A/N: OMG I've been such a bad fanfic writer...um...I'm sorry?

Also, I'm really sorry about the quality and the quantity of this chapter. I wrote one half of it over a month ago and seemed to have forgotten what I was going to write, and so to appease you and to appease my own guilt...I have written this. It fits into the story quite nicely but the quality isn't that great.

Sorry.

Anyway, read and review OK?

BTW. Please read the A/N at the bottom. Danke schon!

Chapter 17

Time liked to go past as slowly as possible when it was inconvenient for people, it was its favourite thing to do—to annoy them—and right now it was killing Garfield. Not literally, though he wouldn't be surprised if it did start happening, but ever since Raven had left three days ago, time had been ticking so slowly that he could've done a marathon between the seconds.

And he was losing; who lost a marathon? Is it even a competitive sport?

He felt his eyes slide over the obnoxious looking Titans communicator and tried to telepathically wish it into beeping and flashing or…or something. Raven had never been much of a presence but right now the Tower felt too quiet…and he missed her. A lot. So much that it crossed his mind to call her about half a million times but…but he didn't. He knew that it wouldn't help any of them to keep in contact and she was right, it would be easier for them to stay friends if they kept apart for a while, just long enough for both of them to forget what being together was like.

He shook his head as his eyes glazed over at a scene from another noir movie that he had picked up. For some odd reason, they had lost their appeal and all he could think about was why the hell someone didn't invent coloured movies earlier to make it so much easier for people to watch it. Sure it was kinda glamorous…but that was it, he realised, there was nothing else that made him want to watch it. He knew Rita would be disappointed but it was the simple truth; film noir was just not as amazing as it had been.

Sigh.

He didn't know that there was such thing as this much spare time in one's life, it made him wonder how much of his time he spent with Raven, how much of the time he spent fighting, how much of the time he spent hanging out with his friends and he wondered whether or not he actually made anytime for himself. It then made him wonder why he had put so much effort into all those activities and none for himself and it made him feel very, very lost because he figured that his friends were a huge part of him, but never in his life, not until now, had he realised to what extent that statement was true. More like a family and yet now…not so much…and he wasn't really sure whose fault it actually was. Maybe everyone's, maybe no one's but he knew that playing the blame game now wasn't going to solve anything.

Finally, he came to a conclusion; he had to get out.

Garfield turned off the TV—the small one he had saved up for in his early teens, desperate for something to play and watch in his own room—and scrambled around his room, hastily thrusting his hands in every corner, in search for his holographic ring. Everyone was right, especially Raven—since she was the one who came into his room the most—he really did have a problem with organisation and hygiene but, really, what use was it to clean it up now? It wasn't like they were staying for that much longer anyway.

Sigh.

As soon as he found that piece of metal, he shoved it onto his middle finger almost painfully and didn't even bother to go look in the mirror; he already knew what he looked like with it on and despite his ongoing desperate urge for normality, he didn't really like his physical appearance. He knew that if he never got Sakutia then he would look like this—blue eyed and blond haired—but right now it wasn't really a comfort too him, no matter how many times he would try to convince himself that he would be so good looking that girls would throw themselves on him. Tonight, perhaps, his disguise would just burden him, but at the moment he had little care for such notions.

The next few minutes went by like a blur and all he remembered was lamely shouting out that he was going out, glancing at Vic being busy with his computer gadgets and Kori giggling like a madwoman into her phone; he could only guess who was on the other side and he wasn't too sure whether he liked this Crawford character, sure he seemed decent but there was no knowing, really. The tunnels were also a blur, and for once he didn't bother grabbing his moped to make the journey quicker, even though it was a long way away to the city; it was ridiculous how many memories clung onto his beloved—though almost broken—moped and maybe he resented it a little.

God, cheer up Garfield, no need to turn emo.

