A/N: So, so so tired. Exams coming soon. Hope I don't disappoint with this chappie!
Read and review please!
Chapter 16
Raven felt a pair of eyes on her before she let her own eyelids flutter open and it took even longer for her to remember where she was. The couch was uncomfortable at best, with springs poking out of badly patched up unidentifiable fabric and the blanket covering her scratched at her skin unpleasantly, but she also realised that despite all that, she had a good night's sleep. It was lonely though, and cold, not like the usual sleep that she got back in the Tower, back in the warm embrace of…
She shook her head mentally, erasing those memories. There was another time for that and now was…too soon.
"I made you tea." A voice piped up, strong and feminine at the same time.
Finally, Raven opened her eyes, her eyelids hitting her crease so quickly that it hurt. The light was too bright—fluorescent, hardly comfortable for an apartment…though they had them in the Tower too, though that was different; it was for interrogation purposes only though…and to make sure no intruder was left unseen—and the air was a mish-mash of cold and stink. She rolled over on her side to see who had addressed her and wasn't all that surprised that it was her.
"Thank you." Raven said slowly, sitting up to face her, "Tea is always a good wake-up call after a long night."
They sat in silence after that, neither of them not knowing what to say. It wasn't either of their faults, really, that it felt so awkward; neither of them knew each other so well—Raven had only met her a couple of times, and in those times she had met her as Batgirl—and secondly, the issue of Dick was just floating in the air, sneering at both of them. It was like they both knew why she had come here for and they were both conflicted in their own choices.
"You're looking well. " Barbara piped suddenly, flicking a bright red strand out from her face, taking a sip out of her own cup, though Raven suspected it was something more akin to hot chocolate rather than tea.
She nodded slowly, "You too…in a sense." She added hastily.
"Hah." Barbara barked out a laugh, her brows furrowing by the second, "Well for a girl who's in a wheelchair, you mean, and for the rest of her life, might I add." As soon as the sentence died down, the toughness that Raven knew was essentially Barbara's surfaced slowly, "The rooftop run's become a thing of a past. Dick's a bit upset about that." And the pride, Barbara wasn't going to show anyone she was weak.
Raven sighed as Barbara turned her disability into a joke. There was ripe sadness, juicy depression, in the pits of her aura, and it reeked, the fluid seeping out of the cracks slowly, but surely. The fortress that she had made for herself was hard, but brittle, like pastry when it was cooked properly, but it didn't taste as nice, just grittier.
"A bit is an understatement. I should understand that." Subconsciously, she tapped at her chest with two fingers, "The pain you feel is not a joke and neither is the pain he feels, and you should not treat it as such. It is quite disrespectful, both to the others who love you and most importantly, to yourself."
Barbara bit her lip at that, uncertainty looking odd on such a strong willed woman, and her green eyes turned soft, but with what emotion, Raven wasn't sure. The redhead fingered her wheels slowly smoothing away at the rubber and caressing the shape with idleness.
"It's not a joke, I know." Her words were soft, almost to the extent of a whimper, but not quite, "I should know." She sighed, her fists tightening, "I just feel so fucking useless in this getup. What the hell am I supposed to do now?" The grimace deepened on her pretty face, "It was all gonna be perfect…I was gonna end it at twenty-five—prime age to start over, you know?—had already ended it! But I didn't want it like this…"
Another bout of silence, but this time it was less awkward. The dam had been broken and though it was fixable, neither moved to fix it.
"I told Dick to go back, you know." Barbara confessed quietly, pushing away her stubbornness for a moment, "When he first came, he couldn't look at me for ages, I blubbed like a baby coz I thought that he'd never look me in the eye ever again—pathetic, I know—but now he won't leave. He insists on doing everything for me; carry me off the bed, make my breakfast, do my laundry. Everything!"
"We both know that it would have ended this way; Dick is Dick and where he thinks his priorities will lie, then he will stay." Raven placed her empty cup on the coffee table, "He feels committed to you, to himself, and to his feelings." She paused for a moment before continuing, "He has strong feelings for you."
Barbara shook her head, "I wouldn't say that. I may have taken advantage of his…attention…but I doubt his feelings for me are real. Not as real as mine, at least. Or as real as I think mine are. He feels too committed and if his feelings have been tricked into being feelings then I don't regret it." She stated slowly, as if knowing exactly what Raven was thinking, "I know his duties are in Jump, Raven, and I have told him—trust me!—but he doesn't listen, he never listens. Never, not since he was a boy." Raven watched as Barbara's lips fell into a droopy smile; full of memories and reveries, "Stupid, wilful boy."
"They're real. Just how real, I'm not so sure, so rest assured Barbara, I doubt you could have manipulated anything. Maybe you have resurfaced some feelings, but manipulation is a whole different matter."
