Disclaimer: See Chapter 2
Note to readers: Thank you Ellfine and Blackadder for the reviews and I'm again sorry for the delay in updating. Real life has a way of insinuating itself!
I sat and mulled over where I wanted this to go and came to the conclusions that there needed to be a few hiccups in events. I could have done a 'pursuit and recovery' angle in which they find Thadak, kill him and get the weapons, but then decided that a slightly more devious twist was needed to put some obstacles in the way of Gary and Eonwe. Hopefully I have gone some way to explain why Eonwe was able to do what Gary was hesitating over within the dialogue of this chapter. I've also tried to set out the basis for his procrastination.
Chapter 29 – Child's Play"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life." – Maureen Hawkins
"You fight well. Your tactics are a little unorthodox perhaps, but your expertise is just as good as Eonwe's is."
The voice intruded into Gary's sombre thoughts as he sat by the glowing embers of the campfire.
"Is that so surprising, since I am him, to all intents and purposes?" Gary spoke without turning his head towards the Vala.
Tulcas spread his cloak on the ground and lowered himself down beside Gary with a sigh. "I suppose not." He said mildly. "I had half expected to see Eonwe return to himself in the midst of battle. Your sojourn here has been longer than his was in the camp of Gil-galad."
Gary laughed shortly. "Perhaps because he achieved his aim in a much shorter time."
Tulcas detected a note of irascibility in the other's voice. "That act of his did not sit well with you."
It was a statement not a question, yet Gary answered anyway as if it was. He shrugged. "Maybe it was just as wellthat he did the deed. I would have procrastinated and dilly-dallied around until the right moment had long passed and ended up losing the girl. Unlike me, he hasn't had to endure the complicated rules surrounding relationships that have evolved in modern times."
"How so?" Tulcas asked curiously.
"Just meeting a woman is difficult enough in my time. Actually wooing her as a man would in this time is a virtual impossibility. Women in my time are…how shall I say? Emancipated and independent. They say they know what they want for themselves, but it seems more and more that whatever this is, it doesn't include men."
Tulcas looked puzzled. "But surely being emancipated and independent would be a good thing?"
Gary flashed an 'Eonwe' smile at him. "Perhaps, but men don't know where they stand with women any more. You can't take charge of anything; if you do then you're a bully. If you buy them flowers then they see you as weak, but if you don't buy them flowers then you're accused of not paying them any attention. In my time modern men and women practically speak different languages and the messages women send out are garbled. They will flirt outrageously with you but if you take that as encouragement then they tell you that you're taking advantage. So men just sit, watch and wait for the women to take the initiative."
"I see, and this is what you were doing." Tulcas hid a smile. "And how does this affect the fact that Eonwe took the initiative with your Kim?"
"My Kim?" Gary laughed, but the sound was hollow with unhappiness. "I wouldn't presume to call her that. She's more Eonwe's Kim at the moment. He…well he has none of the restrictions I have been imposed with. I suppose I'm him with an additional element, although I'm remembering everything that has ever happened to me up to and including the sortie today. I even recall sitting here with you afterwards, although our conversation went somewhat differently than it has tonight. Eonwe…he went to her not realising any of the pitfalls of modern courtship and he followed his instincts where she was concerned. I want to follow my instincts, but I know that our lives are much more complicated if I follow it all through to an inevitable conclusion."
Tulcas shook his head. "I still do not understand."
Gary licked his dry lips. "I am an officer in Her Majesty's Armed Forces. Kim is a senior non-commissioned officer in the same army. There is both a social and a hierarchical chasm between us that might seem petty to you and everyone else here in this time, but it exists. We face enough of a difficult time without an unexpected pregnancy when…if…we get back to our time from both the military authorities and the people around us in getting our relationship accepted, even supposing we both get back safely. It's not a lack of desire that has stopped me from doing what Eonwe did, but the knowledge that doing it while she is unprotected could cause major problems later on."
"Ah. You mean if you get her with child?"
Gary nodded sombrely. "Yes. It's not that I don't want children. I do, very much, and I want them with her. Just not under these circumstances. I want us to have a normal courtship. I want to date her; take her out to dinner, ease her into the society she will ultimately belong to, introduce her to my circle of friends without the complications of babies or rushed marriages. Get to know her and her to know me" His gaze grew distant. "Now it's all messed up."
