This Light, The Will of the Heart, I See

"No matter what the risks, please, be careful. Do not add to the suffering the Soul Society will experience." –Unohana Retsu

NOTE: This is the second revision of this fanfic. If you have been reading it before, ya might wanna go back through an' look through it again…

Inspiration: None.

Chapter Rating: M

Spoiler Warnings: None that I can think of.

Chapter Warnings: LEMON! It's labeled. I rewrote it; methinks it's more awesome now…

"These are normal thoughts."

These are thoughts that Sakana sends and receives.

This is one's Zanpakuto.

Chapter 4: Thoughts

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Feeling furious and depressed at the same time, Sakana left for Karakura Town. She needed time to think, to calm her nerves. Why did she snap at Toshiro like she did? What did Soifon mean; her hate and anger would consume her? So many questions, but so little time. All she wanted was to regain her reiryoku, get her Toshiro back, and live life as she used to; she wanted to live like a carefree captain again.

Sakana leapt from roof to roof, eventually landing on the roof of Ichigo's house. Maybe the substitute soul reaper could help her relax. Closing her eyes, she searched Ichigo's feelings and thoughts. Ichigo was pissed at his father, and exasperated on why he continued to beat on him like he did. Yuzu was trying to get her father to stop acting so crazy, and Karin was shaking her head and wondering why her father was such an idiot. Sakana grimaced; maybe hanging out with the orange-haired daiyouhin wasn't the best idea. With that, she went to the outskirts of the town.

Sakana lay down on the grassy hillside and gazed up at the clouds. She and Toshiro would sometimes lie on the roof of either her or his division and gaze at the clouds in a moment of peace. Sakana closed her eyes and let the gentle breeze wash over her. Her head was silent, which was a good thing. She wouldn't have to worry about anything disrupting her mind. She opened her eyes and moved over underneath a sakura tree. As the pink petals fell, she crossed her legs, made the tora seal, (1) and closed her eyes. She had to relax.

Yasurau…

Sakana took a few deep breaths. She had not tried to purposely seek a specific person's thoughts, but she was going to try now. She felt at ease now, but she didn't know how this would affect it.

As she concentrated, she felt something. No, someone. There was someone in her presence. She did not open her eyes, not wanting to see who the person was. Instead, she wanted to feel. Feel their emotions and read their thoughts. When she opened her eyes, she saw no one.

"Hmm?"

Sakana tilted her head; she had felt a reiatsu, albeit an oddly familiar one. When she looked around again, she saw a fox sitting near her feet. It reminded her of Gin, one of her other close friends.

Sakana had had a hard time believing that Gin had actually defected. She knew the true Gin; he was carefree and loved to drink and party, but not too much. He was very kind and loved his division and job. However, the others never could see the true Gin. Rangiku had been the only other one besides Izuru who had not branded the taichou as sneaky and illusive. They did not know the true Gin, or the real reason behind his smile. He lived life to the fullest and laughed often.

For some odd reason, the fox reminded her of Gin.

Slowly she reached out a hand to it, and it sniffed her hand before leaping at her. Sakana did not flinch as the fox attached itself to her, nuzzling her cheek.

"You're awfully sweet. I feel as if I know you." Sakana mumbled, petting the small fox. It was very tiny, but it did not seem like a pup. The fox let out a whine and looked her in the eyes. Even the expression reminded her of Gin.

"What's with that look?" Sakana asked, laughing. The fox whined and dove into the sleeves of her Shikakushou. She giggled as he squirmed before coming out with a box of pocky. The fox whined again, nudging it with its nose.

"…Oh, alright, Gin."

The fox looked at her, head tilted to one side. Almost exactly as Gin would have done. Sakana looked at the fox, an idea accumulating in her mind. Maybe… she could find out who this fox was and why she seemed to know it. She gently reached out, putting one hand on the fox's head. The fox's thoughts were jumbled, and she could not pick out a single one. Removing her hand from the fox's head, she smiled and opened a portal back to the world of the living.

The fox looked at her, and she looked back at it. 'Take me with you,' it seemed to say.

"sigh… fine, come on, Gin."

And with a happy squeak, the fox leapt through the portal.