"I'm…I guess I'm glad to hear that."
Raven pushed the topic away for a moment, as not to crowd Barbara. The woman had already gone through a whole lot of drama, and even more would hurt rather than help her. She slipped off the couch fluidly and knelt next to the wheelchair, her hand hovering over Barbara's lower torso and legs. There was nothing there—she thought as her eyes remained closed—especially in her legs and feet; it was all darkness and black, like it was in a coma, except more permanent. She smiled slightly to herself as she felt echoes of feelings and sensations from her hip up to mid-torso; Barbara would still feel in those areas but they would feel like forgotten memories that scratched only at the surface, like echoes.
"I can still kinda feel around there. It's like I've forgotten the feeling and I'll only feel a bit." Barbara's thin lips broke into a smile, "The nerves there haven't been completely disabled, the doctors were able to save some…though they were frazzled like hell since he shot at my spine. My reflexes are somewhat slower too; I'm not as quick as I used to be." She added, almost as an afterthought.
Raven nodded, "It must've been painful."
"No…not really." She shook her head in reply, almost sounding disappointed, "It was mostly shock, but I felt next to nothing. All I really remember was the bang and the blood. I remember there was a lot of blood, but the pain was…it only hurt for a second or two before I lost all feeling."
"You were lucky then."
"Would've been luckier if I didn't get shot, but I didn't get that much choice in that matter." Barbara paused for a moment before continuing, "I got treated in Gotham's hospital but I doubt even S.T.A.R Labs could have done any better."
Raven nodded once more, understanding the situation a bit better now, "No, I don't think they would have done any better." She bit at her lower lip so hard that she almost drew blood, "I don't think I could have done a better job. Not without paralysing myself, no." She muttered to herself, shaking her head slowly as she pressed her empathic threads deeper into Barbara.
A laugh erupted from her and Raven looked up in surprised, "Well, sensitivity isn't your strong point is it?" She seemed to have actually found that funny.
"No, not when I deem it unnecessary it isn't. Euphemising it wouldn't have made it better, and so there was no need." Raven felt her empathic powers feeling those frazzled nerve ending and touched upon one of them, before looking up, "Can you feel that?"
"No." Barbara said shortly, her voice suddenly gruff, "The reflex arc broke once he shattered my spine. In my legs and my feet, at least."
Raven frowned, "I'll try to do what I can but I can't guarantee anything—"
"Did he love her?"Barbara cut in suddenly, stopping Raven in her tracks.
Raven changed her seating position so she was cross-legged, looking up at Barbara, and her hand snatched themselves away from Barbara's body. The question unnerved her because she knew the answer, and so did Barbara except…except there was a quiet desperation in her tone that made Raven reluctant to answer, even if she did know it.
"Yes." She said finally, "He loved her." A sigh found its way in her throat but she didn't dare release it, "They were head over heels for each other. We were kids when we first met each other, but we just…" she couldn't stop herself, the words just came gushing out, "we just knew that it was going to be something…epic." Her breath caught up with her at that final word and she felt a rush go through her; Dick—wherever he was right now—had overheard her and was feeling…uncomfortable.
So was Barbara. Raven noticed the way that she looked away from her, and the way her fingers idly entangled within themselves. It was only natural; Barbara and Dick were involved—possibly even sexually, though she didn't really want to dwell on that—romantically and it had only been three weeks since Dick had officially broken it off with Kori. Understandably, Barbara didn't want to be seen as the rebound girl to others, especially in the eyes of Dick's closest friends and families.
"Sorry."
Barbara nodded, "It's OK, getting flack is the least of my concerns." She tapped at her wheels, "Not that I didn't expect it, you know? I just…maybe it's too soon for me to say this, but I'm in love with him, and at the very least, if he isn't now then I know that he was once in love with me when we were younger." She snorted, and Raven noted that similarly to Kori, she still looked attractive doing it, "The wrong bloody place at the wrong bloody time, you know?"
"I know. Maybe not fully, but partially, I understand." Raven pursed her lips, her eyes darting around her as she felt Dick's presence become hers, "It's too late anyway, for Kori and Dick to repair things, even if they both wanted to." He was close, it felt like she was him, but for all she knew he could still be in the other room, "I don't think either of them wants to. Not anymore, anyway."
Raven stopped as she knew that she really heard Dick's footsteps this time. He was behind them, and she didn't need to crane her neck to feel his brooding stare, lighter than Batman's and spiked with a hidden sense optimism. His footsteps were never really heavy, he always seemed to walk on the balls of his feet, but the morning air dragged them and so they sounded heavier than usual.
