Things were really starting to look up. It had been two months since I started seeing Dr. Clearwater to help with the loss of Jacob. After we had sex the first time, I had a nightmare. the guilt of moving on had weighed on me so much. That morning Edward found me crying in the bathroom and the guilt felt even worse. Because I knew Edwards's would blame himself even if it wasn't his fault.
Since then he wouldn't go past a light peck on the lips. Even if I wanted more, Witch I did all the time. Edward was a drug when he was around I was on cloud nine.
Dr. clear water said she believed the reason I was so up and down was because with my past, of abuse from my father and loss form my mother I became codependent on Jake when he was there I could function fine. But, when he wasn't I couldn't really stand alone and that made since. I remember the times when he was on isolation after his treatment and for those weeks I was lost. I became a zombie.
Her prognosis, I needed to find something that would give me relief from stress. Something I could do to clear my mind and sort things out. So I tried writing journals but the slacker in me fell behind on it.
The only thing I could do all the time without fail was cook. I love cooking. I would get lost in my own perfect world when I was cooking. So that what I did when I had a low.
I would engross myself in recipes and bake. Alice and rose complained I was going to make them fat. While Emmett and jasper said the opposite the loved it. Perhaps the best part was I got to watch Edward eat my food. His reactions were always so entertaining.
We had talked about Edward a lot. She said she thought it was good I had someone to talk too and be intimate with. But, she also thought I needed to make sure I kept a form of independence in our relationship otherwise I would just be putting Edward in jakes place. We talked about intimacy. She said it was on all levels and I needed to share all my feelings with him.
As far as our physical relationship, Edward wouldn't even talk to me about it and I was frustrated. She said that for our relationship to work he needed to give me the independence too do what I felt was best for me. She suggested I talk to him about it and lay everything out on the table so he could understand where I was coming from. So I decided tonight I would bring it up.
We had been staying at each other's houses quite a bit since things became official. He was coming over after work tonight. So pulled out grandma's swan's famous lasagna recipe and got cooking. I wanted to loosen him up for our talk and I knew lasagna was one of his favorites. I also made garlic bread and a nice salad.
I knew how much Edward loved me in blue, so a few days ago against my better judgment I asked Alice to help me shop for a dress that would drive him wild.
I got out the shower and curled my hair in loose curls I gave myself a smoky eye with fire red lipstick. The dress was a tiffany blue fitted dress with capped sleeves. The neck line was very low revealing a lot of cleavage. The bust and sleeves had a black lace overlay, and there was frilly lace trim on the skirt. I put on a pair of black pick-a-boo toe shoes with tiny black bows on the toe.
Buzz
I miss you -e-
I miss you too-b-
Buzz
I'll be there in 10 min I'm just going to take a shower first. -e-
Ok can't wait to see you -b-
EPOV
We were two months in to our relationship and I was head over hills in love with Bella. She had been seeing Dr. Clearwater and she was getting better every day. She was smiling a lot more and seemed to be happy all the time. She had started cooking a lot as part of her therapy. It helped her to have time to think. I love it but it meant more exercise otherwise I would be packing on the pounds.
Being that I wasn't having sex rite now the gym was definitely helping me take out my frustration some.
I will never forget that night it was absolutely perfect. She was perfect. But, when I saw her on the floor curled up from guilt of doing it crying. I told myself she had to get better first. I could take the chance of hurting her again. I felt like a monster, like I had taken advantage of her weakness.
She was getting frustrated. I could see it, she never really pushed me to do more. I could tell it wouldn't be long before she brought it up.
The tattoo convention had finished a couple days ago and the holidays were approaching I wanted to ask Bella to my parents' house for the weekend of thanksgiving. It was a tradition of ours. I was going to ask her tonight.
I ran home and took a fast shower. Then threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and went to Bella's. I opened the door and was instantly hit with the smell of lasagna.
"Bella, love where are you?"
"I'm in the bathroom. I'll be rite out help, yourself to dinner!" she yelled.
I sat at the table making myself a plate it was so good. My girl could really cook.
"Hey," she said causing my head to snap up both of them.
I inhaled a sharp breath. She was going to be the death of me.
"Wow Bella you look beautiful," I gasped, I got up to give her a hug and sat back down not being able to concentrate on my food.
"What's the occasion?"
"I was thinking it was time we had a talk," she said blushing.
"About?"
"I've talked to Dr. Clearwater and well she says this whole intimacy thing well we need to talk about it."
"Bella please," I begged hoping she would change the subject.
"Look Edward I know you're trying to protect me but we can't go on like this. It wasn't your fault it was mine. But, don't you see I'm getting better. I'm learning and you have to trust that I know what's best for me."
"Bella please, I can't. Seeing you like that, that next day broke my heart. I hate seeing you in pain and more so knowing that I did it to you. Please just give me a little more time."
"No, Edward I need this, I need to be able to control my life and emotions. I'm ready please just trust me," she begged.
She was right I had to let her make the decisions of what was best for her. But, I also had to do what was best for me. Then she walked over leaning on the table and she put my hand in hers.
"Edward I love you," she smiled. "I'm not afraid to say it anymore."
My heart stopped for a second, jump starting into high gear she loved me. "I love you too." I said pulling her in crashing my lips into hers.
I scooped her up bridal style and carried her into the bedroom. Our actions were more rushed then last time. she needed me and I needed her just as bad. I kissed her and pushed inside of her and I was home.
I knew I wasn't going to last long and neither was she. So I began to rub her "come for me baby."
With that I felt her walls tighten around me and I released into her. "I love you," I whispered in to her ear as I laid back. We sat there catching our breaths.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"For what?" I asked.
"For everything." she smiled and kissed me, pulling me back to her. It was going to be a long night.
A/N: next up Bella meets the parents ; ) reviews?