A/N: I know this is overdue and I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry about it. You know how senior year is and this whole Christmas/New Year's holiday was just as hectic as the rest of the school year due to evil assignments and deadlines.
I'm also sorry that this is a REALLY short chappie but I found it hard to write more because, well, I already put it what I really wanted.
Notes on the actual chappie will be in the A/N below.
ENJOY! And don't forget to review!
Chapter 14
She knew.
She had known right from the minute that he had left her room yesterday to find out what was bothering her so much, what Vic has told her that was so urgent. Raven had known that the news would hit him where it hurts and twist the pain a little so that the sting would be prolonged, and she knew how he would react. He was an angry person under all that superficial happiness, and right now he would be angry at her—for not telling him—at his parents—for not curing him—at Vic—for not going straight to him—and finally, at himself, because he knew that he shouldn't blame all those people, and he knew that there would be no use trying to fix things because they wouldn't be fixed.
He was going to break up with her.
Raven had told herself that it would be OK, that she was going to break up with him anyway sooner or later due to the issues with the bond but…but she didn't think that she'd feel this…hurt…over it; at the concept of him breaking up with her. She knew that it was for her own good and she had been steeling herself for it these past twenty four hours, but it didn't help…she still felt so completely helpless and so…abandoned, for some odd reason.
It was the reason why she constantly felt like she needed air and had finally settled on going outside the Tower and to just sit at the edge of the island before being reminded instantly that it was in that very spot that Garfield had expressed his affections for her two years ago. She shook her head as soon as that thought came creeping into her mind, and just let her fingers get themselves entangled into the rough mass of grass around her; it was almost spring and nature was just starting to come alive once more, quite ironic considering the fact that he was going to end it with her soon. It was cold, but not cold enough that her coat couldn't keep her fairly warm and the wind kept howling through her ears, as if trying to rub her ache in her face. Raven noted that it was dark as the sunset had come to past, but there were purple streaks in the sky dotted with stars that indicated twilight instead of night. Everything was beautiful and heartbreakingly perfect, like a set for a movie, like it was preparing for something dramatic and chaotic to provoke.
Sigh.
The break up in itself wasn't going to be too bad, she figured, it was the aftermath that bothered her. Raven didn't know what would happen to their interactions; the team was already so dishevelled right now that another conflict wouldn't help the situation, but she had known the consequences of their personal lives and she knew that there was nothing she could do about it. It was just that…she would miss the intimacy that she and Garfield shared, the feeling that there really was no boundary between them, the small things that they would do for each other to make sure that the other was OK, the talks that ranged from deep and philosophical to completely full of balderdash and the fact that he had opened her up a little more than before. He had done that, she finally admitted grudgingly, and he was very good at it; in his company she found herself doing things that she wouldn't dream doing normally and she also felt a little looser with him, less controlled, less inhibited. That was a quality that she never thought he'd express but he did, and she was glad that he had, because it made her feel content and…good about herself.
She shuddered and her hands automatically reached out to rub her arms. The cool air was warmer than normal but every breath that she exhaled still created mist-shapes that danced lightly in the air, before being picked up by the wind. The indigo shapes in the sky were fading and they were slowly blending into the harsh black that blanketed the night sky. Raven curled her legs into her arms and continued to look around her while thinking other thoughts; the ocean was especially beautiful tonight with the sharp waves jutting out occasionally and the light slosh-slosh sound that echoed the way her heart thumped at that moment. It was beautiful, but still her thoughts stayed on what was to come.
Suddenly, she felt warm fingers prod at her shoulder before tracing it gently, eliciting a sharp sigh from her and arousing strong, colourful emotions from him. They were all familiar and yet…new…to her, especially in this context of separation and finality. They were all cautious and wary with smatterings of hesitation and love intertwined between those feelings and so alien for someone who always seemed to have an optimistic bubble around their body. The action of his hand on her shoulder itself made her sigh with reminisce of their first real physical contact with each other; his fingers intermingled with hers, the warmth radiating from his hand and the slow progress that it took for them to get to that point. It was all so overwhelming and she didn't like it one bit, not at all.
