A/N: okay so I recently got a review that made me smile. If I could help people through my writing then I'll die a happy girl. But seriously people this is all dramatized. And this isn't really a love story. It's mostly about life and its hardships. When you can't think for yourself and you rely on other people to make the decisions for you or let people stir you to another direction, then you know you need to make some life changes. The main characters of my story have their own issues they have to deal with themselves. I hope as my characters progress they'll figure out how to make their own decisions by listening to their hearts not a silly guilty conscience or voice in their head.

Again sorry if I offended anyone with my plot, if you don't like the story you are welcome to drop it.

Oh &&& I own nothing, SM does.

EPOV

It's been 3 days, I think. I don't know how long I've been in here. All I know is that I'm all alone. Emmett and Alice hate me because I broke up with Bella. And every time I think of Bella's expression when I broke up with her I cry like a little baby. All I know is that I hurt her really bad. I just wanted her to be safe, away from me. I had to be harsh in order for her to be safe. And I know how that sounds.

If Bella knew about my past, what I did, she wouldn't want to be with me. She'd think I was a monster. I never meant to hurt Tanya. It all got out of control. I loved her.

'If you loved me you wouldn't have hurt me.'

It's like this dark side of me took control of my body and just let out all the anger. I got jealous and obsessive of Tanya. I wanted to protect her from all the bad things of the world and at the same time I wanted no one to have her but me.

X Flashback x

Group Session

"Hi I'm Edward," I said.

"Hi Edward," Everyone chimed

I was a silent for a while and then the doctor urged me to continue.

"I'm because I beat my girlfriend and put her in a coma," I said. I closed my eyes. I didn't want see the judgmental stares everyone was giving me.

I felt some one grab my hand. I opened my eyes to see Alice's small hand in mine. She looked at me with encouraging eyes.

"Edward, we're not here to judge we're here to listen," she whispered.

She held my hand tightly trying to give me some much needed confidence to continue.

"When we first started going out, we were happy. And then our friend started hanging around us becoming our third wheel. It was getting on my nerves so I told him to give us our space. HE got upset and started hanging with my girlfriend...you know just the two of them. If felt like cheating to me. I told her I didn't like him and I didn't want her hanging with him anymore. She got mad and tried to leave so I twisted her arm and pushed her against the wall. I was really angry so I kicked her in the back. After that I hit her a couple of times. Then one night…she wanted to break up with me and she punched me in the face and then all I remember is my hands being bloody and she was unconscious on the floor." I said with tears in my eyes.

Alice's grip on my hand remained tight. I couldn't believe that after what I just revealed to the group that she wasn't running out of the room screaming, 'MONSTER'. Just like the voice in my head keeps screaming.

Xxx

There's one thing the voice said that I don't understand.

"What did you mean when you said, I took the easy way out?" I asked

'Instead of having the balls, you hurt your precious girlfriend.'

"at least she's safe, what do expect me to do? Show her how I'm a monster?" I said

'no, you idiot. I expect you to be a man and take responsibility. Stop running away from your problems.' She said.

I was silent.

'do I have to spell it out for you? You could have told her the truth.' The voice said.

"Why on earth would I do that?"

'I bet she'd respect you more if you told her the truth, just like Alice' she said.

Then the door bell rang.

I was hoping it was Bella when I opened the door I was surprised to see none other than the voice in my head…Tanya.

"Edward I finally found you." She yelled and threw her arms around me.

She kissed me. I felt right and wrong at the same time but I kissed her back.

I invited her inside and we sat in the living room. She told me how she was on her way back to Oakland from visiting her sister in Alaska. She told me she was here for an appointment with Carlisle about her amnesia.

Amnesia. That means she doesn't remember much. I guess she doesn't remember what I did to her. I really want it to stay like that but that voice in my head said, 'Be a man Edward, take responsibility for your actions.'

"Tanya, um Carlisle is out with his wife right now," I said awkwardly.

"Well, that's okay. Now that I found you, we really need to talk," she said.

"Okay," I said.

"Why did you leave after my accident?" she asked.

"Well it's complicated," I said looking down.

"Well, uncomplicate it." She said.

"Tanya, how much do you remember before your accident." I asked her.

She looked past me with a far away look in her eye. I guess she was trying to remember before.

"To tell you the truth, not much. I only remember snippets of you from my dreams."

I looked at her sadly, I did that.

'Fix it.' The voice said.

I ran my hand through her now short blond hair. I felt something hard at the back of her head.

"Oh, they had to put a metal plate in my head. The guy that did this to me did a number huh." She said with a hint of anger in her voice.

