I just wanted to say thank you for everyone's kind comments, I'm glad you liked it. I always love more comments, so if you haven't yet, remember it's 'random acts of kindness' week! Thanks for reading, give me any suggestions for things you'd like to see in this fic ^.^
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I spent the day and evening on the beach with Claire and Charlie. I think they could tell something was wrong, at least, Claire definitely did. She didn't question me, and in fact elbowed Charlie in the ribs when he tried to. I mostly sat and stared out towards the ocean, listening to Charlie's guitar and trying not to think. It was nearly dark by the time I realized I didn't live on the beach anymore and should get back home, to the caves. With a borrowed flashlight, I made my way nervously alone through the jungle, though everyone at the beach advised me not to and offered to walk with me. I didn't want the company at first, but after a few minutes alone in the darkening jungle, I started to change my mind. I kept going, willing stupid tears of panic not to drip from my eyes. I'd been crying enough lately, like some whiny little pussy. I was capable of better. Of being stronger. But all I could think about was Sawyer's scream, his voice right before the torture, and his last words to me.
"Don't take it personally, Cammy."
What was that even supposed to mean? It made no sense. All of it surrounded me; I couldn't think straight. When I nearly walked into a slight figure in the bushes ahead of me, I screamed briefly. It had felt like I was the only person left on the planet, for a moment there. Not lonely, just separate.
A sweet voice carried a Korean apology to me.
"No, sorry, Sun. My fault. Wasn't watching where I was going."
She nodded curtly and smiled, as she often did. I think she noticed my expression, then. Her next words were a question, a pretty simple one. I think she was asking me if I was alright.
"I'm . . . I'll be fine." My smile faltered. "I had a bad day."
Another very short question. Maybe, 'Why?'
"Sawyer." I muttered. She nodded knowingly. And asked yet another question. Remarkably, I was pretty sure I understood the gist. 'What did he do now?' She spoke slowly, with a lot of emphasis on different words. I never imagined that she could understand what I said next, though.
"He's so . . . stupid. Stubborn. He made them hurt him, today. I saw. It was horrible. And then . . . he broke my heart, Sun."
I could have sworn the concerned light in her eyes flickered as though she'd just been slapped. She looked confused. But that was to be expected, she couldn't understand a word I said.
A moment later, Jin came hurrying through the trees. He spotted Sun and said something, a bit harsh-sounding, in Korean. Then his gaze turned to me, and his upset expression vanished. A few more words. Sun responded slowly. He nodded knowingly. They were both doing that a lot, but maybe it only seemed so to me because I didn't expect them to understand things. He smiled lightly and turned back towards the caves.
"What did you tell him?"
She just sort of looked at me, not understanding.
"Did you tell him what I said about Sawyer?" I asked, panicked. It was ridiculous, she couldn't even understand the secret I'd spilled to her.
"Sawyer? No." She said. She motioned to her lips, then to the two of us, and made a sock-puppet motion with her hand, indicating talking, maybe babbling. I think I understood. Girl-talk. That's all she told him, nothing specific. I smiled.
"Thank you, Sun." Thank you for not being able to understand.
We walked back to the caves together, and I fell asleep as quickly as possible, trying to keep Sun's sweet calm I my head instead of the bloody scream and heart-tearing words that belonged there.
When I woke, early in the morning, I huddled around the fire with a cup of tea. John sat with me in silence for a while, before leaving to get an early start on boar-hunting. I had half a mind to ask if I could go with, but my body felt a bit like lead. After that, I sat by myself until Jack got up. Others began to wake and bustled about the camp, but Jack and I were the only ones around the fire, just sitting in eachother's company. Unlike Locke, I talked to Jack. Actually, he talked to me, first.
"Good morning, Cammy."
"Morning, Jack." I'd forgotten I was supposed to hate him for letting Sayid hurt Sawyer. I'd even forgotten to hate Sayid. I don't know if I could hate them if I had remembered I was supposed to.
"We've been here over a week, now. How are you holding up?"
"I'm . . . struggling. But no more than anyone else here, I'd say. I'm healthy, physically. I've been a little bored, but I don't suppose you could do anything about that, anyway."
"Oh, you might be wrong, there. I've been trying to find somebody to help organize the supplies, specifically the medical supplies, into some sort of order. A few people have started, but there's a lot of stuff on this island. A lot of it's not very useful, but it's not as though we're going to throw anything out. You never know what can come in handy on a deserted island."
"Deserted? You think there were people here, once?" I asked.
"Figure of speech, Cammy. Anyway, you think you're up for the challenge of organizing the caves? If you end up hating it, you can quit at any time."
I shrugged. "Why not? I've always had a knack for organization. Not that I use it, or anything, but it's there. I get to the point of OCD with some things, even."
"Great. Now, I was thinking we'd organize all the medicine by use. There's an inordinate amount of antibiotics specifically designed for ear infections, you can start with those. If the containers aren't clearly labelled, the most common names will be Neomycin, Polymyxin, or-"
"Chloramphenicol. And Amoxycillin, maybe?" I interrupted.
"Yeah. Exactly. How did you know that?"
"I helped my sister seriously cram for her exams last spring. She was becoming a pharmacologist."
"Oh. Neat. Convenient, actually."
"Yeah. So, you said you wanted to sort this stuff by use? Well, we're not exactly in a drugstore, here. Amoxycillin might traditionally be good for ear infections . . . but around here I think an ear infection is pretty low on the list of most common ailments. If you'd like, I could sort all the antibiotics according to strength, instead of by the part of the body they're used on."
I could tell Jack didn't like being outdone or proven wrong. He smiled, though. "It's up to you, Cammy. I'll leave you to it." He picked up his backpack and started walking away.
"Wait, where are you going?"
