BPOV
As Edward reached for my hand I flinched away from him. I looked across the table at Alice and Jasper; after hearing her story she gazed lovingly at Jasper. Alice and Jasper's story ended with Alice trusting him with everything she kept from the world. I want to be like that with Edward but the fact that he didn't tell me about Alice and nothing about his past makes me think that he doesn't trust me. And if he can't trust me how can I trust him with my heart? I've never worried about something like this before, I guess it's a new insecurity to add to the long list. I'm not exactly angry at Edward for doing what he did, but I'm a little disappointed in him for not trusting me. How can I be his girlfriend if he doesn't trust me?
After dinner me and Rosalie road home silently; I could sense that she knew something was wrong and that I didn't want to talk about it. I appreciated her respecting my space; for now I just need to cool off and gather my thoughts. I guess I have to evaluate my relationship with Edward. I tried to talk to him after dinner but he said, "It would be rude to slip away while Alice is a guest in the house, she just got here lets be respectful." Respectful, was he kidding? He didn't respect me when he left to talk to her outside. Whatever, I really don't want to worry about it so much. He's just a boy. And boys are stupid.
We go home and I went straight to my room, took a shower and crashed on my bed. I set my clock 9:30. I made plans with Alice to show her the town.
I woke up and went downstairs and sat down for breakfast. Charlie looked up from the newspaper and said, "Good Morning Bella. Rough night?" he asked.
"Yup," I simply said.
We ate breakfast silently, Rose must be sleeping in. Dad left for work and I went up stairs to get dressed. I came downstairs just as the doorbell was ringing. I went to answer the door expecting Alice, but found Edward with her.
"Hey," he said while leaning forward to kiss my cheek. I side stepped him and said, "come on in" while looking down.
"hey Bella," Alice greeted me.
"Hey," I said with a warm smile.
"Um, Bella could I use your bathroom?" Alice asked. I directed her up the staircase down the hall.
"So, I was thinking we could go to dinner on Friday," Edward said from behind me.
"Sorry, I'll be busy, I have to study for a test." I said.
"Oh, the biology one, I'd forgotten – so you want me to come over?" he asked with a small smile.
'I don't know," I said. Then Alice came into the room.
"We better get going. Thanks for dropping her off." I said to Edward.
I led Alice out of the house and over to my truck. We got in and I drove off as quickly as possible.
"So Alice do you like to read, I know this great book store down---" she interrupted me.
"Look Bella if you want you could drop me off somewhere, I know you only volunteered to be nice," she said
I pulled over at the side of the road and looked at her. Is that how I came off?
"No," I said. "That's not why I asked you. I actually wanted to do this. Is that what you think of me, because that's not the impression I was trying to give off. I just wanted you to welcome you to the town." I defended myself. I leaned my head down my head on the steering wheel. I started to cry.
"Bella, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you I just wanted to be honest with, unlike Edward" she said the last part under her breath but I heard her.
I looked at her with my head still on the wheel, "What did you say?"
"Nothing" she tried to play it off my looking away.
"What do you mean Edward's not being honest with me?" I asked her in a more firm voice.
"Look it's not my business to tell; when he's ready he'll let you know. Look Bella, Edward is my best friend and I care about him, just don't push him okay. Only bad things will come of it."
I frowned. I should give him his space. She was right but I still didn't understand, "Why didn't he ever mention you?" I asked.
She looked a little hurt by my question; it didn't faze me because we were being honest.
"Bella, I'm apart of the past that Edward isn't proud of." She said with cloudy eyes.
"What does that mean?" I said confused.
"You have to talk to him about that." She said
I looked away and out of the windshield. What was Edward not telling me? I wish he would just let go and trust me. It's not like I would tell anyone. I don't have any friends these days.
"Okay," I simply said, "I guess I just have to wait till he's ready." I said not really wanting believe what I said.
"Look how about we start over, Hi, I'm Alice." She said reaching out to shake my hand.
I shook her hand and said, "It's nice to meet you Alice, I'm Bella."
"Hey Bella do you know any dance clubs to go to," she said with a sparks in her eyes.
"Yeah, actually I do. How about a girls night out? Me, you, Rose another on of my friends?" I asked her with an idea.
"Yeah, except I have no clothes for the occasion…" she said with a sad look.
"Well, I guess we could go shopping…" I said looking down.
"Rose could take you shopping and I'll meet up with you guys later, don't worry it'll be fun."I said.
So I drove to the Cullen's house; Rose was there hanging out with Emmett. We went inside and saw Emmett and Rose making out on the couch. Gross.
