Inner Conflict — IX

Oh would you stop with the self-blame party? Granted it is all your fault, what with you being an idiot and everything, but still, I don't feel like watching it. Just get over it already, I'm tired of the what-ifs.

Ichigo wanted to hit the stupid hollow. He wondered how strange he'd look kicking his own ass. Would you shut up? It's not a self-blame party. I don't blame myself at all, I can gladly throw this one on Rukia. I just want to know what the hell she was thinking and if she knows what she got herself into.

She's got a pretty good idea King. She doesn't strike me as the impulsive type, she probably thinks about what she does before she does it.


Yeah, she was really thinking when she gave me her Shinigami powers, Ichigo shot back sarcastically. Unfortunately, though, the hollow was half right. Rukia didn't always think about what she did before she did it. But when she did, she thought long and hard It just seemed like when she actually thought, she ended up making the worst choice. Exhibit A: the decision to run away that ultimately led to her near execution. Exhibit B: this whole mess.

"Argh!" Ichigo groaned, falling back on the ground. He was in his division, hiding under a tree (it was raining and he didn't feel like going home). Rain slipped through the green leaves above him, pattering against his face. He closed his eyes, running one hand through his dripping orange locks. It. Wasn't. Fair. Why was Rukia always doing these things to him?

What, you mean she's betrayed you before?

Ah shut up. That's not what I meant. Just mind your own business.

Unfortunately, King, your business is mine.

Can't you just make yourself disappear?

I can make you disappear, if you wouldn't mind that too much—

"Shut up!" Ichigo shouted at the sky, losing his temper. He bolted up again, his temper flaring. God damn hollow was a pain in the ass—

"Forget this." He jumped up and stormed away, no longer in the mood to listen to the hollow. He never had an opinion worth acknowledging anyway.

"Are you having fun sulking?" Ichigo stopped walking just outside of his division and whirled around. Renji was standing there, his normally spiky hair hanging around his face, dripping wet. "It's about time you left. I want to talk to you about something. Take a walk with me, all right?"

"Well this can only end badly." Ichigo muttered, looking up at the sky. The rain was showing no signs of stopping. "Can't this wait until later, Renji? I'm wet—"

"So another few minutes in the rain isn't going to kill you." Renji interrupted. "You see, Ichigo, I'm not giving you a choice in this. Everybody's tired of you and Hitsugaya sitting around feeling sorry for yourselves. I'm not about to talk to him though—"

"What's wrong, scared?"

"Hell yes." Renji grabbed Ichigo and dragged him down the street. "If it turns into a fight with you though I can kick your ass, so I figure I'm safe."

"You wish." Ichigo snorted. "Need I remind you of the last time you fought me? You didn't exactly come off swimmingly."

"Technicality." Renji waved Ichigo's words off like a fly. Ichigo sighed. He wasn't getting his own way on this one. That much was obvious. He let Renji drag him away, trying to figure out arguments in his mind.

"Renji—"

"You know I love Rukia, right?" Ichigo barely batted an eye. Of course he'd known that. Renji wore his feelings on his sleeve. "I'm as stupid as you are though. I let her walk away from me, as idiotic as it was. I still regret it to this day. I realize I made a mistake, even though I don't' want to admit it. I hate myself. Everyday I thought about going to her, begging her to forgive me for being an idiot…but it was already too late. She was gone, and when she came back, you had her. I lost my chance. Lost it to you. It's enough of a reason to hate you, but I wouldn't feel right if I did. The better man won. I'll live with that. But I'll beat you silly if you make my mistakes. Rukia loves you. Let her walk the way I did, and you'll regret it until the day you die."

Ichigo didn't know what to say to that. Renji had never been one to talk about his feelings. And now that he was…it was kind of awkward. "Why are you telling me all this? It's not like she's hear for me to talk to. She's gone Renji."

Renji stopped walking. Ichigo was a few paces ahead before he realized this, and looked back. "You're right. And every cent I have is on the fact that it's got something to do with you. To protect you, or something. Rukia never does anything if it won't benefit you somehow. I don't believe she's a traitor. I believe it's possible — with a few well-chosen words and maybe a couple of hits — to bring her back to us. But I refuse to believe she's capable of betraying us. Maybe if you get your head out of your ass you can come up with a few more reasons. You know her better than I do, after all."

He turned and walked away. Ichigo just stared after him, not sure if he had just been insulted or complimented or…what. Renji could be so confusing sometimes.

"Ichigo, promise me something." He blinked.

"S-Sure. Of course. Anything."

"Promise me that…no matter what happens…you'll never hate me."

The conversation had played itself over and over in Ichigo's mind. No matter how hard he tried, he had been incapable of making any sense of it. He was finally starting to get somewhere though. Obviously at that point in time, Aizen had already approached Rukia and Momo. Had they already made their decision? Was Rukia's need for Ichigo's promise the result of her guilt?

"Good." She turned away from him and started walking up the path to her front steps. He thought he heard her mutter, "I couldn't die peacefully if I thought you hated me."

That was the part that worried Ichigo the most. What had Rukia meant? Did she plan on getting herself killed somehow? Rukia was, in so many ways, a classic martyr — always willing to give her life for whatever she thought was right. Throwing herself in front of an attack meant for Ichigo, sacrificing her powers so he could save his family, allowing herself to be captured for execution, just to protect him. And now she was throwing away her own life…for what? As stupid and egotistical as it sounded, Ichigo had a feeling Renji was right; it was something to do with him — with Ichigo.

I wish I could read your mind Rukia. I'd have loved to know what was going on it before you left.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?"

