Chizi: Well?

Zilo: (grumbles)

Chizi: And you got on me…

Zilo: I'm so sorry everyone! Writer's Block and life and bad luck or something conspired to make me super late!

Chizi: Just don't let it happen again. Now do the thank-yous.

Zilo: Thanks very, very much to fictionalcharacterwish, Takemori, Shimmer Mist, Natsuki Ayaka, Xingese Phantom, Storm Uchiha, run4life, Sawa, Haru Eclipse, LOL-LIVElikeurOUTofLOLLIPOPS, Alchemical luminescence, Salamander B. Hat, alexthegreat, AbbyInUnderland, TehBiggestOctopus, SilverMoonKitty, WHEN, MDevil, and Amethyst for reviewing and being awesome patient people! Now, without further ado, the long-awaited next chapter!

9: House Arrest
in which another phone call changes everything again

I pulled out my key and unlocked the front door, letting everyone in. I saw movement in the kitchen, and stiffened. "Hello?"

"Oh, welcome back!" Ling's voice said cheerfully.

Oh yay, he's returned, I thought with a hint of sarcasm. I went into the kitchen, Cassie still glued to my side. "Hey your highness, you finally came back, huh—"

And of course I choked. Because of course Ling was sitting at the kitchen table, dirty plates stacked around him, and of course Ike sat on Ling's right. And of course Roy Mustang sat on Ike's right, looking at me with some interest as I entered the kitchen.

Of course.

Of course.

"DAMMIT!" I bellowed, startling everyone behind me.

"Oh, hell!" Ed said about a second later.

"Oh no," said Lust.

"Oh great," Envy griped.

It's a sad day when your sentiments mirror two Homunculi's.

"How- no, why?" I found myself saying.

"Don't look at me, I didn't do it this time," Ricky said almost instantly.

I zeroed in on Ike first. "Why are you here? I told you we all had a horrible contagious disease and your next action is to show up again?"

"Your lying skills need work," was Ike's answer.

I massaged the bridge of my nose. "Okay. Fine. But how did you get in my kitchen?"

"The door was wide open," Ike said, adjusting his glasses on his nose.

I shot a look at Ricky. "Well, I'm sorry! I was too concerned about my sister getting run over by a car to lock the front door," Ricky said defensively, holding up his hands.

"Oh, you got run over and you're still bouncing around yelling?" Ling asked.

"Oh, shut up!" I huffed, out of witty comebacks.

While I was fuming, Cassie had gone up to examine Roy, who looked down at her in turn. "Roy Mustard?" she said now.

I paused and turned around. "No, Cassie, it's Mustang," I said. She made that mistake a lot.

"Musting?" she said, looking confused.

"Close enough," I sighed.

Roy turned his gaze towards me. "So I'm told you're the one in charge here," he said.

Damn him. And his stupid sexy voice. "Yeah, I'm the eldest sibling and everything," I said. Remembering my manners, I stuck out my hand. "Joey Jones."

"Colonel Roy Mustang." He shook my hand.

I sat down at the table, between Ling and Ike and across from Roy. Ricky came to hover over my shoulder. Ed remained leaned against the kitchen entrance, with Al next to him. "Can't believe he's here," I heard Ed mutter. For some reason, Lust and Envy had retreated into the living room.

"So, maybe you can explain what's going on here," Roy went on.

"Well, it's a long story, and one I really wasn't planning on going over again," I sighed, absently lifting my arm so Cassie could crawl onto my lap.

"Mind if I sit in on this? I knew something was going on, but I sure wasn't expecting this," Ike said.

I waved a hand dismissively. Right now, I didn't care if the President himself popped in with the Senate and all his bodyguards. I was just tired. And I was still sort of hung up on somehow walking away completely unharmed from a hit-and-run.

I laid out The Story again, finding a couple extra details here and there, complete with dramatic hand gestures. Almost everyone in the room who wasn't related to me watched me intently. I think that Ed, Al, and Ling were interested to hear the story again, perhaps looking for more clues. Ike, though he'd asked to stick around, seemed almost like he wasn't paying attention, and was watching the FMA characters. Roy, it seemed, was completely dissecting me with just his eyes. I'd never realized how much of a laser gaze he had just by watching the show.

"…So right now the main goal is to fix the chain letter and send everyone back where they belong. Until then, we're all under a truce not to kill anybody," I finished.

"Not kill anyone?" Roy repeated, with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, yeah. Certain individuals are more psychotic and less valuing of human life than the rest of us," I said, subconsciously glancing at the living room. Roy followed my gaze, then we turned back to each other.

