Dear Mother, With Love
Chapter Two- Dear Mother, Is There a Reason for Suffering?
"I'm sorry. Just, for a little while longer, I want to be 'here.' But maybe I'll know by then. Maybe then I'll know what I have to let go of." Kyo Sohma, Fruits Basket Vol. 19
In that moment, where I pleaded for her to accept me, not only to her home, but also to her heart, she seemed to stop breathing. The last time we had a moment even similar to this, we were at my school. Now, here I was. I was at her home, on my knees and head bowed. The tears flowed freely once more from my eyes. I couldn't look at her face; I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that shocked expression that was present there. I had never shown this much of my weakness in front of my mother before, and I felt disgusting. It was as if I was surrendering myself to her. I knew that that was exactly what I was doing, but I still felt horrible.
Earlier when she asked me why I was here, I noticed her voice was cracked. I already knew what type of cancer she had. It was throat cancer. Hatori said that she may soon lose her voice. She would have to write everything down. I also knew that my voice was also cracking. There was no way I could stop that. The huge lump in my throat hurt so much, and I almost couldn't breathe, but I still continued to cry onto her floor, risking an asthma attack with every second.
"I-I'm sorry, Yuki…" I knew what this meant, I should know more than anyone else in this family. I was being abandoned, again. Yet, it wasn't her answer that hurt me the most. It was her hesitation. She had considered it, laid out the possibilities, and weighed the consequences, and decided that I wasn't worth it. Suddenly, the air flow to my lungs simply shut off. I couldn't breathe, and everything was going fuzzy. The world moved for a second, and I heard a 'thud' in the distance before everything went black. When I think back on it though, I think it was my head hitting the ground.
I woke up, who knows how many hours later. Hatori's face was above me, and so was Momiji and Haru's. "Are you alright, Yuki?"Momiji's voice was high and filled with worry, and I think I even saw regret somewhere in there. "I'm fine, really, you don't have to worry about me so much."I tried to reply with as much sympathy in my voice as I could manage. Haru started to glare at me, and was about to say something when Hatori began to speak. "Yuki, you should be fine. But I would like you to rest for at least an hour or two before you try to anything stressful again. Come back to my office at around 5pm tomorrow, and I'll double check on you."I nodded a little too quickly, eager to get away from Haru's smoldering glare.
As Hatori walked over to his desk, filling out papers as he did so, I took my chance and got up to head for the door. I was too late though, Haru grabbed my arm and swung it over his shoulder. "What did Hatori just say about this, Yuki"His voice was thick with rage, and I could tell that one wrong word would make him snap. "Don't have to worry about you… that's bullshit…"Haru mumbled to himself, I obviously wasn't meant to hear it. As I continued to stay quiet, Haru looked at me, turning my face as he did so, forcing me to look at him as well. His eyes had changed completely from earlier. He looked so sad right now, remorse and longing filled his eyes, and I kind of wanted to cry again.
I think Haru saw the tears fill my eyes. One began cascading down my cheek, and his hand swept over my face, his thumb wiping it away. Now he was cupping my face in his hand, and I was grateful for the warmth it held. "You do know I care about you, right?" He asked softly. I nodded, knowing my voice would crack if I said anything. "Don't scare me like that again. When Momiji and I heard you had passed out at your mother's place, we didn't know what to think." Haru then pulled me into a large, almost suffocating hug, and I couldn't do anything except reciprocate the action.
Then, Haru whispered thickly into my ear, "You're my best friend, Yuki. It's just, that with this curse, and Akito, and now your mother, I can't be sure that you're even in one piece right now. You seem to be getting better though, you seem a lot happier with yourself then you were before… It's because of her isn't it?"
It wasn't just me who knew what Haru meant by her. Pretty much the entire zodiac knew. Tohru Honda gave us all hope, she made us take chances that we never would have dared consider before, and she made us all feel like we would be free someday. In a way, we all loved her, in another, we all scorned her existence because no one should be that caring. It wasn't possible, but yet it was.
I nodded into Haru's shoulder.
And he pulled me out of his embrace.
