Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.

Chapter Nine: Saturday Five AM-Rory

Had to start a new journal, thank God I was able to hand off my other ones to that Italian woman next door before the cops cuffed me. Otherwise they'd be gone. I guess I should be glad they're letting me keep a notebook here. Jail isn't so bad, I haven't eaten this well in years.

Jess woke the next morning and dragged himself awake. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he watched Rory stir. She turned on her side, pulling his pillow into her chest and after a deep breath, fell back to sleep. Brushing her hair away from her face, Jess thought maybe he'd used all his good will yesterday, because he didn't think he was up to facing a diner full of townspeople this morning. Taking a few deep breaths of his own, he stood to get ready for the day, and then made a decision.

"Hey Caesar? Close the diner today. Just pull the blinds and put up the gone fishing sign. Yeah, you can call Lane, but if she can't, just close up shop for the day. Thanks," Jess said, hanging up the phone and sliding under the covers. Stealing his pillow back, he was shutting his eyes as Rory opened hers.

"Calling in sick?" she asked, snuggling up.

"Yup. Not up for it today. Think I'll just stay home and write, maybe," Jess said, pulling Rory in closer. Nodding, she wrapped her arm around his waist, tucked her head under his chin, and tried to fall asleep. Jess watched Rory, letting himself think about her as a mother. The idea of being a father. About Jimmy. About Liz. Falling backwards, he kept Rory in the crook of one arm and used the other to cover his eyes. He needed to know where Liz messed up, so he didn't follow in her path.

"What is it?" Rory asked, waiting for a shoe to drop. It had been going too well. It was time, and Rory felt Jess freeze before he slid his arm out from under her head. Not letting him withdrawal, Rory laid herself across his chest, effectively holding him in place. Jess continued to tense, narrowing his eyes, hardly breathing. Running small circles with her fingers across his chest, Rory waited. She waited as he fought through his thoughts. Waited while he relearned to breath.

"I don't want to talk about this," Jess said, gritting his teeth.

"Now, or ever?" Rory asked, waiting as Jess lay silent. "And don't you think now would be better?"

"Rory."

"Jess," Rory said, drawing his name out, knowing he wasn't going to do more than growl, not with Garret across the hall. Jess exhaled a sigh, long and loud, blowing his breath between his teeth. "Come on Jess, start with telling me your thought progression. We'll work it out together."

"I don't want children," Jess said, watching Rory pull away in surprise and sit up against the headboard. Turning on his side, Jess followed her retreat.

"You don't want children. You did though, right? I mean, we talked about it a couple of times. So I'm not imagining things. This is new. New since your mom died. This is about her."

"No, I mean, you're not wrong. You didn't let me finish, I do want to have children with you. But I can't. Not till I know."

"Come on Jess, not till you know what? That you're not Jimmy? I already know. You're not Liz? I already know. I know you, Jess," Rory said, brushing his hair out of his eyes so she could see them. Not letting him hide.

"But I don't know her. I know I'm not Jimmy. I know I wouldn't make the same choices he did. I understand why he ran. I get it, him and his motivations. I don't get her. And I need to know," Jess said, running his fingers across the top of Rory's foot.

"Then find out, find out who she was, start here in Stars Hollow, and if you need to talk to people elsewhere, I'll go with you," Rory said, moving to kneel next to her husband, holding his face between her hands. "Whatever you need, Jess. And not just because I want children, but because I want you to know. You need to know you're the man I see." Jess pulled Rory's lips to his, but didn't kiss her. He whispered, his breath warm on her lips.

"I don't know where to begin."

"I'll call Kirk while you shower. Tell him to send people who knew her here. One at a time," Rory said, kissing his lower lip before hopping out of bed. Jess followed her across the room and wrapped his arms around her waist, stopping her as she reached for her phone.

"You don't have to make the call right now. You should come back to bed," he said against her neck, before pressing his lips across her pulse, feeling it speed up under his touch. He placed his hand on her chest, her heart was racing.