"Hmm," Roy said. "Fullmetal? Your opinion?"

Ed started, as if surprised to be called on, but seemed to think for a minute. "Well, it sounds crazy, but we believe it. We've seen too many unexplainable things. And it's too elaborate to be lies," he said.

Roy seemed to think about this for a moment.

"Joey?" Cassie said, twisting around in my lap to face me.

"Yeah?"

"Ricky looks sick." She pointed. I looked up at Ricky, then did a double take. Ricky looked more than sick - he looked like he was about to pass out.

"Ricky, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"Nothing- I'm okay, I-" Ricky proved how okay he was by dropping like a rock before he could say another word.

"Holy shit!" I yelled, jumping to my feet and dislodging Cassie. I dropped down next to my brother and checked his pulse, then his forehead. In a few moments, Al was kneeling next to me. Cassie clung to my shirt, looking scared. "Ricky, can you hear me? Wake up! Hey, come on!"

"We should get him to the hospital," Al said, sounding worried.

I nodded, swallowing hard. I dug into my skirt pocket and pulled out my cell.

The house phone rang.

We all looked up and over at it. Somehow, the ringing seemed very ominous. Ike was the first to break the frozen silence by going over and picking up the receiver. "Jones residence?" he said, like he wasn't sure where we were. "Oh! I'm doing all right, yourself?…Actually, it's a terrible time, Ricky just passed out…Oh, well sure." He turned and held the phone out to me. "It's your mom," he said.

I blinked, confused. Hadn't Ike just told her about Ricky? Why was she wanting to talk to me, instead of calling 911 and the hospital and the Secret Service and the FBI? But I managed to get up, crossed the room, and took the phone. "Mom?"

"Hi, Joey. Ike tells me Ricky lost consciousness."

"Yeah, I was just about to call the hospital·"

"You don't need to, honey, he'll be fine."

I was speechless. Everyone watched my gaping face, trying to figure out what was going on. When I finally got my voice back, I said more than I had planned. "What the hell, Mom? 'He'll be fine'? He just fell out right in front of me!"

"I know."

"We need to call an ambulance! Who knows what could be happening to him!"

"Joey, you really shouldn't overreact. I've raised you better than this."

"Who are you and where's the concerned parent I should be talking to?"

Mom laughed, like Ricky hadn't just passed out and wasn't possibly about to die. "I know this must sound crazy. But from now on, I would appreciate it if none of you left the house unless it's an emergency. That includes Ike, since he's there now too."

Once again, I was speechless.

"I'm sorry, Joey. I guess this just sounds like me being a nut job. But it means something, honest. I'll explain once I'm back home. But for now, just promise you'll all stay on the property at least?"

I managed to speak, and my voice was shaky. "Mom, I…I don't understand."

"I know, and it's okay. Why don't you check on Ricky now?"

I slowly turned away from the wall, just in time to hear Cassie exclaim, "He's alive!" Sure enough, Ricky was sitting up with help from Al, rubbing his head and looking slightly confused.

"What happened?" Ricky asked.

"Looks like you lost it for a second there," Ike said, walking over. "How's your head? Did you bang it on the floor?"

Ricky absently let Cassie fling her arms around his neck. "I guess," he mumbled.

I watched this scene with growing confusion - and as I reflect on it now, growing suspicion - stunned into silence yet again. I sensed a presence next to me, and I turned to see that Roy had come up beside me.

"Is it all right if I speak to your mother?" he asked.

I nodded dumbly and held the phone out to him, for once feeling that I was truly in over my head. Forget any reservations I had before - I was more than ready to let a responsible adult start taking charge.

Roy put the phone to his ear. "This is Colonel Roy Mustang. I assume this is Joey's mother…Considering the circumstances, I could be better. You seem to have some of the answers here…"

Al and Ike were helping Ricky to his feet, which was tough to do since Cassie refused to let go of him. Ling was watching them contemplatively. Ed had noticed Roy on the phone and was now coming over. And Lust and Envy were still MIA. Also, I had a killer headache.

"Perhaps this is a sign," Ling suddenly said to me.

"A sign of what? How ridiculous this whole situation is?" I replied, frowning.

"Did you ever consider that delaying returning us to where we belong could have consequences?" Ling said.

I stared at him. Honestly, the thought had never even crossed my mind. "No…" I said faintly.

"You might want to think about it now," he said.

