Disclaimer: Have been meanign to put one up for a while but I keep forgetting. I don't own anything except the plot, I swear.
A/N: Back...but only for a while. I'm gonna be away in Aussieland for two weeks and a half so I won't be updating at all in those times and thus will be delaying my updating time more.
Just read and review, OK?
See you next time!
Chapter 21
Not for the first time today, Raven wondered why life kept continuing despite the fact that everyday happened the same.
"Raven, concentrate." Cyborg's voice rang in her ears, "Double up!"
She looked around her for a moment, annoyed that the control centre of the training simulator was disguised so that she couldn't glare at Cyborg like she wanted to. Instead, Raven glanced at Jinx—who was chewing gum nonchalantly—and Jinx nodded back, as if she had the powers of telepathy. Both girl didn't much like the virtues of patience and training this early in the morning on a Monday—By Azar, she hated Mondays—was really pushing their impatience. By the dark aura surrounding Jinx, Raven could tell that after this was done, she would be having a good talking to with Cyborg and Raven also knew that the results would be amusing.
That little fact did make this task a little more enjoyable.
Jinx smacked her lips loudly and smirked, small strands of pink ringlets framing her pale face, "You look pissed."
Raven kept her powers opened, her fingers feeling the air for anything sinister. Though they were only simulators, the dangers were real. Cyborg had designed this training facility quite recently with the help of some of the members of S.T.A.R Labs and they had entered the data of every criminal they had ever faced; from petty pick pockets to creatures more sinister. It was sometimes traumatic to keep training against the silhouettes of those you had defeated—though barely—but the Titans knew that they had to be prepared for anything and to be prepared for anything they had to be prepared for everything. Still, it was pretty annoying having to fight Red X over and over again, she thought she would die of irritation if another villain felt the need to make a witty quip before they attacked the Titans.
"Stating the obvious much, Jinx?" Raven smirked back, her brow rose, "You know how Mondays are."
"Rather scathing too. Wonder what got you on the wrong side of the bed." Jinx stated, her voice smooth, almost a whisper despite the loud volume of her voice.
Strands of her dark powers curled over the fake buildings, anticipating for something or someone to come out and shout BOO! so that she could toss him out and get it over and done with. It was, actually, all she could do to ignore Jinx's question. Jinx, probably due to Cyborg, knew all about what was happening with her—in exception to the bond—and why she was so pissed off and despite the fact that Jinx didn't look like much of a gossip, now Kole knew too and they had both been hounding her down for answers and juicy bits. Raven scoffed, juicy bits, more like no bits at all.
Suddenly, something moved, too quick for the eye to see, but Raven could sense the trace that it had left on the ground. Though she knew Jinx couldn't see it nor feel it, Jinx seemed to understand Raven's stony expression and prepared herself for the battle stance. It might still be a long time before they—whoever they were—showed up, but preparing oneself was essential because—like most people—villains knew that an element of surprise was one of the quickest ways to take advantage of a situation. Even simulated ones knew that surprise, was at times, best.
"Left." Raven sent to Jinx's mind and by the smirk that curled even more, Jinx understood it.
Raven was right, the attack had come from the left and both of them directed their powers towards their left. Raven could sense Jinx's bad luck mantras at the basis of her own powers to twist and manipulate them for—for lack of better word—evil. Her powers no longer felt pure enough to be her own, but the twist caused it to double its effectiveness and…and it would be dangerous if it were directed towards themselves. Jinx and Raven, however, knew what they were doing, and so this mimic of Red X—despite all the twisting and turning of an excellent gymnast—was struggling against it but it was failing miserably, just like they had planned.
Raven smiled; as much as Raven used to be irritated by Jinx the Villain, she had to admit that Jinx the Amoral was pretty decent when fighting side by side.
"So!" Raven shouted upwards, "How's that for teamwork?"
The simulation of the city suddenly disappeared, pixels shrinking and turning so that all was left was a simple metallic dome, nothing interesting and yet intriguing in its own way. As the pieces started to disappear, she saw how Cyborg was smiling and clapping simultaneously, a grin spread wide across his lips.
"That was great! I knew combining you two would be a good idea!"
The half-demon rolled her eyes at the witch and both laughed at the idea that it was Cyborg that had suggested such a move. No matter how much Cyborg admitted, both girls knew that it was them who had orchestrated the whole strategy, due to common sense and common roots. Neither girls minded though and Jinx demonstrated this by blowing him a kiss.
"Cy, get us out of here. I need a shower." Jinx suggested none too subtly.