Toushirou fell back on his pillow, sighing. He was trying to run through every conversation he'd had with Hinamori since he had returned from the scouting mission in Hueco Mundo. Trying to find a sign, something, anything he might have missed that would give him his answers. And all he kept coming back to was that one discussion at their old house. He could still see her in his mind, distressed, scared. He could still hear the desperation in her voice. And he was beating himself up for not realizing the truth sooner.

How could I have been so blind? Toushirou thought angrily. Water beat the window lightly as the rain outside picked up slightly. I'm supposed to know Hinamori better than anyone else. How did I not see the truth sooner? Why did I let her walk away from me?

Knock-Knock

A light knock on the front door brought Toushirou back to the present. He recognized the chakra pattern instantly. Not in the mood to deal with anyone he rolled over onto his side, pulling his pillow over his ears.

Another knock. And then another, slightly louder. It went on for about five minutes. "If you don't open the door I'll just break it down!"

Toushirou growled under his breath as he jumped up, storming out of his room, down the small hall, and to the door, throwing it open. "Break the door and I'll break you neck." He growled. Matsumoto smiled mischievously.

"Got you to open the door, didn't I?" She grinned. "Come on. I want to talk to you."

"Not now Matsumoto." Toushirou started to shut the door. Matsumoto grabbed the door-knob, effectively stopping him.

"Yes now, Captain. You're not doing anything else, are you?"

It was tempting to grab her hand and break it, but it was her writing hand; the last thing she needed was a valid excuse not to do her paperwork. So Toushirou just sighed, opening the door and stepping out. The rain soaked him in mere seconds.

"You couldn't have chosen a better time?"

"Now's as good a time as any." She started walking. Toushirou sighed as he followed her. Better to just get this over with. Hopefully she'd be quick and leave him alone after.

"So what do you want to talk about?" He demanded after a few minutes of walking in silence. Matsumoto was being uncharacteristically quiet and serious. It was worrying him.

"I never understood Gin." The words were distant, as if Matsumoto had said them by accident. Toushirou made a face. She'd dragged him into the rain to talk about Ichimaru? "He was always disappearing…always had bigger and better things to do. And I could never follow him, because I never knew where he went. By the time I figured out the truth, it was already way too late. He was with Aizen. And there was nothing I could do to stop him. Not that it stopped me from trying, but…that was a failure. Obviously."

Toushirou let Matsumoto talk. He wasn't even sure if she was actually talking to him, or if he was just bearing witness to her pity party. "But I know one thing." She continued on suddenly, her voice suddenly stronger. "Gin, no matter how he acted, never cared about anyone but himself. I hate to admit it, but that's just the truth. I…I loved him—" Toushirou cringed, "but nothing came of it."

Toushirou didn't know what to say now. What was Matsumoto trying to say? "You love Momo-san, Captain." It wasn't a question. Toushirou stopped walking, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Don't bother denying it, I'm smart enough to see the truth. You love her. She loves you too, though. It's not the same as it was with Gin…with me. Gin betrayed Soul Society for the love of power. He's long lost to me. It's far from too late for you and Momo though. I know Momo would never hurt anybody without a good reason. And I think…you're involved in that reason. Somehow."

Toushirou finally brought his eyes up to meet Matsumoto's. She was still more serious than he had ever seen her. "You think she betrayed everybody…for me?"

Matsumoto shrugged and turned away. "I know she didn't do it just for fun. Whatever Momo-san is up to — and Rukia-san too, for that matter — I know there's a real, deep reason behind it. A reason that took a lot of thinking to get to. I don't believe she'd do anything blindly. I do believe that there's a way to bring her back though."

"What's that?" Toushirou demanded at once. Matsumoto shrugged again.

"That's up to you, to figure out, Captain."

He took that to be the end of the discussion. Toushirou thought for a minute. What could he do that would help him save Momo? Could anything be done now? Could be bring her back, keep her safe? Was it even possible? He sighed. As confused as he was, talking to Matsumoto had actually…helped a little. He turned to walk away.

"Matsumoto?"

"Yes Captain?"

"Thank you."

Matsumoto smiled slightly as her captain's footsteps faded away, and she looked up at the sky, letting the rain pelt her face. Don't make my mistakes, Captain. Don't let Momo-san walk away.

Momo clenched her fists, her nails digging into her skin, drawing blood. She bit down hard on her lip, surprised she didn't break skin there as well. "Why are you sending us there?" Rukia demanded, furious. Of the two Shinigami, she was the most outspoken, the most difficult. She backed off the second Ichigo's name was mentioned, of course, but that rarely stopped her from voicing her opinion.

Aizen gave the raven-haired girl a sly smile. "Because I can't think of anyone better to lead an attack there then two people who know the ins-and-outs of Karakura Town's main defenses." A small hiss escaped through Rukia's teeth.

"Give up. You made a move for Karakura before and you failed. One more loss in that place is just going to set you back further than you already are. Why bother?"

Rukia's mind was flying through Karakura Town's main defenders. Uryu and his father. Chad. Orihime. Isshin. Urahara. Yoruichi. Then her mind branched off to include all the people she knew and cared about. Orihime. All her old friends from school. Yuzu, Karin…

"It's a simple matter to get what you want." Aizen said, his tone almost casual. "Karakura Town is at the center of spiritual power in the world of the living. When I take that place, the rest of the world will be at my knees." And that's exactly why Soul Society won't let you have it. "You have your orders. Now go."

He turned and walked away. Momo and Rukia looked at each other, then back at the army of Arrancar standing behind them. "This won't end well." Momo murmured. Rukia couldn't help but agree with that.

"Do you think…we'll run into…you know, them?" Rukia sighed.

"Momo-san…I'd be surprised if we didn't."

Author's Note: Fight next chapter…and yeah…I know this completely sucked...but review anyway. Please? — Sam