But…technically he did have every right to be angry, to be depressed…the only problem was that he didn't know who he was supposed to throw these feelings at; surely the blame was not on him? Others…all the others were to blame…he just didn't know who specifically. Of course, he had a rough idea but then he wasn't allowed to assume anything; if you assume, you'll always make an ass out of u and me. Lame, he knew, but at the time he thought that up he thought he was pretty smart, before Dick pointed out that someone else had already thought that up. Quite sad, really.

Soon, he found the metal door that led to the centre of the city, and as he pushed it the button, light came streaming in violently, as if to attack him. It was around midday, the warmest time of the day, but spring was coming soon, and for all the shortcomings of his current situations, spring remained uniform and constantly beautiful in Jump City.

Especially in Jump City.

The light just shimmered, dancing between yellow light and blue light, while the air flowed through the trees, causing the leaves to laugh. That was another thing, he noticed that the people were a bit happier too, in the spring, and as clichéd as it was, there were a lot of couple walking around, hand in hand; laughing, smiling, talking, or just walking side by side, nudging each other in silence. Garfield, on the other hand, had his hands shoved into his jean pockets, kicking imaginary cans on the ground which was probably quite the depressing sight. He did put in some effort though, and it helped that there were a million kids running around, and a smile here and there wasn't too hard to throw around.

For a couple of hours, he meandered around the city, walking around aimlessly and not even setting his eyes on the sights. Garfield grew tired though, and his legs started to feel heavy even though in the past he'd walk further and longer than this, but he had an inkling that his emotions were an even heavier burden than the physical loss of strength. Trudging a couple more steps, he walked over to the closest café he knew about and found himself in the hustle and bustle of a Starbucks in the afternoon; the worst kind, filled with pretentious coffee drinkers and newspaper rustlers…or so Raven would have said. It was the reason why Raven liked her tea drinking times either in the morning or late at night. It couldn't be helped though, he was tired and desperate for a place to sit, and at that time he didn't really care whether or not he got the comfy sofas that he so loved whenever he went to Starbucks.

"Geez." He muttered to himself as he found a single table in the corner of the room, "Raven was right."

And she was right; Starbucks was packed with people, a lot of people, and he was starting to have second thoughts on resting here. Despite the soothing jazz music—dammit!—the conversations were even louder than the notes, and so the music was quite futile. But what was the use? It wasn't like he was going to walk out of the café again to find another one that was exactly the same as this one on the other side of town. He would have to endure and…buy himself a cup of coffee by the way that one of the baristas was evil-eyeing him.

"One cup of tea…" he slowed then shook his head, "no…I meant…coffee…just get me any coffee."

The lady at the counter nodded mutely and after a couple of minutes, he grabbed his coffee and walked quickly towards his table, hoping that no one had grabbed his seat. No such luck, he realised, when he found a woman sitting there.

Great.

He turned around to try to find another table when something inside him ticked and he knew, after all these –almost—twenty-one years of living, that it was the tick of familiarity; he knew this person, or at least the thought he did. He turned around again to try to catch a better look of her, to catch her scent, and to figure out who the hell this person was. Garfield didn't want to freak her out so he didn't come too close, but he was still curious; she had curly strawberry blonde hair, almost as if she was growing hair dye out, she had freckles and…and she smelt like something sticky…and sweet…he just couldn't…

Suddenly it hit him.

"Jillian?"

She turned around, her hair bouncing quite gracefully behind her, and her blue eyes sparkled with curiosity; it was her alright. She looked the same except…older…and she had more of an edge on her, like something that had finally bloomed into maturity and was tainted by the longing for youth once more. Her perfect button nose complemented everything about her face; she was pretty…almost gorgeous, but not quite…and the abundance of freckles made her seem younger than he actually knew she was. She was the same age as he was, but still, they hadn't seen each other in a couple of years, and there was bound to be some changes. He wondered is she recognised him.

"Who are you…" those words dragged, as he saw recognition fill her eyes and her scent, her lips seemed indecisive; not really sure whether or not they should smile or frown. He didn't really care, actually, he was strangely…glad, "Gar? Garfield Logan? Is that you?"

He grinned, sensing some type of warmth from her, "The one and only." He moved forward to shake her hand, and he was glad that she took it.