"Are you angry with him?" Tulcas asked gently.
Gary thought for a moment. "No, not angry with him. More annoyed with myself I suppose because I wish that I didn't have the burden of knowledge that I have and that he doesn't have. It was a simple decision for him to make; the act followed on from the wish and the desire, whereas my desire is hindered by what I know will happen in the future. His is not. I wish…"
He stood up and stared into the darkness surrounding the immediate area. All around he could see the myriad campfires of the massive army of the Valar glittering like jewels in the ink-dark night. Part of him desperately wished that he belonged to this uncomplicated world, but although he remembered everything about his past now, he knew he was different.
"You wish?" Tulcas gently persisted.
Gary heaved a sigh and turned to look at the Vala. "I wish the first time had been mine." He said simply. "But I also know it wasn't to be and that ultimately it won't matter. I don't think that I will be going back with Kim and the others anyway."
Tulcas stared intently at him. "Indeed. Why do you think that?"
"I think it's too late. Things outside all of our control are happening I can feel it. Time is running out for Eonwe and I as individuals. During the battle I felt it more than any other time. He and I became one person. That's why my fighting was the same as it always was, because I was the same as always. That's why we have not yet gone back to our individual places." He met Tulcas' gaze directly. "But know this. The Eonwe who will return to Valinor will not be the same person who left. Not only will he have knowledge of the future, but by his actions tonight with Kim he has condemned us both to living for millennia knowing that she will eventually be, with our child, somewhere on Middle-earth. I don't know whether we will be allowed to reunite as a family, but if not, then she has a hard road to follow and I have left no instructions as to her welfare or that of our baby." He shrugged and gave Tulcas a bleak smile. "How could I have, since it was never meant to happen this way?"
Tulcas gently gripped his arm comfortingly. "You do not yet know for sure that she is with child."
Gary gave him a pitying look. "Yes I do. I felt the spark of life spring into being, as did he, and it will directly affect everything that happens from now on in."
Tulcas had no answer for this. The mysteries of conception and birth were something the Valar did not have to experience, although of course he had knowledge of such matters from dealings with the Eldar. Each had said the same; that they knew that life had begun from the moment of conception. The Valar also knew from Melian's marriage with Elu Thingol that children were not banned from any union between Maiar and Eldar. Now there was the fact that children were also apparently not banned from any union between Maiar and Secondborn. Or was that perhaps just between a certain Maia and his choice of Secondborn mate?
Speak no more of this to him Tulcas. Manwe's soft and sorrowful tones sounded in his head. You cannot help him. He has understood the situation accurately. If there are no more hindrances, he will return with the others to their own time and our Eonwe will be as he always was, albeit with future knowledge that can and will affect his actions. However we can make no such guarantees since Morgoth and his minions now have the power to interfere as they have proved. Things are happening and decisions are being made under the cover of a darkness neither I, nor any of the other Valar, can penetrate. The Lord of Mandos cannot and will not speak of it, yet I sense he knows what is to happen. Events must now take their own course. All we can offer is our support and strength for any trials to come.
Long after Gary had sought the seclusion of Eonwe's tent, Tulcas sat and considered everything that had happened and that would happen.
Gary seemed to persist in the idea that he and Eonwe were two individuals, yet Tulcas had seen just a few hours ago that this was not at all the case. The only difference between them was in the fact that the modern Eonwe in the shape of Gary brought a whole new aspect of modern military tactics and a shrewd, self-deprecating sense of humour to the more dour, very private Herald. Everything else was pure Eonwe, even down to the seemingly careless jesting and jousting that took place between them both.
Gary had been quick to ascertain that Tulcas considered himself to be much more than just a mentor to the Maia and where Eonwe had tended to be a touch more deferential in his joking with Tulcas, Gary had obviously felt no such restraints. Tulcas had taken immense delight in the complete relaxation of the restraints and natural barriers that Eonwe kept up to protect his privacy. The jokes had flown fast and furious during the fighting and afterwards where Eonwe would become quiet and introspective, Gary had sat and discussed his feelings and his reasons for the tactics.
