APOV
I wake up well rested but very confused about last night's events. Mia is still sleeping soundly but if I don't ask her now, I'm not sure if we will have another opportunity to speak in private. I nudge Mia slightly and she says, "No, I'm not ready for my photo shoot Nigel. Give me another hour or so. Super-models need their rest."
I can't help but giggle. Oh Mia, she's definitely someone I would like in my social circle, if I ever had a social circle that is.
"Mia, wake up. It's Ana."
"No, I need my rest."
"Mia, they need you on the runway now!"
Mia bolts up, "Am I late?"
I giggle and say no, "I was just teasing you, I guess you were dreaming about being a super-model or something."
"Well, that was a pretty sneaky way of waking me up." She says with her arms crossed.
Oh shoot, I hope I didn't make her too angry with me.
A sly smile spreads across her face and she says, "That was a good one. I like it!"
Ok, I guess we're good.
"Listen Mia, we don't have much time but I need to ask you something."
"Sure Ana, shoot." Mia says as she sits up in bed.
"What happened with you and Christian?"
Mia's eyes widen. "What do you mean what happened? When?"
"You know. When Christian...hurt you."
Mia tenses up and says quickly, "Ana, that was a long time ago and it was an accident. How do you know about that? Did Christian tell you?"
"No, Elliot told me last night before I went to check on Christian. He was having a nightmare."
"Crap! Did you see him? Are you ok?" She lifts my arms and checks my body, for what I wonder?
"I'm fine Mia, Elliot stopped me."
"Oh thank God!" Mia breathes a huge sigh of relief.
What the hell is happening? I don't get it?!
"Thank God for what? What's going on? What happened Mia? Tell me now, I need to know."
"Ana, I'll say it again. It was a long time ago and nothing has happened to me since then. Are we clear? You need to understand what I'm saying before I go on."
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
"Ana, are you up? It's time to get go." Christian chimes in from outside the door.
"Give us a minute big brother, we're still trying to wake up." Mia shouts back.
"Fine! I'll be downstairs, don't keep me waiting Ana. You need to eat a good breakfast."
"Geez, what is it with him and food?" I ask.
"I'll fill you in on that as well. Come on." She takes my hand and leads me to her private bathroom.
Twenty minutes later I'm sitting on her bed in complete shock.
"Ana, are you ok Ana? Look, I know that was a lot to unload on you but I wouldn't have told you if I didn't think that you loved him, which I know you do."
Silence...
"Ana, say something please. You're scaring me. I hope I didn't tell you anything that would change your mind about Christian."
I'm stunned silent. Mia just told me about that night. She was thirteen years old, Christian was fifteen years old.
Mia heard Christian screaming, she ran to his room and attempted to wake him up. Her parents had told her repeatedly to leave Christian alone. They were seeking help for him and no one should attempt to wake him up during his night terrors.
Mia couldn't take it anymore, she loved her brother so much and she was sure she could help him. Mia was the only one allowed to touch him, so obviously she was the key to making him all better.
She opened his door and saw him thrashing in bed, he screaming, "No, please. Please don't hurt me. I'll be a good boy."
Mia started to cry, he didn't sound like himself. He didn't sound like a fifteen year old teenager. He sounded like a little 4-year-old boy, so much sadness, so much pain.
Mia sat on his bed and said, "Christian, please wake up. It's ok, it's just a nightmare."
He kept thrashing and Mia touched his shoulder, he bolted upright and pushed her as hard as he could, "No! Don't touch me! Stay the fuck away me! Why do you let him do this? I hate you! I fucking hate you!"
Mia was pushed so hard, that she fell back off of his bed and bumped her head hard the on the floor. She screamed and Christian's parents came bolting in.
Christian woke up and was horrified to see Mia being tended to by Grace, while Carrick was keeping a watchful eye on Christian.
Christian was devastated, he couldn't believe that he hurt Mia. He wanted to be sent away so that he wouldn't hurt anyone else but the Greys refused. They found him another therapist and went to many sleep clinics but no one has been able to help him.