"I need to bring Sawyer his antibiotics." Jack looked so pissed off, frustrated. Like he was dealing with an idiotic teenager who was making his life a lot more difficult.
"Antibiotics? For what? Don't tell me he has an ear infection." I feigned sarcasm.
"Oh, you didn't find out about all that. Yesterday, there was an accident . . ."
"An accident. Yeah, let's call it that." I seethed suddenly.
"And Sawyer kind of got . . . stabbed." Jack scuffed a toe against the dirt timidly.
"Stabbed? Stabbed? Who stabbed him? I know it might be fun for you guys to torture him, but stabbing? Holy fuck, Jack. Holy fuck." I caught my breath. "Wait, he's alright, isn't he. You said you're just bringing him antibiotics. Where'd he get stabbed, exactly? And why does nobody tell me anything around here?"
"Calm down, Cammy. Just calm down."
"I will not calm down until I get some goddamned answers!" I nearly screamed. People were staring at me.
Jack looked pressured. As though he didn't want to tell me about this, but didn't want me to continue making a scene, either.
"Alright. Alright. After . . . after Sayid interrogated him . . ."
"Could have tried a more subtle approach, first, couldn't he?"
"Stop interrupting, if you want to hear what happened. Okay, so, after Sayid . . . after we did what we did, which you really should not have seen, Cammy, then we came to realize that he didn't have the medicine."
"What? But Shannon's fine, now. I assumed you got the ventolin."
"No, no. Sun found eucalyptus. It worked wonders."
"Eucalyptus! Oh, my God. I should have thought of that. Even menthol would probably be a big help. I bet stuff like that is everywhere on this hellhole rock!"
"Cammy, stop talking. I don't have all day to stand here and tell you what you demand to know." He seemed peeved, but not really angry at me.
"Sorry. Go on."
"Okay." He took a big, exaggerated breath. "Sayid didn't believe that he didn't have the medicine. He kind of . . . lost it. A little. And I don't think he was going to do anything too drastic, but he had a knife. And Sawyer somehow got untied, and there was a scuffle, and it ended with the knife three inches into Sawyer's arm, right through an artery."
"Holy crap. Oh, my god. Oh my god." I said, feeling my eyes water simply from being held open so wide for so long.
"Calm down. I stopped the bleeding pretty quick, patched him up. He's fine."
"He's fine?"
"He's fine."
"So why were you making such a big deal out of it?" I asked.
"Me? Why was I making such a big deal out of it? Cammy, you'd better watch yourself. You need to be careful about the way you're thinking about certain things. We want you to be safe."
"So does he. Everyone wants me to be safe." I said quietly. I turned away. "Sorry for yelling at you, Jack. You deserve more respect than I give you." I picked up an armful of meds and started examining them. "Go, do your thing. I'll get started here."
"You're upset."
"Yeah, Jack, I'm upset." I said, with a characteristic shrug. "Do we need to worry about Sayid? I know you think Sawyer deserved to get stabbed, but is Sayid going to be a danger to anyone else?"
"He felt bad, Cammy. Really bad. He left. He went to map the coast of the island, he said. We'll see him again, probably, but he had to get out of here."
"Huh. I never thought just leaving was an option." I muttered.
"It's not. Cammy, it's not an option. You take off and we will track you down and bring you back here. There is no way I'm going to let anything happen to you on this island."
"It's great to know everyone cares so much about me." I said softly, nearly sincerely.
"We do. Nobody's going to let you get hurt in any way."
"You'd think I'd find that a nice change from the life I was used to, back in the States. About ten days ago I would have . . . it doesn't matter. Go treat your patient." Stupid, stupid tears, I was so tired of them, they were rolling down my face yet again. My back was to him, but he could tell. We just stood there for a moment.
"Cammy?"
"Go, Jack." I continued sorting fungicides and weak painkillers. I heard him leave, behind me. I kept my hands busy, and it was good. It felt like doing dishes, back home. I missed dishes. I tried to think back to the last time I washed dishes . . . in Australia, at my sister's house.
FWOOO
Soapsuds and warm water coursed over my hands as I twisted a dishrag through a glass, dislodging residual flecks of lemon pulp. It was amazing how much lemonade my sister went through in a day.
Suddenly I felt cool, dry hands at my waist, contrasting the safe warmth inside the sink starkly. I wriggled myself slightly, hoping to shake him off. The hands only encroached further, caressing their way to my stomach.
"Don't." I said firmly, to no effect. "Jared, so help me God . . ." my empty threat petered out halfway through, as fear took over. I turned the taps off and put my hands atop his, wrenching his fingers away with difficulty. I pushed his hands down to his sides as hard as I could, as though I seriously thought they might stay there. I turned and walked quickly towards the living room.
"Deb?" I called when I came into view of her. She didn't respond at first. "Deborah?" panic made my voice rise.
"Yeah?" a muffled reply came, finally.
"She was sleeping, Cam."Jared said with annoyance. I barely glanced at his face and the playful smile that sat there, contrasting against his tone.
"Sorry. I was wondering where you keep your S.O.S. pads, that pot from the chicken wings is pretty bad."
"Right under the sink. You could have just asked Jared." She was a little annoyed, too.
"Yeah. Next time. Sorry, try and go back to sleep."
Back into the kitchen. He followed me, of course.
"You really shouldn't pester Deb when she's resting."
"She's pregnant, not dying." I snapped. I wanted to finish the dishes I said I'd do and go hole up in the guest bedroom, but I didn't want my back to him for a second.
"Here, I'll dry." He said, picking up a dry cloth. He still had that horrible, mischievous look in his eyes.
We worked in silence for a while. When all of the dishes were clean, I bolted down the sunlit hall. No footsteps followed me. There was no playful knock at my door that night. I breathed repeated sighs of relief, but this was only my third night in Australia.
FWOOO