"Hey…"
She turned, her dark eyes locking with his green ones, and she found them to be haggard looking, not at all like the usual vibrant nature that naturally shone from them. He didn't seem to want to end it at all, and judging by the way he showed hesitation on sitting next to her told her that he might be having second thoughts on it.
"Hello Garfield."
There was an awkward pause between and a realisation made her laugh inwardly, if bitterly; he knew that she knew that he was planning on breaking up with her.
"I spoke to Vic." The shortness of the statement confirmed her suspicions.
She nodded slowly, closing her eyes momentarily to feel the rustle of grass beneath her as he sat down, "Yes, I know." Another pause, but she was determined to continue, "I take it that you didn't receive it well."
He snorted, and threw her a bitter grin, "You think? Raven, he practically told me that my life was over!"
"I would guess so." The sardonic tone was creeping into her voice rapidly and she didn't know how to stop it, and surprisingly, she didn't want to, "Which was worse?"
"What?" He scoffed, "Between the fact that you can't have kids, that you have a broken immune system, that I turn into some freakish abusive monster when I have sex, that I have Sakutia and I'm gonna die or I'll give it to you and then you'll die or even that if you don't get Sakutia, our kids will and they'll die?" She watched as he slowly brushed a hand through the mass of moss green hair, "It's like a frickin' bag of Pick 'n' Mix in a candy store."
At some other time, she would've smiled at his brilliant analogy but this was no laughing matter and he didn't think that she could laugh about it anyway; in doing so she would further hurt herself and hurt him. Raven didn't really know how to react either, though, and she felt that staying silent would be the best reply that he would get from her.
He took a quick look at her and for those few seconds she felt the fleeting anger directed at her, "It was like…" he groaned in frustration, "it was like me being happy about everything just came to pieces and Vic just dropped a frickin' nuclear bomb over my life." Garfield shook his head, his fingers scratching at his ears as they twitched from side to side, "I know, I know it's not Vic's fault. He was only tryin' to help me and…agh!"
"I'm sorry." She said finally.
"It's not…It's not…" His hands had moved down to his neck, rubbing at his green skin in frustration as his mouth struggled with the words, fumbling around clumsily, "It's…OK." There was a finality to the way he said those words, "I would've found out one way or another."
"I guess so…but…"
"Why did you do it?" His emotions suddenly pounced on her and she gripped at the grass to keep herself from staggering backwards, "Why did you ask Vic to find all this information?"
Raven took a good look at him before replying, "I…I wanted to make sure that I didn't endanger you if we ever…if we ever consummated our relationship." She sighed heavily and looked into her hands, "I didn't want you to get hurt."
"And now you'd be the one getting hurt if you stay with me." He laughed, the bitterness entering his voice once more, "Ironic." He shook his head and his laugh grew even louder though it sounded gruffer and rougher than the normal, light hearted laugh she was used to hearing, "And you know what? I wouldn't be usin' that word properly if it weren't for you."
The silence came back again and both parties spent that time looking out at the sea. Raven had no idea what he was thinking about while they both mulled in silence, and though she did have some thin sliver of telepathic ability in her, she didn't think that she wanted to know what he was thinking about. There was a vague sort of apprehension oozing from him when she used her empathic powers on him, but she didn't know if she was imposing her own emotions on him or if they were truly, naturally his. It was like the times before their relationship except multiplied by an infinite number; everything felt awkward and strange, like the boundaries that she had been slowly letting down built up again, and stronger, in the sense that she refused to let anything through. Words came to the entrance of her mouth but never left and an urge to just…just take his hand and make him feel better overcame her, but she didn't act on it. The barrier had been installed since Garfield sat down next to her and she had a funny feeling that it wouldn't be coming down anytime soon.
A sharp wind suddenly blew past them and she instinctively tugged at her sleeves to try to gain more warmth. That small reaction didn't go unnoticed by Garfield—why would it? He had the most acute senses Raven had ever known in a person—and before she knew it, he had brushed the strands of her wind-mussed hair away from her face and behind her ears. She felt the heat rush to her face as his fingers accidentally brushed against her skin whilst he retracted his hand rapidly, blushing a peculiar shade of purple. It was a force of habit, she realised sullenly, every single time he found stray hairs near her face, he would brush them away even if it didn't bother her; it was so normal that it felt odd, especially considering their current situation.