"Morning Raven." He smiled, but it soon slipped into a frown.
Raven nodded, acknowledging his presence, though she didn't need to, "Morning."
He nodded in reply before walking towards Barbara and kissing her briefly on the cheek. Raven felt the warmth of that, and was relieved to find that it was sincere. His hands reached out to massage his girlfriend's shoulders and she sighed as his fingers worked out the knots. Raven didn't really know what to make of this, and so she kept quiet.
"Babs, how many times do I have to tell you to wait for me to wake up?"
Barbara rolled her eyes at this, "Dick, I can take care of myself. I don't need you to carry me into my wheelchair. I can manage on my own." She grumbled, her tone sincerely irritated at his overt protectiveness.
"I just don't want you to get hurt Babs."
"I'm not gonna get hurt." She snapped, "I just needed to talk to Raven."
"The talk could've waited."
It was Raven's turn to interrupt the conversation, and she did so without hesitation, "No, I don't think it could have." Her words were sloth-like; heavy with emphasis, "It was the right time and the right place for such a conversation, and you and I both know it." She looked him straight in the eye, finally finding some sort of segregation from him as his blue eyes conveyed a different set of emotions from her.
He looked back at her and for a moment, she thought that he was going to retort back at her, but it never came to be. His fingers seemed tense on Barbara's shoulder and he gripped at them almost as if Barbara was going to be the one to hold him back. Dick was wrong though, even Barbara knew of her former duties and she knew that his obligation did not lie with her, but with Raven and the rest of the Titans. Still, the way that he glared at her made her feel sorry for him; honour had always been at the core of Nightwing, honour and loyalty and pride, and right now all three were conflicting with each other, and Dick Grayson really looked like he didn't have a clue on what to do. There was no sense of what he was feeling, but she felt like she was being pulled apart in different directions, once again, the relief had subsided and the barrier between them had broken.
"Why don't we go out for lunch together? All three of us?" Barbara suddenly interjected, breaking the tension.
For a second, Raven and Dick seemed to be of one thought and she knew it from the way that they both caught each other's eyes, "No." Dick's voice was stagnant, rough, but strangely comforting to hear, "No, I don't think that'll be such a good idea."
"I don't either," Raven shook her head and laid her hands on her palm, "I'm not planning to stay here for recreation," she wanted to add as you both know, but knew that Dick would just start up something if she did, "and I don't want to encourage that atmosphere. We all know why I'm here."
"C'mon guys. It's a nice day out and both of you look like you need some cheering up to do." How ironic, Raven was thinking as Barbara's voice filled the air, "Gotham isn't the nicest place in the world at night but in the daytime it sure beats staying in all the time. Which Dick has been doing ever since he got here."
"I'm sorry, Barbara, but not until the problem has been resolved. It's the reason I came here after all…"
Suddenly, she felt her chest seemingly lunge downwards and if she had not seen Dick's worried face looking at her so inquisitively, she would've assumed that it was her own nervousness provoking those physical feelings.
"Raven, is there something you want to talk about because…I don't know…last night just seemed…heavy, and it makes me think that there are other reasons why you came here." His words were soft, sincere, and she wanted to tell him what she thought he already knew, but her heart stopped her.
Another shake of the head, "No. Not now, later if we have time but…Dick you know that you have to come back and you know—"
"I don't know anything and I don't know if I should come back. You know it and still—!"
"Raven, Dick, stop it." Barbara interjected forcefully, "Can't we just go out for a nice lunch and just figure out a compromise? I know you two have your problems to sort out but—!"
"We can't figure out a compromise Babs, what she's asking for, it's all or nothing." He groaned as his girlfriend frowned at him, "I can't go back, not now, Babs. Not now. Not now Babs, not until I make sure that everything's going to be OK."
"But everything's not OK, Dick, I'm not OK and you have to accept that. You can't just stay here forever and ever trying to be my guardian." Barbara placed a hand on him and Raven nodded in tune to her voice, "You and me are gonna have a talk, mister, but we're doing that after lunch." Barbara decided conveniently on her own.
Dick seemed like he was going to say something but his head fell and he looked defeated at the prospect of the future discussion with his girlfriend. There was a softness in the way he looked at Barbara, different to the soft looks that he delivered to Kori, and Raven felt oddly comforted by that. She didn't know why it was that way or if it meant something significant, but there was just something that told her, in that very look, that there was a possibility for things to go back to normal.
No, it wasn't that the look told her that he was wracked with guilt about the whole situation—though Raven knew that he was—but that it told her that even though he loved Barbara, it was a different kind of love that he transmitted to Barbara. When Kori and Dick were together, their love was strong and passionate and impossibly concrete but here with Barbara, his love was soft and gentle and careful; like his feelings were a bed of white feathers. It meant that, at the very least, some of his relationship with Barbara wasn't one that was in a rebound form.
