Chapter 3
Sara groaned. She was not in the mood for company. Her alcohol affected mind decided that whoever had sat down beside her would go away if she just ignored them. So she went on nursing her drink without as much as a glance to her side. Time seemed like an eternity, but only a minute had passed. Her new neighbour was still at her side, but hadn't said anything yet. That was strange. Men who tried to hit on her were normally brasher. Finally her curiosity got the best of her. Carefully she turned her head slightly to the side.
No way! She was hallucinating. There was no way that Catherine was sitting beside her. Maybe she really had had enough and should just go home. She rubbed her eyes, blinked a few times and turned again to her side. If this was a hallucination it was a persistent one. Another minute passed without either woman saying anything.
Sara was becoming more and more confused. Then the barkeeper approached her...them...and asked what he could bring her. Since she still had scotch left in her glass he certainly wasn't addressing her. Unfortunately that meant that Catherine was really sitting beside her. And that could only mean trouble. Sara heard her decline the barkeeper's offer who left them alone again.
After deciding that it was unlikely that Catherine would just leave again, the brunette decided to face her fate. She emptied the rest of her glass and turned so she was fully facing Catherine. "Hey Cat! Long time no see." She slurred the words, realizing how drunk she already was. Not good.
"Hey." Was all Catherine said.
Sara blinked again, trying to focus on the woman in front of her. She had expected anger in the blonde's features or maybe disappointment or pure disgust. But none of those emotions were displayed on her face. If she hadn't known better she would have thought that Catherine was concerned ... really concerned. Could that be? Had to be the alcohol...
It would be so easy to get rid off Catherine. Sara knew exactly what buttons she had to push on the older woman to get under her skin. Fighting with her was so easy - so much easier than talking. But right now she was too exhausted, too drunk to fight. So instead of simply insulting her she asked casually. "What brings you here?"
Catherine looked Sara over. Her eyes were glassy, a clear indication that she was drunk. And she could smell the alcohol when she talked. Oh Sara, what have you done, she asked herself. Out loud she said. "I'm here with a friend: Jack." She gestured to the man still sitting in the booth, watching them with interest. "He's a CSI from Atlanta and is here on vacation."
Slowly Sara turned further on her bar stool to look were Catherine was pointing. She saw a man with black hair, casually dressed in slacks and a shirt, tall, attractive. She guessed his age around forty. She turned back and nodded.
Now it was Catherine's turn to ask. "What about you? What are you doing here?"
Sara thought about the question. "I'm trying to forget." It was a sad statement, but it was the truth. She held the older woman's gaze, waiting for her reaction, for the pity and disappointment to surface, but she was surprised.
"I figured." Catherine held Sara's eyes easily.
"You should go back to your friend. He's waiting. If he's here only on vacation you should use every minute you have. Don't ..." She paused, not quite sure how to continue.
Catherine helped her out. "...waste my time with you?" There was no judgment in her voice. It was a simple question. And it hit bull's eye.
Sara nodded. "Yep. Expresses my thoughts perfectly." After a short pause she added "So why don't you?"
Catherine glanced briefly at Jack before returning her eyes to Sara. "Don't worry about him. He can wait." Then, quietly, she added. "Right now I'm more worried about you."
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
This time Catherine couldn't help but laugh. "Fine, hmm? No offense, Sara, but you don't look fine to me."
Sara chuckled. "Alright, maybe I'm not fine. But there is really nothing you can do about it." Her face turned serious again. There was absolutely nothing anyone could do for her. And as long as Catherine didn't hold the power to erase her childhood to make this just another case, there was nothing for her to do.
Catherine knew she was moving in dangerous territory. So far everything was okay, but she feared her next words might change that. She said them anyway. "You're sure about that? There are actually people out there who believe that talking about problems helps."
Again Sara let out a dry laugh. "You know me, Catherine. I've never been one for talking. And I'm not going to change that now."
Catherine nodded. "I figured. Can't blame me for trying though." She gave Sara a warm smile, a smile which the brunette returned. There was still no anger between them. A nice feeling for once even if she could imagine nicer places and nicer situations for a private chat with Sara.
What was she supposed to do now? Sara didn't want to talk - no surprise there. So was there something else she could do? Suddenly three letters popped up in her mind: DUI. She had to prevent Sara from driving. But somehow she didn't dare ask her for her car keys. Right now they were talking; later on they would probably be fighting again.