"Sorry." He mumbled, looking away.
Raven nodded slowly, "It's OK."
"No…no it's not." He pursed his lips momentarily, never taking his eyes off the ocean, "We shouldn't be doing this anymore, Rae, you know that."
She stayed silent for a while, pondering on what to say, "My rational side would say that I understood however…Garfield, you have always told me that emotions are important too and…" she shrugged to herself, "and…I believe that despite the things that Vic has said, I still want to stay with you and at least…try."
"I know Rae, trust me, I know but…we just can't. I can't." He sighed, "It would be selfish of me if I did stay coz I'd know the end of it and I didn't do anythin' bout it."
"We don't—"
He grunted in anger, "Yes we do and you know that better than I do." Finally, he turned his whole body towards her, "We just have to stop. Stop." Garfield added, almost like an afterthought.
"We do not have to do anything Garfield. Yes, I understand that there are some precautions that we must follow in order to stay…safe…but it doesn't mean that it's impossible for us to stay together."
"It's not safe though! Rae…Raven…I can't…I can't lose you, you know that…" Affection burst through all the other emotions and it stung a little, "I can't lose you like that…not like that."
"Then how would you prefer that you lost me, Garfield? How?"
"It's just that…it won't be hard…the break, I'll make it clean, I promise. It'll be like before, like these two years never happened."
"And you think that'll make me happier?" She hissed, "Forget these whole two years?"
"Not happier." He grunted, "Safer."
Raven twisted her whole body to face him, both fists settled on her hips quite stubbornly. There was something in his tone of voice that irritated her despite his good intentions. She had promised herself that she wouldn't protest and she would make sure that the break was clean and calm, but right now it felt hard to not get caught up with her emotions. Ironic, considering how controlling she was over them, even with Garfield's attempts to loosen her up.
"Safer." She stated flatly, "Safer. Garfield, there is no safer for us Titans. One way or another we face danger every single day, and I don't see how this is any different."
"It's different because I'll be the one who'd endanger you, Rae. I thought you'd understand."
Raven clenched her fists tighter as if she would physically hurt him but then loosened them after a while, "I know…and I do understand. I knew you were going to end it and I was expecting it but…" she shook her head, "it hurts and I know that what we should do is the most logical way to go about it but…" a laugh slipped out of her lips, "By Azar, I'm acting ridiculously."
"No you're not." He grabbed her hand and she gasped; it was the first physical contact—apart from the touch on her shoulder—that he had initiated between them for the past twenty-four hours and it felt…right. There were no other words for it, just that as soon as his large hands enveloped her tiny ones, there was just a warmth that spread throughout the whole of her and there were tingles—she grinned inwardly at the word—that sincerely excited her. She was going to miss it, she was going to miss all of it, "Rae, there is no one in this world who wants this to work out more badly than I do. Shit, Rae, I love you and nothin's gonna change it." His thumb massaged her palm affectionately, and she was comforted by the love she found sparking in that action, "You are everything to me and as cheesy as it sounds, losing everything wouldn't be all that great." The pressure on her palm built and she felt him sweat slightly, "I've never felt this way bout anyone Rae, and I don't wanna lose that feeling, or the person who caused it." He grinned at her but it quickly slipped away, "Not Terra…not Jill…but you. Fuck it…this is harder than I thought."
Garfield pulled away and her hand suddenly felt cold all over again, though technically that would be ridiculous since his hand was on hers for only a few seconds. She cradled her knees and rocked slowly, following the silent rhythm that the ocean had and she let her mind empty itself of all thoughts that she deemed unnecessary. The conversation was going slower than she had expected it to be, and she relished every moment of it, if only to extend her time with Garfield for a little while longer.
"It's going to be hard, you know? Getting back to our old routines." Raven flashed him a smile, but from his grimace, he must've seen past it, "I don't think I even remember what it was like."