The mechanic man reddened on half of his face, coughing to hide his embarrassment and his delight. Raven mused at this before pondering on other such topics, making sure that she had gotten around to the situation. Despite Nightwing's return—or maybe because of it—Cyborg was still—and continuously so—in charge of the current Teen Titans and Nightwing, so unlike himself, had taken a backseat to the whole leadership business. From the way that Nightwing and Cyborg constantly exchanged glances, they had made an agreement with each other and from the tug that Raven felt from the bond, Nightwing felt frustrated by the whole situation but…relieved at the same time. She presumed that he was just glad that he had been accepted back by the whole team and hadn't been shunned like he thought he would have been.
Then there was Starfire, Raven continued to think slowly, she had been pretty apprehensive about the whole situation, delighted at his return but also still full of pent up anger at the way that they had ended. Raven knew that they hadn't really talked about it—even though both parties were now dating someone else—from the tension—sexual and otherwise—that was emanating so much from them that it didn't take an empath to get clued in on what was going on. There was still some feeling between them but mostly it was confusion; both weren't expecting something like this and both didn't know how to handle it…or whether or not they wanted to.
The two girls walked out the dorm and into the brightly lit corridors, their footsteps quiet, almost nonexistent, both silent in a way that was neither comfortable nor uneasy; it was both their ways and though they had been on different sides when they had first met, it was easy to tell that these two had similar tempers in varying degrees. If people were walking behind them though, they would notice the slight differences, so small that they were almost unnoticeable; the way Jinx slid her foot as she walked, the way Raven had sure footing wherever she went and the way Raven's body was stock still as she moved and Jinx's swayed ever so slightly, seducing whoever was behind her in a non-obvious way. Jinx was like that, in a way, and it distinctly differentiated her from Raven; there was always something sensual with the way Jinx moved, almost as if she were taunting you to invite her bad luck, and almost like she thought that manipulation and sensuality went hand in hand. Raven, on the other hand, was no-nonsense and direct; her powers didn't need to manipulate a situation for another situation to happen, they were direct and straightforward and did what she wanted them to do.
It was a wonder that they got along at all.
"You do know what day it is today, don't you?" Jinx asked.
Raven frowned, not wanting to know what she was implying, "It's Monday."
"Oh, come of it, Raven," her lips twisted, "we both know what today is. You nervous?"
She rolled her eyes in reply, "One, I don't like what you're implying and," Raven paused fingering the soft fabric of her head, "two, no, I am not nervous."
"Well then, stupid, start getting nervous because it's going to start soon." Jinx frowned, "At least being nervous means that you're anticipating his arrival." She blew a strand of pink hair from her face, "I mean, he's coming around at 12, didn't he say? Said that he needed to do something important. I bet it's something to do with you, Raven." Jinx suggested, her smirk becoming more and more Cheshire-like than ever.
"Why would it? We're done. Finished." Raven in haled deeply, "We're friends."
Jinx threw her a look, moving away from her slightly as they continued to walk the halls, "Liar. You and him cannot be friends. It's a joke." She bit back.
Raven paused at that for a moment, shaking her head. She was trying, she really was, and the past four days didn't seem as bad as the beginning of their break up. Her heart still clenched at the mention of his name and she still worried constantly about him but…but life was going smoother than she had anticipated. There were just so many changes going around that Raven didn't really know how to handle it and so her mind seemed to push her feelings for Beast Boy downwards a bit so that she could accommodate all the change that was happening in the external environment. Soon, it felt good—and comfortable—to wake up alone in one's own bedroom. She felt secure reading a book on her lonesome and her thoughts didn't dwell on one person anymore and she had made time for herself and herself only. It was an awkward process and though the feelings were still there, she knew that she was slipping quite smoothly into what she thought was a comfortable independence.
"Not friends then," she corrected herself, smoothly setting it up so that Jinx would be calmer, "not lovers nor are we just mere acquaintances." She paused, "I don't know what we are but we're not…together. We made our decision and we are to stick to it."
It was Jinx's turn to pause and Raven's empathic powers filled in the silence by wrapping itself delicately around Jinx's emotions, feeding Raven's own powers while intertwining her own feelings into Jinx's.
"How long are you going to stay not friends and not lovers?"
Raven frowned, "Until we both sort ourselves out." The answer was blunt and sharp and yet it was vague enough to elude anyone, even the sharpest of minds, and Jinx was pretty sharp.
"And why couldn't you guys have worked out whatever crap you guys are working out, together? Wouldn't it be easier? Wouldn't it solve everything faster?"
Her mind suddenly rushed towards what she was facing, what Beast Boy was facing and immediately she knew why they couldn't handle it together. Both of them were too volatile, whether emotionally or in terms of their prowess, and this volatility didn't let them try to calm everything down together. It was either individually or none at all and Raven knew that they had both chosen themselves over each other. Would it have been alright for two people to stay in the relationship knowing that they would choose themselves instead of each other in a snap. Yet…
"It would've messed everything up." She stated immediately, "Our problems weren't to be taken lightly."