Christian was placed on anti-depressants, he hated them but they did seem to help. He was weaned off of them after one year, but he still hasn't found any solace or escape from the nightmares.
What's worse is what he didn't tell me about his childhood before the Greys adopted him. He was left alone with his birth mother for four days, trying to scrounge up food. That's why he always smiles when he sees me eating. It must make him happy to know that I have a good appetite and I'm not afraid to stuff my face.
"Ana! It's time!" Christian shouts.
"Ana, are you ok?" Mia asks.
"Uh...As well as can be expected I suppose. Come on, let's get ready before Christian gets suspicious."
I take a quick shower and while I'm rinsing off Mia shouts out, "Ana, I went shopping earlier this week and I bought you an outfit. I leave it on the bed. I hope you like it!"
"You didn't have to do that Mia, but thanks! I can't wait to see it!" I shout back to her.
After I dry of I grab my bra and panties, I put them on quickly and see the clothes laid out on the bed.
Wow! She bough me an entire outfit!
It's perfect and it's exactly what I would wear.
Mia bought me a rose blush lace cami with rolled up skinny jeans, a grey cardigan, ballerina rose blush flats with glitter bows . Chunky bracelets and matching earrings as accessories and a checkered grey and cream designer type of bag.
"I hope you like it Ana."
"Oh my gosh Mia! I love it! Thank you so much!" I say as I give her a hug.
"Do you like the Louis Vuitton bag?" She asks with concern. "I hope I didn't overwhelm you with all this swag."
So I was right. A designer bag! I've never had one before. I can get used to this fashion type thing.
"Mia, I am overwhelmed but I do love it! Thanks again."
Mia and I make our way downstairs and for whatever reason, we begin to giggle. Perhaps because we bonded. Heck, I don't know.
As we make our way to the dining area I see Mr. and Mrs. Grey...er, I mean Carrick and Grace, Elliot and Christian.
Shit!
I hope they haven't been waiting on us!
"Right on time girls." Grace says as we take our seats.
I take my seat next to Christian, Mia sits on the other side of me, Elliot sits across from us along with Carrick and Grace.
We enjoy a nice breakfast together while Mia and Grace discuss the black Friday after Thanksgiving sales.
I'm surprised that Grace and Mia would brave the crowds for a discount. It's not like they aren't very well to do.
Mom and I would hit the sales after Thanksgiving and it was so much fun. We would get up at four in the morning braving the cold and the crowds just to get that one sale item. Sometimes we come away with a win, other times we left empty-handed. It wasn't so much about getting the sale, it was more about spending time together with my mom.
God I miss my parents so much...
CPOV
"Christian, I do wish you didn't have to leave so soon darling. We're going to miss you." Grace says as she looks at me with a smile on her face, then she looks to Ana.
She's debating, having an internal battle with herself. What is she going to say. I better brace myself.
"Christian, I think it would be lovely if you invite Ana over to spend the Christmas holiday with us. Wouldn't that be wonderful son."
I want to jump out of my chair and yell, 'Hell yeah it would be agreat idea!' but I don't want to overwhelm Ana more than I already have. Of course me being a selfish asshole, I do want what I want, so I decide to put Ana on the spot.
"What do you think Ana? Would you like to spend Christmas with me and my family?" I look at my beautiful Firecracker, she's lost in thought. She looks sad.
Fuck!
I've lost her! She's going to say, 'Hell no! You're fucked up!'
Hold it together Grey. You can do this.
I squeeze her knee and try to bring her back, "Ana? Firecracker, are you ok?"
She shakes her head and tries to discretely wipe a tear from her eye.
"I'm sorry. Yes, I'm fine. I was thinking about my mom. We used to go shopping on black Friday...and well...you know..."
My mother quickly chimes in, "It's alright dear. No need to explain. The holidays can be especially difficult which is why I think it would be good for you to spend Christmas with us. What do you say Ana?"
I am so grateful to Grace, she made this so much harder for Ana to decline this invitation as it came from my mother. When I'm rich I'm going to buy Grace the best piece of jewelry she's ever had!