It was weird how meeting someone could produce so many memories at once; he remembered kissing her, he remembered joking around with her, he remembered holding her hand tightly, he remembered laughing with her in the Tower…and he remembered sleeping with her and thinking that they'd be together forever. It was a familiar feeling, and for once, he didn't push it away.

"Oh my God…Gar…is that really you?" She smiled, and his heart fluttered a bit, "You look…not green." Her smile grew and he had to smile back.

He grinned, "And you look a lot less pink. Did your dad finally complain?"

She giggled, and he welcomed it, "I finally got tired of the rebellious act…plus my hair was getting' totally ruined by the constant hair dying."

"What are you doing here anyway?"

Jillian sighed, "Forced holiday." He threw her an incredulous look and she caught it, throwing her into a fit of giggles, "I sound like such a dork, but I've been working so hard for these past years that even my dad took pity on me. Who knew that doing a bachelor's degree in economics would be so hard?"

"Wow, Jill…a forced holiday. Never thought that you'd sink that low." He joked, "Where do yo go to school anyway?"

"France." She smiled, almost wistfully, "It's such a beautiful country…I just wish I didn't miss all the junk here so much."

France…so that's where she was now. They had dated before Terra had come into his life and they had even tried to date again once the Terra situation was over and they had found themselves in a new situation where both were older…though that never guaranteed that they were wiser. Jillian had been a childhood friend of his, and he had known her from public school—when he still went—while he was in the Doom Patrol. Garfield thought that he would never see her again after he ran away, but it turns out that because of Jillian's dad's job—which, to this day, Garfield knew nothing about—they had to move to Jump City and he was reunited with her all over again. They started dating, and it was bliss.

Young, gorgeous, everlasting bliss.

There were two obstacles that they had to face together though; Terra and Jillian's father. Garfield had first met Terra when he was dating Jillian and he had started to grow feelings towards her…and Jillian had noticed. He had tried not to like Terra with all his might but it didn't work and in the heat of the moment, Jillian had broken up with him, with the hope that they would get back together.

But they didn't, not for a while anyway.

They had started dating again when they were both about sixteen and this time the obstacle had been Jillian's father; he didn't like Garfield for being Beast Boy—for they knew him when he was still in the Doom Patrol and lacked a disguise—and to keep them apart, he had sent Jillian to a boarding school in Europe, somewhere in Swiss. He was heart-broken when that happened and he had the impression that she was too. They were each other's first loves and had shared many firsts throughout the years…and things like that really didn't fade away even with time. It was too much…too much had been embedded in both their hearts.

He wondered if it was why his stomach seemed to flutter so much.

"Don't worry about it. I missed you too." He flashed another grin, wondering if he got her symbolism right or if she really meant junk.

"Still as self-obsessed as usual, genius? But, I guess it's true…I missed you…but I bet you missed me more." She stuck her tongue out cheekily while absently brushing a curl out of her face, "You still with the Titans?"

"Yea…"

"Awesome. Can I come around, sometime? It's been a while since I've stepped into that place. It hasn't changed, has it?"

He shook his head, sipping the hot coffee he had in his hands, "Nah. Still the same old, same old. Well, Vic's added a few more gadget stuff in but you know him."

"Oh my God…I completely forgot about everyone else. How are they? Are Dick and Kori still together?"

"They're…well…everything's a bit complicated right now. We're not really the same bunch of screw-ups that you met a while back." He pursed his lips in thought before continuing, "We're probably worse now."

She laughed, and he knew that she took it as a joke, "Screw-ups? You guys were the most awesome people I'd ever met in my life. It's what I miss most about living back here…I could hang out with you guys every day all day."

He grinned, "Damn right. Those were the days, eh?"

"Those were the days…" she giggled, "By the way, I was reading JumpGirl and I read that you're dating Raven? Seriously? Is that true?"

