A/N- Thanks guys for hanging in there with me! Yeah my martial arts roots took over a little in this chapter, hope you don't mind Let me know what you think!

Chapter Five

Spock decided that since he still couldn't sleep that he would do something constructive. He turned on his light and went over to the computer and sat down. He checked his messages and found there were Twenty one all together. However one was most unexpected. It was from his elder self; out of curiosity he opened it. He looked at the computer screen with a blank expression for a moment.

Do not fear

That was the entirety of the message his elder self had sent him. There were twenty more from Nyota that had not bothered to read because he knew what the messages held. She was angry, hurt, worried and he was not able to cope with that right now. He had never intended for things to go this way. He had hoped for the best case scenario, his human blood would do something useful and spare him the blood fever. If not, then he thought he would have the time to explain things logically to Nyota and she would not be left scared in the dark. However the blood fever hit fast and hard, he had no warning before it had already began to destroy his emotional control.

He did fear, he feared if he saw his Nyota that he would no longer be able to control himself. She was human and fragile. His primal need that fevered and sickened his body would possess and destroy her if he let it. He could not let that happen. He would die first.

Spock had a transmission of his own that needed to be sent. He thought about his wording for a while and then composed his message.

T'Pring,

your willingness to meet me at the sacred grounds is logical and shows you to be an exemplary Vulcan Woman. However I am compelled to release you of our marriage contract. Our bond, as you no doubt already noticed, is gone. The only explanation I can truly give, is one that has haunted me for all of my days. I am too human.

S'chn T'gai Spock

Spock checked it over once again and then with a shaky hand sent the message. This was his choice. It would be a dignified private death on Vulcan II, the remaining priests and healers would see to that. This he could handle over bonding with someone other than his Nyota. It was the only path he could face. It went against his sense of duty but he did not see another way. This decision had already been made for him since the day he realized he loved her. That was a day of great fear as well…

Spock gave Nyota a look of calm challenge as they stood in the gym martial arts training area. Nyota grinned and then launched her attack. A double back kick, Spock was almost amused. She was going easy on him. Spock dodged the first blow and then quickly blocked the second. He used her body's weight against her as he caught her arm that was now within his grasp and threw to her to mat.

"Illogical move, my Nyota," Spock teased in Vulcan before he helped her up.

"I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention," Nyota replied in Vulcan. She then took her index and middle finger and lightly brushed them against Spock's palm. His breath caught and his attention was successfully diverted. Nyota took advantage of this and presented him with her usual expert and furious attack. He blocked what was to fast to dodge and then he countered with quick fluid movements taught to Valkinar from childhood. To a human observer it would look like a mix of Kung Fu and dance. He decided to teach her because its dance like qualities made it easier for Nyota to take to it. They practiced in the very early morning hours since the gym was usually deserted until around 0600 A.M. After a few more back and forth hits, Spock's long and agile legs caught Nyota's and she soon found her self once again on the ground.

"You are just too damn fast," Nyota said breathlessly as Spock helped her up…again.

"Your skills are improving. However, resorting to cheating does not become you," Spock replied with his notorious raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, a lot of good it did me. I'm not sure that only landing on my butt every other move should be considered an improvement," Nyota joked.

"We should get ready to board the transport," Spock advised, his internal and always accurate clock told him that they had two hours to shower and pack. Nyota nodded and they left the gym side by side.

An hour later Nyota arrived at Spock's apartment with her old and tattered light blue suit case in hand. She walked in and put her case next to Spock's pristine plain black one he had brought when he first came to earth.

Spock knew that Nyota had a power over him. That would be the only explanation he could come up with for agreeing to spend the weekend with Nyota's family. It was not that he did not want to meet her family. He was more then curious to meet them. However, his relationship with Nyota had been building slowly over the past year. They both had decided to take things one day at a time. They continued to enjoy their normal routine together, with a few added pleasures. Nyota seemed to be comfortable with the restrictions of their physical displays of affection. He could remember the night that the conversation about their physical relationship took place…

Nyota had cooked Spock dinner at his apartment for the first time. She prepared vegetarian lasagna. Spock ate a healthy portion of the meal; she was indeed a good cook. He sighed as he watched her eat. What was she to him now? It was only a week ago that they their relationship had shifted to a more romantic nature. He supposed that she was what human terminology would label as his girl friend. Spock thought that the term 'girlfriend' did not adequately name her association to him. He made a mental note to look at some ancient Vulcan text and see if he could find a suitable label for his Nyota. He believed that she would find this pleasing.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sight of the candle light reflecting off of her skin in the most sensual way that Spock had ever seen. The soft colors of her blouse along with the candle light made her skin even more radiant. He just stared at the beautiful woman that he had the good fortune to spend time with. He didn't really believe in luck, but he thought that the human expression fit anyway.