"Uh hate to interrupt but um, Rose?" I said tapping her on the shoulder.
"What?" she said irritated. There's my cousin.
"Do you want to have a girls night out with me and Alice?" I asked her.
"Yeah, that'd be fun; I haven't been out dancing since prom." She said.
"Babe, prom was a couple of days ago." Emmett said.
"I know that dipswitch!" Rosalie said.
"Well I want to go." Emmett said to her.
"No, it's a girls night out you can't come," Alice said.
He stood up and walked into the kitchen with a pout on his face.
"Baby!" I called after him laughing.
"Okay well I'm in whenever you guys want to go." Rose said
"Good okay um, go shopping with Alice and meet be back at the house, I'm going to go see if Leah wants to come." I said
"Cool, c'mon Alice let's go find some kickass outfits." Rose said. They made their way out to her BMW.
EPOV
I was sitting in my room, wallowing in self pity. I know I've been acting like an ass since Alice got here. But I just don't know how to apologize to Bella without telling her the whole truth. She's been pushing me away because I put her under the impression that I don't trust her. This isn't true at all. I do trust her. I just don't want to hurt her like I hurt _____. I'm trying to protect her.
'Protect her from the monster that you are.' The cold voice said.
I actually agreed with the voice. I felt like a monster. After I did that to _____, I couldn't escape what I became. No amount of pills or group sessions will erase what I did. If Bella knew, she wouldn't look at me the same. She wouldn't want me anymore. I'm being so selfish by not telling her the truth.
'You know she's not safe with you. The day you stopped taking your pills, is the day you put her in danger.' She said.
I know what I have to do.
BPOV
I almost always get lost every time I go to La Push; usually Jacob or Leah has to walk me through. I lived here most of my life and I still don't know my way around completely. I called Leah so she could direct me to her house.
"Hello," Leah's brother Seth answers.
"Hey Seth, its Bella which road do I take to get to your house again?" I ask
"Haha, always getting lost. You take Willow to get to our house." Oh willow, right. I should write it down.
"Thanks Seth tell your sister I'll be there in a minute." I told him
"Okay." We hung up and I took Willow road down to their house.
There house was a two story three bedroom house. I knocked on the door and was greeted by Sue Clearwater, Leah and Seth's mother.
"Bella, what brings you down to La Push," she said and let me into the house.
"Oh nothing, I'm just going to kidnap your daughter for a girls night out on the town," I said and made my way up the stairs to Leah's room.
"Have fun," she called after me.
I passed Seth up in the hallway he stopped me before I knocked on Leah's door.
"Hey Bella, Leah and Jacob had a fight so, you're her friend I thought you should know. Try to cheer her up she's been in there for the last couple of days." He said sadly.
I nodded and went into Leah's room. I heard her sniffling; she was lying on her bed with a quart of ice cream watching some sappy daytime soap opera. Jeez what did he do to her.
"Leah? What's wrong?" I asked her
She looked up at me with red rimmed eyes and then started crying all over again. I went over to her and gave her tight hug. She hugged be back and kept crying. After a while she stopped and told me what was wrong.
"You know how Emily and Sam are getting married right," I nodded, she continued.
"Well they finally set a day fro some time in December; and now Emily wants me to be her Bride's maid and Jacob is Sam's best man." She said with a smile.
"I was talking to Jacob about how excited I was to be in a wedding. I guessed about helping with the food, decorations and the reception party, and he jus t blew up in my face." She said sadly.
"He acted tense. He said 'who cares about weddings anyway, their stupid. Its just a way for a women to trap a man into become her slave' and I was shocked about how he felt. I thought he was being childish and that with time he wouldn't feel like that anymore, so I left it alone. Then I went with him to get his tux and I said something that freaked him out. I said 'Wow, you'll look just as handsome on our wedding day." She said angrily
I urged her to continue.
"He blew up at me again and said ' I don't want to marry you, ever,' I thought he was playing around like always, until I saw the serious look on his face. I guess he felt that I was trying to pressure him I not marrying me or something. I would never do that. What I said before was just a thought I don't know if I meant it or not it was just a thought. After that he just got in his car and left me there." She said with a voice filled with hurt.
She had stopped crying now and just ate more of the vanilla ice cream she had in her lap.
"Leah, look you can't do anything about that now. Just give him some space and let him cool off. Just don't worry so much," I said, when really I should be taking my own advice.
"I don't know Bella; I think I really screwed up. He probably hates me." She said.
"No sweetie of course he doesn't hate you, he's just a little freaked out right now." I said.
She looked down at the ice cream and sniffled some more.