"What?" Roy said. Actually, it was a lot more significant than "said". It was more like "growled like he wanted to shout but was concerned about drawing attention so instead it passed through gritted teeth" or something. I turned to look at him in surprise, and he looked pretty pissed, actually. What in the world had Mom said to upset him?

My head was starting to hurt more. "What's going on?" I asked Roy.

He didn't answer. He seemed to be concentrating on whatever Mom was saying. Finally he spit out a "Fine" and held the phone out to me. I took it, giving him a suspicious frown, and put the receiver to my ear. "Mom?"

"So it seems like the situation's getting pretty tense over there. I know you can do it, though. Just keep your head and follow your hunches, those are usually pretty good," Mom said.

"I guess," I sighed.

"Have a little more faith in yourself. The chainletter might be acting strange, but I'm sure you can figure it out. And don't put so much responsibility on Ricky."

"Sure, Mom."

"All right, I'll call later. Bye, Joey."

"Bye." I hung up with another sigh and turned to face the others. A moment passed before I froze and whirled back towards the phone. "Hold on a damn second-!"

I hadn't told Mom about the chain letter. I hadn't told Mom about anything. Like a moron, I'd just willy-nilly let her talk to Roy Mustang, who didn't officially exist here, but somehow, she knew even more than that.

I grabbed up the phone and quickly dialed her cell back. There was a brief silence, and then, "The number you have reached is not in service at the moment…"

What? I hung up, then tried again. Same thing. I pulled out my cell, scrolled down to Mom, and pushed Send. Same thing again.

But how did she know? How the hell did she know?

"Joey?" Ricky's bewildered voice asked as I called Mom's office and got her answering machine. "You have reached Andrea Jones. I am currently out of town until…"

"What are you doing?" Ed's voice said next.

"Shut up for a second!" I snapped absently, hanging up. Out of desperation, I dialed Aunt Judy, who I was only supposed to call if Mom was dead on the side of the road. The phone actually rang, but she didn't pick up. I tried one last time to call Mom's cell, checking my own to make absolutely certain I dialed the right number. I did, and I got the same thing for the fourth time.

When I finally turned my attention away from the phone, I saw everybody staring at me. I, in turn, whirled on Roy. "What did she say?" I wanted to know. "What did my mom say to you on the phone?"

Roy scowled at me. "That's none of your business," he said.

"Like hell it is! You're in my house, you asshole! Tell me right now or-"

"Or what?" he challenged, his voice sharp.

I paused, not sure on how I planned to follow through on my threat to him, but knowing I was getting pissed myself.

"Joey!" Ricky shouted, finally getting my attention for real. "What's going on?"

I heaved a big breath and let it out in an exasperated noise. "I don't even know. I don't even- oh, screw it." I stomped out of the room and upstairs. Before I was out of earshot, I heard Roy say, "Is she always like this?"

Sitting crosslegged on my bed, I opened up a new blank document on the laptop. I manually copied the chain letter, then manually pasted it into the document. Once again, I got a chunk of nonsense text and symbols. I think there were even a few Japanese kanji in there.

"Dammit! What is this?" I growled. I'd been trying to re-send the chain letter for about an hour. It was ruined in the saved draft, where every answer in the form was ERROR. But whenever I tried to put it someplace where I could edit it, it turned into nonsense. I'd considered typing it out myself, but I was pretty sure that my fingers didn't contain the magical properties needed to make the stupid thing work.

I drummed my fingers on my knee. I couldn't figure out what I needed to do to make this work. I'd tried calling my mom again, figuring that if she wanted to be Omniscient Mom today I'd totally let her and ask for help, but her phone was still "out of service" and "unavailable at this time", which pissed me off even more.

At least Ricky, Cassie, and the others had been gracious enough to leave me alone while I wrangled with the laptop. If anyone had come through the door right then I just might have hurled them out the window.

With a heavy sigh, I let myself fall backwards and land on my pillows, my arms crossed over my eyes. I didn't understand this at all. Why was this so difficult and terrible? You'd think the chance to interact with the characters of one of your favorite animes would be the coolest thing ever. But I'd never been so tired and angry and generally frustrated in such a short period of time.

After a few moments of lying there, trying to think of nothing at all, there was a soft knock on the door. I lifted my arms and looked at my door. "Enter if you dare," I called, half afraid it would be a new FMA character.

The door opened, and Ricky poked his head in. "Hey," I said, sitting up. "How do you feel?"

"Like nothing happened, honestly," Ricky said. He seemed relieved that I hadn't yelled at him or something, and came all the way in. My eyes brightened when I saw he'd brought a glass of juice and a bowl of chips. "I thought you might want a snack to, you know, recharge or something," he went on.

