CPOV
My company is still in its infancy stages as I've only been in full operational mode a little over one year and I've just now opened an advanced security team/division for GEH. All future and current employees must sign a waiver giving my company the authorization to do extensive background checks and they've also signed NDAs.
I've attempted to use my business resources to gather information on my Firecracker. I know where she lives and as much as I've tried to get additional information on Ana, I've hit many a brick wall. She's done well to keep her private life private, but I shall put an end to this mystery once and for all. I refuse to be kept out of the loop. I need some answers and I need them now.
I can still hear Hyde's voice in my head...
"Yeah, well, good luck with that. I never wanted to raise that brat of hers anyway!"
Ana has a baby? No, this can't be. That fucker Hyde is angry that Ana dumped him. He's trying to mind fuck me. Hyde? Why in the hell do I know that name? Hmmm...
We arrive at Ana's house and we approach a very large security gate. Taylor is about to ring for us to enter but I stop him.
"Taylor, can you open the gate without setting any type of alarm off?"
"Sir?"
"You heard me, can you do it?"
Taylor eyes the gate and smirks, "This is nothing, Sir, give me two minutes and we're in."
True to his word, Taylor gets the gate to open and we slowly make our way up the curving driveway. I tell Taylor to wait at the car as I walk towards my destination. It's a lovely home with a large privacy wall. I walk with determination, not allowing the scattering of toys on the front lawn to register in my brain.
I ring the doorbell and the door opens; Ana's standing there with a look of fear in her eyes. Why? What have I done now? I mean, aside from the obvious.
"Christian? I...I didn't expect you so soon. I realized I left in such a hurry that I hadn't given you my address. I was just going to call you and ask if we could meet tomorrow."
Is that why she's upset? Because I came to her place? I don't get it. A moment ago, she wanted to me to meet her here and now. Christ, what the hell is going on?
I'm about to speak when I hear a shrill cry; what the fuck is that noise? It doesn't register, my mind won't allow it, but I don't have a choice now, ignoring this creature won't make it go away.
I look on Ana's arm and I see it, or rather, I see her. A baby, Ana's baby? She's a beautiful child, she has the biggest eyes, a color of green, sea green. She's wearing a brown t-shirt with matching pink and brown little pants and a flowery pink headband of some sort.
Fuck!
"Ana, what the hell is going on?" I look behind Ana and I see him put a possessive hand on Ana's shoulder.
Noah fucking Shepherd!
"Stroke," he says in a cool and very controlled manner.
"Christian, I'm sorry. As I said before, I...I wasn't expecting you," Ana states as she looks to Noah.
"Obviously!" I snarl.
Next thing you know that baby she's holding starts crying.
"Shhh...it's ok, Noelle. You're ok," Ana coos, trying to calm the baby.
Noel? She named her kid Noel. Why? Because it sounds like Noah?!
This is bad. Very fucking bad, and what's worse, the kid won't stop crying.
"Here Ana, let me have her," Noah says as he cradles the baby in his arms; she stops crying as soon as she's with him.
Fuck!
Well, that's definitely something I can't do. Shit!
"It's ok, Noelle, I've got you," Noah says as he looks to Ana. "She needs to go to bed, are you ok with Stroke?"
Ana looks to me and then to Noah. "I'll be fine. Go on little one, go to bed," Ana says as she kisses the baby.
Noah leaves and Ana extends her arm, "Do come in."
"I'm not sure I want to," I think to myself, or so I thought.
"Not ready to face the reality of this situation?" Ana asks.
"Oh shit, did I say that out loud?"
"You did," she says quietly. "It's up to you, Christian. I'm done keeping secrets, you decide if you're ready to face the truth."
I physically take a small step forward but emotionally I've taken a million steps back. I've lost Ana, I've lost her to Shepherd. I practically gift wrapped her to that fucker! I don't know what the fuck I was thinking! Now what?!
Wait, what about that Hyde fucker? What the hell is going on here?
"Follow me, we'll have some privacy in the study," Ana says as she walks ahead of me.
"Is everything ok, Ana?" Sawyer says coming from who the fuck knows where.
"I'm fine, Luke, Noah's upstairs putting the baby down. Please let him know that Christian and I are in the study."
"Will do, Ana," Luke says as he glares at me before he leaves the room.
My mind is racing, my heart is shattered. I have no one to blame but myself yet I have a burning rage that's directed towards Ana.
"Have a seat," Ana says as she gestures towards a leather couch.
We both sit down, not speaking for the longest time. The silence is killing me; I'm the first one to break.
"She's lovely, Ana," I say quietly. Kill me now.
"Thank you. I love her very much, she's my precious baby girl."
"So, she is your daughter?"
Ana nods in the affirmative. Holy. Fuck.
I have to ask, I must know, "How old is she?"
Ana stiffens up. I can read her body so well; some things never change. She's afraid to answer me.