"Well…"

She gasped, throwing both hands in front of her mouth, "Oh my God…it's true. I thought it was just gossip but…"Jillian threw him a look that he couldn't read no matter how hard he tried, "wow. Raven, huh? Never saw it coming."

He sighed, "There's nothing to it…not anymore, anyway."

"Whoa there…easy on the news. You guys broke up?"

"Yea…" He frowned, his fingers running through his mass of hair absently, "Yea. Mutual though, we don't hate each other or nothin' like that."

He looked down at the table and found himself quite mesmerised by the sheen of it. Not mesmerised…just…distracted. He never thought that his relationship—well, the press didn't know about the break up—was still a hot topic amongst the tabloids and magazines and he never figured that Jillian, of all people, would find out about it. God, he didn't really know what he thought about her knowing; on the one hand, it wasn't really any of her business so he shouldn't feel bothered about confirming his relationship but on the other hand, this was his ex-girlfriend. Seriously, his brain was so indecisive right now that it was pretty annoying and he wanted it to stop, he wanted to be able to think straight and not let other…other problems cloud his mind.

Suddenly, he felt warm fingers wrap around his own and strangely, they felt warmer than the coffee cup he was still holding in his grasp. The familiarity of the action and the presence struck him dumb, like he was being held by two people at once, and he had to look up to reassure himself that what he was thinking was completely stupid and the only person that was there with him was Jillian Jackson.

"I'm sorry." She finally spoke after what seemed to be a while, "I didn't know you were hurting. I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"It's OK. We both knew it was comin'."

"Still…it was insensitive of me to mention it. I just didn't think it was true. I mean, you guys never really got a long…at all. I didn't think that it would actually happen."

He shrugged, "I…we…we just grew up, I guess."

"I guess…but you've gotta admit…growing up kinda sucks." She giggled and he almost believed that she was joking.

"Yea…yea…it sucks." He flashed her another grin, he seemed to be doing that a lot, "I'm not so cute anymore."

Jillian laughed and reached over to smoosh his cheeks together. For someone who used to be that special someone, it was a really intimate gesture and he could smell it on her too. She smelled eager and awkward but at the same time everything about her body language seemed to indicate that she was trapped in the past, just as people in a reunion usually do. Her smile was gregarious, a little too much, and her heart seemed to flutter like his did…though she didn't know it.

He suddenly thought about what Vic had told him about Jill and wanted to ask her. But he didn't. He knew that it would make their reunion instantly awkward, and he didn't want that.

He sipped on his coffee momentarily while he kept his attention on her. She was so different to Raven that it was quite weird how he had dated both Jillian and Raven. Jillian was outgoing and funny and pretty and he had known her for much longer while Raven was the complete opposite; she was introverted and sarcastic and lacked conventional prettiness but…but they connected on so many more levels than he and Jillian ever did. Sure, she shared a lot of interests with him—such as a passion for the GameStation, sports, the movies—but they were all superficial and didn't really count for anything in his book, even though once upon a time he thought they did.

Jillian was the same with him on the outside but on the inside…it was all Raven.

He sighed once more, exhaling deeper than he should have.

She continued to talk about things; things that he was familiar with and others that he was not so sure about. Her laughter filled the room and cleared the air of all the other coffee-drinkers, and she lit up every time he laughed with her, or he made a joke, as if she missed just about everything of him; from his physical self to his sole presence. It made him wonder whether or not he would be like that if he ever saw Raven again in the near future.

It made his heart ache desperately just to think about Raven. He thought that he'd go crazy if he ever saw her again, even more so than if he never saw her again. Garfield would want every part of her, everything he could take in, everything he could swallow up in whatever short a time he had and he didn't know if he would do it with her consent…no…of course he'd have to get her consent first…it would be completely…primitive…completely barbarian not to get her consent first. But it would be hard to think straight in whatever state he was in and he thought that he wouldn't care.

He was wondering why he wasn't feeling that with Jillian.