"Fine." Dick grumbled, his voice stoic, "I'll do lunch. But I have a few things to sort out first. I'm going to go take a shower first, OK? I'll see you in a sec." He kissed Barbara once more, this time in the form of a peck on the lips.
He didn't move however—though he was standing on the balls of his feet strangely—and he just stood there awkwardly, as if he was expecting something to happen; like his future was decided upon what was to happen now.
"Raven?" Barbara turned to her, smiling, though there were lines on her forehead, "Will you join us?"
"No."
Raven didn't hesitate this time, and it seemed that Dick knew that she wouldn't by the way his brows furrowed a fraction deeper into her skin. Her fingers traced her own brows, paranoid that she was frowning too, and with such emotion. That much emotion couldn't be healthy for anyone, especially Dick who seemed to find satisfaction in being either really selfish or not selfish at all.
"No?" Barbara grimaced, her fingers twisting a random red curl, "Why not? I thought we had it all sorted out and—"
Raven felt her face soften at Barbara's tone of voice, "No…it's just that…I need some time alone…some time to think." She frowned too as she felt Dick's emotions flutter with relief, "I've just realised how much has been happening and it's just been a bit…much." Her mouth felt dry but she ignored the sensation, "Sorry."
Barbara nodded and exchanged looks with Dick—that seemed to say I told you so in the most frustrating way ever—before making sure that Raven was comfortable in the apartment and wheeling away to her own room. There was a sort of eerie silence when the pair left, which was strange, because Gotham was a bustling city, even in the early mornings, and the absence of sound didn't help comfort Raven at all in the situation that she had found herself in. Her mind was a city in itself, with thoughts going in and out of her head like there was nowhere else to go and she had half a mind to meditate, but she was too scared to be out of this world, too scared to be too immersed in it. Detachment and attachment were part of her situations, part of her problems, and there was no way in hell that she would try to get herself into those, she had to stay in the present in order for her to mull over her problems and find some solutions.
Sigh.
Slowly, Raven curled up on the couch once more, wrapping the scratchy blanket over her small body. Her limbs felt heavy and so did her eyelids, both mentally and physically, and as hard as she tried not to…she felt her body shut down for a moment and her eyes to close due to the sheer weight of it.
Sleep. She needed more sleep.
---
At that very moment, he just knew.
Scrambling around the house in just his boxers was never attractive—everyone complained; was it his fault that he was hairy? Or green? The combination was never flattering but…never mind!—but there was something that told him that if he didn't get up now and look around now then he would be too late. Another voice told him he already was, but he didn't really want to listen to that one; not now…not now…
It was too early in the morning for his senses to really kick in, but the cold air was hard to ignore, though the thin shrivel of warmth interlacing throughout its cooler counterpart was a bit comforting to Garfield's naked chest but it did nothing to soothe his heart.
Thud…thud…thud…
The thumping pressed against his skull, and the rhythm annoyed him in more ways than one. It was hard to concentrate with the dizzying effects of the morning and the general loud noise inside his chest, but maybe if he moved fast enough he wouldn't be to late…he wouldn't be—
Suddenly, he stopped.
Thud…thud…thud…
As every part of his body came to a halt, his awareness of his breathing increased and he realised how heavy it was. His chest rose and fell dramatically and he also realised that he was never this aware of his body and how it works. It was eerie, like looking down at someone else.
Thud…thud…thud…
She had told him that she would do it, but he didn't think that she was being serious, and that just showed how stupid Garfield Logan could be; Raven was always serious. He stepped backwards slowly, feeling the wall behind him, before he slumped into a pathetic looking sitting position; of course she was serious and of course he had been an idiot enough to believe that she wasn't…no wonder she hadn't looked so amused when he protested at her idea.
As he sat there, not really doing anything in particular, he was struck by the scent of the air inside the Tower; it was empty. Oh, there was still the scent of the morning, the scent of yesterday's coffee and the old scents that liked to linger on the walls, but apart from that, he couldn't smell anything else; he couldn't smell Raven. He couldn't smell that scent that he was so familiar with; it had been so ingrained in him that he didn't notice its presence until it was loss…it was almost like a bad boy band song except…well…except it was more real.
"Dumbass." He muttered to himself.
He knew that they weren't together anymore and he was to blame for all of it…but it didn't mean that it was supposed to be easy, especially since they hadn't been broken up for more than a day, less than that if he counted right. Last night had been lonely and cold and he couldn't sleep for more than three hours in a row and…
Garfield rubbed his hands over his face; he was babbling erratically.
