I think it's time for a disclaimer, in case my last one wore off. All that's mine in this story is Cammy, her past, and I guess any AU routes I take with the story, which will be happening eventually.

Thank you, everyone, for reading! Hope you're enjoying.

Oh, FYI, this chapter may be a little gross.

Chapter Twenty

In the morning, it was clear to me. Sun. Who had found us a bitter equivalent of toothpaste? Who had found the eucalyptus for Shannon, thereby saving her life?

The question was; would she agree with what I was doing? I had no idea what views on abortion were like in, erm, Korea? See, I didn't even know where she was from. But she always seemed nice, even if her husband was pretty damn grouchy sometimes. Wary as I was of letting a third person in on my secret, I knew absolutely nothing about pacific island medicinal botany. There had to be something on this island that would kill the not-baby inside me. It was just a matter of finding it.

She was working in her garden, as usual, when I approached. But her husband was there as well. I frowned. They both looked up at me expectantly.

"Could I, um, talk to your wife in private?"

I doubted the words mattered, he understood my intention from body language and tone. He shrugged, smiled, and dropped the seeds he'd been planting back into their little container.

As he walked away, Sun looked at me quizzically.

"I know you can't understand me very well," I started "but I need your help. I have a problem. A medical problem. Something Jack can't help me with."

She nodded as though willing me to go on, but comprehension didn't show on her face.

I took a deep breath, wondering whether it even mattered. The words that were so hard to let slip would probably mean nothing to her. "I'm pregnant."

She gasped, She understood. Oh shit. And how'd she understand?"

"How pregnant are you?" She asked, in plain English.

"I can't believe you speak English! Why did you lie to us all this time, things would have been so much easier if-"

"My husband does not know. And if you want me to help you, you will not ever tell him or anyone else."

I nodded instantly, before the curiosity hit me. Why couldn't he know? That was pretty unusual.

"So, how pregnant are you, Cammy?" She said, and though her tone was kind I thought I caught a hint of disapproval in it.

"A little over a month."

"We've been on this island a little over a month."

"It's not. From on the island, I mean. Just before we left Sydney."

"And what do you need me for? Why can't Jack help?"

"Jack knows. But . . . he doesn't know how to get rid of it."

Her eyes bugged. "That's what you want to do?"

"I've thought about it a lot, and that's definitely what I want to do."

"Couldn't you wait until we get rescued?"

"No. I don't want to wait another day. Please, Sun, I need it gone."

She nodded curtly, but when her voice next came it was bitter and almost a little angry. She was looking down. "Sure. I have some books in my luggage on medicinal plants. I will look through them and try to find something for you. You were right to ask, I'm sure there's something on this island that will . . . take care of it."

"Sun, what's wrong? Does this . . . does it go against your beliefs?"

"I am not very religious, Cammy. But," she looked into my eyes with an almost pleading look. "I have been trying to get pregnant for a long time. And here, you have a baby you do not want. It's sad, it's wasteful, but it's your choice."

"I'm so sorry, Sun. I really do have to do this."

"Then I will help you. Whatever it is, it will probably be hard to find and might take a while to prepare, but I should have it for you by tomorrow or the day after."

"Thank you, Sun! So much."

She nodded again and ducked her head back to her garden. I turned to leave. "Cammy. I am not doing this because you deserve to have your mistakes wiped away. You have been irresponsible, and you should not get to just get rid of the problem and pretend nothing ever happened. I am doing this because my hopes of being rescued are starting to die. And this island is no place for a baby. Another baby, that is."

I nodded, tears starting to build in my eyes at her harshness. If only you knew, I thought, and ached to tell her how I hadn't been irresponsible, how I was the fucking victim. But Jack knowing, that was more than enough. I'd never wanted a single soul to know.

I almost skipped back to the beach, excited to tell Sawyer that a solution had come so quickly. But it was Jack I ran into. For someone who so strongly advocated for the caves, and lived there, he was at the beach a lot. I suspected it was because of Kate. I was actually grinning, and he looked at me funnily for it.

"What's got you so happy?"

"Sun!" then I realized Jack didn't know she could speak English. Shit. I'd have to be careful with her secret. "I managed to communicate to her what the problem is, and she's going to make me some crazy herbal solution!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Wow. Okay. Um, I think she knows what she's doing, and if she says she can fix your . . . problem, then I guess that's good."