Well…common sense would tell him that it was because he was still feeling shitty over his break up with Raven. Yet…he was in love with Jillian too once, or at least he thought that he had been in love with Jillian. What had changed? Was it him? Was it her? Was it just the situation that they were both in? Or that they had grown up? He had always thought that if he ever met Jillian ever again, he would fall on his feet and beg her to never leave him ever again but now…now they were just having a civil conversation, as if their relationship had never happened. He would've thought that he'd b hurt by a mere conversation, but he wasn't. Still…she was still hella attractive after all these years…maybe even more so.

A beautiful, beautiful stranger.

"Hey…are you busy?"

Garfield frowned, but then shook his head, "No…why?"

"Well…" Jillian smiled, "I thought that it'd be cool if you showed me around. You know, a sort of re-acquaintance with the city and all."

"Oh…well." His frown deepened and he knew she caught it by the way she was frowning too, "I've got to go. Duties."

Garfield stood up and hastily pushed his chair in. Jillian did the same, and for a while, they stood face to face, not really knowing how to say goodbye to each other. He pursed his lips and she seemed to mirror him. It was awkward.

Suddenly, before Garfield knew what hit him, she kissed him and it wasn't just any kiss either, it was a passionate one and she kissed him as if she wanted to make up for lost time. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and she seemed to forget that they were in a public place, or she didn't really care. She seemed to tell him that she wanted him back into her life, as soon as possible, if not now.

For a moment, he found himself kissing her back, he found his fingers entangled in her reddish hair and heat transferring between them. For a moment he felt like he was seventeen again, in love with a girl he'd know for most of his life and believing that what they had would last a lifetime. For a moment he forgot about Raven and his troubles and just found himself lost in a puddle of memories and heated wished and desires. For a moment, he could believe that he was just a normal guy dating a normal guy in a normal context.

Of course, that moment passed.

He remembered who he was, he remembered what was happening, and he remembered who he loved. He remembered that he was Garfield Logan, he remembered that he was Beast Boy, he remembered that he had Sakutia, he remembered that he had the Beast and finally, finally he remembered that he loved Raven. Raven Roth. Rachel Roth. Rachel. Roth. Raven. Raven. Raven. Raven. Raven.

He stopped.

His reflexes pushed her away a little, not too hard that she would get hurt but not too soft that she would get the wrong impression. He had loved her, but that was a long time ago. He was broken up with Raven, but that didn't mean that he felt any differently. He wanted the warmth of another human being, but that didn't mean he had to jump whoever was available.

He was human; he had to remember that sometimes.

"Jill." He stopped, and they were both breathing heavily, their eyes locked on each other, "I'm sorry…we can't…I'm…" He didn't know what to actually say to her so he shut up.

Jillian rubbed her arms, and she looked down, but there was a small smile on her lips, "I'm sorry, that was an idiotic thing to do. I just missed you, that's all, and I thought that it wouldn't hurt to have a little fun while I'm still here."

Garfield nodded, and despite the context, he wasn't indignant that he was the object of her fun.

"Its stupid. I just did it because I didn't know whether or not I still had feelings for you. You clearly don't. " He smile grew sad, "You're in love with Raven."

It was his turn to smile, but all he could manage was a sideways smile, "Yea. I'm that."

"It was good seeing you. Even with the awkward end."

He grinned, "Yea, yea it was. Call me up when you come back, yea?"

"I will." Her lips parted to show beautiful whites, "I will."

With that, they parted, and she walked away, her silhouette barely visible amongst the city's vibrancy. He himself walked out of Starbucks after a few minutes, and found himself meandering once more, pondering on the events that had just passed, and yet not thinking about it. A juxtaposition of events that he couldn't summarise and was desperate to solve.

Garfield shoved his hands into his pockets once more and let the warm spring breeze dance around him.

Here he was back to being alone.

A/N: The character Jillian Jackson really does exist in the DC world...but I've tweaked her and their situation a bit differently...

Also....

I'm sorry guys but I've got to be on hiatus for a couple of months. My final exams are coming up in May and I've got to study study study! I love you guys ever so much and I hope you guys will understand.

Don't worry though, I'll be back once they're over!

*cackles*