"Beating the crap outta me and makin' fun of me, that's what you did most of the time." A twinkle appeared in his eye as he said those words, "Though, you still do it now."
Raven raised a brow at him, "And your activities mostly composed of you flailing about randomly, doing nothing useful and bothering me with whatever new discovery you had. However, as you pointed out, you still do that."
At the revelation, they both fell into that comforting puddle of silence. What they had just declared to each other made it all seem harder; the transition between friendship and relationship was too thin and the only thing that really separated it was the physical.
Raven watched quietly as his breathing slowed to a steady pace and found it slightly amusing that he had a hand over his chest, as if trying to measure the beats of his heart. That made her smile; she remembered quite clearly the many times that he had pressed her hand against his chest and she remembered in detail the first time she had felt the sensations of his syncopated heart beat. The syncopation of it was odd in itself, but what made it even more peculiar was the fact that Garfield claimed that she was the cause of it; it was highly flattering, but she figured it was scientifically inaccurate.
It didn't stop her from making her smile though.
"So how is it going to be a clean break if everything is going to stay the same? Garfield, this is an impossible feat…we clearly cannot do this unless one of us…" Raven let the sentence trail off as she what she was about to say.
He peered at her curiously, "Unless what?"
Unless one of them left, she realised. With the absence of the other, the hurt would heal quicker and they would forget—no matter how hard one kept to their memories—and even if they remembered, it would be a thing of the past, a summer fling, a first love that wasn't meant to be. Except…except that she had this vague inkling that if she couldn't find the man she loved in Garfield then she would have an extremely difficult time to find it in someone else. The process of going from acquaintances to friends to lovers had been a long one and it was tiring. It made Raven just weary thinking about it and she didn't think that she could go through it all over again.
"Unless what, Rae?"
"Unless one of us leaves," she frowned at him wearily, "and I highly doubt that it would be you who left."
His eyes widened at that, the whites contrasting greatly with his green eyes, "Leave…that's a bit extreme Rae, you don't have to do that. I…" he shook his head, "the team still needs you, Rae, and even if we're not together. Like…together together then we can still be friends right? And friend stick it out for each other…right?" There was a sort of desperation in his voice that seemed almost child-like, but it made Raven even more irritated than before.
"You know we cannot, Gar, it'll just make things…harder. We need to be as separate as we can be if we want to make this work. At least for a while." Raven grimaced, "Gar, you know all this, I know you do so why—by Azar!—are you trying to make it harder?" She heaved a heavy sigh and crossed her arms across her chest.
His face fell, "I know…and…shit…I know it's gonna be hard and I know it's my decision but…I just…you know I didn't want this to happen, right?"
"No, of course I didn't." Sarcasm coated her words thickly, "Of course I thought that we'd stay together forever and ever after what Vic told you." Raven pursed her lips, "I'm not stupid, Garfield."
He grinned, probably at the familiarity of her scathing remarks, and she realised that despite the topic of conversation being their break up, they were acting as if they were still in a relationship. All they were doing was sitting in the middle of nowhere, having a sort of conversation and just basking in the comfort that came with being in each other's company. Garfield was right, she was right; this was going to be a lot harder than it should be. It wasn't just because they lived together—which was hard enough—they were friends with the same people, they had the same job, they breathed the same air, ate the same food. Raven thought that she could swallow all that, suck it up and get through the day without being all soppy and reminiscent except that…except now they both knew that they had some sort of connection and it would be extremely difficult to go back to being ignorantly blissful because she had an inkling that they would remember about the connection every single time they attempted to be just friends.
Just friends, the damned word didn't even sound real.
"So, OK, if bein' just friends isn't gonna work out then what is?" Garfield asked sincerely, "We can't go on ignoring each other for the rest of our lives…"
"We can for one more year." Raven said wryly, "Well, you can choose to stay but I'm leaving."
"Oh…I forgot about that." He frowned and Raven got the impression that he still held his fairy-tale ending—that involved her—close to his heart even with all the messed up news he had received, "That's gonna be a hell of a year, Rae." He threw his hands up in the air exasperatedly and in authentic Garfield Logan style, "God, Rae, why does this have to be so hard?"