"Ana, tell me. How old is she?"
Reluctantly Ana says, "She's about fifteen months old."
My mind quickly does the math, my mouth is agape and before I can stop myself, I jump off from the couch and shout, "What the hell, Ana? Shit man! What the fuck?! Did you go straight to Noah and fuck him as soon as I left?! Or was it the Hyde fucker? What the fuck is going on here Ana?!" I begin to pace the room.
Ana stands and says, "What I did or did not do after you left me is none of your concern. You left! Remember?! I suggest you keep your temper in check and remember that! You. Left. Me."
"Fuck Ana, I'm sorry. You're right. I have no right to be angry but it fucking hurts to see Noah and your daughter..."
"She has a name, Christian, her name is Noelle," Ana says as the tears fall from her face.
"I'm sorry, Ana. What I'm trying to say is, it hurts to see you with Noah and your daughter, Noelle. That picture was supposed to include me, not Noah, and because I chose to deal with my issues alone, without you, I lost you. Fuck! I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing here. I shouldn't have walked in the door. Once I saw what I saw, I knew I lost you. I guess...I guess I just needed to be sure."
"Christian, please, I'm glad you chose to walk in and face everything, finally. That says something about you, perhaps you won't run away because there's still so much to say," Ana pleads as she walks towards me. She caresses my cheek and I instinctively lean in to her touch. How I've missed her soft hands and now, I've lost them forever. She will never be mine. I back away from her and pace the floor.
"No, Ana, I'm sorry. It was wrong for me to come here. I have no right to crash into your life and expect you to come back to me. I may be the son of a crack whore but I know that I cannot and will not destroy your family. This is my penance, it's what I must live with for not being worthy of your love and throwing it away after you gave your love to me."
Ana stands there, frozen. I step closer to her and kiss her gently on the cheek.
"I'm sorry Ana, I won't bother you again," I say and walk towards to door feeling the pain in my heart with every step I take. I'm a dead man with nothing to live for.
Before I have a chance to open the door, Noah bursts in. He's holding Noelle in his arms. "I'm sorry, Ana, I couldn't get her to sleep and I have to make my flight in thirty minutes."
Ana walks towards Noah and she takes Noelle from his arms. "Go on, you're going to be late," Ana says as she walks back towards me.
"I can cancel, Ana, it's not that important," Noah says as he glares at me.
"No, go. It's very important and I will not have you miss this opportunity."
"Ok." He smiles and gives quick kisses to Noelle and Ana on the cheek.
He nods at me and says, "Stroke, I'd like to say it was a pleasure but...fuck you."
"Noah! I told you, no swearing in front of the baby."
"Sorry, Ana, I'll be home as soon as I can," Noah says as he leaves.
I'm about to leave because there's no reason for me to stay. I'm numb.
"Christian, please stay. There's still so much more you need to know."
I look to Ana, holding her daughter. She's such a beautiful baby.
I'm about to speak when I hear a voice booming in, "Ana? I'm home. I just saw Noah run out, he said you were in the study with Christian but I'm sure I misunderstood and...Holy mother fuck!"
"Carolyn!" Ana exclaims, "No swearing."
"Hello, Carolyn, it's lovely to see you again," I say as I stand and shake her hand.
"Hi," Carolyn says with her mouth agape.
I see that she too has a baby, a little younger than Ana's baby but with the same sea green eyes.
Holy fuck! What the hell, what the fuck has Ana gotten herself into? Please tell me that this is all in my mind. This is too fucking much for me to process.
"Carolyn, will you excuse us please? Christian and I are um...in the middle of something."
She doesn't move, still gaping, the baby in her arms is smiling.
"Carolyn, please."
"Please what?" she finally speaks.
"Please excuse us, we're in the middle of something."
Carolyn smiles and says, "I bet you are. Christian, it's great to see you again."
"Carolyn, it's a pleasure seeing you."
Carolyn leaves and again, I lose it. "Ana, what the fuck is going on here. I don't get it. I'm a very open-minded person but this? Will you please tell me what's going on here? Are you with Noah or Jack or what? Is there some sort of swapping thing going on here? This is fucking insane!"
"Christian, please do not swear in front of my daughter," Ana says as she sits down, cradling Noelle on her lap. "Please be calm and sit," she orders.
I take a deep breath and sit, "Ana, I'm not sure I want to have this conversation in the presence of your daughter."
"Why not, so long as you promise not to swear and you keep your voice down, she'll be fine."
"Ana, please. This lifestyle, the way you're living, it's not right."
"My lifestyle?" Ana says, confused.
"Yes, this thing you have with Noah and Carolyn. What is it? Is he the father to both babies? Is this some sort of fucked up commune that you're building here?"
"I said, no swearing Christian," Ana says as she coos to her baby.
"You haven't answered my question, Ana," I say, impatiently waiting for a reply.