"Yeah, yeah I do Jess. Because I didn't refill my prescription, and in two weeks, I'll be off the pill," Rory said, not surprised when Jess froze behind her. She was turning in his arms when he let go and backed away.

"You were going to go off without telling me?" he asked, too shocked to be angry. Rory's eyes met his for a brief second before sliding away. She dropped her head down, staring at the floor.

"I kept trying to find a way, I almost told you yesterday, when it came up, but it wasn't the place. I would have said something before we had unprotected sex."

"Are you sure about that?" Jess asked, feeling the first stirrings of anger. He wasn't so sure, sometimes, when things were hard, she'd ignore them, hoping they'd go away.

"I think so. If I didn't tell you, I would have rushed to the pharmacy and refilled my prescription before the end of my period. Then I would have started trying to bring it up again," Rory said, crossing her arms across her chest. She knew what the next question was going to be.

"How- how many months have you played this game with our lives?" Jess said, forcing his voice to be soft. No doubt about it, he was angry, on the way to being furious with her.

"Since September. I've been waiting till the last second to refill my prescription since September."

"Jesus Rory! And you couldn't bring it up? Talk to me about it? I thought we were going to wait? Enjoy us, travel together first. Now I find out you've been planning on getting pregnant for the last three months? And you couldn't find the time to talk? What the fuck, Rory!"

"I know! I just, it wasn't a matter of finding the time, Jess. It was finding the courage. Until today, I thought you'd be okay with it. I thought it would make you happy once you got used to the idea. I wasn't worried," Rory sat down. Letting the tears flow, but hiding them behind her hands, and hair. "I want a child, Jess. I want our baby. I want to have children while I'm young enough to really enjoy them. We're ready."

"I'm not."

"Yes, yes you are. You just don't realize it yet, but you are. You'll be a great father, Jess, an incredible one. I've seen you with Garret, and Doula. Even Gigi, who you have nothing in common with! You're ready, you just don't know it," Rory said, sobbing out the last, looking up, watching Jess's face grow pale. Letting him see her tears. Rory watched as he shut his eyes. She could tell he was gritting his teeth, by the clenching of his jaw. "Jess?" she asked, as he spun away from her, toward the master bath. Stopping, he forced himself to relax his body, but he didn't turn to face her.

"Here's what's going to happen now," he said into the quiet room. "You are going to refill your prescription for the next three months. No more playing chicken with the pharmacist or Russian roulette with our lives. I am going to meet with the townspeople, try to figure out Liz. After I do that, and processed what I've learned, what I know, then, you and I are going to sit down and talk about the possibility of bringing a child into this world. But before it can happen, any of it, I need to be able to trust you. To be in this relationship with me, because it's a relationship, not a Rory-verse."

Rory watched as Jess marched into the bathroom and slammed the door. Wrapping her arms around her legs, hugging herself, she felt equal amounts of relief and terror.

In the bathroom, Jess stripped out of his boxers, wrenched the shower on, turning the water temperature up to the point of almost being uncomfortable, and sank down against the tiles. Letting the water cascade over his body, he replayed the events of the last few minutes in his head, before thinking about the last few months. There were signs. He should have picked up on them, but it was easy to attribute them to other things. Easy to write them off. And he wondered. He wondered what would happen to them if he couldn't be a father.

A/N- A brief stop in Colorado, before returning to Stars Hollow for a couple of chapters. I'm trying to walk a fine line here with Liz between the Liz on the show and the Liz in my universe. Hopefully I'm successful. Let me know in a review. Thank you to RhizOneill, merdarkand twisty, Scarlet3086, ladypuercoloco, ZaZa zoom, Bails1115, TigerTV15 and of course, lost0and0found, and Iscah Mckrae for their reviews and thoughts. You reviewers are the reason this story will be posted till complete.