"It would've made the burden lighter though." Jinx noted and then fell silent.
…at the same time, their decisions weren't all that selfish. While trying to make themselves get better, both Raven and Beast Boy simultaneously made that decision to protect each other form any harm. Though Beast Boy never—and will never—knew her own reasons for their break up, she knew his and knew that the reasons why he had broken up with her was that so she wouldn't contract Sakutia and he would get better and be better. Their decisions had been both selfish and selfless and yet they had both come out form a common thread; love. Love for oneself and love for that very person that was neither lover nor friend nor family and was…all.
Her empathic tentacles suddenly stood on their ends, indicating that someone else in the corridor apart from Raven and Jinx. Her head turned almost as swiftly and she did a sharp intake as she realised who it was. All it took was a rush of reddish-pink curls and a couple of giggles to throw Raven off course; Kole knew how to do that sometimes, it was how she was so good with Gnarrk.
"Girls!" Kole squealed, throwing her arms around Raven and Jinx's shoulders, "You were great back there. I was so nervous for you guys!"
She squeezed them so tightly together that Raven felt her head smash into Jinx's. Both girls rolled their eyes at her enthusiasm though Raven was secretly pleased that her powers were so appreciated. It was nice to see some positive light shone on what was thought to be such a dark and powerful ability.
"It was just a simulator, Kole. No need to get so excited about it." Raven smiled as Kole pouted.
The pout didn't last that long and she attempted to ruffle Raven's head, consequently pulling off her hood to reveal her newly cropped hair; it was short, almost like a boy's and even shorter than she used to have it, but the girls had reassured her that it was a good look on her and that it was something different and new. She hadn't known what to make of that but she graciously accepted, hoping that her new haircut was some kind of sign.
There was something strange with it though, and though she knew it was a physical feeling, she couldn't help but feel that something was lost and yet it felt lighter, like she didn't know that she had all that weight atop her head. She could move more but she missed it…there was something beautiful and impacting about having one's hair grow while you were experiencing many different things, it was like a record of what had happened in the past.
Her fingers felt at her own hair as Kole smiled at them both, "Yea, I know, but it was still pretty cool. Gnarrk and I keep getting our butts kicked by the machine. Ooooo," she squirmed, "I'm so glad Garfield's coming back today, we need our laughs! We haven't had time to relax for…well…forever!"
Suddenly, Raven felt both Kole and Jinx freeze with Kole's emotions emanating guilt and anxiety like there was no tomorrow. Raven herself felt her chakra flash and sting, and her hand automatically went up to it to rub it down as if any physical contact could actually calm the stings that came with the glittering of the red chakra.
Raven looked back, a couple of feet away from them due to stopping later, cringing as she heard Kole's apologetic voice, "I…Raven…I'm so sorry I didn't mean to…"
Raven sighed. Jinx was behind her and she felt how the misfortune caster had gripped onto her own powers so quickly. She knew it was because she was afraid that Raven would go into a rage and quite possibly blow up the place and that if that happened, Jinx would be able to manipulate the situation with her abilities so that no harm would come to her. Natural selection—survival of the fittest—Garfield had told her what it was once when they were discussing his assignments; she had thought of it as such a barbaric concept, that people and animals had to fight each other in order to find a place in their current society but lately, she had been changing her mind; these things were not done consciously, they were automatic reflexes implanted in the minds due to years and years of evolution, and for people like her—people who were different—the urge was even stronger than of those who weren't special.
She pursed her lips for a moment, before forcefully cracking a smile, "It's OK, Kole." She felt the smile transition into a genuine one, "We're not together anymore and it would be stupid to blow things up just because of a break."
"But…I really didn't."
"Save it, Kole. If I say it's OK, it's OK."She turned to Jinx as if to reassure her of the same issue too, "Kole's got a point, I haven't seen Garfield in a while and it wouldn't be so bad to have his cheesy jokes back here."
They both looked at her uncertainly, their emotions mirroring each other with concern and distress. It hadn't really been a lie, really, when she said she was fine with it. She had already known that she had to face Garfield sooner or later and though she would rather it be the latter; she knew that the sooner they met, the sooner they found some sort of compromise on where each of their position were to be in each other's lives. To be honest, she was curious too; she wanted to know how he was dealing with it all, and if he was—for lack of better word—suffering just as she was.