"What was the question? You're swearing distracts me," Ana shoots back.
"I want to know if Shepherd is the father to both babies, yours and Carolyn's. They both have Noah's eyes."
Ana stills, her jaw drops.
"Oh God, Christian, is that what you think?"
"Well, it's obvious isn't it?" I say losing my patience.
"Not to me," she says.
I stand up and pace the floor once again, "Ana, I'm trying to remain calm for the sake of your daughter but I'm tired of this emotional game of tag. You need to be straight with me, what's going on?"
Ana is about to speak when her daughter starts to cry. "Oh goodness, she's wet," Ana says as she takes off the baby's brown sweater.
"I need to get her out of these clothes." Ana makes a face as she sniffs and says, "Oh boy, she's exploded! Will you help me, please?"
"Help you? With her?" I ask in utter shock. What the fuck am I going to do?
"Yes, please. Follow me," Ana states as she leads me down a hallway.
We enter what I assume is the baby's room.
Ana lays her baby on some sort of stand where she can change her diaper. She undresses her and removes the stink bomb.
"Holy shit! That stinks!"
And with those words, the baby starts to cry once more.
"Christian!"
"Shit! Sorry. I'm sorry, little baby. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," I say as the baby stops crying while Ana cleans up her...mess.
"Christian, please toss this for me," Ana says as she hands me the stink bomb.
"You want me to touch that thing? Isn't that where all the mess is?"
"Christian, it's just baby poop."
"Just? Just?! That shit smells worse than a...well, I don't know what but that's disgusting!"
"Just take it and toss it please, there's a diaper dispenser to your left," she says.
I walk over to the tall silver contraption and it sucks the filthy mess right out of my hands.
"Wow! Great machine!" I exclaim like a fucking four-year old. What the fuck is wrong with me? Excited over a diaper contraption. Perhaps the fumes from the baby poop have seeped into my brain. Oh great, I'm saying 'poop' now.
"Isn't it?" Ana smiles as she dresses her baby.
"Where's your bathroom? I'd like to wash my hands."
"Down the hall, first door on your right," Ana says. "Meet me back in the study."
I wash my hands while I picture Ana with her baby. She's a mother with a baby girl. She's a beautiful baby girl and Ana deserves to be happy. I've had enough of this and I need some answers. I walk to the study and I hear Ana talking to her baby. I approach and see them; Ana is sitting on the sofa holding her baby.
"It's going to take some time little one, but he'll come around I know he will," Ana says as she kisses the baby's cheek.
"Who'll come around?" I ask wondering what the hell she's talking about, while I remain standing.
"The baby's father," Ana says stoically.
"Noah?" I ask, not understanding what's happening.
"Noah's not the father, Christian," Ana says as she kisses Noelle and turns her around on her lap to face me.
"He's not the father? Well, who in the hell is, Ana? Jesus Christ! Please don't tell me it's that Hyde fucker. He's no good, Ana."
Noelle is now wearing a white t-shirt with pink flowers and some multi striped colored socks that are missing the part that cover her feet. Strange fashion sense for a baby, I think to myself.
As I look at Noelle something happens, her change in clothes makes her look...different. What is it? What's changed? I stare at her intently and she smiles at me. Cute little thing that she is. Such big deep grey eyes...
I feel my knees give out from under me; thankfully I land on the sofa. I end up sitting right next to Ana; I slowly twist my body to face her and her baby.
No! This! Can't! Be!
"Ana?" I say, trying to force myself to speak. "The father. Who is...the father?"
Ana takes a deep breath, looks straight into my eyes.
"You are, Christian. You are the father. This is your daughter, Noelle. Kristen Noelle to be exact." Ana says as she places the baby on my lap. The baby looks at me and smiles as she grabs my lip with her chubby little fingers. I look into her eyes and it's like I'm looking at my reflection, her grey eyes...they're...they're mine!
Oh! My! Fuck! I guess it can be.
A/N
Did that line by Ana sound sort of Maury Povich-ish? "You are the father." Lol!
Thanks again to my beautiful BETA, not only for editing my story but for filling in the missing pieces when my mind goes blank. You rock Ordlas!
Thanks to ALL my reviewers who not only review but also ask questions that keep me in line with the story. Most notably greytosteele,"Did Noah finish school?" My Divine Bronze Goddess, "What happened to Noah's mansion? " These are questions I wouldn't even think about answering if not for you.
A special thanks to BriLee7796, momalu and guest reviewer 'Boo' who asked, "Wasn't Jack Hyde fired as the racist/sexist coach?" I completely forgot that I wrote in Jack as the Harvard rowing coach that was fired, (It's the price I pay for thinking I could write multiple stories concurrently and deal with my ADD!) so thanks again, your questions will be answered soon.
If you have a moment, a review would make my day.
Thanks,
Rosie :D