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Chapter 30 – Where I Want to Be

(Previously): "I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what, Troy?"

"Us. I can't do us anymore. This whole week I have had a lot of time to spend just thinking about everything that is going on in my life. And I have found that I can't be a part of this relationship anymore. It's too confusing and it seems like I'm always just getting my heart broken into even tinier pieces than the last time it was broken." Gabriella felt her heart breaking too.

"Troy…"

"No…let me finish…please. I have done a lot of thinking this week. And I have decided that it would be best for Alex and me to move. My apartment is extremely cramped and it allows no space for Alex to play, especially outside."

"Yeah, I have thought of that, too. That's why…"

"Please stop interrupting me. I just need to say this." Gabriella nodded and Troy continued. "I have found a house. It's big enough for the two of us and it has a nice sized back yard where Alex will be free to run and play as much as he wants without me having to worry about him so much."

"Is it very far from here?"

"It's in Phoenix, Arizona."

"W…w…what?!"

"I've been offered a job there. I met an administrator of a school there at the conference this week and we had a chance to sit down and talk. He said there is an opening there for a music teacher. I just have to officially accept the position and put in my resignation here. Besides my parents, you are the only person that knows. I'm just going to have to find a way to break it to the kids. And we'll have to figure out how to split up time with the kids so they can come stay with me."

"You can't leave, Troy." Gabriella's voice broke and she fought back tears.

Troy got angered by this and began to raise his voice. "Why the hell not, Gabriella? Why is it that every time you want to do something, I support you and wish you luck, but every time I decide to do something you tell me that I can't do it or you just don't want me to do it? Why is that?"

"Because I love you!" Gabriella said, raising her voice also.

"Well you may, but like you said, love just isn't enough," Troy yelled back as he stood up. He began to walk towards the back door, but a now sobbing Gabriella gently grabbed his arm as he passed her.

"Please don't leave. I need you so much. I need you in my life and by my side. I can't live without you. Not again. I can't raise these kids on my own. This past week has been horrible not knowing where you were and not being able to talk to you. It killed me when you wouldn't answer my phone calls."

"Gabriella, don't you get it? I can't handle being in this kind of relationship anymore, not knowing exactly where we stand. You say that love isn't enough. You want to stay with me, yet you don't want to marry me." Troy had tears running down his face now. He sat back down next to her and whispered to her as he began to sob. "Please, just tell me what exactly you do want." Troy lowered his head and stared at his hands in his lap, quietly sobbing as he waited for her answer.

Gabriella leaned over and put his face in her hands, pulling it upwards to make him look at her. "I want you. I want a family again. I want this relationship. I want to marry you. I don't know why I didn't just answer you when you asked the first time. I knew in my heart that my answer was yes, but then all of these doubts started going through my head. 'What if he cheats on me again?' 'What if we start fighting again and we're unable to work it out?' 'What about the kids?'"

"I'm not going to cheat on you again. That was a mistake in the first place. I was stupid and drunk that night and never want to relive that again. And as for the fighting, we just have to learn to communicate, which I must say, I think we are getting better at. And the kids…the kids are all for us getting married, especially Alex. Alex adores you and I talked to him personally before I ever asked you to marry me to make sure he was ok with it."

"You asked Alex's permission?"

"Yeah, I love him and I love you, but I have to think about the kids now too."

"And that makes me love you even more."

"So you really want to marry me?"

"Yes."

Troy smiled brightly, wiping the tears form his own eyes. He grabbed Gabriella's face and wiped her tears away with the pads of this thumbs before pulling her in for a passionate kiss. When they leaned back from the kiss, Gabriella smiled at him.

"What?" Troy asked.

"One condition."

"Aww, man! You're not going to make me make it more romantic are you?"

Gabriella laughed and shook her head. "No, I think the dinner was plenty romantic. Plus I don't know if I could wait on you again. I'm not as patient as I used to be." They both laughed, knowing how impatient Gabriella had actually been in that situation.

"What is it then?"

"I want you to move back in here. Don't move to Phoenix. Don't accept the job and don't resign from your job here. You and Alex can move in here. He loves playing with Caleb and Annabelle and this will give him lots of space to run and play and he'll get used to living here by the time we get married."

"I would love to move in with you. I love so much, My Brie."

"I love it when you call me that. I love you, too, Troy, my future husband."

Troy leaned in to kiss Gabriella again, finally content with his life again. Yep, this is exactly where I want to be.

Troy and Alex moved in with Gabriella and the kids a few days after Troy and Gabriella's conversation. Troy and Gabriella were both so happy to finally be back with one another. They both were finally able to get back to sleeping peacefully all the way through the night now that they had one another to hold and feel safe with.

About two weeks after Troy and Alex had moved back in, Gabriella woke up halfway through the night. She wasn't sure what woke her up, but when she rolled over to try to go back to sleep in the comfort of Troy's arms, she realized Troy wasn't there. Where is he? Maybe he's in the bathroom.

Gabriella waited a few minutes but Troy didn't come back. She got up and went to look in the bathroom but he wasn't there so she proceeded on to the kitchen. Troy wasn't in there either or in the living room. Gabriella started to get worried. Where could he be? She stopped and listened to see if she heard him, but the house was silent except for the sound of her breathing. What if he had doubts and doesn't want to be with me anymore? What if he left again?

Gabriella sat down on the couch and began to cry. She still had doubts every once in a while, but they were getting better. But now that she woke up to find him gone, they were back in full force. She lay down on the couch and curled up, tears slowly trailing down her face. She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, Gabriella was half asleep, but vaguely heard someone quickly walk into the room. Then she felt a hand on her face wiping her tears away. She opened her eyes and looked up to see those blue eyes she had been longing for. Relief flooded through her body.

Troy looked Gabriella, worry evident in his eyes. "Brie? Are you alright? Are you hurt? Are you sick?"

Gabriella looked into Troy's eyes and saw nothing but love. "No…I'm fine."

"Then why are you crying?"

"It's nothing. It was stupid." Gabriella began to get up and go back to the bedroom but Troy stopped her.

"Brie, please talk to me. I need to know why you were crying. I don't like to see you cry."

Gabriella's tears started coming faster. "I thought you were gone."

Troy frowned at her, confused. "Gone? What do you mean?"

"I woke up and you weren't there beside me. I checked the bathroom and the kitchen and in here and I couldn't find you and I didn't hear you anywhere. I thought you had left me."

Troy pulled Gabriella into him and just held her. "Why did you think I left? I'm not going to leave you. I never could." Troy pulled back so he could look her in the eyes. "I love you more than anything in this world. I'm always going to be here for you. I just got up because I heard Abigail. I went to her room to put her back to sleep. It took a little longer than I thought it would."

Gabriella breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry I doubted you. It's just that I still struggle with this fear of losing you again. You're the first man who has ever stuck by me for any long period of time and so I should trust that you will always be here, but…" Gabriella trailed off and looked anywhere but at Troy.

Troy pulled her face back up to look at him. "But I ruined that trust you had in me." Troy finished her thought process. She looked up at him and nodded slightly.

"I'm sorry. I want to trust you and I'm trying but these doubts seem to be holding me back occasionally."

"Don't apologize. I am the one who needs to be apologizing. But I intend to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, proving how much I love you and that I will never let you go or hurt you intentionally again."

"Troy you don't have to apologize anymore. You've already done that and I forgave you. But I promise that I will work on trusting you more. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you and our children."

Troy leaned in and kissed Gabriella, then grabbed her hand and led her back to their bedroom.

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