"Because if life was easy then we would all be sitting around on a really tacky beach somewhere sipping something hideous like a martini or something." She sighed as she heard him chuckle at the image, "And if love was easy then we'd all get bored."
That was true enough as it seemed at the moment. She had watched enough chick flicks—Kori would have to take the credit here—to last her a lifetime and by the end of the marathon she had worked out that if they had gotten together quite simply—read: right at the beginning without all that nonsensical drama—then they probably wouldn't have lasted. There was something to be said about turbulences in a relationship, it made everything seem much more exciting than something that came out from a kitschy 1950's movie.
Suddenly, she remembered why she had been feeling so guilty up to this moment; they were breaking up—or had already broken up? Raven wasn't really sure about these things—and she still hadn't told Garfield about her situation with Dick and the bond. It wasn't really something that she had to tell him, really, now that they had officially decided to end their somewhat tumultuous relationship, but she still felt strangely obliged to and…
"Gar."
"Huh?" Her voice snapped him out of his reverie, "What?"
…she changed her mind as soon as he threw that bland and completely oblivious look; as much as the break needed one, she didn't want to put another wedge in their already complicated relationship.
"Nothing."
Except…there was something…apart from the whole bond thing, that is. The break up…it just felt all wrong; it was too calm. Raven has expected at least some sort of spat that would make them hate each other's guts so that moving on would be oh so much easier than what they were doing; having a somewhat civil conversation like two people who hadn't met each other in a long time. She couldn't move on if she didn't have some sort of reason to wedge them apart; Sakutia wasn't enough because she would have stayed with him for as long as she could to help him get through it. It was incredibly soppy, and something that the old Raven wouldn't do, but she would do it in a heart beat and Raven figured that he would do the same for her too if the situation had been switched.
He was clearly thinking the same thoughts too, "Raven…what if we can't…" he scratched a pointed ear and frowned, "stay away from each other?"
She scowled; what a perfectly Garfield Logan thing to say, "You make us sound like a pair of sex maniacs. And we haven't even…" she let the sentence trail off on its own as soon as she realised what she was about to say.
Raven watched as he shuffled uncomfortably in his spot, rubbing at his arms and scratching his ears fervently. His mouth twisted fervently as if he was about to speak, but he kept hesitating and clamping his mouth shut like a pearl oyster on overdrive. His green skin seemed paler too but that may have just been her imagination, and she could see the hairs on his arm stand though she wasn't sure if that was just because of the cold.
They hadn't talked about last night—well, how could they have? He was practically ignoring her to the point that she thought that maybe she really was invisible—especially the events prior to his talk with Vic. He hadn't mentioned a glimmer of it and now that the topic of sex was brought up, the event seemed a tad awkward considering they were now breaking up a day after they almost had sex. Last night had been…intense…to say the least and the details that kept hammering back into her head made her wince not because of the actual actions—she remembered quite sharply that he had been showering kisses all along her jaw line and had actually purred into her ears, nibbling on her earlobes simultaneously while she had been trailing her fingers over his well defined chest and her fingers had continued to trail…downwards—that made her feel slightly uncomfortable at the memory but also at how forward she was, at how uninhibited she felt at that time. It had been a stirring pot of emotions but the only emotion she could remember had provoked her to keep going, because—Azar—she had wanted it as badly as Garfield wanted it, and he wanted it a lot.
"Do you regret it?" He said finally, his eyes firmly attached to his hands.
"Regret what, specifically?" Raven asked, partially bemused at the turn of conversation, "We didn't do anything, we haven't done anything."
His thick, moss-like brows met each other at the centre as he moved his gaze to her, "That's what I'm talkin' bout. Do you regret not havin' sex? I mean I kinda got the feeling that you were ready and all after these two years and—bam!—all this shit comes up."
"Is there really any use in talking about this now?" He made a slight grunting noise and she relented, "But if you really want the truth then, yes, I do feel some sort of regret over not having slept with you because," Raven sighed as her brows knitted together, mirroring his own brows, "well, as you said, I was ready."