Tulcas had felt honoured to be allowed to catch a glimpse of the fine man that Eonwe would eventually turn into and he began to understand much more clearly why Iluvator had chosen the Herald of Manwe as his representative in a future age.
The Kim situation was the first time that he had ever known the usually cautious, obedient Herald to fling caution to the winds and now it was certain that she was carrying his child. This fact put a whole new connotation on the situation and combined concern for her welfare might well speed up the joining of the two personas. Tulcas had the worst feeling that Gary was right in that he would not return to that future time with the mother of his child and their two companions.
The Vala sighed deeply and slipped into the shadow of the tents. As he did so, he shed the clothing of flesh and began the instantaneous journey back to Taniquetl. He badly needed to discuss his own tactics in dealing with the situation with his peers.
Ingwion sat down beside Finarfin and accepted a goblet of wine from the young Noldorin squire with a smile. In turn Finarfin raised his bright golden head from where it was buried deep in maps of the area and cocked an eyebrow at the Vanyarin commander. "Well?" He asked with a grin.
"What do you mean 'well'?" Ingwion demanded defensively. "Cannot a general visit a fellow general's quarters for some company and a glass of wine without there having to be an ulterior motive?"
Finarfin's light silvery laughed echoed around the silken tent. "Of course he can, except that you had a 'well what did you think of that' look on your face when you came in."
"I am surprised you actually noticed my expression with your head buried in those cursed maps." Ingwion growled.
"I see everything." Finarfin said calmly. "Kings have to develop the art, otherwise how can we keep up the pretence that we are all-seeing and all-knowing?"
Ingwion chuckled. "Ah well, in that case I shall never develop it, since it is unlikely that I will ever be a king. Not that I would wish to be of course." He added hastily. He leant over and dragged a small chest over to the front of his chair, slung his legs up on it and crossed them. "So what did you think of our Herald's battle strategy this day?"
"I thought it unorthodox, but very effective." Finarfin's voice was calm. "I have never seen a battle end so quickly and less bloodily."
"I agree." Mused Ingwion. "I have not seen such tactics before even from Eonwe. There was little for my force to do other than run through and sweep up. The archers and Curunir's fire weapons did it all very cleanly. There were hardly any deaths and only minor injuries, which is to be greatly applauded. The Herald was inspired to be sure."
"He was certainly different." Finarfin said softly. "And Curunir was not happy with either the method or the results."
Ingwion shuddered slightly. "There is something about that Maia that makes me feel very uncomfortable, yet I cannot understand why his objections to the use of his fire toys was so vehement. What Eonwe did with them was very effective."
Finarfin said nothing. He was not yet ready to voice his doubts about the agenda of Aule's Maia representative Curunir. What he did know was that the Maia greatly enjoyed watching his fiery weapons create as much destruction as they could and wasn't particularly upset when they killed and maimed members of the host as well as the enemy.
Up to now Eonwe had allowed Curunir to have his head, even though Finarfin knew that the Herald had misgivings about the use of the fire as a weapon, but the Noldorin High King had the distinct impression that he had only kept quiet because of the orders he was given by Aule with regard to Curunir.
This time Eonwe had given his fellow Maia succinct orders with regard to how he wanted the fire deployed and when Curunir demurred and protested, he had brought him firmly into line by reminding him who it was that commanded the Host.
Finarfin recalled the calm, yet amused look in Eonwe's eyes as Curunir had vehemently argued that his fire weapons could only be used effectively in a blanket fashion and that although it was unfortunate that both host and enemy were killed, sometimes it was necessary to do this in order to achieve the better victory.
Eonwe had stared at Curunir for a moment and a strange expression had passed across his handsome face. Then he had said something in a strange language that none of them had recognised but sounded to Finarfin like 'collateral damage', and laughed softly. Then he had proceeded to show the angry and dumbfounded Curunir just how extensive his own knowledge of fire as a weapon was and how he wished them to be used in the battle.