"It's excellent." I beamed, before continuing my run towards the beach. I left Jack on the barely-there path, looking a bit speechless.

I hoped Sawyer would be awake, it was about eleven but he'd been known to sleep nearly all day, before. He wasn't. He was sitting outside his tent, reading a book, when I came to a sudden stop. I doubled over a bit, panting. I'd full-out ran the last bit of distance.

"Hi." He said, surprised.

"Hi!" I said back.

"What has you so . . . Jesus Christ, Cammy are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Look at your leg!"

I looked. Blood was trickling down my skin from my shorts.

"Holy crap."

"Is that your . . ." he was cut off as the bleeding increased. Definitely not period-current flow.

"It's the baby. Fetus. Something's wrong with it."

"You stay here, I'm going to get Jack."

"I just saw him, on the path towards the cave."

As Sawyer ran off, I sat down in the sand. "Oh my god, oh my god, what's wrong?" I said to my tummy. Then I caught myself. This was exactly what I wanted. Didn't this mean it might've miscarried? That I might be rid of it? But I couldn't be happy at those thoughts, all I could do was sit there and rock back and forth a bit, and wait.

They crashed through the trees quickly, Jack immediately running over to me.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine. A little nauseous, maybe a little light-headed. But fine, mostly."

I half-expected him to pull out a stethoscope and listen to my heartbeat. All he did was sit back on the balls of his feet and look at me.

"You're going to want supplies. Pads, that is."

"I think there're some in the stash. Maybe." Sawyer went off to rummage.

"Jack? What's happening to me?"

"I think you just miscarried. But I can't be sure. Women bleed during pregnancy sometimes and it doesn't necessarily mean the fetus is dead."

"But, probably?"

"When it's early like this . . . probably. Yeah. Did you have morning sickness today?"

"Yes."

He paused. "Cammy, did you do something? Something stupid that might have brought this about?"

"No. Nothing. I got up, puked, talked to Sun, and came straight here."

"About that, why here?"

"What?"

"When Sawyer came to get me, he said 'It's Cammy. Something's wrong with the pregnancy.' He knew, Cammy. Why'd you tell him?"

"Because I thought he might have something in his stash that'd kill it."

Jack glared at me as Sawyer returned, unopened box of maxipads in hand. I felt my cheeks heat up as he dropped them in the sand beside me. The two men just sat there, looking at me, for a while. "I feel okay. This is a good thing."

Jack nodded, Sawyer was still. "Jack? What . . . what happens now?" I asked quietly

He didn't reply for a minute. "Cammy, you should know that right now, the fetus isn't even as big as you pinkie fingernail."

"Fingernail?" I looked at my pinkie. "That's really small."

"Yep. Over the next few days, the placenta will work its way out. You'll barely notice it. Whatever you do, don't try to look for the fetus, okay? It's just a couple of cells, it's nothing. Treat the next week like a normal period."

I wondered if that was possible, before nodding. Then I got up, gingerly, and went over to my tent. There weren't many people on the beach today, they were at the latest golf tournament. I grabbed some fresh clothes and stuffed the pads into a backpack, before heading towards the caves yet again.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." I called to Sawyer and Jack, who might have been in conversation, I wasn't sure.

"Wait!" Jack called back, and he and Sawyer exchanged a few more words, before Sawyer jogged over to me.

"Doc says you shouldn't be alone, especially trekking through the jungle. You might pass out or somethin'."

"So you're coming with me?" I asked, a bit shy, still embarrassed over my feminine medical condition.

"Yep. You could probably use the company, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess so."We started walking. "Thanks. You're right, I don't want to be alone."

"Because you're scared of bleeding to death, or because you're afraid of having to think about what just happened? What probably happened."

"Both. I can't believe . . . it just died. I didn't have to do anything at all, it just gave up."

"Maybe it could feel how much you hated it, how much you wanted it gone." Sawyer offered.

"Oh my God." I said, tears suddenly dropping from my eyes. "Do you think so?"

"Honey, remember, you did hate it. This is good."

"It was just an innocent little clump of cells! Wasn't its fault its father was a bastard! All it wanted was for me to be its mother, and I hated it and willed it away until it gave up and died." I was nearly hysterical, now, having a hard time walking and breathing steadily.