"Just what I need. Thanks," I said, eagerly taking the snacks.

Ricky sat on the bed as I sipped the juice. "So, any luck with that?" he asked, pointing at the laptop's screen.

"Nah," I sighed, swirling the juice around. "It's just not working at all. It's ridiculous."

"What do you think we should do?" Ricky asked.

"Honestly, I don't even know. This is driving me nuts." I crunched down on a few chips thoughtfully.

Ricky shifted the laptop into his lap and examined the many documents and e-mail drafts filled with the wall of gobbledygook as I finished my juice and worked on the chips. "So what was that with Mom, anyway? You kind of freaked everybody out," Ricky said after a while.

I swallowed the mouthful of chips and sighed. "Well, apparently Mom knows what's going on, and not only is she giving me totally useless advice about what to do, but I tried calling her back and it's like her cell number doesn't even exist."

Ricky stared at me. "Are you serious?"

"I am." I crunched into another chip.

"I'm really confused now."

"Me too."

We sat together in silence for a minute or two, and Ricky helped me finish off the chips.

"So what's up? Seems like something's on your mind," I said to him.

He nodded. "You know downstairs, when I…well, I guess I passed out…"

I nodded in encouragement.

"Well, that's not how I remember it. You know how it feels when you're just coming out of a dream and you're kind of in the dream and in your bed at the same time? Well, that's what it was like."

"Yeah? So you were half in the kitchen and half…where?" I asked.

Ricky scratched his head. "That's the crazy part. It was like I was standing in a restaurant, and there were people eating and stuff. But it was weird, the colors were…brighter, you know, more vivid, like…"

"Like someone turned up the color meter on a TV?" I guessed.

"Yeah! Just like that! I kind of stared around for a second, and then I woke up on the floor of the kitchen," Ricky finished.

I shook my head. "Ricky-"

"I know, I know, it sounds nuts. Maybe it was a dream, but it felt really real," Ricky said.

"No, that isn't it. That's how I got mowed over by that asshole."

Ricky blinked.

"I was crossing a crosswalk with Cassie, and all of a sudden, we weren't here, we were in what I'm pretty damn sure was Amestris."

"Wait, w-what?" Ricky exclaimed.

"Yeah, I know. I wouldn't have believed it, but two guys in the military uniform walked by, and I'd know that thing anywhere. Now that I think about it more, we might've even been in Central."

"So, not only are we still transporting FMA characters here, we're transporting ourselves over there too?" Ricky said.

That was sure what it looked like. "Ling said that the longer we fail to put everyone back where they belong, the worse it's gonna get, and I think that's a pretty good theory."

"But the chainletter's busted, so how do we fix everything?" Ricky asked.

"Maybe Mom could tell us, if she wasn't being so damned evasive," I sighed. But how does she even know about all of this in the first place? That's what's bugging me the most.

"So…what's the plan?" Ricky asked.

"The plan is, we find some answers one way or another. Which means – ugh - we need to talk to EdwardsWife77 again."

Another knock on the door. "Enter if you dare," I said again.

The door opened, and Cassie poked her head in. "Joey," she said, "Ed's powers aren't working."

"What do you mean, 'not working'?" I demanded.

"Just what I said. I can't do alchemy for some reason," Ed shot back, scowling.

Ricky, holding the laptop under one arm, shot me a glance. "Okay. How did you find this out?" I asked Ed.

Ed yanked his coat off the back of the living room couch and displayed a tear in the side, just under the armpit. "I was trying to fix this," he said.

"I told you not to pull on that thread, Brother," Al said.

Ed just glared at him.

"So, was there light and no result, or no light whatsoever?" I asked.

"Nothing. It was like if you clapped your hands and tried to transmute something," Ed said.

I could easily imagine the results of that. "Just what we need, more complications," I groaned, putting my hand on my forehead.

"'More'?" Ed and Ling said in unison, followed shortly by Ed glaring at Ling.

"Yeah, more. The chain letter's being an ass," I sort-of explained.

"Maybe if I work on it some, something will come up," Ricky suggested.

I shrugged. "We've got nothing to lose."

Cassie tugged on my arm. "Can we have lunch?" she asked.

I checked my watch, which was still broken, so I checked my cell instead. "It's closer to dinnertime than lunchtime," I said, "but whatever. Maybe food will do us some good."

"I agree!" Ling said wholeheartedly.

I pointed a finger at him. "You get three servings, that's it. I'd like to avoid going grocery shopping as long as possible."