"You'll find someone else. Someone way hotter than me." He half-joked.
"That's the thing, Gar, I don't think it'll be that easy trying to find someone else." That was the truth of it, at least, "I spent a long time contemplating on whether or not I was ready and I decided that I was because you were the right person."
This time, she felt his emotions suddenly plunge downwards drastically and her body physically felt like it wanted to be pulled downwards too. His facial expression had changed too but she couldn't put a finger on what had changed, despite her usual perceptiveness. There was just something lost in the way her moved in his spot but it wasn't that visible. Usually, she would be annoyed at the fact that she couldn't figure out this mystery action but right now she didn't find it all that important.
"Well…" she watched him carefully as he attempted a grin at her, "you'll find someone, I promise. Just…don't let it be Dick, OK?"
She raised a questioning brow at his peculiar request.
"What!?" He flailed his arms around, "Seriously, I know you guys are chummy and all but right now he's still a downright bastard."
Raven nodded, "Agreed. Knowing every part of him doesn't help me want him anyway."
Dick was mentioned again. By Azar, was there ever going to be a time when she wasn't going to be reminded about her problem every waking moment of her life? She needed to solve a problem at a time, and now she wanted to solve this problem of breaking up with Garfield. Well, technically it was him who was breaking up with her, but she knew that the feeling was mutual because she had needed to break up with him, though for more selfish reasons that Garfield's. Also, she had a vague feeling that they would've split somewhere along the road in the future anyway, and cutting their relationship loose now may have been for the better because—as they say—young hearts heal faster. Except…well, except she didn't feel very young. Raven hadn't really felt young since she was told that she would be the portal of death and destruction. Death and destruction didn't really help you live happy, blissful, young lives.
"Gar."
"Yea?"
She fumbled with the edge of her sleeve slowly, not looking at him, "You know, broken up couple aren't supposed to have civil conversations like this. I vaguely remember some chick flicks dictating that we should be screaming down each other's throats and ignoring each other until either we get back together again, the other has already found a new partner or they died."
He chuckled, his green eyes sparkling briefly, "I know…but…it hasn't sunk in yet has it?" He waited for her to nod before continuing, "I mean I feel completely crap and sorry and regretful and shit like that but…I know that I'll miss talking to you."
"We'll talk, I'm sure. I mean, I doubt there is any other way we can communicate when discussing strategies or training."
"No." Garfield shook his head, "Not like that. Like this." He picked up a pebble from the ground and threw it at the blue fabric that was strewn around the island, "Just me and you, chillin' and just…talkin'."
She frowned, though Raven felt a little smirk tugging at the corners of her lips, "We're hardly talking, Gar…and we're not exactly chilling, as you put it so crudely. We're being awkward and strange and yet we're both still here." She laughed quietly and was surprised that there was hardly and bitterness in her tone, "Doesn't really help the situation, does it?"
He echoed her laugh, "No, but don't you wanna pretend that we're still datin'? Even just for a little while, you know, until we have to get back inside."
"I would be lying if I said that I didn't but…" There was a pause as she scrambled around for the right words, "…it's going to make the situation worse."
"I guess…but…you know how I am." Garfield nodded slowly but she wasn't sure whether he was nodding to himself or to her, "What are we gonna tell the others?"
Raven thought on this for the moment, settling her thoughts on each of the characters that were stuck inside the Tower. Dick was out of the Tower but she figured that he'd find out anyway, him being in her head all the time and whatnot. Vic probably knew that Garfield was going to break up with her and Kori…she actually didn't know what to tell Kori. The Tamaranian lived and breathed optimism even with the recent cynicism that she had acquired from her own break up with Dick, and the girl had such high hopes about Raven and Garfield that it felt…wrong to break up, even if it was just for Kori's sake.
"We do nothing, we say nothing." Raven stated surely, "They'll find out on their own."