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Sakana made sure there was nobody lingering around the division before she stepped inside and locked the office door. She deposited Gin on the ground, and he let out a half-bark, sniffing here and there.

"Gin! Come here!" Sakana called to the fox. The office was empty, because the taichou had loaned Kaihaku to Soifon for a few weeks. Gin ran up to her and leapt into her arms. Sakana hugged the fox to her and set him on the couch.

"Sit there." She told him as she went to her desk and began working on paperwork. The fox lounged on the sofa, looking much like a cute stuffed animal.

Suddenly, her office door slammed open and Sakana jumped; she knew she had locked her door. Her mouth fell open at Toshiro standing in front of her. His white hair was slightly untidy, and he was breathing heavily.

"Hitsugaya-kun, you scared the hell out of me!" Sakana exclaimed.

"I'm sorry. For everything, kaen-hime."

This made Sakana raise an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"I'm sorry for treating you like dirt. That blow to my head… it jarred my mind a little bit. It caused me to forget you. I'm so sorry." Toshiro said, hanging his head. Sakana stood up from her desk, her pen falling from her hand. Sadness came over her, but also a feeling of relief.

"Toshiro…" she whispered. She embraced the frosty taichou, resting her head on his shoulder. Tears fell from her eyes. "My Shiro-chan…"

"My memory may leave again tomorrow…" Toshiro muttered sadly, as he returned the hug. Sakana gently squeezed Toshiro to her.

"I don't care. As long as you still love me." She whispered. Toshiro gazed into Sakana's grey eyes.

"Of course I love you. I will always love you." He said.

Sakana felt Toshiro's grip tighten slightly around her, and she accepted it. She wanted this; needed this. She had been waiting for the moment. Before, when Toshiro had been acting so irrationally, she had not been sure. She had been torn between loving him and completely abandoning him. She felt Toshiro's heart pounding in his chest, and the feeling of fleeting fear rushing through him.

Sakana wanted to banish that fear and love him.

Before, when he had been lying in the fourth division, she had not been sure. She simply thought it was the drugs making him loopy. Now, she felt his oddly warm affection and love for her. His grip warmed her, both mentally and physically.

Toshiro gently cupped the girl's cheeks in his hands, bringing their lips together in a kiss. Sakana felt the intense heat pass through them, and she kissed back, her eyes fluttering closed. The raw passion between them gave the duo comfort. Toshiro then broke the fiery kiss, and Sakana whimpered in disappointment.

"Not here."

Toshiro gently picked up his flame princess and shunpo'ed out of the office, leaving a small storm of paperwork in his wake.

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Toshiro and Sakana arrived at his quarters. The rooms were slightly messy, with a few sake bottles and clothes littering the floor. However, the duo ignored the mess as Sakana kissed Toshiro again. She wanted to feel his love for her. She wanted the moment to last, for she had no idea how long it would last. Toshiro gently pushed Sakana onto his bed, landing on top of her. Their kiss deepened, the lust they shared racing through them. Toshiro broke the kiss once again, looking into Sakana's still grey eyes. Their color had started to return, but not by much.

"Sakana, if you don't want to… I'll understand…"

Sakana smiled at the frosty captain, knowing that Toshiro was still a little hesitant. She knew that he was worried that if they did, his memories would suddenly leave him again. She pulled him down for another kiss.

"Iie. I want this."

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Toshiro's lips moved to her collarbone, leaving an almost burning sensation as he kissed her delicate skin. Sakana shuddered from the feeling of Toshiro's tongue licking her smooth skin. She gripped Toshiro's shoulders, her breathing becoming shallow. Toshiro knew it was not from pain; her breathing was much different from when she was injured or ill. Excitement filled him as he licked a part on her neck that caused her breath to hitch. Her heart began to beat faster, and her eyes flickered. Toshiro knew that was a good response, and licked it again, causing Sakana to let out a soft squeak. At this, he chuckled; he had never heard her make such an adorable noise before. Toshiro gently sat Sakana up and pulled off her haori, throwing it somewhere in the room.

Toshiro's smooth hands ran down the front of her Shikakushou, but Sakana did not notice. He was keeping her busy by kissing her eyelids and her neck. Toshiro managed to pull off the top and bra and threw that too in a random direction. His lips moved down and kissed her neck.