Ana's eye widen, she's apparently surprised at the invitation. She has no clue how she's won my family over. I look to my dad as if in a silent plea, he smiles and knows what I want.
"Please Ana, we would be honored to have you join us." Carrick says with a smile.
I'm about to go in for the kill when Mia shrills, "Oh my God Ana! Yes! Please say you'll come! It will be a blast with you here! Please! Please! Please! We can go shopping together for more outfits! Oh please say you will come! Please!"
This is one of the few times that I am so fucking grateful for Mia's buoyant and very pushy ways.
"Well Firecracker, what you do say?" I ask as I squeeze her hand.
She takes a deep breath and all I can think about is last night. My fucking night terrors. I know she heard them. Then there's the shitty way I spoke to her, the way I attacked my brother, all my fuckedupness was on full display.
This is it. I'm going to lose her. My happiness with Ana lies in the balance. She controls everything. With her words she can destroy me or make the happiest most luckiest fucker around.
She looks to me, then to my parents, she looks at Mia, then to Elliot and then back to me again.
Then there's that silence once more. I know it doesn't take long for her reply but it fucking feels like a lifetime and I'm aging right before her eyes. She's fucking killing me!
"Jesus Ana will you say something before my little brother passes out!" Elliot blurts out as Mia starts to laugh.
Oh sure, I love how they revel in my slow torture at the hands of my Firecracker.
"I'm so touched. Thank you so much for inviting me." Ana says as she squeezes my hand.
I slowly let out the breath that I was holding. Thank fuck for that.
"I would love to spend the holidays with all of you. Thank you, you have no idea..."
Then out of nowhere, Ana breaks down and starts to sob...hard.
What the fuck? What's going on? I really must have fucked up bad. She's leaving me. She only said those things to be nice. She doesn't want me. I'm fucked, I'm so fucking fucked!
APOV
I can't believe I'm going to spend the holidays with my boyfriend and his wonderful family. I'm so happy and so sad at the same time. Grace is right, it's tough when you lose family, but it's multiplied ten times over during the holidays and the milestones that I will reach knowing my loved ones aren't here to celebrate with me.
It hits me hard and fast and I cannot control it. I'm going to cry and I cannot stop it, I want to fight it but it's just too strong and powerful...
"Oh mommy, daddy..." I sob and quickly cover my face with my hands.
"Ana, baby. Please don't cry. It's ok, I've got you." I hear Christian say as he attempts to comfort me.
For the first time that I'm with him, I cannot find solace in his arms. I feel the rustle of people leaving the room.
There's a touch on my shoulder, a comforting touch. I place my hand on the hand that is comforting me. I look up and I see Grace.
She looks like an angel, an angel of comfort, sent from heaven to console me.
Before I know what I'm doing and before I can stop myself, I quickly stand and I throw myself at her and hug her hard.
My crying becomes harder and I say, "Grace, I miss them so much..."
I see Christian for a moment, he looks lost, confused and for a moment, I think he looks relieved.
"Mother, what can I do?" Christian asks.
"Christian, just leave us be for a bit. I'm going to take her to the great room where we can sit for a bit before you head back to school." Grace says as she continues to hold me. She feels so good, so comforting.
"Mother, I have to do something, I can't just do nothing."
My poor Christian is lost, I need to help him.
"Christian?" I say quietly.
He nearly jumps out of his skin.
"Yes Firecracker, what is it? What can I do to help you?"
"I would like some tea if it isn't too much trouble?" I say in between my sniffles.
"Tea? Good! Right! I'm on it!" Christian says as he runs to the kitchen.
Grace leads me to the great room and we sit next to each other while she holds my hand. I suddenly feel embarrassed about my outburst of tears and I try to lighten the mood.
"Christian making me tea should keep him busy for a bit, I would think."
Grace smiles and says, "Yes, I'm sure he doesn't know his way around the kitchen but I'm sure Mia will help him out."
"Grace, I'm so sorry...sorry for breaking down like that, I had no..."
"Ana, please. There's no need to apologize dear. It's perfectly natural to feel the way you are feeling."