"You're quiet tonight. Did you enjoy the lasagna?" Nyota asked breaking the long silence.

"The meal was most satisfactory. The reason for my silence is simply that I was analyzing the affects of the candle light on your aesthetically pleasing features," Spock replied softly as he continued to stare.

"Why Spock, you are dangerously close to telling me that you think I am beautiful," Nyota teased with a seductive grin. Nyota got up and grabbed Spock's hand and guided him to the couch. Spock was going to mention that they had not cleaned up after the meal when Nyota leaned in close to where he sat and ran her tongue across his pointed ear. Suddenly he had forgotten what it was he was going to say. Spock breathed in deeply and put his arms around her waist pulling her close. How did she do this to him? He wondered as he pulled her on top of him for a kiss.

Their kiss was passionate and even more heated that their first. Nyota moaned as Spock's hand tentatively slid under her shirt to caress her slender stomach. He could feel the warm singe of his telepathy connecting to her. It exhilarated him and aroused him. Nyota took off her shirt and guided his hand up a little, giving him permission to feel as he pleased. His hands slowly explored Nyota's firm breast as he removed her black bra. Both of their breaths quickened at the contact. Nyota pulled away from their kiss and grabbed Spock's black T-shirt and pulled it over his head. She ran her fingers over his chest. He knew at this moment could not make a coherent sentence if he tried.

Nyota's kissed his neck and traveled down to his shoulders. Unexpectedly she stopped. Spock had to force back a groan in disappointment. She laid his hand in hers looking at it for a moment. She caressed her middle and index fingers to Spock's. He shivered and all coherent thought was driven out of his mind. The pure sensation that he felt through his whole body was almost over whelming. With a groan he continued the Vulcan Kiss for a moment and then rolled on top of Nyota.

He kissed her furiously, keeping their hands in contact. An emotional flood of Nyota's consciousness came into his mind adding to his pleasure. Nyota began to lower her free hand and caressed his erection through his pants. Spock's eyes rolled back and his breathing now nearly stopped. She began to unbutton his slacks; his hands were already working on Nyota's. The emotions that he could feel from her gradually became louder, now screaming in his head as if they were becoming his own. He froze, his reasoning abilities coming back full force. He shakily got up off of Nyota and turned away from her. He had to collect himself. It was inexcusable to totally lose his control this way, he was ashamed.

Nyota stayed on the couch catching her breath. After a few moments she got up and put her shirt back on.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you too far," Nyota said timidly. The rejection she felt was plain on her face.

"Do not be sorry. It was pleasurable I assure you," Spock replied as he turned to look at her again. Some of his control returned to his features.

"Then why did you stop?" Nyota asked, with concern in her voice not bitterness.

"Nyota there are things we need to discuss, apparently a lot sooner than I anticipated," Spock said with a slight flush to his face.

"Alright," Nyota said with a smile, glad that he was going to talk about it and not withdraw from her.

Spock took a deep breath and sat back on the couch. Nyota did the same and rested her head on his shoulder. He began stroked her hair.

"I believe the best way to begin, is to tell you that I have never engaged in sexual intercourse," Spock said bluntly. He watched for Nyota's reaction.

"I figured that, I have studied Vulcan culture you know. And since we are being open about his, I should tell you that neither have I," Nyota replied without any hesitance in her voice.

"I am surprised. Human attitudes toward sexual relations are different from Vulcans. In Vulcan culture, engaging in a sexual relationship is equivalent to marriage. There is no separation between the two. A telepathic bond forms between a Vulcan married couple during such contact. It binds them emotionally and mentally together, for life."

"That, I didn't know, I should have figured though. Is that the strange sensation that I felt when we touched, a bond beginning to form?" Nyota asked, her eyes brightened with curiosity.

"Yes, but it is not complete. However, if we would have continued, it would have completed and it is nearly irreversible. It seems mentally we are extremely compatible," Spock explained, hoping she would understand now, why he had to stop.

"Well, if you're trying to tell me that you want to wait until marriage, I understand. Especially now I know about the telepathic bond. You see, I hold a similar view. It doesn't have to be marriage, but it does have to be someone I care deeply for," Nyota said with a smile.

Spock felt a wave of relief as he heard her words. He had feared that this conversation would be more difficult.

"You have not 'cared deeply' as you put it, for anyone enough to consider having a sexual relationship?" Spock asked, unable to stop from voicing his curiosity.