"Whoa, whoa, no. Cammy, no. That's bullshit, I'm sorry I said it. It happens a lot, Cammy. To women who love what's growing inside them and would do anything to protect it. It doesn't matter that you hated it, it wouldn't have made it under any circumstances. Maybe part of the problem is that you're too young, your body isn't ready to mother anything. Or maybe it's the crappy island diet. Maybe the fetus didn't like mangoes. It could be any number of things, but it's not your fault."

I nodded, putting my hands on my hips and trying to calm down. I tried to listen to his words and breathe steadily, but my chest was constricting. I managed to take the few steps to sit on a fallen log.

"Cammy? You alright?" Sawyer asked, looking terrified.

"Asthma."

"What? Like Shannon? I didn't know . . . "

"It didn't matter, I haven't had an attack in years."

"You don't have medicine for it, then?"

"Don't you think" –deep, wheezing breath- "I would have given it to her when she needed it?"

"Okay, then, the eucalyptus Sun found."

"There's lots of it" –wheeze- "at the caves. Too far."

"I'll go and get some."

"No. Stay." I said with such force that he instantly sat down beside me.

"What can I do?" He asked.

"Talk to me." I slid my butt off the log onto the ground, so that I was leaning against the mossy wood. I put my head in my hands and breathed.

"About what?"

"Anything. About Emily Bauer, about where you went after Athens, Georgia, anything."

"Okay, uh," scared. "After Athens I went to New Orleans, actually. I was there about three or four months, the family was alright. But then I turned sixteen, and booked it. Never talked to another social services worker again. It was easy to avoid them, I just moved around a lot. And learned how to be a conman."

I could do this, I knew I could. I forced the tears to dry up and concentrated on his words.

"At first I was determined to find Emily, and I probably could have, but by the time I was seventeen, another obsession completely took me over. Finding Sawyer."

I didn't acknowledge that I was listening, I hoped he'd continue, and explain.

"When I was six years old, a conman goin' by the name of Sawyer came and charmed my mother, tricked her into givin' him nearly all my daddy's money. When good ol' dad found out about it all, he took a shotgun and-" he looked at me. "Sorry, this story's probably a bit too exciting. You're trying to get a grip, this can't be helping." He was in a panic, speaking quickly and not looking away from me.

"No, it's fine. Tell me more. Please."

"Alright. So, my father killed my mom and then himself, leaving me in the hands of the wonderful foster system, with only a name. Sawyer. And if we flash forward to when I was seventeen, well, finding him and killing him was all I could think about."

My chest was loosening up, and though blood was starting to trickle down my leg again, I was calming down. "Did you find him?"

"I spent eighteen years tryin' sweetheart. Of course, I made a fair bit of money as well, conned a lotta people. And after years of no new leads, when it seemed I'd never find this guy, what I thought was a reliable source told me to go to Australia. Gave me a real name and told me where to find him. And I went there and I shot him. And as he was dying, he told me he had no idea who I was. I'd been conned into killing him, because my source back in the states wanted him dead. So, Cammy, no. I never did find him. But as soon as we get back to the States, I'm picking up where I left off."

My breathing was under control now, but I feared that opening my eyes or trying to stand would relapse me back into the asthma attack. I could talk, though. "Eighteen years. You started when you were seventeen." I paused to regain even breath. "You're old. You're thirty-five."

He chuckled. "Yes, darlin' yes I am. That's what I been trin' to tell you!"

"I don't care. It doesn't matter." I paused. "And that was another really sad story. You should be one emo motherfucker by now, with a life like that." I said honestly.

He burst out laughing. "Something tells me your life so far hasn't been all ponies and daffodils, Thursday."

That sobered me up. "No, I guess not."

"Tell me about it. We'll compare sob stories and be emo together."

"My story isn't nearly as sad as yours."

"I still want to hear it."

I grimaced. "All of it?"

"Al of it."

So I told him.

*********

Don't worry, that isn't a summary. Next chapter she tells him everything. Some things we know already, some things we don't.

Please review! Tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what I should do differently next chapter, anything! I listened to you guys on the past-tense-versus-present-tense thing! I live on reviews.

Hope the brief medical stuff didn't squick you out too badly! I'm trying to minimize it and do it as tactfully (un-squickfully) as possible.