…he was an idiot to think that he could forget loving her after a day of being apart, he was an idiot to think that she'd stay and try to work out this friends business so that it wouldn't be so awkward. But she was smarter—naturally—and so she knew how it would all go down, and though he had a feeling that her leaving was an impulse action, he figured that even if it wasn't, she would've gone anyway; to where, he didn't know but he figured she wanted to getaway to clear her head…so maybe she went back to Azarath for a while to get some comfort from her mother but…he didn't think so…Raven was never really close with her mother and now wasn't really a time to start.
Maybe she went away to find Jericho; those two had always been close after their introduction, and he had admittedly found jealousy eating away at his heart whenever they were together, but the mute had a big thing for Kole and it was mutual—though they weren't together—so Garfield felt a bit calmer at that. Jericho and Raven's relationship was a strange one and if Garfield didn't know any better, they were friends with each other because they understood the other better than anyone else did, and without the need for words' why would they need it? One was an empath and the other was a sensitive mute with a face that spoke a whole lot more than would come across if it was said orally. If Garfield was right then he hoped that Jericho was taking care of her.
Sigh.
Still, even with the comfort of knowing that she might be at Jericho's, he still bit his lower lip about it. He was worried that she had done something stupid—rich, he knew, coming from Garfield Logan—but sometimes Raven didn't think when she got emotional. And she was emotional; both of them were at the moment. Though it was really melodramatic, he didn't know if he could stomach the thought of being single again; chasing down random pretty girls with no substance—particularly blondes, he came to realise—clubbing pointlessly, fighting day to day and just hanging out…without Raven.
But he wasn't going to do that, was he? Did he have a plan already? He shook his head to himself, berating himself once more for not having a plan, though he had a vague idea of what he was going to do. He needed to sort himself out; he needed to ask Vic to help him apply to S.T.A.R Labs for trial medication, he needed to pass his undergraduate degree, needed to find some sort of semblance of a job—acting, maybe?—so that he could find a cushy life after the Titans, he needed to be there for Kori if she lost occasionally at the dating game, needed to hang out with Vic when being metallic became more of a burden, he had to fight crime like it was the only thing he was good at, and he had to balance this all out while living the life to its fullest; because he knew that Sakutia—even with the state of dormancy it is in—was never good. Too many died from it, too little came out with anything short of a miracle.
He wanted that miracle.
Suddenly, he heard a door slide open, and found Kori stepping out of it in her pink pyjamas and he realised that he had stopped in front of her room with all the confusion and haste. He didn't do it on purpose and if he did then it was subconscious. Maybe she knew where Raven had gone to, or at least maybe Raven had bid her farewell…he needed some sort of reassurance that she was OK and was not going on some mad rampage because of his decision.
"Kori."
"Friend Gar?"
He paused, realising that they were both unsure of each other, "Um…mornin'?"
"Morning, friend. Might I ask you why you are sitting in front of my door clad in only the boxer shorts?"
"I…I don't know…I didn't realise that it was your room." He stated truthfully, not moving from his position, "I just needed time to think."
She nodded as if she understood, but Gar was unsure about that, "Action is not always the solution, then. Was there another reason you were in this location?"
As the words came out of her mouth, Gar paused. If she really did know where Raven went, would she tell him? Probably not, but it was worth a try anyway.
"Where's Raven, Kor?"
He heard the hesitation in her voice before she spoke; it was a mere second but it was long enough for him to catch it, "Raven would be in her room, would she not, friend Garfield? I have not seen her since last night."
Garfield noticed that her new car smell was still intact, but it was smothered with a sheen of nervous smelling sweat, and her heart was fluttering like a fragile butterfly's wings. When it came to her emotions, Koriand'r was never one to shy away from it, and so concealing her emotions wasn't something she was used to doing. Of course, the smell of sweat could've just been because she had just woken up, but his animal senses told him otherwise; she was keeping something away from him and she was nervous about it.
"C'mon now Kor, don't bullshit with me. I know Raven's gone."
Kori sighed and moved from her position so she was sitting across him. If anyone were to cross them, they would find two decidedly odd adults—well, almost, in his case—just looking at each other with analytical eyes, waiting for the other to break down and vomit words that would make or break the situation. Her golden skin seemed a little tired and her fingers twirled a red ringlet around it absently, as if it was so used to the action that it seemed natural, but her eyes were in conflict with each other, figuring out what she had to do or say to compromise with both Raven's request and Garfield's.
Chartreuse green met emerald green.
Their breaths intermingled in the air between them; static…waiting.
Kori finally relented, "I must confess, I do not know where she is." He growled automatically; he didn't mean to but his frustration got to the better of him, "However, she did bid me farewell before her leaving. It seems that she has some unfinished business to do and will be gone for a while."