"Only one," Nyota replied with a wink. Spock's eye brow rose as she considered her words but made no comment. Nyota got up grabbed Spock's t-shirt and handed it to him.

"Now if you don't mind, I am going to use your bathroom to take the coldest shower in history."

Spock's reminiscing was interrupted by Nyota asking him if he remember to pack his lute.

"Yes, it is wrapped and set in my case," Spock answered. He took a deep breath to center his emotions.

Spock was not sure what her family would expect of him; or of his relationship with Nyota. For that matter; he did not know how they would respond to the fact that he was half Vulcan.

"Are you worried about meeting my parents?" Nyota asked.

"No, it would be illogical to be anxious about a simple family gathering," Spock replied, his voice neutral. It was times like this, that it could be an inconvenience that Nyota could read him so well.

"You're nervous," Nyota said as a fact.

"Don't worry, they will love you. They will be just happy that you don't have numerous tattoos and piercings. The fact that you are a genius will be in your favor too," Nyota continued putting her hand in his.

"Have you introduced many men to your parents of that description?" Spock asked in his version of a teasing tone.

Nyota got an overdramatic incredulous look on her face.

"Ouch Spock, what kind of girl do you think I am?"

After nearly a year in Nyota's company Spock had learned to tell when she was teasing him.

"You would be the first I actually have brought home. They may be a little nosy and crowding, but they will be nice," She promised.

Spock pulled Nyota into a hug and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"You should depart or you will be in danger of missing your transport," Spock informed her as he let her out of his embrace.

"Good-bye to you too Spock" Nyota replied with a smile.

Nyota left Spock's apartment to board the first transport. He would follow a few hours later on the next one available. Their relationship still had to be kept secret from prying Star Fleet eyes. It would be too obvious if they boarded a transport together for her home country. At first he had signed to take the same transport as Nyota but thought better of it after thinking it over. After half and hour went by Spock's computer beeped informing him that there was an incoming transmission. Spock got up from his meditation mat and answered the call.

The screen hummed and then showed the image of a balding middle aged man in a Star Fleet uniform. Spock recognized him as the senior security officer.

"Commander Spock, I have some disturbing news. The transport that you were supposed to board, 15701, crashed soon after take off. The cause is still to be determined but it is speculated that an explosive was involved."

"Were there any survivors?" Spock asked holding his breath as he awaited the answer.

"No commander," The security chief said solemnly.

"I want to see all evidence that is compiled from the wreckage," Spock replied his voice devoid of any emotional reaction.

"I thought you might, you are aware that there are several groups out there who don't like the fact that you are here, commander."

"I am aware of this fact. The first order of business to be dealt with is to keep my name from being mentioned in the media reports. That is, unless you desire a full scale war with Vulcan. I will be at your office in fifteen minutes, Spock out,"

Spock ended the transmission and his hand stayed on the computer consol for a moment. Suddenly Spock dropped to his knees. His strength had given out. Spock's breathing quickened as his emotional shield threatened to break under the strain of his unexpectedly powerful grief and anger. Nyota was dead, and it was his fault. He closed his eyes and by sheer force of will calmed his breathing and strengthened his emotional shield. He had to be able to function in order to help find and destroy Nyota's murderer.

The afternoon was spent analyzing pieces of debris with all of the scientific knowledge and equipment Spock possessed. He had a full report on his CO's desk by midnight. He had found a residue and materials on the bomb that was only found in engineering lab. Who ever did this was in all probability, a fellow teacher or student. Spock calculated that there was a ninety-Seven point five percent chance, to be exact. More importantly than all of that, were the patches of finger prints that he was able to piece together.

Spock waited in the lab as the prints were being analyzed, and checked against the database by his colleague Lt. Mendelson. Spock could have done this himself of course. He also knew that there were times when it was logical to let the expert in the field do their job.

"Here you go Commander, I have to say, he deserves what he gets. Fifty people, what a waste," Lt. Mendelson said as he handed the results to Spock and shook his head.

"Thank you Lieutenant, I appreciate your efficiency. I realize it was an inconvenient hour," Spock replied and left Lieutenant's office without another word.

The science lab was dark accept for Commander Spock's work area. The debris from the ship laid in an organized fashion on the examining table. Spock stared at his view Screen taking notes. The doors to the lab opened and a young dark haired young man, armed with a phaser walked in. He lifted his weapon fired it directly at Spock. The phaser beam went through Spock as if he was a ghost.