"Just ask."
Catherine blinked. "What?"
Sara gave her a cocky grin. "Just ask the question you want to ask. I promise you I won't bite your head off. I'm way too exhausted for that." To emphasize her words she yawned.
The blonde hesitated.
"Come on Cat."
Catherine shrugged. "You asked for it." A short pause. "Do you mind giving me your car keys?" Sara tilted her head to the side, like thinking hard about her suggestion. At least she didn't seem angry, Catherine thought.
Sara's hand vanished in the pocket of her jeans and pulled out her car keys. She looked at them and then back at Catherine. "I actually do mind."
Before Catherine had any chance to voice her objections and give her a lecture about driving under influence the brunette continued. "I don't plan to drive. Not in my current state, which I'm well aware of. But I want to pick my car up before shift tonight and for that I need my keys. So I'll keep them."
Catherine let out a sigh of relief, before slapping the younger woman playfully on the arm. "You had me worried for a moment."
Sara grinned. "I know." Suddenly her grin faded and her face turned serious. The next question came unexpectedly for Catherine, totally out of the blue.
"What do you think will happen to Lily?" It took Catherine a moment to process what Sara was talking about. Then she remembered Wendy telling her about little Lilly and how they had found her at the crime scene.
Sara had turned back towards the bar and stared at the wall in front of her. Catherine bit her lip. What was the right answer to that one? She doubted that telling Sara that everything would be all right for the girl would do much good. She wouldn't believe it anyways. "I don't know. We can just hope that she will find nice foster parents - and a good therapist."
Sara had opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. She remained silent for a minute before turning back to Catharine and looking her straight in the eyes. "Why is this world so cruel?"
Catherine was taken aback from the pain and the sadness that were reflected in Sara's brown eyes. Reflexively she reached for Sara's hand. The moment she touched the younger woman she felt her tense up. Catherine thought briefly about removing her hand but decided against it. Instead she gave Sara's hand a gentle squeeze. When Sara didn't protest she left her hand on hers while desperately looking for a suitable answer to that question - but she knew there wasn't one. So she remained silent.
It was Sara who spoke up again, her voice detached, her eyes empty. "I don't understand how parents can do that to their child. They are supposed to love them, to protect them. Families should laugh together, celebrate birthdays and holidays together. A mother should cry when her daughter leaves for college and a father should give his daughter's boyfriends a hard time..." Her voice cracked. Tears started to fill her eyes. She blinked them away quickly.
Catherine didn't know what to say. She doubted that Sara was talking about Lilly anymore. Too painful sounding was her voice, too distant was her look. She wasn't here right now. She was miles way. In her own past maybe? The blonde didn't dare speak in case she broke the moment.
The silence between them stretched again and Catherine had the feeling that she should say something to urge Sara on. Talking about the case would certainly be safer than asking Sara about her own past. "You're right. That is what families should do. Lilly's father destroyed it all. He..." But she didn't get any further. Sara's head snapped around to her, her eyes filled with anger. Catherine winced. What had she done?!
"It's not just his fault." Sara's voice was filled with venom. "Her mother is to blame as well."
Catherine was surprised. "What do you mean?" Her voice was quiet and calm, but it didn't have the desired effect. Sara's eyes turned dark, almost black. The blonde was ready to jump up and run. She had the feeling that Sara would attack her any second. Carefully she removed her hand from Sara's to bring some distance between them. She never had been scared of the younger woman, but right now she was.
As quickly as Sara had turned to Catherine she turned back to the wall. Both of her hands were gripping the counter tightly, as if holding on for dear life. The blonde let out a sigh of relief. That was close. Sara went on, "He was known by the police. He had beaten her into the hospital half a dozen times before last night. Not just that the system failed to protect his family from him. It should have been the duty of the mother to take her daughter and leave that son of a bitch. But no! She stayed with him. She knew that this would never change. Men like that don't change."
A shudder ran down Catherine's spine, listening to Sara. The passion in her speech made it obvious that she knew what she was talking about. Was that Sara's secret? Did she live through something similar to Lilly? Was that possible? The blonde was almost certain that Sara's father was violent. But how close to this case was her past? Could it really be that she was keeping something as brutal as what had happened last night to herself? That no one knew about it? The thought alone made her sick. She was at a loss for words...