"Yea…"
He shrugged slowly, causing Ravens focus to settle on his shoulders and she sighed. There was a sudden urge for her to rest her head on his shoulders but she knew that it wasn't the right way to go about things even if they were breaking up pretty…amicably. It would just blur the line between friends and lovers all over again and…well…if this separation was to work out—on both parties—then they couldn't have any sort of confusion, lest it would all be futile.
Sigh.
"It's getting pretty late, Garfield." Raven said suddenly, "I should be heading back in soon."
The words were out of her mouth before she realised what she was saying but she didn't take them back. Raven had a feeling that if she stayed any longer, she wouldn't want to go, and she wouldn't—couldn't—move on if she didn't go. It was mutual it seemed, except Garfield's emotions were plucking at her heartstrings, almost compelling her to stay put in her spot.
"Now?" His voice sounded gritty, "Just a little—"
Raven shook her head, cutting his sentence off, and stood up from her spot, dusting off imaginary—well, maybe not imaginary…they were outside after all—dirt off her jeans and making sure that she looked decently presentable before going back inside to face the others. The way his voice shook was pulling her back in and she refused to look at his face; the hurt would be magnified ten times over if she saw his expression.
She turned to leave, but not before she felt his fingers entangle into her own and in that one second, flashes of emotions and images just sped past her, flooding her with all sorts of memories that she shared with him. The intensity of it all left her breathing haggard and she risked looking back at him for one last fleeting moment.
Raven regretted it instantly.
Garfield looked like a little lost boy in search of his mother in a supermarket, only to find out that his mother had completely forgotten about him and abandoned him in that busy public area. Everything about him looked a little…rumpled; his eyebrows, his nose, his eyes, his mouth…there wasn't one area on his face that made it seem like he was partially OK with their break up and he would try his hardest to keep it that way. Her empathic powers unwittingly wrapped themselves around him and backed away as soon as they discovered how…broken…he was feeling and the little voice in the back of her head kept telling her to stay put and to try to stop the separation, try to find a way around the reasons for their break up, try to…
"Stay?" Garfield whispered lowly and his fingers tightened around hers, "Please?"
Lost.
Raven was immediately reminded about people who jumped off buildings to commit suicide; it was rarely the impact that killed them, rather it was the shock of having done so. There was a feeling of peace as the wind grazed their suicidal faces and a finality of the sort when they realised that everything that had made them miserable, everything that had led them to this particular event, was going to come to an end, and all that was left for the last few seconds of life was the feeling of wind pushing against them, as if they were flying.
And so it finally sunk in, like the fall and the impact, Raven suddenly realised after all this time that their separation was final. There was no more comfort in just being with the other person, no more touches that could make everything seem well, no conversations that led nowhere and no…no more sharing the love they had for each other. She would be well and truly alone; she loved her friends—she did!—and losing them would hurt too but…it was different. There was no other word to describe it because it just felt that way. It felt different.
"Logan." She finally snapped, snatching her fingers away from his grip, "You were the one who decided the make this break! You were the one who decided that I was too damned delicate for you to handle!" She snarled and watched his face fall as he backed away a little from her, "So, by Azar, let me go so I can move on as quickly as possible without dwelling on how stupid I've been for loving you as much as I did. For loving someone as selfish as you are!" She scowled as his sadness whipped at her own emotions, "Because you are selfish for not considering how I might feel about you and your problems! So, let me go!" Raven shouted finally, ignoring how odd her shouting voice sounded like.
It seemed like she had won, as he no longer tried to reach out for her hand. Raven tried to calm herself down for the first few seconds after her surprising outburst. She hadn't meant to shout at him, but it had just come out; all that pent out frustration just came bubbling over, tipping the cauldron that kept all her emotions in check. It wasn't good for her powers if she let herself get out of control, and she was glad—and a tad surprised—that all her anger had done was cause a couple of rocks to explode and a small crack to form at the edge of the island.
Without a second thought, she turned around, ready to walk out on him in all earnest, hoping—rather selfishly—that he was feeling too dumbfounded to stop her and do something extremely stupid that might annoy her even more. But before she could even take a step towards the Tower, he had pulled her into him roughly, grabbing her by the head with every finger woven into her mass of dark indigo hair, and crushing their lips together so forcefully that Raven didn't even realise what was happening until a couple of seconds later. Her knees buckled underneath her but it was all done so quickly that she didn't have time to give in but by Azar, she had wanted to and still wanted to.