Ling looked so disappointed I almost wanted to take it back. But I held my ground, and went into the kitchen. Some cooking would probably help me sort out my thoughts anyway. I hoped Mom would deign to call soon, so we could get some answers. Honestly, I was kind of pissed at her for being all vague and unreachable anyway, especially when I felt like I'd be reaching my breaking point pretty soon.

Add to that the chainletter's malfunctioning, Roy's strange, angry silence, and Ed's sudden lack of alchemy, and things were just getting crazier than ever. At this point, I was surprised that the roof hadn't fallen on our heads and that the neighborhood hadn't burst into flame. Since everything else wanted to go south, why not?

Speaking of fire…

I poked my head back out of the kitchen. "Colonel Mustang?"

He looked up from where he sat on the couch, looking like the perfect definition of the word "cross".

"Is your alchemy working?"

For a brief moment, his angry glare changed into a contemplative look. "I don't know," he said, starting to scan the room.

"Try it in there." I pointed at the fireplace, which was still filled with ashes and the remains of firewood from last winter.

While the rest of us watched, Roy put on one of his special gloves, stretched his arm out towards the fireplace, and snapped. Nothing. Not even an alchemical crackle.

"Oh, God Almighty in freaking Heaven," I sighed.

"So no alchemy's working anymore?" Ricky said, throwing up his free hand in exasperation.

"How interesting," I heard Lust say, and when I turned around, startled, there she and Envy were, sitting at the kitchen table.

"Where the hell did you come from?" I demanded.

"We were out for a stroll," Envy said with a yawn.

I blinked at them. "…Okay…so why did you come back?"

"Lust got hit by a car," Envy answered.

My brows went up, and I focused on Lust. She didn't look like she'd been mowed over by some other asshole behind the wheel, but that was probably thanks to regeneration. "Yeah? And you didn't stab the guy or anything?"

Lust looked away from me, almost like she was embarrassed. It took me a few seconds to get it. "Ohhh…your nails of death didn't work, huh?"

"I'd like to know what the hell is wrong with your world, that our powers keep going on and off," Envy said irritably.

"Don't ask me." I glanced at Ricky, who shrugged also.

"So is this going to keep happening?" Ed wanted to know, keeping a wary eye on the Homunculi.

"Once again, don't ask me. I don't have any expertise in the wishy-washy powers of fictional characters," I snorted, turning back to the fridge.

Ricky settled down in the living room, Cassie glued to his side, and flipped open the laptop. Ed joined him. Ling entered the kitchen, eyeing the Homunculi and the fridge with equal interest. Envy gave him a glare that clearly meant "turn your attention elsewhere before I kick you in the face".

"No fisticuffs," I said as I pulled the stack of pizza boxes out of the fridge. "Damn, I'll probably need to order more pizza after this."

I didn't really notice that Ike had taken off until I'd started doling out leftover pizza and chicken, and I didn't particularly care either.

"Joey?"

"Yeah, Cassie?"

"When are these people going to get out of our house?"

I sighed and ruffled Cassie's hair. "As soon as possible, I hope. I'd love to kick them all out on the street, but who knows what would happen then."

We were sitting on the porch bench outside, sort-of stargazing. Cassie was snuggled into my side, a favorite position of hers lately. It seemed whenever the Homunculi were around, she took cover in either my or Ricky's side. Though I didn't blame her at all; Envy had probably traumatized her for life that first day.

The laptop was open on the seat next to me, and every few minutes I'd try something to see if I could get results. But I was still stuck useless nonsense text, and it was extremely annoying. Inside, Ricky was assigning people sleeping areas and trying to find enough blankets and pillows. Ed and Al were helping him keep things under wraps, which I appreciated. The loss of their powers seemed to make Lust and Envy more irritable, but slightly more manageable, Roy was still in "stony silence" mode, and Ling was more agreeable, but still seemed like he would get into trouble any second.

Ricky seemed to recognize that I needed a few minutes away from Hijacked-By-FMA-Land to cool off, or I'd blow up, so he'd shooed me outside with the computer and told me to work on it. Cassie had gone with me, probably for some cool off time of her own.

"I want it to just be us three again," Cassie mumbled, sitting up to rub her face.

"Me too," I said. I tilted my head back and looked at the stars. They looked nice, and all starry-like. I tried to find the Big Dipper, but I guess my eyes were too tired, so I gave up after a few minutes. Instead, I closed my eyes and willed my awful headache to go away.