"You're beautiful."

Sakana flushed. Toshiro had always admired her beauty; she always knew that. However, he had never said it out loud before. Toshiro made his way down to her breasts, licking one while massaging the other. Sakana's breath hitched again, and Toshiro smirked.

"Just let it all out, kaen-hime…"

As Toshiro licked her breast, Sakana arched her back. The feeling was incredible; she felt the heat from Toshiro's lips and she shuddered in pleasure again. It all just felt right. Her hands clasped the sky blue sheets as Toshiro continued his administrations. As one hand reached to pull them into another blinding kiss, the other brushed against the inside of her legs, causing her to jump slightly with another soft squeak.

"Heh…"

Sakana attempted to glare at him through lust-filled eyes, but failed. "What's so funny?"

"For as long as I have known you, you have never made a sound like that."

Sakana flushed. "So?"

"I think it's cute."

Sakana let out a growl, which did not sound too much like a growl at all.

"I'll make you eat those words."

Toshiro smirked and brushed his hand over the extremely sensitive area, and Sakana let out a squeal at the act. She bit her lip as Toshiro kissed her again, undoing the pale orange waistband.

"Don't hold back, kaen-hime."

Sakana felt so giddy. As his affection surrounded her, he pulled off the pants, leaving Sakana open to his touch. Sakana pulled at his waistband and he allowed her to undress him.

As soon as the offending garments were off, Toshiro went to work. As they took pleasure in the feeling of their hot skin touching each other, Toshiro continued to explore her body. He brushed his hand across her stomach, and she twitched, biting her lip. A smirk crossed his face, and he licked her abdomen, causing her to lurch.

"You're ticklish?" Toshiro smirked, licking her toned stomach again, and she twitched again, almost drawing blood from biting her lip too hard.

"Don't… tell anyone…"

Sakana moaned as Toshiro's hands once again rubbed that [extremely] sensitive area, her arms wrapped around his neck. Toshiro kissed Sakana's lips lightly before moving his attention downwards. Sakana jumped a little at Toshiro's breath on her opening, but that feeling was nothing compared to the feeling she got when Toshiro licked her opening. His cold breath left a tingling sensation that she absolutely loved.

"…To…shiro…"

Smirking, he held her legs down to prevent the writhing body from kicking him as he did his work. Her entire body was flushed and her body trembled with pleasure as Toshiro licked the inside of her leg.

"Ah! Shiro…"

Toshiro felt his breath become more ragged at the sight of the body writhing beneath him. The sounds she was making was like nothing he had ever heard before, and it was music to his ears. Her hands were clenched in his snowy white hair, but he did not care at all. He inserted his tongue into her opening, and her hips bucked up, wanting more of the sensation.

"…shiro…"

Toshiro felt his erection get harder at the sounds Sakana was making. He kissed Sakana again.

"If you want to stop, I will."

"…keep going… yuki-ouji…"

Toshiro smiled at his flame princess's pet name for him and spread her legs wide, leaning in. Sakana's hair was plastered everywhere and she was panting for air. She was very aware of what he was going to do, but she wanted it.

"Just relax."

Sakana nodded, her eyes closed. Toshiro then slowly and carefully thrust into her. Her nails dug into his arms, but he did not even notice nor care. Sakana's heat surrounded him, and he felt blissful. She felt so hot, so very hot, and it felt wonderful. Sakana was tense at first, but almost immediately relaxed. As soon as she was fully relaxed, he thrust all the way into her, causing her to bite her lip and moan out through her teeth.

"Breathe, sweetie. In, out."

Sakana let out a shaky laugh before taking a deep breath and forcing her body to relax and become accustomed. Toshiro did not want to hurt her, so he let her adjust to the intrusion. After a few moments, Sakana's breath returned to a form of regularity.

"…Go…"

Toshiro began to slowly move in and out of her. Soon enough her hips started to buck with his thrusting, and he moved faster.

"Ah… Sakana… you…"

Toshiro couldn't describe what he was feeling; not in a complete sentence, anyway. He plunged into Sakana, making her let out a cry that he had never heard before.