He looked me in the eyes.
Then he was kissing me.
It's not like it was a big deal or anything. I had always known that I was more than a friend to him. So I just let him. He knew it meant nothing to me, and as long as he knew that, no harm-no foul. I was careful not to respond in anyway, not even to pull away. Soon, Haru got the idea, and separated from me. He licked his lips, and looked at me again. "You felt nothing?"I nodded. "It's fine,"He responded, "You needed some show of affection anyway."I grinned up at him. "Thanks Haru." I finally said. He simply patted me on the back, and gently pushed me out the door of the Sohma estate.
Back at Shigure's house, Tohru was the only one who had been overly worried about me. Kyo kind of laughed when I walked in the door. I was getting the impression that they had all heard about the situation. "Yuki," Tohru cried, "We were all so worried about you. Hatori told us that you had passed out after seeing your mom!" Yeah, Hatori had ratted me out. "Honda-San, I'm fine, you really don't need to worry so much. I just had an asthma attack, nothing I can die from so easily." Tohru seemed to calm down, and smiled at me, then walked back to the kitchen to finish the dishes she had been doing.
As soon as she was out of hearing range, Kyo scoffed at me. "You went to see your mom? What, hope she might want you after 16 years of abandonment?" I glared at him. "She's dying actually. I went to visit her, it's respectful. Oh, wait, you wouldn't know that, you're just a stupid Cat." Kyo stood, then walked past me. " I don't wanna get into this today." He had shocked me, he had left himself open for a fight, and simply blew me off. Why was everyone so weird today?
"Why?"
The word left my lips before I could filter it.
On his way up the stairs, Kyo turned to stare at me, his eyes refused to reveal anything, and his expression was neutral. "Because it's not worth anything anymore. Things are gonna change soon, and I don't wanna be the only one stuck in the past." I think he saw the shock and comprehension on my face.
"Is it breaking?" I asked with slight skepticism in my voice.
"Yeah, I think so. Least, that's what Kureno's been heard sayin'. And, I think I can sort of feel some kinda tension building up, getting' ready to snap. Ya know?" I looked at him for a moment longer than I probably should have. But he seemed like such a different person right now. Somehow, I felt that this is who he should have been. The Kyo Sohma who should have existed without the curse.
"Yeah." I finally responded. "I've been getting that feeling lately. I think I have been trying to change too, but I never really understood why. I want to believe that I'm doing this for myself. Like I'm trying to become the Yuki Sohma who should have been allowed to exist. And I get that same feeling from you."
Kyo stared at me blankly. I stared back at him too. This went on for what felt like forever, before Kyo turned and started to head back up the stairs. "Kyo…" I whispered. I didn't plan on him hearing me when I heard him say, "What?" I said the only thing I could think of, "Stupid Cat." At hearing this he kinda of smirked at me. "Damn Rat." Even if the world ended this at least wouldn't change. I suppose in a way we're both kind of ignorant, and I for one am a little afraid of a life without the curse. But I was ready to accept the possibility.
Before I even knew it, it was the next day, and I was back at my mother's door. In my hand was a letter in an envelope. In my supposedly elegant cursive was the word 'Mother' and I quietly slipped the note under her door.
Dear Mother,
Is there a reason for suffering? Why should we all have to pay for the mistake of one person. Something that happened such a long time ago. Now I and 12 other people are cursed with these spirits, and honestly, it has ruined all our lives. But not just ours either. The people around us, and all the people we want to be close to have to pay for this as well.
I think it is breaking though. I feel this tension inside of me, and it continues to build up, and it feels like it might snap soon. The curse may finally be gone. This means that we are all at the Last Banquet. I already knew it was strange for the entire zodiac to be here, but I was never sure why.
Mother, you are dying. I at least want you to be around for the last moments of the curse. I also want to know you. I want to know who you are. I want to know why you abandoned me as a child. I also want to know if you even see me as your child.
May I be your child?
Sincerely,
Yuki Sohma
Tee hee
I kno.... This story is kinda cheesy.... But I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! xD
Please R&R
Ja ne
~Kasaki Kihoya~