"I'm sure it is but I'm so embarrassed." I say as she hands me tissue.
"Oh sweetheart, there's no need to feel embarrassed. If anything I am happy that you broke down here, with us rather than somewhere else, alone."
"Thank you Grace, I feel better already." I say as my breathing returns to normal.
"Ana?" Christian says as he slowly opens the door and pokes his head in. He looks unsure of himself.
"Hi Christian, I'm fine. Come." I say quietly.
CPOV
Grace stands and says, "I'll leave you two alone. Christian, after Ana finishes her tea, you should take her out to get some fresh air. You don't have to leave for a couple of hours."
Christian hands me my tea and says, "Thanks mom. I'll do that."
Grace closes the door and gives us some much-needed privacy. I feel bad that my Firecracker broke down in tears but I am relieved that the tears weren't tears she was shedding because she was leaving me. I'm a selfish fucked up bastard I know, but I can't help feeling grateful that I'm not the cause of her pain and thus, she will not be the cause of my pain.
Ana sips her tea quietly and I sit next to her, I squeeze her knee and she looks to me and smiles.
"This is really good tea Christian. Thank you."
"You're welcome Firecracker. I made it with my own two hands." I say as I stroke her soft hair, I lean in and inhale her scent. She always smells so good. I want to fuck her right here in this room, I want to make her scream.
"You're tea making skills are quite impressive." She says as she finishes her tea.
"I have other skills that are much more impressive if only you'll let me show you." I say as I cup her pussy. God I wish she would let me taste her. She's so freaked out about me going down there. I still cannot believe that Noah couldn't convince her that it was ok.
Part of me is grateful, I will be the first and only one to taste her and I'm going to do it now dammit!
"Christian, please. We can't do anything here and you said you would give me time to think about that..."
I don't answer her. I take her empty cup, place it on the end table and say, "Come, let's get some fresh air."
She takes my hand, I pull her up against me and I kiss her hard. I force my tongue against her lips, she parts her mouth willingly and begins to moan.
"Christian, oh God...please."
I pull away from her and drag her outside.
"Christian, slow down." She says as she slightly runs to keep up with me.
Before she knows what's happening, I grab her and place her on my back.
"Christian, what are you doing? You're so crazy!" She giggles.
"You're too slow and I want to show you the view." I say as I give my girlfriend a piggy back ride.
I love being with my Firecracker, I feel young, I don't have a care in the world and for a little while I can pretend that I'm not fucked up.
I put my Firecracker down and show her the view.
"Well, what do you think?" I ask as I stand behind her and whisper in her ear. "Do you like it?"
"Christian, it's absolutely breathtaking!" She says with wonder.
"When I'm rich, I'm going to build a house and I will have a view that is ten times better than this." I say to Ana as I kiss her neck.
"Oh? Why will your view be ten times better Christian." She asks as I feel her breathing become labored. Oh yeah, she wants me as much as I want her.
"Because my view will include you Ana, that's why." I say as I turn her around to face me.
"Christian, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me...thank you."
"Really?" I'm shocked. "I'm only saying what I feel Ana, what I know is true."
"Well, you should say what you feel more often." She says as she hugs me hard.
I pull back, cup her chin and make her look at me. I get lost in those baby blues, they get me every fucking time!
Anastasia is my everything, I need her, I can't be without her, I breathe her, I sleep her, I love her!
Holy fucking shit! I love her!
"Christian, what's wrong? Are you ok?" Ana asks.
She must have seen the 'Holy shit' look on my face. I better make this right and fast!
"I'm fine, everything is just fine."
"Are you sure, you looked upset for a moment." She says as she furrows her brow.
"Everything is perfect, absolutely perfect because...I love you Anastasia Steele."
Thanks for reading and please review.
Cheers,
Rosie
Do not read if you don't want to know what's going to happen next!
YOU!
HAVE!
BEEN!
WARNED!
Christian and Ana get their groove on in the boathouse. My next update will also include another visual snippet (on my Face Book page) and let's just say that photo is going to be very, very HOT! :P