"Are you sure you don't know any more than that?"
"I assure you, friend Garfield, she did not inform me of anything besides that she was leaving. I will not betray you with the finger crossing." Suddenly her scent changed to suspicion, an emotion that has never been directed towards Garfield before, "Sister Raven told me that you two have done the breaking up due to some complications. I must admit, I have a hard time doing the believing of this reason. Were you two not in love? As much of an airhead as you terrans perceive me to be, I am not such a fool when it comes to love and when it comes to the way you look at each other."
"I…" Why did Raven tell Kori? Didn't they agree that the other teammates would figure out on their own? "Raven's right. It was difficult and we found that this wasn't the right time to have a relationship."
The Tamaranian shook her head, wild ringlets flailing everywhere, "But love, is it not the foundation for all? It is the basis of your terran laws is it not? That love is law. I am pretty sure that you two would have fixed it in due time."
"Well…" he scratched an ear, thinking on this, "Well, when real life comes into it, love becomes a little hard." Her scent calmed at that for some odd reason, but he didn't think it was the right time to dwell on it, "Doesn't mean I didn't—don't—love her. I do…I still do…I really, really do and it hurts like shit to know that we're not together anymore but it was the right thing."
"She still loves you too." His ears perked at that, and he growled to himself, pressing his ears downwards forcefully, "Immensely. She would do the ass kicking of a chikolati for you if you were in the danger."
He chuckled at that thought, not knowing what the hell a chikolati was, "I guess I would too, even now. But…circumstances change and we're growing up and so we have to face the things we don't want to now that we're grown up." He grumbled, "Growing up sucks."
"Agreed, friend. Yet…togetherness is needed when a situation becomes too great…and we are losing that. All of us." She smiled, her voluptuous lips awkwardly soft, "I am thinking that friend Vic is the only one of us who is the sane." Kori nodded to herself, her skin dimming a little, "And maybe not…he is, after all, dating a woman who, though a Honorary Titan, is still quite at large by the police and…still does the crime from time to time."
"Never thought we'd hit this low. All a bunch of screw ups." He laughed, bitter and sweet at the same time, "Do you even remember the times when all we would think about was kicking weird masked people's butts, crushing on everyone else and wondering what was going to be for dinner and whose turn it was for the dishes?"
"Simpler times, Garfield Logan. I would think that the problems were always there, we were just younger and we chose to ignore them." She placed a hand over his, squeezing tightly for a couple of minutes, "Maturity hates ignorance, and so it defeats it. Victory has never been the more bitter."
Garfield had to agree with Kori's small tidbit of wisdom; it made a lot of sense, and it spurred a lot of memories that he couldn't remember remembering. There was that one time when she was fourteen and he was thirteen—way back in the day when they first started out—and they had their first movie night—after much coercing, Dick was still a hard nut to crack back then…even in his ridiculous getup as Robin—and though they all enjoyed the movie, he remembered that he couldn't help noticing that they were all a bit…stiff…that they all still felt a bit…unfit…to be a part of a potential family. Raven, however, was worse, and chose not to even try to conceal these feelings by reading a really old, really smelly book. From that day on, he had decided that he would try to get to know her better, it was as simple as that and yet the process was the most complicated process he had ever experienced in his life.
Maybe he had even decided that he had loved her from that moment. But he was thirteen, what did he know about love back then?
He pondered on this as they both continued to sit on the floor, wondering at what point it had all gone downhill. Had it only really just started when Dick went back to Gotham that first time? Was it really that recent? He could remember the incident like it was yesterday when it had been a couple of months before that it had happened. Maybe it had been growing throughout their own growth and they were just too young…and too stubborn to notice it. He knew that Raven seemed to think so, but he was still unsure of that…still unsure if it was even necessary to call their situation a problem.
But of course it was a problem, had anyone else witnesses such a tragic demise of Jump City's finest? Had anyone ever thought that, apart from the official end to a long contract, the Teen Titans would truly end? Garfield Logan didn't think so. They were supposed to be Jump City's beacon of hope and of salvation and right now he felt like a fraud to be conceived as either. The responsibility had become a burden too heavy for any of them to bear, but they must continue to do so because it was the right thing to do, no matter what personal obligations and complications came about.
Kori seemed to read his mind, and the furrows between her perfectly shaped brows deepened, "We are not fit to be the people's role models right now and it is entirely our fault because we all contain this…human trait in us…even as an alien I have this trait. My knorfka has even claimed that I have gone soft, though he does not find this a fault in my personality."
"I…I just wish that everything could go back to normal with us, y'know?"