As fast as it came, the anger seemed to leave Sara's body again. Her shoulders slumped forward, the grip she had on the counter loosened. She hung her head, shaking it as if to bring herself back to reality. Catherine dared not speak; instead she carefully reached over to take Sara's hand again. But the brunette's quiet voice stopped her. "Don't. Please don't touch me." It was hardly more than a whisper, but Catherine had heard her - and she respected the wish.
She pulled her hand back to her side and studied the woman beside her in silence. Sara was taking deep breaths to get her anger back under control. Maybe she was trying to force all of the memories which caused her outburst back to the back of her mind. Watching the broken woman in front of her Catherine had to blink back the tears which were forming in her own eyes. Why is this world so cruel? Sara's earlier question came back to her mind. Unfortunately she had still no idea, but right now she would give anything to make it a little bit less cruel for Sara. But how?
When Sara turned her head back to Catherine, the anger was gone. And so were the pain and the sadness. What was left was an emotionless mask, one which she knew only too well from the woman opposite her. That meant it was over. Sara's opening up was finished. Her walls were back up. And there was nothing she could do for her, no comfort the brunette would accept. Again it was Sara who spoke up first.
"I'm sorry Catherine." Her voice was controlled. No trace of the earlier fury was left.
Catherine had to fight the urge to role her eyes. It was so typical of Sara to apologize in such a situation. A part of her told her to just accept the apology and let her off the hook. She decided against it. "Sara, there is nothing you have to be sorry for - nothing at all." She emphasized the last words.
Sara nodded slowly, expecting the answer. "I scared you. I had no right. I lost it."
There was no way that Catherine would admit that Sara had scared her. That would only depress the other woman further. "No, you didn't scare me. I know that your anger wasn't directed at me." Sara's brown eyes locked with her own blue ones. It seemed like Sara was looking for the truth in Catherine's words. The blonde held her gaze to reassure her. And it seemed to work.
Sara nodded again. "I should go home." With that she turned to the barkeeper, without waiting for a reply from Catherine. "Can you call me a cab?" The man nodded and turned to his phone which was attached to the wall.
"Sara..." Catherine started, but was interrupted by Sara who held up her hand to stop her.
"Catherine, don't. Just don't." There was a pleading tone to her voice.
The blond shook her head. "Just listen, okay? This was a confidential conversation. No one will ever know about it. I'm still far away from understanding you. You are too complex for that." She added the last part with a smile. "But - even if you don't agree - I think our little chat was good for you. I'm not going to mention this morning ever again, but when you - by some sort of miracle - want to talk, I'll be there to listen."
Sara blinked, obviously unsure how to react to her co-workers speech. The barkeeper saved her. "The cab will be here any minute." She nodded her thanks and put enough money for her tab on the counter. She turned to Catherine again. "I don't believe in miracles." With that she stood up.
Catherine got up with her and gently grabbed her arm to stop her from just walking away. Their eyes locked again. "It's never too late to change. I'll be waiting." She gave her one of her famous smiles. But it didn't seem to have the desired effect on Sara.
"You should get back to your friend." She gestured to Jack, who was still watching them with interest.
Catherine, knowing that there was nothing she could do anymore, nodded and let go of Sara's arm. "See you tonight, then."
The brunette nodded, turned around and headed for the exit. Catherine turned also, making her way back to Jack.
When Sara reached the door, she stopped. Now or never, she thought. She turned around and called out to her co-worker. "Cat?"
Catherine turned, surprised, and looked at Sara expectantly.
Sara immediately lowered her gaze to the floor. She hated stuff like this. "Thanks...I guess." Before the older woman had a chance to reply Sara turned around and left the bar.
Catherine smiled. Well, maybe there was hope after all for Sara Sidle in this cruel world.
A/N: Well, that was the third and last chapter of my little story. I hope you enjoyed it! I would really appreciate it if you left a review - if it's a positive or negative one doesn't matter. I'm just interested in your opinions. It's the only way I can improve my writing.
I want to thank again everyone who read this little piece and especially those who left me a comment and of course I have to mention Emily, my beta, again :-) I don't know what I would do without her!