"Look I know the perfect way you can let this go, take things off your mind. Come have girls nigh tout with me." I told her
She looked up at me and said, "I don't know Bella, what if he calls and I'm not here."
"Then too bad, he should've called sooner. And if he does call then you'll know he wants to talk to you. He'll just have to wait till tomorrow." I told her
She looked down still unsure.
"Look we'll go out, have some fun and relax; just us girls, no guys." I told her.
HOME
Me and Leah went up stairs to my room to find Alice and Rosalie laying out clothes on my bed.
I'm so glad Leah agreed to go out with us, we were all going to let go and have some fun. I think we all needed it today.
"Hey Alice, this is my friend Leah." I told Alice. When she looked at Leah she had a frown on her face; she went over to her and hugged her.
"It's nice to meet you Leah, and don't worry he'll call." Alice said.
"How did you know," I heard Leah say from Alice's shoulder.
"It's okay honey. We're going to have fun tonight." She said.
Rosalie gave me a look like 'what's going on?' and I gave her a look, 'don't worry about it.'
Rosalie was like Leah's best friend and I know if she knew what Jacob did, she would go crazy. I think its better not to say anything.
Leah borrowed a cute outfit from Rosalie. She wore a black mini skirt and a cute purple blouse. Rose wore a red tank top and some black skinny jeans. Alice bought herself a cute black strapless dress above the knee. I went to my closet to get a shirt and some jeans.
"No Bella we bought you're your outfit." Alice told me. And I saw Rosalie jumping up and down.
"Huh? You spent money on me? You didn't have to do that." I protested.
"No Bella it's not problem, it's the least I could do since you know…" Alice said looking down a little embarrassed.
"Don't worry Bella your going to like what Alice picked out," Rosalie said.
They threw the outfit at me and pushed me into the bathroom. I looked at the out it was a midnight mini dressed that could be worn as a shirt and a pair of grey skinny jeans. I'll wear my black flats with these. I out on a little make up and went back to my room.
"Damn Bella you look hot!" Leah said with a new mood.
I laughed.
"Yeah, Edward would have a heart attack if he saw you," Alice said. I blushed.
We went out to a teenage club we know in Port Angeles in Rose's Red BMW.
We got in and grabbed some drinks and a table. We sat down and started talking about random things. Then a song came on and all went to the dance floor.
'In a black dress, with the tights underneath, I've got the last breath of a cigarette on my teeth.'
"OMG! I love this song!" Leah screamed.
We all started dancing to the beat shaking our bodies to the music.
'And she's a actress, but she ain't got no meat; she's got money from her parents and a trust fund back east.'
We were all letting go and getting loose. I'm so glad I thought of this, all of us really needed to get out and have some fun.
I was focusing on not falling when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and met a pair of light blue eyes. There was a tall guy around my age maybe a little older, he had dark hair and a cute smile.
"Do you want to dance?" he asked me.
"Oh, no I'm fine," I said
"Yes you are, c'mon just one dance," he said and held out his hand.
I rolled my eyes and said "Fine," only if it'll get him to leave me alone.
I looked over at my friends. Alice looked a little weary but said, "Go a head, we'll be over here," she pointed to our table.
We started dancing and the guy put his hands on my hips. I moved his hands so they were on my back.
"I don't you so let's not get too personal." I said. He must have done like that because he pulled me closer and whispered in my ear in time with the song.
"Shush girl, shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips." He said as the song was booming.
I tried to move away from him to give our bodies some space. He pulled me even closer.
"I said shush girl shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips." He said again
This time I backed away and started walking towards our table. He grabbed my arm.
"I'm warning you, let go of me" I said calmly and loud enough so he could hear me over the music.
He started pulling me closer to him again. But instead I shoved the heel of my other hand into his nose. He let go and backed off to the other side of the room. I went back to our table to see Alice's mouth open.
I closed her jaw and said, "Careful Alice, you'll catch flies."
She laughed, "Whoa Bella, where did you learn how to do that?" she asked me.
"Oh, Emmett taught me some defense mechanisms." I told her.
"Awesome." She said.
We danced some more then we all got tired.
When we got out side of the club I saw Jacob and his red Rabbit car in the parking lot waiting for Leah.
"Hey Leah, look who's here" Rose said to her.
Leah looked at Jacob with sad hurtful eyes. Jacob looked at her pleading ones.
"I guess this is way of apologizing." She said.
"Wait Rose come with me, I don't want to be alone with him right now." Leah said.
"Sure, Bella can you drive my car back?" She asked.
"Yeah sure." I said
I drove Alice all the way back to the Cullen house. I went inside with her.
I need to make this right.