She giggled, though it sounded rough and forced, "Normality has never been the Teen Titans strongpoint. We are the freaks of nature, and even the personal conditions like to conform to these rules."
"Hmm…" he sighed, placing his chin on his fist, "I've never hated being a freak more. God, I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm glad that our Titan days our going to be over soon."
And he was, sincerely. It was drastic, to be sure, but that didn't mean it wasn't true. As much as he was an optimist, he really couldn't see the bright side to this situation that they had all gotten themselves into because they were so interlocked with each other that anything that happened to one of them would inevitable create some commotion between all of them.
"I…agree…on some level but I believe that we will all feel the sorrow when it is time. Even though the things are looking bad, I do not think that any of us would really want to do the fast forwarding of time."
Her smile turned sad, and she let her fingers caress his cheeks briefly, before pulling them away and tucking them into her lap. She smelled like new car tarnished by some sort of distress, which moulded her emotions to become something that he rarely felt from her; fear. Sure, there was always that fear that he felt from everyone when they were fighting, but this fear was different…this fear was not in the moment, and it felt…permanent. This was weird because he had always known Kori as a live for the moment type of person, and with this new fear growing like some goddamned fungus, uprooting even the most passionate and optimistic of people.
This was new, and not the nice type.
Garfield tried to smile back but gave up after what seemed to be mere seconds and she nodded in understanding before standing up and brushing her fingers against the front of her pyjamas. It seems that their conversation had come to an end, and like all ends, it left a strange feeling of reminiscence and longing, mingled with relief and regret.
"I must be going for the shower, friend. I am on the city patrol from now until the afternoon." A smile broke out on her face, this time it was true, "Then I will be doing the date with Mr. Crawford, so I will not be seeing you, I should think. Wish me the luck?"
He didn't know what came over him, but there was a sudden urge for physical touch and he lunged at her, hugging her as tightly as he could, "Good luck, I'm sure he's shitting himself trying to figure out how to make you happy." He grinned before releasing her, and noticed—with a little bit of pride—that her breathing was shallow due to the tightness of the hug, much like the way she hugged people, "You don't need luck. Plus, I think Lady Fortuna wouldn't want to give you any, she's probably jealous."
"Lady For…" she stopped, her eyes gleaming, "never mind…I will try to figure it out myself. Thank you dear friend. Will you be OK today?"
Garfield groaned, rubbing his lethargic eyes, "Probably not, but I'm always good at trying."
"You are that. Goodbye my friend."
With that she walked away, and for a mere second, he felt like he understood why Raven hated saying goodbye; it was one of the most painful emotions that he had ever felt, and it hurt even more because a lot of people were really leaving, were really saying goodbye.
He shook his head, and stood up himself, wondering the corridors for a couple of minutes before he found himself being enticed by the most delicious scent in the world; waffles, the vegan kind. As much as the recent events had pained him, his superficial self still found some time to wonder at the magic of food, and maybe—though this was probably untrue—he would feel some consolation with food in his stomach. It didn't stop him wondering—though his feet had suddenly grown a mind of it's own and was rushing towards the kitchen—who was cooking the vegan waffles, and why. As far as he was concerned, no one—apart from Kori, who ate anything—touched his food.
As the kitchen doors wooshed open, he couldn't hold back his surprise.
Vic had been cooking the waffles and he was still in the process of doing so.
"Mornin' B," he didn't take his eyes off the waffle maker but still continued, "rough night?"
As empty as the kitchen normally was, Garfield was disappointed to see how empty it actually was without the rowdiness that breakfast usually provoked; especially since it was a Monday. It was metal, like the rest of the tower, and the natural characteristic of coldness was still there despite the warmer air. The Tower was nothing but a shell without the people that lived in it, and even with the few remaining people, it was starting to lose its novelty. Even the shape of it didn't feel so special anymore; it was alien and was becoming a little less like home every day.
Garfield grabbed himself a cup of soy milk from the fridge before sitting himself down.
"Yea…" he ran a hand through his hair, "you could say that." He screwed his mouth into a position he wasn't sure of before continuing with his train of thought, "Say, dude, why you makin' vegan waffles man? I thought you hated that stuff."
Vic finally turned around, and even with all the metallic gear he looked tired, "Nothin' else to eat. No one's gone to the supermarket in days. We've been too busy."
"Um…I guess. Why can't we just order pizza?"
"They're startin' to charge more for us since they have to come here by boat. Jerks."
"Oh…well…you would've forgotten to get anythin' for me anyway."
"True." Vic chuckled, "True."
Silence.
There was a lot of that these days. Did being an adult require the disability of vocal use? Would you stop talking? Even to your closest friends? To your family?
Gar really didn't know anymore.
