned, "You've never been one to talk about stars like that.

"Not out loud," Clint admitted, "but they're a calming sight really and right now… We need something that's constant in our lives. Otherwise we've really lost this."

Bruce shook his head, he was still afraid the one thing that was constant in his life he had lost. He felt Natasha wrap her arms around his shoulders and pull him closer. "Fear is a luxury we can't afford to have, not tonight."

Clint nodded and continued, "Not after everything that's happened. If we're afraid then we've lost this stupid war already. They already have us on the run and they've already killed…" He couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence. "We can't be afraid. Not of this guy."

"For once you're right, Agent Barton," The voice startled all of them. Bruce jumped a bit and he could feel Natasha go straight for her gun, already standing. Steve had stiffened in his fighting stance and Tony looked about as surprised as Bruce felt. Clint was ready to get up when he saw who had spoken.