(The storyline picks up in S6 EP 5, however, this take on it is original. All characters, as always, belong to Kurt Sutter. Enjoy!)
No time! No time! Run, run, RUN!
Jax ran faster than he'd ever run in his entire life. Cradling his firstborn in his arms, he raced around the corners of the clubhouse, narrowly missing beams and counters, dashing for the exit as fast as his legs could carry him. Chibs was right on his heels. They burst into the cool night air and had almost crossed the parking lot when the heat and pressure of a massive explosion threw them to their knees. Jax braced Abel's head against his chest and attempted to shield him from all of the flying debris. The noise was deafening and the flames lit up the sky like the sun itself had crashed into the clubhouse. Jax chanced a glance back and saw the building that had served as his job, his pastime, his second home, blown to pieces and burning to the ground. Somewhere beneath his shock, he felt the rage that was growing all too common lately. The Irish…they had done this…they had almost killed his entire family, his brothers, their families, and friends, their children! They would pay…he didn't know how but he would find a way…he would find a way and he would bury them ALL.
From somewhere behind him he heard Thomas shrieking….Tara! Jax quickly got to his feet and looked around him. The parking lot was full of terrified looking people holding each other and crying. He saw some of the other club members holding family members and croweaters when he finally spotted Tig crouched over Tara and Thomas.
"Tara!" he called out, quickly making his way over to her. He gave Tig a quick nod of gratitude for watching out for his family. Tig helped Tara to her feet and nodded in return, and started walking off as Jax reached for his wife. "Are you ok? Is Thomas alright?"
"Yeah, we're ok, I think," she said shakily. "Jax, what the hell was that? Where did that come from?"
The panic was obvious in her voice and he knew that any hope he had of convincing her he could straighten out SAMCRO and keep them safe was shot. His attempts at trying to save the club had nearly gotten everyone he loved killed! There was no way to talk himself out of this one. She was already set to run for the hills before, there was almost no way he would be able to hold her back now…did he even want to? Is this what he was holding on to? Is this what he wanted to raise his boys around? Jax's mind was so scattered he could hardly process everything that was going on, what this meant, why it had happened, where everything was supposed to go to from here… he looked at Tara with lost, confused eyes…
"It was the Irish…I was trying to get us out of guns…Tara I never thought they would do something like this. They slipped it in a keg that was delivered to the bar...They were supposed to call us at 8pm. That was the trigger…"
"Jax, we all could have DIED!" she said fighting the urge to yell.
He could see the tears brimming on her eyes as Thomas let out another wail. Jax swallowed hard, trying to fight down the lump that was in his throat. He had no answers for her. What excuse could he possibly give her? He'd always told her that he would keep them safe. But Abel had been kinapped by the Irish after he was born, she'd been kidnapped by Salazar when she was pregnant with Thomas while he was overseas, she was almost kidnapped and killed on their way to Portland, where her hand and career was almost destroyed, she'd been set up as an accessory to murder by Otto, and now this… Jax couldn't fool himself anymore. He felt his heart breaking in his chest as he knew he was finally going to be faced with choosing his family or the club. He reached for Tara again, Abel silent in his arms, and the four of them stood huddled together in the glow of the flames.
They stood like that for a long moment before Jax heard a subtle cough behind him. Still holding Tara, but turning his head to glance around he saw Chibs standing behind him very solemnly. He shot him a confused glance as if to ask 'is it really that important?'
"Jackie boy," his voice cracked, "I need you to come with me."
Jax knew Chibs well enough to read his voice and expressions and he could tell that something was clearly very wrong… he nodded back to him and gave Tara an extra squeeze to know he needed her attention. She looked up from his chest with the tears running down her cheeks. God, he did not want to have to leave her like this... he looked back at Chibs pleadingly but the Scotsman just nodded that it was really that important. Looking back to Tara, he ran his free hand over her short brown hair; he still hadn't grown used to it yet. He pulled her forward and kissed her forehead. Tig reappeared out of nowhere reaching to take Abel from him. As Jax looked at his brother, he saw the tears in his eyes and immediately knew that whatever was wrong was much worse than he'd expected. He shifted Abel's weight over to Tig and gave Tara another kiss, this time on the lips, and Thomas a quick peck on his little head.
"I'll be right back," he promised her. She just nodded silently without looking at him.