He didn't really know anything really. He never ever acted like the smartass but he'd like to think that there was something in him that knew what was going on. Something that Vic and Dick had but he apparently did not.
As soon as the waffles were ready, Vic casually flipped them onto a couple of plates and sat down across Garfield. There was a sort of subtle novelty to the move that Garfield didn't quite catch, but appreciated all the same.
Garfield dug into his as soon as they were in front of him, his fork clattering against the ceramic plate noisily, and his fingers sweated slightly, like they were nervous, "Vic."
"Yea?" His human eyebrow rose up, and his human eye followed him.
"Did you love anyone when you were still normal?"
The clattering stopped, and instead it was replaced by soft thud as his best friend placed his cutlery on the plate gently, "Yea." His voice was filled with heavy reminisce, "I did. My girlfriend in high school before…y'know."
"Yea." Garfield replied softly, "What was it like?"
"Normal, I guess. Or at least at the time I thought it was normal but now that I think about it, it was probably the most amazin' thing I ever had. Even if it was only temporary and even if it was shallow." He nodded to himself, "I mean, Jinx is amazin' but sometimes I feel like I'd…I dunno. Why?"
"Just…askin'."
Vic didn't believe his lie for a second, "You broke up with her yesterday, didn't you?"
It was his time to pause, and everything seemed to stand still.
"Yea. Yea." He repeated, not looking up, "She left."
"I know."
"You do? How?"
His best friend turned to look at him, seriousness etched on his face, "The surveillance cameras. You and Kori get pretty deep sometimes when you two talk." It was just as simple as that, it seems, "Where d'ya think she's gone to?
Garfield shrugged and tried to look as nonchalant as possible, but inevitably failed, "I dunno. Maybe Azarath or someplace like that. I…shit Vic, I miss her already." His appetite was gone now, "She got pissed and I kissed her and…and…" he felt his eyes soften, "she just walked away. It hurts like a bitch, Vic, I don't want to be just friends, I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life." Vic nodded in understanding, "Damned Sakutia. I was gonna get married and you were gonna be there trying to shove alcohol down whoever was with you, and Dick was gonna attract all the fuckin' media in the world and Kori was gonna be preggers with alien babies." He shrugged, and cracked a smile as Vic started to grin too, "So, OK, that wasn't very realistic, but you know what I mean. She was everything to me, Vic, is everything to me."
"I'm sorry Gar, but I—"
"Yea, yea, I know you told me…I just didn't think…"
Vic shrugged this time, "You didn't think, like usual and I'm not sayin' that's a bad thing Gar, but sometimes you gotta listen to what others say."
"I know."
"Good." Vic also looked like he lost his appetite, and he pushed the plate away, "Jinx is comin' to stay here for a while." He suddenly changed the subject, "And I asked Kole and Gnarkk to come stay here too."
"I guess they'll do. When are they comin' in?"
"Next week, gotta get the place set up and stuff y'know?"
That caused Garfield to pause, "They're not stayin' here permanently, are they?"
"No." There was no hesitation in his voice, "No. They're tryin' out though."
"Oh. OK." He had never had such a static conversation with Vic before, but there was always a first for everything, "Why next week?"
"Coz you'll be gone by then."
Garfield scoffed, "I'm not goin' anywhere, Vic. I'm stayin' right here if it kills me."
"It probably will." A grin emerged, but it faltered as quick as it came about, "You're goin' to L.A next week. I got you a ticket."
"Why the hell would I go to L.A Vic, I mean, yea, shit, I'd love a holiday but—!"
"Not a holiday. I'm packin' you off to S.T.A.R Labs, they wanted to see you coz you're a special case and all and since I knew you'd be hella depressed about the situation, I thought that I might as well send you there." He looked Gar in the eyes, his own dark eye not betraying any emotion, "I want you better, Gar, and this might help you. So, OK, it's still in the experimental stages, but it might work. Plus I'm only sendin' you there for a week, tops, so you won't miss anythin'."
"Oh…Oh." His eyes widened.
Garfield felt a new appreciation for his best friend grow inside of him, and though he didn't want to raise too much hope, he felt good about this or at least, better than he had been before. True, the cure was still experimental, but even Vic said there was a chance of a cure, and Vic was smart.
At that very moment, he loved Vic so much that he might kiss him.
He didn't, though it would've been funny if he did.
Kinda, anyway.
After that they continued to eat in silence, and Garfield even managed to finish his waffle, much to his stomach's delight. Though it wasn't the answer to everything, he felt hopeful, and hope was always his strong point.
"Vic."
"Yea?"
Garfield grinned, "Thanks for the waffles."
A/N: OK, its a weak ending but I didn't know how to end it, so it ended up this way.
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