CPOV

"Christian, I can't marry you. I don't even know you and I can guarantee that you do not know me."

Her rejection to my proposal, however surprising my proposal may be, hurts me. I know the pain that I'm feeling is well deserved but that doesn't mean that we can't date.

Yes, that's it! We'll work out some sort of negotiation. I've dealt with some ruthless business people while running my company but something tells me those sharks are a walk in the park compared to my beautiful Firecracker. I have to really think about how I'm going to broach this dating proposal.

"You're right, Ana, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You weren't thinking, Christian, that's the problem. You try to solve things immediately without thinking about the long-term effects your decision will have on others."

"Fair point well made, Ana. Do you think we can continue to speak?"

Ana takes a deep breath and says, "Of course, there's still so much for us to discuss. Let's go back to the family room."

I follow behind Ana and I cannot help but take in her beautiful body. She said that she's changed but her body remains the same delectable body that it was when I left her. God how I would love to have those long legs wrapped around me.

"Have a seat," Ana says as we both sit down.

I need to go in for the kill. I'm not going to waste any time.

"Ana, why did you tell my mother about Kristen?"

"Well, I felt she had a right to know. Especially because I intend to have your family be a part of Kristen's life. I know what I did was wrong and I shouldn't have kept her away from your family."

"What about me Ana? Don't I have a right to be a part of her life too?"

"Yes, you do, Christian."

"Would you have ever told me about her, Ana? I mean, what if I hadn't come to see you in your office? Would I never have known about my baby girl?"

Ana takes a deep breath and says, "I've been meaning to seek out your parents and tell them that they have a granddaughter. The irony is, I was going to approach them that weekend. It was two years to the..."

"To the day that I made the biggest mistake of my life. Ana, I don't know how, but I'm going to make this up to you and if you won't marry me, will you at least consider the idea of you and me getting to know each other once more?"

Ana sighs heavily and now the tears start to fall.

"Ana, please don't cry. I can't take it. I know I fucked up but I will do everything in my power to make it all up to you. Please. You have to give me a chance."

"Christian, what did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what did you do? Why did you leave me?"

And there it is, a simple question with a very complicated and very fucked up answer.

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight, Ana? I've got some heavy shit to share with you and I'm not sure it's going to go over so well."

"Christian, I've been waiting for over two years. I can't wait anymore; I need to know what happened. Please."

"Where do I start? What do you want to know?"

"Start from the beginning. Did you go back to that club while we were still together?"

"No, Ana! Of course not."

"When did you go back there?"

"What makes you think I went back there?"

Ana furrows her brow, "Give me a little credit, Christian. I saw how you reacted when we were there. That place...it fascinated you. You were mesmerized."

"Ana, I need for you to really understand that I did not go back to that place until after we broke up."

"Christian, I need for you to understand that we did not break up. You. Left. Me."

"You're right Ana, I'm sorry. I did go back to that club but only to watch and observe."

"So, you didn't take part in the uh...activities?"

"Not right away and not there. I decided to travel. I went to Europe and searched out these types of clubs that specialized in what I was interested in doing."

"You didn't continue your education elsewhere? You left the country? Your family?"

"Ana, you have to understand. I was so confused about what I saw but I was drawn to it. For whatever reason I needed to take part in the uh...activities, as you call them."

"Oh my God!" Ana says as she covers her face with her hands. "What did you do with these people? Were they women and men?"

"Just women and I did lots of things with them."

"Well, what did you do with these...women. I have a right to know. Tell me Christian, what did you do?"

I take a deep breath and I do it. The words are spilling out of me, they come out so fast. I'm hoping that the speed of my words will not allow some of the horrible things that I share, sink into her mind. It was a very dark time for me and I don't want to subject her to my own personal hell.

I tell her about my going back to the club after I left her and about the owner and how she wouldn't allow me to take part in any activities because she knew, she sensed something was wrong with me.

It was almost as though she felt my pain and my sorrow and she knew this wasn't the way to fix it. She said her place was for people who enjoy the lifestyle. It wasn't meant for people who were damaged or broken, looking for some sort of pain/punishment, which is exactly what I needed. She said there was nothing wrong with the high of enjoying pain. It was a wonderful thing to share with consenting adults but again, she knew that I was broken and she sent me away, telling me to seek professional help. She said she would gladly introduce me to the lifestyle once I dealt with my demons but she pleaded with me to seek help first. I should have listened to her but me being me, I decided to travel to Europe.

There were many clubs that didn't have rules or regulations in certain areas and I got exactly what I thought I needed at the time. I was caned, whipped, beaten with a belt, and suspended until I thought I would pass out. I loved and hated every moment. I did this for over a year. I became well known at one club and I had a regular...client.