Instead of my headache going away, the bench went away. I landed on the hard ground with an "Oof!" and then a "What the hell?"

My eyes snapped open, and I tried to make sense of what had just happened. Suddenly, I wasn't on the porch anymore. I was on the hard ground, and it looked like the neighborhood trees had all decided to surround me.

"Oww…God-stupid-whatever-the-hell-just-happened…ow…" I grumbled, sitting up and rubbing my sore rear.

"Freeze!"

I froze all right, at the click of a gun. My hands went up immediately. "Don't shoot!" I cried.

My captor walked around to face me, and I had swallow a…something. A scream, probably. A yell, maybe. A string of cuss words that would put a pissed-off sailor to shame, very likely.

"Where's the colonel?" Riza Hawkeye demanded.

My mouth gaped like a fish's. I couldn't quite figure if I had been warped to Amestris or if Riza had been warped to my place. Considering I was suddenly lacking my whole house, that should have been obvious, but I had a headache and was still stunned from the fall and the gun and everything.

"Answer me!" Riza shouted.

I found my voice. "I don't know what you're talking about!" I yelled.

Riza looked like she didn't believe me. "So you just happened to suddenly appear in the exact same spot where Colonel Mustang disappeared?" she said skeptically.

"W-Well, I…"

"Lieutenant!" a distant voice yelled.

"Over here!" Riza called without taking her eyes off me. To me, she said, "If you don't want to answer my questions now, you can do so in Interrogation, back at Headquarters."

I was finding my breath again. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I said.

"Try me," said Riza.

"I…can't. Like I said, you wouldn't believe me."

Riza looked frustrated. "Don't move," she instructed. "Keep your hands where I can see them." She moved closer, reached out, and grabbed me by the arm. With her pulling and me pushing, I got to my feet. I could still feel the gun on me, even though it wasn't actually touching me.

"W-Where are we?" I asked, nervous now.

"The outskirts of Central," Riza said shortly. "And you have a lot of explaining—"

And just like that, I was back on the porch, and Cassie was staring at me. Except Riza was with me.

"—to…to…" Riza trailed off as she realized that things were very different.

"I told you that you wouldn't believe me if I told you," I muttered.

"What in the world…? What is this? Where did you take us?" Riza wanted to know.

"Look, Lieutenant Hawkeye, I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't even show up there on purpose. I was minding my own business sitting on this porch when—oh, dammit to hell! Now I'm going to have to go through that stupid explanation again!" I exclaimed, frustrated.

"What are you talking about?" Riza said.

"Joey? Why is Lieu-tanner Hawkeye holding you hostage?" Cassie asked.

Ricky opened the front door. "Joey? I heard you bellowing, what's wrong now—gah!" He saw Riza behind me and his eyes nearly fell out of his head.

"Ricky, would you go get Roy?" I asked him with a sigh. Ricky nodded rapidly and ducked back inside.

"The colonel's here?" Riza said quickly.

"Yeah. You wanna, um, follow me into the house? And not blow my brains out?"

"Not until I see the colonel," Riza said.

Roy slammed the door open at that precise moment. "Lieutenant!" he barked.

"Sir! You're all right," Riza said, sounding relieved.

"As much as I can be right now."

"What happened to you? You vanished into thin air…"

"…And wound up here," Roy finished for her. "It's actually quite an interesting story."

Ed's head appeared next. "Lieutenant Hawkeye," he said in surprise.

"Edward?" Riza said in even more surprise.

"What's with the gun on Joey?" Ed asked.

I looked cautiously over my shoulder to see Riza eyeing me. "I swear I'm not holding them hostage with my evil teleportation powers," I said to her.

"It's all right, Lieutenant. She's partially at fault for us being here, but it wasn't on purpose," Roy added.

Thanks a lot, jerk, I thought.

Riza looked from me to him and back, then finally lowered the gun. My legs felt like jelly, and I gratefully lowered my aching arms. "So, um…like I said, wanna come in and hear the whole sordid, stupid, annoying story?" I invited.

Zilo: I'll have you all know, I was going to end it at "'Where's the colonel?' Riza Hawkeye demanded." but Chizi told me that was WROOOOONG.

Chizi: Because it is, especially when you took your sweet time updating.

Zilo: LIFE! LIFE DID IT! LIFE!

Chizi: Yeah, yeah…now it's my turn to procrastinate.

Zilo: Not like me, okay?

Chizi: I don't think I could possibly top this lateness…

Zilo: MEAN! MEAN TO THE CO-AUTHORESS! MEAN!

Chizi: (shrugs)