Taking another glance at Tig, the other biker couldn't look him in the eyes. Jax turned and followed Chibs, suddenly realizing he had tears in his eyes too and somewhere deep down he knew that the explosion had claimed someone's life. The lump in his throat started to grow as he tried to think of all the people that had been in the clubhouse….Everyone…everyone had been in there… He tried to brace himself for who he was about to lose…obviously not Tig or Chibs…he was pretty sure he'd seen Happy in the crowd…As they approached, a darkened corner of the lot, he saw all of his brothers gathered around someone on the ground but he couldn't see past all the leather kuttes. Bobby's big frame stood up and lumbered over to him, tears openly running down his face as he wrapped up Jax into a massive bear hug.
"I'm so sorry, Jax…" he sobbed.
Jax still couldn't find the words but felt his face start to twist up more and more as the anxiety built in his throat. Who was on the ground? Who was it? His desire to know was slowly being matched by his growing fear of finding out. He started analyzing the heads attached to the kuttes…there was Happy, Juice's scalp tattoos, there was Ratboy… Then he saw the boots… Jax didn't even feel himself break away from Bobby as he started moving closer… It was dark but his heart locked up because he knew there was only one person it could be…Tara was safe, holding' their boys across the lot, and there was only one other person who could make a group of bikers cry wearing black high heeled boots.
He suddenly felt someone rush in front of him and a slender set of arms wrap themselves around his waist.
"Jax," Tara cried, "Jax, I'm so sorry!"
But his body was numb and he kept walking forward. Tara moved to the side and grasped her hands together against her mouth. One step and then another…As he approached his crouching brothers, he started to see the form of the body below them. Another step. The other SAMCRO members suddenly realized he was there and began backing out of the way, not a dry eye amongst them. The light from the fire didn't reach here. Allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness, the dark form on the ground slowly developed into a woman with long dark hair and bright blonde streaks lying on her side with a large shard of wood jutting out from her back…a large black pool settling around her body. Jax kneeled to the ground wordlessly, the tears starting to build up in his eyes as he brushed the hair from her face. Her eyes were closed and he knew that she was gone.
The feelings he had were mixed and confusing. The woman that had brought him into this world and fought as fiercely as any lioness looked so small and vulnerable. She had been conniving and manipulative, always working whatever angles suited her best. Tearing him and Tara apart or pushing them together, the dirty secrets she thought he hadn't known about, almost killing his boys. There was a part of him that had grown to despise his mother over the years, how selfish and narrow minded she was, but in death, especially unexpectedly, it can be hard to cling to those thoughts and now, as she lay there on the ground, she was simply his mother, with a large "T" jutting out of her back from the Teller Morrow sign that had hung above the garage.
He knew this couldn't go on…He had almost died more times than he could count. His mother had been gang raped because of the club. Abel had been kidnapped and nearly lost forever because of it, the same for his wife and Thomas when he was still in her belly. His best friend was murdered in prison because of it. And here he had almost lost all of his friends and family again because of it, despite trying to steer it in the right direction, and now he had lost his mother. How much more was he willing to take? How many times could he turn a blind eye and pretend like it was going to get better. His father had known. The club that Jax had joined was not the one that his father had created and the sad truth was that it really was too fargone to be saved. He loved his club, he loved his brothers, but he knew now that his family could not survive in this world and he could not survive without them. His heart broke and the tears ran freely from his eyes as he knew what Gemma's passing meant. It was the end of an era. Gemma had been the one that pushed him to the club life. When he'd wanted to leave with Tara at 19, Gemma had convinced him to stay. When he was going to go nomad, that's when Gemma revealed what those white supremacist fucks had done to her. When he was ready to part ways after getting out of Stockton, Clay had forced them into staying and he was sure his mother knew what Clay had been up to and probably supported it. He loved his club and he loved his brothers…but in losing his mother, in many ways he was gaining his freedom. It was a very bittersweet feeling. Jax sobbed as he stroked her hair and knew he'd have to stick around long enough to help clear up this mess and find some way to avenge her…she didn't deserve this. She deserved a lot, but not this…and once that was done, Jax knew it was finally time to put the rest of his life first, being a father, being a husband. Glancing back at Tara, with her hands still pressed to her face and cheeks streaked with tears, he knew it was finally time to pack them up in the car and leave this town forever.
Jax bent over and kissed his mother gently on the forehead as Chibs came back with a wool blanket. Jax nodded and silently whispered good bye as he covered the body.
I love you, Mom, he thought to himself, May you now know the peace you never knew in life…
Jax turned away from her body and opened his arms as Tara ran into them. He didn't know what he would do or where they would go. All he knew was this was where he belonged…everything else would fall into place…just like it had been trying to do all along.