Inner Conflict — XII

Rukia had been patient. Or as patient as she was capable of being. But the stalker bit was really, really, really starting to get old. And did he really think she didn't notice him there? He was spilling spiritual pressure with every breath he took, the fool.

"Ichigo stop following me!" Rukia snapped finally, whirling around and pinning her orange-haired friend with a violet glare. Ichigo backed up at once, his hands held up in defense.

"I can explain."

"Then by all means feel free to begin anytime before I decide how to make your death slow and torturous." Ichigo winced. What was he supposed to say? That ever since his conversation with Hitsugaya about the possibility of a spy in Soul Society, he had become paranoid and even more protective then he already was? Or that ever since their last heart-to-heart the hollow had taken an interest in her, and now Ichigo's own desires were fueled by his need to know more about the raven-haired Shinigami? Both answers sounded crazy, and both could land him in very different kinds of trouble.

He was sweating now. Rukia was waiting for an answer. "Um…well, you see…it's like this…em…er…" Help!

Why should I?

You're freakin' useless!

"Well?" Rukia prompted. Ichigo was sweating buckets now. Sudden, desperation hit him in a large wave. He hoped desperately that it worked.

"I wanted to talk to you about what you said the last time we talked." That caught Rukia for a minute.

"So then why didn't you just come out and ask me. You've never had a problem with speaking your mind before."

Crap. "Because…because I knew you wouldn't talk to me if I approached it the wrong way so I've been trying to think—"

"Just spit it out already Ichigo!"

He flinched. Why'd she have to make things so difficult for him? Why couldn't she just be honest about whatever was bothering her?

"It's just…I want you to talk to me, Rukia. Please."

His voice was low, pleading. It caught Rukia off-guard. "I'm worried about you, about how secretive you've become. It scares me. The last time you kept secrets from me, you ended up on death row." Rukia flinched at that memory. "It's like the secrets are your way of resigning yourself to the worst fate. And I don't want that for you. You're better than that, you deserve better than that. And I want to help you get it. If you'll let me."

Why, why, why did he have to choose now of all the times in the freakin' world to become some nice, sensitive, almost compassionate human being? Why did he choose now to make it hard to keep anything from him, when her secrets were the only thing protecting him?

"Ichigo do you realize how stupid you sound? I mean, just out of curiosity, do you know? Because seriously, I don't think I've heard anything stupider in my entire life, and that includes everything I heard out of Kaien-dono's mouth. Just give it a break, okay? I have more important things to worry about right now then whatever's going on in your messed up mind."

She turned and left him standing there, staring after her. Gawking, really. She couldn't believe how mean she had just been. Oh well, it was really for his own good. When this was all over, he'd realize that his life was better off without her. He'd have to realize that.

"You know Ichigo loves you too, right?"

Rukia nearly choked on the drink she had been sipping. She was with Rangiku and Hinamori at the local bar. Ichigo had been in Soul Society for about three months now. He spent almost any free time he had with Rukia. She wrote it off as, 'they were friends,' and almost everyone had swallowed that excuse. Everyone except Rangiku, apparently.

"Okay, first of all, what do you mean he loves me? And second of all, the 'too' implies that I love him, which I don't—"

"When are you going to grow up?" Matsumoto asked, waving her hand at Rukia, effectively quieting her. "Honestly, you're not in grade school, it's okay to be in love Rukia-san. And it's okay for him to love you — because we all know he does."

Hinamori was giggling now. "Hitsugaya Toushirou." Rukia hissed around her drink. Hinamori fell silent at once. Matsumoto rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, you two are—"

"You're not one to talk Matsumoto-san." Hinamori piped up suddenly. "You're in love with Renji—"

"Renji?!" Rukia repeated with a snort, laughing. Matsumoto turned red.

"You promised you wouldn't tell—!"

"Now, now Matsumoto-san." Rukia managed to choke out. "We're not in grade school, it's okay for you to—"

"You shouldn't throw stones in glass houses, Rukia-san." Matsumoto spoke stiffly. Hinamori was laughing now too. Matsumoto scowled at both of them, then looked up at something behind them. "Oh, Captain Hitsugaya, come join us!"

Hinamori turned beet red and looked over her shoulder so quickly that Rukia was surprised her head didn't come off her shoulders. Nobody was there. Of course. Hinamori swiveled around to glare at Matsumoto.

"Not funny!"

Matsumoto seemed to think it was hysterical. Rukia was beginning to wonder how much the three of them had drank.

"Oh it was hilarious and you know it." Matsumoto waved Hinamori off. "But, back to the original point of this conversation—"

"Can we not go there?" Rukia muttered, hiding her face in her hands. She'd hoped Matsumoto would forget the original topic of conversation.

"Really Rukia-san." Matsumoto said with a sigh. "It's not like everyone doesn't know he loves you. People have been saying it since he saved you from being executed—"

"You just love dredging up the old memories, don't you?"

"So then why are you so embarrassed? Why does it matter?"

Why couldn't Matsumoto just leave her alone? Rukia wondered as she peaked through her fingers, glaring at the vice-captain in question. Matsumoto looked back with a grin.

Rukia never had answered the question. But she could answer it now. It mattered because they could never be together. It mattered because Rukia had no plans of living to see the end of the war. She could tell Ichigo how she felt, she had almost no doubts in her mind that he returned them easily, but why should she subject him to any pain? Easier would be easier for him, when she die, thinking they were always just friends, instead of wondering what could have been. It was easier for him. And that was what she really wanted. She'd already driven him insane once. She wouldn't be responsible if he went again, whether she was alive or not.