"Aagh! Shit…"

Toshiro smirked; he had found her special spot and continued to thrust against it, making her svelte body tighten around his length. He pushed against it, making her moan.

"To…mmgh… Shiro…"

Toshiro groaned. Every time he hit her special spot, her body squeezed around his length, making the cycle all the more pleasurable. The heat from her body flooded into him, and he began to thrust faster and harder into the writhing body beneath him. She wrapped her legs around him. Her chest heaved, trying to gather much needed air as her head tossed back and forth, her eyes squeezed shut and her body shuddering in pleasure.

"Toshiro… I… oh… god…"

"Just… hang… on…"

Sakana knew she was nearing her climax, and would not be able to hold out any longer. Toshiro continued to hit the spot as he licked her chest. She was quite sure she would melt into a puddle from the sensations she was getting, both physically and mentally. Mentally, she felt extremely drunk.

"Aaah… Toshiro… Nngghh…"

With one last thrust, Sakana screamed Toshiro's name to the heavens as she came. Sakana's cry brought Toshiro over the edge and he came inside of her, shouting his lover's name.

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It took a moment for them to come to their senses (lol, pun), but when they did, Toshiro shifted Sakana so he was on his back and Sakana was neatly settled against his chest. Sakana inhaled Toshiro's intoxicating scent and noticed something she had never noticed before.

"Did you know you smell like mint and evergreen?"

Toshiro gently kissed Sakana's forehead.

"I know Ara said something about every person having their own personal scent. You smell nice; like ink and primroses." He responded. Sakana felt drunk again; he felt nothing but love and compassion towards her. It was making her feel safe and comfortable and… stronger. When they came together, it felt like their reiryoku was mixing with one another, fueling each other. It almost felt like her reiryoku was returning. She felt a lot stronger than she had felt in a while. Was this how she regained her reiryoku?

"Sakana…"

"Un?" Sakana asked, gazing at Toshiro through exhausted eyes. She wanted to fall asleep right here and right now.

"A-are you okay? I mean, with your reiryoku and all." He asked, concerned. Sakana smiled and kissed his nose.

"Never felt better." She whispered. The duo fell asleep, his arms wrapped protectively around her.

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Sakana didn't know how long she slept, but she woke up feeling slightly stiff. Well, it could not be slightly. She felt very stiff. She had a headache, and wondered for a moment if she had a hangover, because it certainly felt like it. She shifted slightly and bumped against something warm.

It all came back to her.

She blushed slightly and looked at Toshiro. His snow white hair was a huge mess on his head. He looked so peaceful and serene sleeping. Sakana smiled and gently kissed his nose, and he wrinkled his nose and sneezed. Sakana gently lifted his arm off of her and slipped out from underneath it. Toshiro didn't stir or wake up, which was good for the taichou. She quietly got dressed and slipped out the door, leaving her lover in his slumber.

It was very late, maybe one or two in the morning. Sakana quietly jumped up to her window and opened it a crack, just enough to slip inside. She got inside and closed the window, pausing to listen for any indication that Hana had woken up. Perfect. No one had noticed her. As she tip-toed away from the window, the taichou was startled when the light flickered on.

"HOLYFUCKONASTICKWHOTHEHELLISTHATI'LLFUCKINGKILLYOUBASTARD!" Sakana screeched, alarmed. Hana and Amaya had waited for her all night, and were sitting in her room, waiting for her return.

"Um… hi you guys!" Sakana said, after calming herself.

"Where have you been?" Hana asked, giving Sakana a severe stare. Sakana didn't turn red, but stared back. She could sense the anger and worry coming from her two friends. Shit, she was in a load of trouble. After all, she did suddenly leave the office before completing all of the paperwork for that day.

"…I was out drinking." Sakana said. That was partially true. She certainly had felt drunk, that was for sure. She felt absolutely wasted.

She doesn't smell of alcohol. Hikari growled, bushy collie tail aloft. Sakana began to sweat. Could she share what had happened with them? Not very likely. Only one person should really know. Actually, one person, and a Zanpakuto spirit.