Curunir's expression had darkened horrifically and his features had set into a fearsome scowl, but albeit reluctantly and with a very bad grace, he did as Eonwe ordered and the result was that the battle had been short-lived and victorious. The archers with their fire tipped arrows and Curunir's fiery explosives had done their work well, Tulcas and Eonwe had dispatched yet another Balrog of Morgoth and the rest of the army had come in afterwards and carried out what Eonwe had termed 'sweeping up'.
But apart from the clean victory achieved over the enemy, one thing was crystal clear from the events of the day. Eonwe had made a dangerous enemy indeed.
Finarfin realised that Ingwion was now gazing expectantly at him and awaiting some comment. " As I said before, I think that the change of tactics was positive and very effective." He said in a neutral tone. "As for Curunir…" He shrugged. "I think that being dragged back into line has been long overdue. Eonwe commands the army, not him."
"He did not like it." Ingwion responded. "And he holds the ear of Aule."
"Indeed he does." Finarfin said calmly. "Too much so, in the opinion of many, but that is not for me to say. Eonwe holds the ultimate power over the army, granted to him by Lord Manwe and even Aule cannot gainsay the Lord of the Breath of Arda, no matter how much his apprentice might wish him to do so."
"You are right, but for myself I sense something dark in Curunir and I for one will not willingly show him my back in future." Ingwion declared stoutly.
"Have no fear my friend." Finarfin poured some more wine into Ingwion's goblet and also into his own. "I will pluck any spears and arrows from your back should I spot them."
"Thank you… I think." Ingwion chuckled.
Finarfin also laughed. "What else are friends for?" He enquired amicably. "So, when can we expect that errant brother of yours to return to the Host?"
The Timeless Halls of the Valar, Mount Oiolosse, Valinor
Lord Manwe sat on a long, low-backed marble bench. His arm lay loosely along the back of it and his head was bowed. Varda Elentari entered the hall with the intent of chivvying her errant husband into eating and to that end she was followed in by a female Maia who carried a tray loaded with titbits of all his favourite foods.
When she saw the despondent figure of her husband, she immediately signalled silently to the Maia that she was to leave, but leave the tray. The maiden bowed her head respectfully and left as silently as she had entered. The tray was deposited on a nearby table.
Varda moved soundlessly to Manwe's side. She sat down and gently brushed a lock of his pure silver hair behind his ear. He did not look up or even acknowledge her presence and her heart sank.
"What is it my beloved?" She asked softly. "Has something happened?"
"She is with child." Manwe whispered. "The mortal girl is with child by Eonwe."
"Is that so bad?" Varda asked in soothing tones. "We knew that this was more than a possibility when all of this began. Is it not what Iluvator intended when he sends our Herald back to Middle-earth in that future age? Eonwe was to be the one to bring back the music, wisdom and magic into a world long bereft of such things. It seems to me that even if Eonwe and his modern counterpart become one, as long as she and the other two return to their own time, that end has been achieved. The child will be the founder of his line."
Manwe looked up. His eyes were filled with profound sorrow. "And he will lose her and his child. How will that be for him? What kind of thanks do we offer for his continual sacrifices? Must he always be the one to lose?"
Varda placed a hand over his. "We do not know that Iluvator will not allow them to be reunited." She said quietly. "Unless of course he has ruled on this and not told us."
Manwe stood up and paced across the floor. "Not as far as I know, but it was not meant to happen this way. This was supposed to happen in their time and between the future Eonwe and the woman of his choice, not here in the First Age of Middle-earth. Things are not how they are supposed to be and if Morgoth finds out, then everything will change. She and the child will become a target for his evil intent and Eonwe, in whatever form, will risk all to defend and protect her. The fate of Middle-earth, present and future, as well as Valinor rests on a knife-edge."
"Then we must ensure that Morgoth does not find out." Varda said determinedly. "You must speak with Iluvator my love, there must be something we can do."
Manwe sighed. "I will seek communion with Iluvator."
Varda watched her husband shed his corporeal form as he walked towards the private area where he habitually went to commune with the Creator and gnawed at her bottom lip with frustration and worry.
For the love of the Valar Eonwe. She said to herself. I know that you have a right to fall in love and to consummate that love, but could you not have waited just a few more millennia to do the deed?