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Theme Five: I feel fine.
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My name is Wayne Casey Legitt.
In the past year, I've moved away from my best friend, I've betrayed my girlfriend and my moral principles, I've gotten an innocent girl's leg broken, I've looked the other way as everybody around me took bribes, I've taken bribes myself, I've tried alcohol despite being thirteen, I've lied to the police about my mother beating up my father, I've lied about where the bruises on me come from, I've bought a whole wardrobe of long sleeves to cover up those bruises, I've given up on even trying to do the right thing, and for this I've been awarded the position of Patrol Sheriff and treated like a hero.
Yep, I'm doing great.
I'm Wayne Legitt. I am justice as far as these kids are concerned. I'm a hero. I'm the good guy. I stood up for them when no one else would, right? I'm the only thing they've got. I'm one of them, a common kid, the average Joe with a heart of gold. They don't know about the bribe money and the room full of comics and toys that aren't mine. Those that remember look the other way. I'm Wayne, the hero. If I wasn't before then it doesn't matter because I am now. I'm their golden boy.
So no, officer, I have no idea what happened to my hand, I guess I tripped. I'm in middle school, y'know. It happens. Okay, buh-bye, sorry for wasting your time. And just like that I'm safe for another day or week or month or however long it takes before they come around again. I'm Wayne Legitt, I'm not allowed to have problems. I have to stay here where I can protect the school, even if I don't deserve that position. I need to make up for what happened with Emily. I need to make sure everyone's okay. I couldn't suck it up before and deal with reality, and look what happened then. It's time I do the responsible thing and stay put when people need me.
I was Wayne, the new kid nobody talks to because he's all upright and moral. I was then Wayne, the partnerless loser. The loser who had to be careful how he moved somedays because the bruises hurt because his mom had a rough day at work. I was so alone, I guess I thought being drunk might help. It didn't. All it did was make me even more depressed than before, and I gave it up after one night. Still, it's one of those things that brings me down every time I start to feel good about myself. If I'm some great and righteous Patrol Sheriff who everyone's supposed to admire, why couldn't I just say no like a responsible person?
I lied. I lied to Fillmore and said everything was fine. I lied to Emily and said I'd be there for her. I lie to my parents about my grades because I'm scared of my mom. I lie to adults about my mom because she's still my mom. I wish I could go back and undo everything, speak nothing but truth. Maybe then things wouldn't have gone so far south so fast. Maybe then I could trust someone, if I could only trust myself. I'm supposed to be the upright and moral man of the school. I turned Fillmore's life around. So why can't I fix my own?
None of this leaves my mouth as I firmly tell the school therapist the three little words he needs to hear.
"I feel fine."