"It was so weird because know that we're dating but Demetri told me that he and I were together. I think he's trying to break us up." She said looking to the side.

She took her hand and placed in on my cheek. The bruise Emmett left was slowly going away.

TPOV

Edward had a faint bruise on his face near his nose. I wish I could make it go away. I distinctly remember him having a bruise similar to this…

"Tanya, I have to talk to you about what happened before the 'Accident' which wasn't an accident," he said.

He looked down sadly like he didn't really want to tell me.

"Look whatever it is, I'm here to listen" I told him.

"You were attacked," he said slowly.

"Thank you captain obvious, look Edward just please get to the point, I'm ready." I said a little impatiently. I took his hand to encourage him.

"Okay, when we were going out, I um, well I got a little obsessive of you and I started to..." I squeezed his hand trying to give him confidence. I wasn't really sure what he was trying to tell me but…

"Started to what?" I asked him

"Lets just say I wasn't the best boyfriend" he said

"Edward stop being coy with me and tell me the truth. All thru this trip I've been lied to and everyone seems to be side stepping the truth, so just say it. Please I need to know why you left." I told him

"Your not going to like this. But after your accident some doctors took some tests on me and I found out that I'm Bi Polar. I checked my self into a facility to deal with my problems. To deal with what I did." He said looking down.

"What did you do?" I asked and squeezed his hand.

I looked into his green eyes to see tears. I was shocked so I pulled him into a hug. I didn't want him to be sad.

"Edward, what's wrong, your scaring me please just tell me." I said.

He bearded his face into my neck still crying.

"I'm so sorry Tanya. I never truly meant to hurt you. Ever. I never meant for this to happen. I was just angry at you because you said you wanted to break up. Something just took over and I started hitting you and I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop…" he said into my shoulder.

What? What did he mean by he couldn't stop? What was he saying?

I pushed him away from me and stood up way too fast. I started to get dizzy. He looked up at me, tears still in his eyes.

I backed away from him and screamed, "What did you do to me?"

I backed up a couple more steps and fainted…

Dream/ Flashback

"Tanya, why were you at the library talking to Demetri? I thought we agreed you weren't going to be friends with him anymore." Edward said.

"Uhh…we had to meet for a school project. And I never decided not to be friends with him. You just assumed since you didn't like him that I would stop talking to him. And Why are you following me?" I said with anger in my voice.

"I don't want you to see him anymore. And I heard what you were saying. You can't leave me." he said

" I'm sorry Edward, this is getting more and more complicated. I think we shouldn't see each other anymore. Since the last couple months, its been painful, physical and emotionally."

"What are you talking about, I would never hurt you."

I rose my shirt over my stomach to show a big long scar, and rose my shirt sleeve to show multiple bruises. He looked terrified at me.

"There are more I can show you, there's a bruise on my neck that you left yesterday. Oh and a gashes on my legs when you kicked me."

"Those were all accidents, and you know it. You made me angry. You made me do it."

I punched him in the face. His nose is bleeding. He looked at me confused. "What'd you do that for?"

"You made me do that, you made me angry. I'm so sorry Edward, it was accident" I say in a mocking tone. "That's how you sound. Ridiculous. Please leave. I don't want to see you anymore."

"What?" he yelled and lunged toward me.

Then I woke up. I remember…everything.

EPOV

I stared at the ceiling of my room. Tanya was in Carlisle's office talking about me.

I did it again. I hurt her. I didn't try to. But the look on her face I knew I did it again. I never meant to hurt her.

'it doesn't matter what you meant to happen. It just did. You have no control over it.'

The voice in my head is starting to confuse me. I don't understand her. She sounds like Tanya. Not the sweet one I fell for.

The voice was angry and hurt. She deserves to sound like that. Its all my fault.

I can't do anything right.

Why?

I messed up everything with Tanya.

'let's not forget Bella.'

That's different. I was protecting her.

'From what?'

Me. I'm a monster.

…

"Who are you talking to?"

I hadn't realized I was speaking a lot until Emmett asked.

"What?" I sat up and looked at him. I hope if I played dumb he would just ignore me.

"You were speaking to yourself," he said quietly.

"No I wasn't."

'Yes you were'

"Shut up." I said aloud

Emmett looked at me confused. I forgot he wasn't the one who spoke.

'Monster.'

Stop I thought

'abuser'

'Jerk'

Stop

'Do you remember the bruises Edward?'

Please

'I hate you'

…

'Bella hates you'

Don't

"Edward what's going on?" he asked his voice thick with concern.

'Edward's going crazy that what' she said loud this time, then she started to laugh.

"Stop it." I said and looked past Emmett, not really staring at anything.

