Inner Conflict — XI

Ichigo was surrounded by Arrancar. He swung Zangetsu over and over, slicing through the Arrancar two and three at a time. She was close by. He could feel her, albeit faintly. But he knew if he could defeat all the Arrancar, he would get to her…

Suddenly the Arrancar disappeared, and Rukia was standing right there. Ichigo opened his mouth to speak, but was momentarily distracted by how blank her eyes looked… emotionless…

A flash of silver streaked through the air between them. Rukia's Zanpakatou moved almost invisibly as it sliced through Ichigo, leaving a deep mark in his chest. Blood poured from the wound. He supposed it hurt, but all he could feel was shock.

"Rukia…"

You're pathetic, a familiar voice spoke up, move over King, this is mine.

Ichigo started to protest, but the hollow had somehow already gagged him, thrown him into the corner of his mind. And no matter how hard Ichigo tried, he couldn't escape.

He could, however, watch. Watch, as if detached from himself, as the hollow drew Zangetsu, as the hollow, with absolutely no problem at all, put the Zanpakatou right through Rukia…

"No!" Ichigo roared as he watched Rukia fall, watched her die by his hand. "NO!"

"No!" Ichigo shot up in bed, gasping for breath. The images his mind had conjured up continued to attack him, even in the conscious world. He dropped his head into his hands, waiting for his breathing to return to normal.

He can't control me, he repeated over and over, he can't control me.

Wanna bet? The hollow taunted. One sign of weakness is all I need, King. Just one sign…

You're not going to get it, Ichigo shot back. I won't let you control me again. I'm in control now. Don't forget it.

The hollow didn't seem at all put off by Ichigo's warnings. He'd been so much cockier lately. It worried Ichigo how arrogant the hollow seemed to be getting.

Am I scaring you Ichigo? The orange-haired man scowled, wishing the hollow was standing right in front of him so he could hit it. What's wrong? Don't like that I'm right?

Oh go to hell.

News flash King: I'm already there.

Yeah well you dragged me along with you. Just FYI.

Hey, why should I be here alone?

Ichigo threw his blankets back, knowing sleep would be impossible now that the hollow had started talking. He threw a coat on over his pajamas and went out into the quiet night.

He didn't go anywhere in particular, at first. He was okay with just wandering around. He kept his eyes on the ground, the full moon lighting his way.

You know all this brooding is starting to get annoying. How about some action, King? I wouldn't say no to a quick trip to Hueco Mundo—

Yeah, because you'd just love to see Aizen again, wouldn't you? Forget it, I'm settling this either here or in the living world. That had been a decision Ichigo had made a long time ago. The hollow's eagerness to see Aizen again only emphasized how important it was that Ichigo stay away from Hueco Mundo. No need to give the damn pest more motivation to try and take control away.

"I could offer it a lot more than you ever could. It likes to fight, doesn't it? Just like any hollow. He wants strong opponents. I could give those to him…"

Ichigo shuddered, remembering Aizen's solemn promise to the hollow. I liked him, the hollow chuckled, I think he's got the right idea about things.

I think you're forgetting that I'm running the show here.

Not for long King, the hollow chuckled. Wonder what you'll say when I tear your little girlfriend up…

The words sent shock waves through Ichigo. You lay one hand on her…! He seethed silently, suddenly past words. His anger flared. The hollow laughed again. What've you got against her anyway? She hasn't done anything to you!

Just the fact that she exists, I guess. She makes you happy. And she annoys me, to be quite honest. And I can never escape her, she's always on your mind. Wonder what would happen if she were to, say…disappear?

Ichigo clenched his fists, gritting his teeth together. He knew these were empty threats — he would never let the hollow take control.

Change is coming King. Can't you feel it? You're not going to be in charge for much longer. When the time comes, not even your little girlfriend will be able to save you.

She's stronger than you think.

Is she strong enough to kill someone wearing your face — no matter how distorted it might be?

Ichigo scowled but didn't answer. In a roundabout way, he already knew the answer. He'd heard all the stories about Shiba Kaien. He hoped he wouldn't have to put Rukia in a position like that ever again.

It doesn't matter if she is or not. This is my body, and you're not taking control. It's as simple as that.

Bold declaration King. Let's see if you can keep that promise when the time comes. It's like a game, you see. A game you don't have a chance in hell of winning.

Ichigo's scowl deepened. His whole life was like a game. He was still waiting to win.

Would he really kill Ichigo? I know he wants the hollow…and bringing that thing out would be as bad as killing him…but the way he made it sound he would just kill Ichigo. Would Aizen really do that? If he wants the hollow that badly…would he really kill Ichigo?

Is that really a chance you're willing to take? Another voice in the back of Rukia's head argued. Are you really willing to pull mutiny and play with Ichigo's life? What if Aizen decides you're forced help is more important that trying to use the hollow in his sick games?

It's all about priorities. The hollow is stronger than I am, of course Aizen would want him. It's like chess — a rook for a pawn. Which is stronger? The rook. You wouldn't risk a pawn to save a rook, would you? Aizen wouldn't kill Ichigo just to keep me in line. I'm the pawn. Ichigo is the rook. He's the stronger one. Why kill the stronger one?

Ichigo is only stronger for Aizen if he surrenders control to the hollow — which you know he'll never do. That's the only way he's useful in Aizen's eyes. You, on the other hand, are useful through the means of blackmail. Which one is easier to manipulate — Ichigo's iron-clad self-control or your ridiculous inclination to protect him?

It was a good argument. Rukia considered it for a moment, then realized she didn't know if she was winning or losing this fight. That was fairly disturbing.