"We know you haven't been out drinking. You've been gone since six. It seemed like you left your office in a hurry." Amaya said. Sakana began to sweat. Shit, they were on to her. There were only two options: she could either tell them what she did or run. The latter sounded like the better idea.

"Hey, I need to use the bathroom…" Sakana jerked a thumb towards the door. The two Shinigami looked at each other and nodded. "Thanks." Sakana said, letting a feeling of relief wash over them. She turned and ran to the bathroom, muttering something about having one too many drinks.

After ten minutes, however, the two sensed something was wrong.

"Sakana? Are you okay in there?" Amaya shouted, banging on the door. there was no response. Amaya kicked the door down and the two cursed.

Sakana had used the bathroom as a means to escape. The window was wide open, the curtains blowing in the breeze.

"I'll kill her, that subeta!" Amaya shouted.

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Sakana was leaping from roof to roof, a small frown on her face. She really hated to trick her friends, but what had happened had to stay a secret. She shunpo'ed to the fourth division, landing on Unohana's balcony. She could faintly read Unohana's thoughts; the taichou was awake. She quietly knocked on the door, and Unohana opened it.

"Sakana-chan? What are you doing here?" Unohana asked, surprised. Sakana bowed her head slightly.

"I'm sorry for bothering you so late, but there's something I need to talk to you about." Sakana said, a little breathless. It almost hurt to move; she was still stiff from the… activity that she had engaged in. Unohana moved back and let Sakana into her quarters.

"Retsu…"

"Hmm?"

"Please, promise me that what we state in this room will not leave this room." Sakana said, a pleading tone in her voice. Unohana smiled and nodded.

"Whatever you say is safe with me." Unohana said, motioning to sit down.

Sakana then explained what had happened only a few hours ago, and how she felt her reiryoku return much faster because of it. She also told her about Toshiro's memory returning for that night. Unohana didn't interrupt her, but nodded her head every now and then.

"…so Amaya and Hana are really pissed for me taking off with him like that." Sakana finished, "I returned back home only to find them waiting for me, so I fled here."

"Hm… I'm not quite sure, but maybe engaging in that kind of activity with him may be good for you. He's giving you some of his reiryoku when you come together. Can you still read thoughts?" Unohana asked. Sakana shrugged.

"I don't know, I've never tried to purposely read someone's thoughts and feelings before. Most of the time it just comes to me on its own." Sakana said. Retsu gently laid her hand on the flame taichou's arm.

"Just try."

Sakana closed her eyes and sought out Unohana's reiatsu. It was getting easier for her to detect reiatsu, now. She could faintly hear Unohana's thoughts. She reached out to them, only for them to fade away. She opened her eyes again and shrugged.

"It's really faint now. I can barely hear it."

Unohana smiled. "That must mean your powers are returning. Maybe within a week or so you'll be back to your full power." She said. Sakana grinned a big grin.

"Now, about Toshiro's memory…"

"I think we will have to wait for it to return fully on its own. I can recommend that you two spend more time together…"

"The other Toshiro hates me." Sakana said, sulking slightly.

"I think I have an idea that may work." Unohana said. Sakana and Unohana stood, and Sakana hugged her gently.

"Thanks, Retsu." She said, leaping out of the healer's window and disappearing into the night.

Sakana entered her house through the window again, only to meet an extremely pissed Amaya.

"Get the hell over here." Amaya growled, grabbing Sakana by her ear. She dragged her out of her house, even though all Sakana wanted to do was take a hot bath and sleep. Sakana was dragged all the way to their old hideout in the corner of the 14th division, where she finally let go of Sakana's ear.

"What the hell was that about?" Sakana grumbled, rubbing her ear.

"You slept with Toshiro, didn't you?"

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Translations and Stuff Like That

Daiyouhin: Substitute.

Yasurau: to relax.

kaen-hime: flame princess.

Un: Yeah. (Think: Deidara from Naruto)

Shikakushou: Shinigami uniform.

Subeta: bitch. Amaya tends to call Sakana that when she's extremely pissed at her.

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(1) The tora seal is the tiger seal. You know that hand sign that Shikamaru from Naruto makes? Yeah. That's the tiger seal too.

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Note: This chapter was almost 5000 words with the long summary in it. Good thing I deleted it, or I would have died. xD