Emmett turned around expecting to see someone there and then he looked back at me confused.

The laughs in my head started to get louder and louder and louder and I couldn't tune it out.

"Stop it." I repeated.

"STOP IT!" I yelled.

She kept laughing.

"Ahhhh Get Outta My Head" I screamed and started hitting my self in the head trying to make the voice stop.

"Edward." Emmett said.

I looked up at him this time my eyes were getting teary. I got up and ran past him down the stairs out the front door to where my car was parked.

I started the car and drove as far away from the house I could. I didn't know where I was going until I got there.

I knocked on the door and when the person I wanted to see opened the door the voices stopped.

BPOV

I woke up early in the morning and decided to clean out my room and closet. Ugh after cleaning under the bed I noticed how every surface of my room was dusty. Disgusting. I decided to clean everything. I cleaned off my dresser and re organized my clothes (I noticed some of my clothes are very old and don't really fit anymore (hrm, I guess I'll mention that to Alice). I cleaned my closet getting rid of some old worn shoes and other crap that was crowding my closet. At the back of my closet I found an old painting of mine.

Wow, I remember this. I painted it the summer before third grade. It was a painting of La Push. I remember liking art. I guess I lost interest in after middle school.

I headed into the bathroom and looked around. Ew.

I had to scrub and mop every inch of my bathroom with hot water and anti bacteria soap.

It took a lot of work but by the 3:00 I was done.

I started washing the window in my room when I noticed a car in my driveway.

I went downstairs to greet Emmett. (A/N: Emmett is visiting Bella the night after Edward's incident w/ Alice)

He looked troubled.

I let him into the house he looked up at me sadly.

"Emmett what's wrong?" I asked him.

"Bella I'm going to tell you something…I just need you to listen okay," she said while looking at me with weary eyes.

I nodded for him to continue.

"Promise me you'll stay away from Edward." He simply said.

"What?" I said with agitation in my voice. He can't tell me hat to do.

"Promise," he demanded.

I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Why?" I asked him

"He's dangerous and not good for you," he said and stood up. He balled and unballed his fists.

I stood up too and pointed my right index finger and poked him in his chest and looked up at him with defiance in my hands.

"No. I will do what I please okay. You may act like my big bother but you can't tell me what to do. If I wanna see whoever, I will. I'm tied of everyone treating me like a kid. Do this don't do that. No Bella. I don't need you to hold my hand. I don't need Edward either okay. I'm fine just being me. And if he can't see that, then I wouldn't want to be with him anyway." I said.

I turned around and let the tears fall freely.

Emmett must have heard my sniffles because he turned me around and gave me one of his famous back braking hugs.

He sat me down on the couch and I cried on his shoulder. Just like old times when someone made fun of me or hurt my feelings.

I was confused why I was crying about Edward in the first place. Yeah he hurt me. But I didn't know what the reason was behind the break up. He said it was because he was "wasting his time". I was conflicted because apart of me now thought it was about his condition. My heart just wants to use that excuse and hope that Edward will be Edward again and want to hold my hand like we did a couple weeks ago. But then my brain comes in with its logic and says: Bella you don't even know who Edward is.

Boys suck!

After I stopped crying Emmett left and I went back to my chores

When Rosalie and Charlie got home dinner was done, the laundry was washed and I was already asleep.

I was worn out from today's events that I just crashed.

Dream

Me and Edward were sitting in his room listening to music. I brought over the new Radiohead CD In Rainbows; I wanted him to listen to the song 15 step.

-I decided to just go with the dream and bask in this bliss with Edward. To ignorantly forget about our break up in reality.

"What do you want to listen to next?" he asked me.

"Umm, I brought Radiohead's new CD." I said with a smile.

"Nahh, how about Coldplay." He said already turning to put the cd in.

I sniffed and said playfully, "Radiohead is so much better than Coldplay."

"No. Coldplay is better." He said annoyed,

"Radiohead." I said.

"Coldplay," he said bitterly

"Radiohead."

"Coldplay" his voice rising.

"Sucks eggs," I said and started to laugh.

And then I felt it. Before I even registered what happened I felt the blood come from my split lip and landed on my shirt.

Edward back handed me.

"You made me do it Bella," he raised his hand to slap me again…

I woke up sweaty in a sitting position breathing hard.

When my breathing slowed to normal I went to the bathroom. I splashed my self with water turned off the faucet and looked at myself in the mirror.

My eyes had circles under them. I looked in the mirror to see a figure behind me when I saw Edward's green eyes.

He came into full view smiled then pushed my head forcibly to the mirror.

Then I woke up screaming.