I don't own Artemis Fowl. Eoin Colfer does. Enjoy!
" D'arvit! D'arvit. D'arvit. D'ARVIT! Why on earth did this have to happen to me? A genius, who is reduced to filthy work like this!" Belinda, aka Opal Koboi, said.
The former pixie, crazy mastermind and owner of Kobal Laboratoria was in Italy. Or to be more precise, the sty of a vineyard in Italy. Which was the reason why she was in an extremely bad mood.
She, a genius with possibly the highest IQ ever, had to do work that was reserved for simpletons. Work that got her extremely dirty and was disgusting. The stench was so bad it almost made her faint. The pigs kept making annyoing noises and nothing would make them stop. She had tried everything. Shouting. Kicking. Hitting them with the pitchfork she was currently using to remove their excrement.
Opal, she decided, hated pigs. They were disgusting, useless, obtuse creatures. She didn't understand why the owner of the vineyard, who she now had to call mother, kept them.
The only use Opal saw for them, was to eat them. She had never actually eaten meat, and wouldn't normally, but she hated those pigs enough to delight the sole idea of eating them. It would serve them right, those vile creatures. It was their fault she had to do this work. They were disgusting.
From all the work she had to do, and her ' mother' forced her to do a lot, Opal hated cleaning the sty the most. The stench, both from the pig exrement and the pigs, was bad enough on it's own. But it was also a lot of work and Opal hated working as much as she hated Foaly. And she hated Foaly so much, that it had literally driven her crazy. Well, that and some other things.
"D'arvit" Opal cursed again when one pigs starting rolling in the remainer of the excrement. Knowing her 'mother' , Opal would end up giving all the pigs a bath after finsihing all her tasks. Her mother wanted them to be clean. While Opal didn't even think pigs were capable of being clean.
She looked at the guilty pig, who was enjoying himself by rolling in poop. " You're disgusting" she spat. "Yeah! This is fun" was the only thing the pig said in respond. And kept rolling in the excrement.
Opal's magic was gone, but she could still understand most foreign languages and animals. Which wasn't really of any significance. She had no desire whatsoever to understand pigs. They were disgusting, obtuse and just annoying. All they spoke about, was food, mudd and other things to roll in and sleeping. Opal got headaches listening to their insignificant babbling.
She only enjoyed listening to intelligent conversations, not just mindless nonsense from some stupid pigs. But she was forced to listen. Just like she was forced to work.
Opal sighed. How has it come to this? Me, working. Working is something for simpletons, for obtuse, abortive people. I'm a genius. I deserve so much more. And yet, her I am, cleaning a sty. And I don't even have any truffles to decrease the torture.
" D'arvitting Artemis Fowl. And his obtuse, little friend Holly Short. And all the others! I will get them. I will torture them, break them. I will make them cry, take everything they love. They might have won the war, but I have already won the battle. Julius is dead. And I will the rest. It's only a matter of time" she said, talking to herself. She spent a lot of time doing that lately.
She was the only person to understand herself anyway. All the other creatures were just obtuse, they didn't understand her genius. They were like her father, scared of her intellect. She would show them. She would let them bow for her. She would have them all as her slaves. Soon.
The pigs observed her while she cleaned the sty, all the time muttering to herself. Opal believed they were stupid, but they weren't. Pigs are actually quite smart. So they understood what she was saying. Well, not exactly the words , but the general meaning. Something about revenge, world control and others.
They didn't like her. She was very mean to them, screaming and hitting them. Always saying they were obtuse and filthy. They weren't. Maybe they weren't as smart as her, but they were still smart. And only a few pigs enjoyed rolling in excrement. The pigs that weren't as smart as the others. And mainly because it cooled them down. Or because they were bored.
So when the pigs saw the faraway glance in Opal's eyes, they started to make a plan. A plan for revenge...
Opal didn't notice the pigs whispering to each other, planning her forthcoming doom, since she was too busy in the conversation with herself. " I know. I know. Our next plan has to be perfect. Artemis Fowl won't win this time. We will plan his doom. It will be delightful" she muttered, actually changing her voice and responding to herself.
She was so busy with the 'conversation', she didn't see it coming. It being one of the pigs who had been chosen to execute the plan. He ran towards her and bumped into her, causing her to fall.
Opal had just time to scream before she fell forward, right into a pile of poop. When she managed to free her face from all the pig excrement, she almost threw up. Her entire face was covered in poop, including her mouth. The stench and the taste were unbearable to Opal. And it was humiliating.
Spluttering and cursing, she wiped her face. She got up, her eyes full of hate and anger. " YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS, OBTUSE ANIMALS! I WILL MAKE SURE-".
That was as far as she got before the pigs ran towards her and pushed her back into the pile of poop before sitting down on her.
One pig sat down on her face and.. farted.
When Belinda's mother come to the sty to check on Belinda, she found her passed out, covered in poop. And the pigs seemed to smile...
Haha, just had to do this. I re-read the Opal deception and discovered the lady who found her after her escape, kept pigs. And this was born.