Momo sighed as she stared up at the ceiling. She was tired, but sleep seemed almost eager to avoid her. It wasn't fair. What had she done to suffer like this?

Oh yeah. She'd betrayed everyone she had ever cared about in the name of one person.

Momo sighed again and rolled over onto her side, glaring at her sheathed Zanpakatou, which was leaning against the wall. She and Rukia were supposed to go and meet Ichimaru tomorrow night to report anything new they had learned. Except they hadn't learned anything new. This worried Momo slightly. What if Aizen decided they weren't needed anymore? Would he kill them? Would he kill Ichigo and Toushirou in their place? Momo knew Rukia could live with the first option — and in a way, so could she. But neither would be able to live with the second option.

It just wasn't fair.

Alarms suddenly rented the quiet air, startling Momo. She flew out of bed, grabbing her Zanpakatou and struggling into her Shinigami robes as she ran. Wonderful. Like she didn't have enough to worry about—

"Uh-uh-uh." A hand grabbed Momo as she ran outside. She suppressed a shriek as she whirled around. Around her, other Shinigami were leaving their houses, preparing to fight the Arrancar that littered the streets. Ichimaru Gin was shrouded in the shadow of Momo's house, invisible to everyone. But her.

"What are you doing?" She demanded, surprised by her daring. Usually Rukia was the only one that spoke to Ichimaru.

"Standing here talking to you, what does it look like?"

"Funny." Momo snapped. Wow, she was daring tonight. "What in the world are you attacking for?"

"A few things." Ichimaru said simply. "Aizen's decided you and Rukia-chan aren't doing him much good here."

Momo's blood ran cold, all her witty comments forgotten.

Damn him! Toushirou raged as he ran in the direction of Momo's house. It was faint, but he sensed the too familiar spiritual pressure. Ichimaru. And Momo was with him. If he hurts her…

He landed on the roof of Momo's house. Ichimaru sensed him at once, of course. "Ah, Hitsugaya-kun, so nice of you to join us. But as you can see we're a little busy at the moment, why don't you come back later—?"

"Like hell I will!" Toushirou snapped, drawing his Zanpakatou. "Soar—"

"Shirou-chan, don't."

Momo's soft voice was enough to both placate Toushirou and shock him into silence. "W-What? Hinamori—"

Rukia glared over her shoulder at her pursuer. She had no time to tell Ichigo off though. Momo and Ichimaru and Hitsugaya were all together, she could sense their spiritual pressures. This could only lead to trouble.

All around her attacks ensued. She heard shouts and yells and screams that all seemed to run into one entity. Soul Society was not going to come out of this unscathed. And for what? The lost causes in the Twelfth Division? Pure joy? Or was Aizen actually trying to accomplish something?

It all made very little sense to Rukia, try as she may to figure it out. And she was rather unsettled by Ichimaru's presence. What was he doing in Soul Society?

Toushirou looked between Momo and Ichimaru, shocked. He barely registered the two spiritual pressures that were moving towards him fast.

"Hinamori…why are you defending him?"

Momo was looking at the ground, her fists clenched tightly. She refused to acknowledge Toushirou's words.

"What the hell—"

Ichigo was behind Toushirou, standing next to Rukia, who had come up behind the white-haired captain silently. Like him, she was looking down at Ichimaru and Momo. But her expression was resigned rather than shocked. As if she had expected this.

"Ah, good, save me the trouble of having to look for you." Ichimaru looked almost pleased. Rukia's resigned expression changed to one of disgust.

Ichigo was beyond confused. What the hell? He repeated silently.

You're such an idiot Ichigo. I told you to pay more attention, didn't I?

The hollow's voice enraged Ichigo. What do you mean?! You saw this?!

I sensed Aizen's presence the first time he set foot here. I knew your girl here was with him. If only you were that smart…

Rukia looked over at Ichigo. She saw the conflict in his deep amber eyes, the rage. How much had he already figured out? How did he know?

"You promised."

Her low voice surprised Ichigo, who looked around just in time to see her disappear from his side. She appeared next to Momo, resting a hand on the brown-haired girl's shoulder. Momo looked up at her companion with desperate eyes. Rukia just shook her head. The silent exchange bewildered Ichigo as much as everything else had.

Toushirou was shaking, though whether with shock or rage or both, he didn't know. Was this it? The answer he and Ichigo had been looking for? Were Momo and Rukia really the traitors?

No. It wasn't possible. It wasn't. It couldn't be.

But even as his mind rejected every possibility, he knew it was true. He looked down at the vice-captains, then at the smirking former captain, and hatred unlike anything he had ever known enveloped him. A low snarl escaped his lips as he went to draw his Zanpakatou again.

"You—!"

His words died in his throat as Momo stepped in front of Ichimaru. Defended him. "Good, good." Ichimaru chuckled. "I don't even have to say anything, she just automatically moves. I knew Aizen-sama had a good idea when he went after these two."

Blood pounded in Ichigo's ears. Rukia was refusing to look at him. He wasn't sure if that was what was infuriating him, the hollow's taunting voice, or Ichimaru. It could have been a combination of all three.

"Well, we'll be off. Give our regards to everyone." And with that, all three were gone. Ichigo and Toushirou stared in horror at the spot where Rukia and Momo had been standing just mere seconds before. It didn't seem possible that, even after all their efforts, they'd lost both of them. Not possible.

Author's Note: Is this worth going with or not? I mean, nobody really seems interested…so…I don't know. Review and let me know, k? — Sam