"Welcome Commander Williams. You have failed, again to hit your intended target," Spock said coming out of the shadows directly behind Commander Williams. His eyes widened, dropping his weapon in shock. He turned to face Spock.

"A holographic image; very clever Vulcan. I have worked my whole life in science. Here you come, and in no time they are all but handing over the whole science division to you. You and your Vulcan brothers will dominate this planet. You all but say that you think Vulcans are superior to humans. Well I am going to prove that isn't so!"

Now finished with his heated rant; Williams swung his fist at Spock's face. Spock dodged it easily and countered with a hard and direct hit to Williams' ribs. Spock could feel at least one crack under his knuckles. Spock had wanted this; an excuse to beat this man to an inch of his life. Williams quickly recovered and grabbed a near by metal rod from an examining table. He hit Spock in the side as hard as he could to get the angry Vulcan away from him. The hit did not even phase Spock. The Vulcan growled as he fluidly landed a punch and to Williams jaw. Then before Williams had time to recover Spock followed through with a blindingly fast kick. Williams didn't even know what had hit him as he fell to floor nearly unconscious.

Spock looked down at the pathetic man for a moment.

"You murdered fifty in order to kill me. One of them was my student, and friend. I hope that knowledge comforts you where you are going," Spock replied, his tone was ice, not emotionless, but a deadly coldness.

Spock grabbed Commander Williams by the throat and lifted him up off the ground. Spock watched the man try to squirm out of his grip with madness like amusement. In this temperament, for the first time in his life; he reminded himself of his father. Sarek's protectiveness of his wife was the closest thing to emotion his father ever outwardly expressed. That's when it hit him, with his hands choking the life out of the human who was responsible for her death. He loved Nyota. He would have blood on his hands for her. The emotion he could not identify when he examined it was the bright beginnings of love.

"Spock, put the bastard down son," Captain pike ordered calmly. Spock snapped out of his blind fury when he heard his friend's voice. He had not heard Captain Pike and the security crew enter the science lab.

Spock slowly put Williams on his feet and released him. Williams coughed and inhaled air in to his lungs furiously. The security team seized the murdering commander and took him away.

"Are you alright?" Captain Pike asked as he looked at Spock.

"Yes, thank you Captain Pike," Spock replied, taking a deep breath he gathered his control once again.

Spock went back to his apartment after his report was made of what had transpired. He headed straight into his bathroom and undressed, in preparation for a sonic shower. A feeling of being tainted and unclean filled him. Spock knew that it was purely from the violence that he inflicted upon Williams and was illogical. However he couldn't ignore it. He entered the shower chamber and turned it on. He let the sonic rays cleans him as he stood motionless.

Now alone and without a crisis to attend too, Spock's emotions demanded his attention. All at once, as he stood there trying to feel like him self again; his steel emotional shield completely shattered. It took all his control and Vulcan training to not allow him self to give in to his grief. He sat down on the shower floor and fought a battle for his sanity. Nyota left a large gaping whole that Spock had only now realized that she had filled.

Spock didn't know how long he had been there on the floor; hours probably. Dawn began to peak through the small bathroom window. It took at least that long for him to slowly rebuild his emotional shield. His comfortable steel wall that he had clung too all his life had to be rebuilt in order to survive. Spock was relieved to find that the shield was weak; but it was at least there again. He got up and managed to get him self into bed. He fell into a troubled sleep, for no other reason than being awake was too excruciating.

Spock was slowly awoken by a distinct and recognizable sound. The computer was informing him that a message has been received. Spock sighed and got up out of bed. It was very likely could be a summons. Star Fleet could want more interrogation as to his actions the following night.

He turned on a light and sat down to the computer. From the heading on the screen Spock could see that the message was from the security chief.

"Play message"

Commander Spock,

Just thought you would like to know that rescue did find a couple of survivors late last night. Apparently they were hard to find due to the large space to search and bad weather. One is a student of yours so I figured you would be interested. She had a severe head injury and they only found her identification and few hours ago. Nyota Uhura, I believe is her name. Medics said she would be fine and would be transported back to the academy in a few days. Thanks for your help last night. Goodbye Commander.

Spock just sat there, letting the news fill him. His Nyota was alive. The complexity of emotions this caused was overwhelming. His weak and battered emotional shield could barely process it.

Spock felt water drip off of the side of his cheek. He reached up to wipe it away. He then realized that tears had escaped his eyes without his notice. It was illogical, he thought, to weep now that he knew Nyota would return to him. His own biological and emotional response confused him. Spock could not bring himself to think anymore about it. His shattered world was reconstructed with one simple message, and nothing else mattered.