Garfield pulled back slowly, releasing her, "I'm sorry." There was guilt in his tone and in his own aura as he made his apology. It was slow and forced but it was sincere, "I'm sorry." He looked up at her, his big green eyes pleading quietly to her, "I love you." Garfield said finally.
Raven's eyes widened and she stood stock still, not knowing what or how to respond to such a violent and passionate action, and so she turned and walked away without looking at him or his eyes; her footsteps trudging slowly towards the place she called home. Her fingers traced her lips slowly, feeling the slight bruising and swelling caused by the kiss that he had forced upon her, tasting the slight saltiness that reminded her of all the anger, sadness, love, guilt and sheer frustration that was in that kiss. It was almost hungry, primal and animalistic…factors that were associated with him but didn't give him justice. This was what she was going to remember him by now, his last action towards her; utter passion unfiltered by the raging sense of urgency.
Her heart plummeted at every step she took towards the Tower as the break up sunk deeper and deeper into him, penetrating the core so that it would be forever etched in every part of her body, etched in every marrow that filled her bone. She would be broken for a while and she would need to escape, need to distract herself, need to force herself to heal for the sake of others. Raven had not been lying when she had told him that one of them needed to leave for the sake of the other, and though Jump City was currently enveloped in cold weather, she knew that her destination would prove to be even colder. There was no time to lose, she would need to pack her essentials and she would need to concentrate on the reasons why she would be leaving rather than dwell on her broken heart.
As she walked slowly through the corridors, she suddenly stopped, a realisation came to her, slapping her senseless a moment too late. Her hands reached out to wipe her suddenly damp cheers and she had to stop to lean on the wall for a little while as her joints felt drastically weaker than they should be. A cold draft blew threw her clothes and her lips felt dry despite the sudden urge to lick her lips continuously. There was no way she could go back outside to speak to Garfield, no way there would be time and no way she could ever just turn back time in order to fit in that one little sentence.
Raven realised, with regret hacking away at her, that she forgot to tell him the most important sentence of all.
Raven realised that she forgot to tell Garfield a simple, "I love you".
A/N: SO what did you think? In my opinion the chapter is a little so-so for my tastes but I DO really like some parts of it. But, it did turn out really differently to what I actually wanted it to be originally and there are some aspects that I wanted to discuss!
-Originally, this was supposed to be a completely huge-ass screaming match between Raven and Beast Boy, something a little more dramatic than this ever so slightly melancholic + mutual break up. BUT since it was BEAST BOY who was the one breaking them up, I realised that Raven would immediately understand because this was the most "logical" solution to BOTH their problems (BB's Sakutia + Raven's bond thingy). I mean, if it was RAVEN who broke them apart (before the whole Sakutia thing and only because of the bond problem) I can totally see this turning into a huge fight because of how BB would probably see no reason to break them apart and would be completely pissed off that she chose RObin over him.
- I also made it like this because in my opinion, breaks up like these (you know the sort, when everything just seems too calm, and you IMMEDIATELY act decent to each other after breaking up) hurt a little more than screaming matches because in screaming matches you can just blame the other person for being an idiot, etc but when they're like this is just feels a little like you're to blame too, you know?
- This chappie (if anyone's noticed) was supposed to mirror chappie 17 in "Renovation" and all, I just found it really ironic how they broke up in almost the same way that they (kinda) got together.
- Who here thinks that Starfire should be told? And who here thinks that Starfire will "get it" right away?
- Anyone ACTUALLY missing Robin? I kinda am, I want him and his OCD-ness back!!!
Anyway, that's all for now I guess. If anyone has any plot lines you want to share with me, be my guest because seriously, you guys have been a BIG help for me when I develop this story.
Oh yea, almost forgot.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEEEE FORGIVE ME FOR BREAKING THEM UP!!! PLEASEEEE??????????????
Also, don't forget to review!
See you next time!
-MonkeeNoodles