Then one morning I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror. I really looked at myself, inside and out, and I knew that I'd hit rock bottom. My face was swollen; I had a busted lip and two black eyes. I'd gotten into a pretty bad fight the night before where I took on three men. I was holding my own until the fourth one showed up. One of the men threatened my life, warning me never to return. Apparently his girlfriend was my regular client and she fell in love with me. I had no clue that she had developed feelings for me. Everything we did was cold and sterile. We didn't have to deal with feelings, well, not emotional feelings anyway. We were all about pain, giving and taking pain, pushing our limits to the extreme.

It all came crashing down on me as I literally crumbled to the floor.

"What happened after that?" Ana asks.

I nearly forgot Ana was sitting next to me, I got so lost in reliving that dark time in my life. I take a deep breath and continue.

"I decided to come back home. I wanted to see Carrick and Grace. I needed to get away from this hellhole that I created for myself."

"Oh, Christian..." Ana says as she gently touches my thigh.

"Don't, Ana. I don't want your pity. I deserved it. I deserved that ass kicking and so much more after the way I treated you."

"It's not pity, Christian, it's empathy and yes, I dare say you did deserve that beating after what you put me through."

"What happened, Ana? Please tell me how you managed."

"I will, Christian, but I need to hear what happened to you that second year. The year you returned to the States."

I breathe a deep sigh of relief as I managed to get over telling Ana the darkest parts of my life. I tell her about how I showed up at my parent's home. I truly don't remember how I found my way back there. I felt as though I was in a fog.

I do recall how I frightened Grace. She gasped when she saw me and all I could manage to do was fall into her arms. Grace took charge and saved me once again.

She contacted a colleague of hers who suggested that I see a Doctor John Flynn. Grace did her research; he came highly recommended. I began home therapy at once.

"Home therapy?"

"Yes, home therapy sessions. Doctor Flynn knew that I wanted to start my counseling sessions as soon as possible and I wasn't strong enough to stand on my own two feet."

"Stand on your own two feet? I don't understand."

"I guess I was in such a confused state that I forgot to eat."

"Christian! What were you thinking? Oh my God!"

"I wasn't thinking, Ana. I was in bad shape."

"Please continue."

"Well, as I stated, I went to therapy willingly because I knew that I needed to get my life sorted out. I told Doctor Flynn everything; I don't hold anything back. I tell him about my self-loathing and my ever present guilt, of my birth mother's death during my childhood and my pleasure in having women inflicting pain on me."

"Christian, I'm so confused."

"Don't you see, Ana? The only reason that I wanted to get better was because I wanted to get you back into my life."

"Christian, oh Christian," Ana says as she caresses my cheek.

"Tell me about your business."

"There's not much to say, I had some money from a distant relative who'd passed away and I used the remaining funds to start my business. Everything businesswise just came naturally to me. So I went to therapy while I slowly built my business into the empire that it is today. That's it, end of story."

We sit there for longest time. I'm guessing Ana is attempting to wrap her sweet innocent mind around my disgusting baggage. I hated sharing that part of my life with her but it had to be done. I need to be honest with Ana if I want this to work.

The tension is so thick and before I know it I take Ana's hand in mine. She gasps and I know it's because she feels it. That current that's still there every time we touch. Now is the time; I must speak before I lose my nerve. "Ana, I'll never live long enough to make up for the pain that I've caused you. I only hope that in time, you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Christian, I don't know what to say. I've imagined this moment. I've played it over and over in my mind, only the end result was you groveling on bended knee, begging me to forgive you."

"Well, you got that part right. I'm afraid to ask what happens next."

Ana doesn't answer; she stays quiet for the longest time.

"Ana? Please say something. What happens next?"

"Well, in my mind I see you on your knees."

"Like this?" I ask as I kneel in front of her.

"Yes."

"Then what?"

"Well, you slowly stand and take me in your arms."

"Like this?" I ask as I stand while pull her up, wrapping my arms around her.

"Yes."

"What happens next?"

"You kiss me."

"Like this?"

I gently caress her face, it's so soft, her breath hitches as I cup her chin. I bend my knees and kiss her. Her lips are divine, so soft and plump. I tentatively brush my tongue against her lips, softly pushing, hoping she'll open up for me. I hear her whimper as she grabs my hair. She pulls me down and I feel her stand on her tip toes to reach me. She slowly opens her mouth and I claim her. It's like fucking fireworks all over again. My mind races as I think back to what seems like a million years ago. Ana and I at Harvard. We were kids, we were in love and here we are again. Two years later, two years older. I feel as though I've aged tremendously yet I'm only twenty two and Ana is still a baby herself at twenty years old. A baby with a baby who had my baby, our baby.

A/N

Surprise! I'm feeling giddy and seriously fan-girling (Gah!) so I thought I'd give you an update! Thanks SGS! :D

Yay! No cliff-hanger!

This is for my girl Katriina, I don't want you feeling annoyed so I hope this update helps.

Cheers,

Rosie :D