New chapter! we finally see Bilbo's curse actually playing a part in the story.

Review please!

I don't own either stories or characters.

-Chapter 5: What was I thinking?-

"What in the name of Yavanna was I thinking?" He wondered, and the annoying part of him, that was making itself known more and more frequently, reminded him he hadn't been thinking at all. Bilbo groaned and tried to ignore the buggering part of his thought, or at least hoped it would give him some ideas, for he really needed a good one.

The company was taking a bath.

Any normal hobbit would've been praising the Gods. Hobbits washed every day, or every two days at the maximum, if they felt lazy. Their group hadn't cleaned themselves since they left his home, which was easily five days! Much more than any respectable hobbit would even consider. But alas, Bilbo wasn't a normal hobbit, and while he desperately needed a washing, he knew very well what cold water would do to him and he doubted Thorin would allow him to boil himself a bath.

"I could probably skip the wash." He thought but one sniff at his armpit and a hand to his sticky hair made him shudder. "Nope! I've got to get myself clean. Maybe I could ask Gandalf to bring me a bowl of warm water? I just need a splash to reverse the effects." He pondered, but then remembered the wizard had no intention to be any way helpful. Knowing the cheeky old man, he may sent one of the dwarves and laugh while doing it. "Maybe if I stay deep in the water, they won't notice and I can get dressed quickly enough for them not to notice anything." He was near desperate now and came up with the stupidest ideas. He knew what he looked like in his woman form and there was no way the dwarves would miss two very obvious differences between his forms. As his mind was reeling for a solution, the company began setting the camp, some ways away from the small lake they intended to use as a tub.

-'Someone needs to stay at camp and watch our supplies while the others bathe.' Thorin spoke, his comment making lot's of unwilling dwarves groan.

Bilbo's mind began spinning at a hundred miles a second and just as the King was about to choose one of his companions, he walked forward:

-'I'll do it!' He quickly volunteered.

-'You?' Gloin asked, a little wary.

-'Certainly! You lot go and get cleaned, I'll stay here and go after.'

-'And what if the camp is attacked?' Dwalin said. 'You could never hold your own against anything that might come, not long enough for us to get here!'

-'That is why I shall be staying with Bilbo to help him watch the camp.' Gandalf said, and they were no further complaints from the company.

-'... Thank you for your aid, Gandalf.' The hobbit said, once the others were out of earshot. 'But I'm confused, you said you did not want me to keep it a secret from them.'

-'I do not think it wise, but since you seem so adamant about it, I shall help in any small way I can.'

"Somehow I find it hard to believe since you've been dropping subtle hints at the company for the past 5 days!" Oh and he had. Often asking Gloin about his wife, Fili and Kili about their mother Dis and their respective talent in warfare, speaking fondly of how Belladonna had herself been a very feisty young woman, and how much Bilbo would've looked like her had he been a lass. Now, to anyone else, it would've seemed like just a rather odd conversation topic, but Bilbo knew why the accursed wizard said such things and he often had to refrain throwing something, anything, at the old bugger's head.

-'So would it be too much to ask for you to bring me warm water once it's my turn to take a bath?' He asked.

-'Yes, it would.' The grey magician said, chuckling at the heated glare he received. 'Now, I'm certain that a smart little one like you can figure something out.'

Grumbling about "Bothersome wizards" and "Annoying adventures and curses", Bilbo began heating a bit of water over the fire the dwarves had lit before they left for their bath. He just had to take it with him into a bowl, wash before it cooled down and splash himself before getting dressed. Simple enough. Once the dwarves started coming back, the hobbit waited until they were all present before he grabbed his hot water and made his way to the springs.

He didn't make it far before he was intercepted by Thorin, whom glared down at the steaming water in his hand.

-'What's this?' He asked in a gruff voice.

-'J-Just a bit of hot water.' Bilbo replied.

-'We are on an important quest, halfling. We will not always have the time to indulge in comfort.'

-'I know, I just need a bit of warm water after a cold bath.'

-'Why?' Kili asked, and the hobbit tried to come up with something.

-'It's... A hobbit trick not to get sick! When we bathe in cold water, a splash of hot will keep up from catching a cold!' He lied quickly.

Before anyone in the company had the time to question him further, he stepped around Thorin with his bathing things and went straight to the lake. The plan worked fairly well. Bilbo quickly stepped into the water and tried not to pay too much attention to the deforming of his/her body, just focusing on scrubbing it clean as fast as s/he could. Apparently, the transformation did not get rid of the dirt and grime, just changed his/her anatomy. S/he got out of the lake and went to the bowl of water, dipping his/her finger to check the temperature. It wasn't boiling anymore, but still very hot and dumping it wouldn't be...

-'Mr. Boggins, are you there?'

Not thinking twice, Bilbo grabbed the bowl and splashed him/herself with the hot liquid, bitting his/her lips in pain as to not make a rather pitiful noise. His/her body tough, shifted instantly just in time for the two brothers not to notice, as they passed through the tree line. Bilbo hurriedly covered his modesty and turned around.

-'Hey! Can't a hobbit have some privacy?' He nearly squealed.

-'Sorry, but Bombur just finished preparing supper and Uncle said you won't get any if you don't hurry up.' Fili explained.

-'Fine! I'll be right there, just let me get dressed.' He huffed, his back still turned to the two.

As he heard their heavy steps leaving, he sighed in relief and began drying himself. As he was about to put on his suspenders, he heard Kili shout:

-'You've got a rather cute butt, !'

He groaned as the two finally left, laughing loudly, while he blushed heavily. As he got himself dressed, he wondered once more: "What was I thinking?"

Fair warning, this is where I stopped writting and I have absolutely no clue what to do next. if you have any idea you'd like me to do, just post it in the Review!