I just don't know. None of it seems right to me. I don't know if Aizen's just saying these things, or if he'll actually follow through on them, or if I can take that chance…it's all very confusing.

You just don't like having to work for him. You're trying to find a loophole to escape. But there isn't one.

I wouldn't leave without Momo-san. And she doesn't have a loophole — Aizen has no reason to not want to kill Captain Hitsugaya.

Then why are you even thinking about this?

For the same reason I'm arguing with myself — I'm crazy.

Rukia laughed quietly. It seemed like an appropriate answer, all things considered. It was the best answer she had, at any rate.

But this wasn't a laughing matter. She'd been going back and forth in her head all day, trying to figure out how to work her way out of this hell she'd thrown herself into. But there was no answer. Even if she thought she could leave, she wouldn't. She knew for a fact she couldn't leave Hinamori behind — that would just be cruel.

And…she just couldn't bring herself to put Ichigo's life in danger like that. She was still torn on whether or not Aizen could actually do it — and if he actually would — but was she willing to take the chance that he could — and would?

Rukia hit her head lightly against the wall a couple of times. She'd given up on the concept of trying to cure her ever-persisting headaches.

She'd been hiding in the room she and Momo she shared. She tried to hide there whenever she could. Anything was better was than pretending to be polite to Aizen, Ichimaru, or Tousen. Luckily she didn't have to deal with the blind former captain very often — he just seemed to be a third wheel, along with Aizen out of convenience. The other two…not so much.

Aizen didn't trust Rukia. It was very obvious. There was always had somebody following her. Even during that brief failure of a fight in the living world, Ichimaru had been there. Rukia liked that she was, at least, untrustworthy.

She was also predictable though. Aizen knew — he had to know — that Rukia wouldn't cause more trouble than he'd let her get away with. He was playing a very sick game and he was winning. He had to know that.

—:—:—13th Division, 5 Months Earlier—:—:—

"Are you just going to mope forever?"

Rukia looked over her shoulder. Ichigo was standing on the division roof behind her, hands in his pockets, watching her. She looked forward again quickly, wrapping her thin arms more securely around her knees. "Exactly how long are you planning on avoiding me, anyway? It kinda hurts my feelings."

Rukia winced, biting her lip. Too similar…

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Rukia I saw you run up here as soon as I walked into the division. You were in the middle of talking to Kiyone and Sentarou and the second you saw me you bolted. Now call me crazy but I'm ninety-nine percent certain that falls under the heading of 'avoiding me.' So, one more time — how much longer are you planning on avoiding me?"

Rukia's breath came out in a huff. She blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. "How much longer are you planning on being annoying?"

"Funny." Ichigo plopped down next to her, clearly trying to be irritating, and crossed his legs, resting his hands on his knees and leaning forward to look at Rukia's face. "C'mon, I'm serious. I've been here for a month already and I think we've talked for maybe…three minutes. Collectively. Do you see a problem with that?"

Okay so he was right. She was avoiding him. She couldn't help it. She didn't have anything to say to him anymore. "Seriously. We could talk for hours…before. Okay, so it was arguing. The point is we were communicating…kind of. What happened to that?"

"Things change, Ichigo." She muttered without looking him in the eye. He sighed and leaned back, resting his palms on the roof and tilting his head to look up at the orange-pink sky of the setting sun.

"You're not supposed to." He sounded like a sullen child now. It almost made Rukia laugh. "You're supposed to be the same annoying pipsqueak you were when I met you. You're supposed to be a rock."

A rock. What an apt description. "Even rocks change, Ichigo. Sorry to burst your bubble. They get weathered and chip away. They're buried…"

Ichigo cut her off. "I feel like if I don't stop you, you're going to beat this metaphor to death. Since you're obviously in a 'take-things-way-too-seriously' mood, I'm going to tell you to shut up. Shut up."

"That was twice."

"It's worth repeating."

Rukia resisted the urge to turn and stick her tongue out at him, instead focusing harder on the left corner of the roof, looking determinedly away from him. "God you're stubborn. Normally that would have at least earned me a slap in the face."

"Normally. Things aren't normal anymore Ichigo." He scoffed at that.

"Rukia you're a Shinigami who sends spirits to a place where other spirits and Shinigami live and fight evil spiritual monster. I'm the unfortunate guy who can see spirits and met you one night. Nothing has ever been normal."

When he summarized it like that, he made a convincing argument. Rukia sighed and unwound her arms at last, standing up. "Where you going?" Ichigo asked, sounding surprised — and a little hurt. No doubt he thought they'd finally been getting somewhere.

"Down to talk to Kiyone and Sentarou." She jumped off without another word. Ichigo sighed audibly as he walked away and she distinctly heard him mutter something about her being a stubborn little vixen. She ignored him.

Normal. Well, he was right about one thing — things had never been normal when it came to the two of them. Their lives together had almost been like a game. One that neither of them had ever won…

—:—:—Present Day—:—:—

"Rukia-san?" Rukia sat up and looked over at the door. Hinamori was standing there, looking slightly apprehensive. "Um…A-Aizen wants to see us."

"Wonderful." Rukia stood up, stretching her arms. She'd been curled up for longer than she'd originally thought. "What does he want?"

"I don't know. Ichimaru just told me to get you and go down to see him." Rukia shook her head and followed Hinamori out.

"More games." She muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing Momo-san. Ignore me."

Author's Note:…Don't worry, I'm throwing 'em back into hell next chapter. There will be no more brooding and thinking and flashbacks, I promise. I'm not saying they'll get any less sucky, but at least there'll be fighting. That's good. I think…just review before I lose complete will to keep going. Please? — Sam