So, with that out of the way, they continue to talk for a while as they stalked the corridors, but Raven noticed that in all that time, none of them touched on the subject of Garfield ever again. Kole went on and on and on about her maybe date with Jericho—Joseph, he had told Raven once and for some reason she had a feeling that only a select few, not including Kole, knew his real name—tonight and Jinx ranted on about how Vic really didn't know how to be in a relationship and how Jinx had to do everything. All Raven did was nod and listen and she begun to realise that she missed the company of other girls and that she wanted to talk to Kori soon, to soothe her worries away, but the time would come soon, it just wasn't now; Kori was having her own troubles and dilemmas and Raven really didn't want to add to that burden.
After a while, Raven found herself in front of her room, and as she made her excuses and promised to meet them when it came to lunch, she pushed into the metal door of her room and slid comfortably inside. The room was cooler than it was this morning but the atmosphere was still the same; tense and nervous but relaxed, a jumble of juxtapositions stuffed all in one dark room. Intricate trinkets laced her shelves alongside the books she cherished so much and yet there really wasn't that much apart from that; just a bed and a wardrobe, she didn't even own a laptop like the others did due to the magical items she had in here. It was OK though, there were always much better, simpler and more personal ways of communication other than the use of the laptop.
Raven flung herself on the bed, appreciating the softness of a good mattress before turning to a pile of books she had collected on top of her bedside table. She scowled as she picked one up, remembering that she had read all these books page per page, not skipping a single word and she had memorised all the words like she had vowed to do. She knew that if she didn't break the bond properly, either Dick or her would die—or both, really—and even though she had been to the After-world and back once, she was pretty scared of dying. Maybe not of dying, really, just of the absence of life. Once she was released of the duty sent by her father, once she had started new relationships and renewed others, she had started to realise that there were a lot of things to do in one's life, and it was that person's duty to do as much of it as possible with the people you love. She wanted to fulfil her duty and to do that, she had to live.
The progression to life, however, was quite tiring.
Once she had done her research, as much as she could handle, she had discovered that what was a complicated process was even more complication when done outside theory. It was even harder because there was no possible way for her to practise as when used on anyone or anything else, it would be completely useless. Raven was just hoping that all her efforts would pay off and it would work and they would all—everyone, not just her and Dick—would be free of this mess that their lives have created for them. The ropes would break free…or at the very least, they would loosen and everyone would be able to breathe easier, and to pick the rest of the ropes apart by themselves. Their hands would be calloused but their lungs would thank them for it, she thought, almost pleased with herself.
Raven picked up two of the books carefully, holding it with a light and steady hand so that the ancient texts wouldn't fall apart. She stood up and walked towards the door before briefly pushing the button so that it would open. Once again she was back into the open corridors, gazing at the magnificent of Jump City through the large windows that Dick had Vic install all those years ago, and once again she was still amazed that such a small city could look so large from a distance; it was startling.
She shook her head, no need to get distracted now; she had to go find Dick Grayson.
Dick was most probably in his room, but her bond told her otherwise as she was tugged violently in one direction, the direction that did not lead her to his room. Her feet dragged across steal and she felt annoyed at the strength of the bond, not angered anymore, merely annoyed. It stopped her feeling like she was doing things privately, and her thought felt interrupted by his thoughts. He felt annoyed too, but—surprisingly enough—he was more at peace with it, and that was now a whole different level, one that she dreaded to think about. It was OK though—or she tried to convince herself—her hard work would pay off and it would—or so her bond told her—start off nicely in the kitchen.
The automatic doors opened for her quickly, as if it was one of those adventure video games, and Raven started to wonder about the kitchen. It seemed that lately, the kitchen was not only a place to eat, but also the place that hosted the most dramatic of conversations despite the fact that there was a security camera installed in this place, microphone and all. The words food for thought were used quite literally and a lot; Raven could sense every piece of aura here with every type of emotion, and she had an inkling that it had nothing to do with the food in here.
Her thoughts came to a sudden halt as other thoughts flooded in.
And there was Dick Grayson.
His back was turned away from Raven and he was hunching over the dinner table, his movements incoherent to those of someone enjoying food. Instead, it seemed like he was just thinking, like what she—and most of the other original Teen Titans—had succumbed to doing, and in the most melancholic way at that, though truthfully, it was probably because he had never thought to confront Kori about their break up while she was in another relationship. He probably never thought that Kori would get into another relationship so quickly, and Raven had to laugh at this completely male, egoistic presumption that the female wouldn't get into a brand new relationship and would stay heartbroken for a long, long time. It was all she could do to not point out to him that he jumped into one way quicker than she did.
"Raven," he murmured, his back still turned away from Raven, "stop cackling maniacally to yourself and get over here."
Though she hated being commanded around, she had to admit that it was her intention to approach him in the first place.
"So, sulking are we?" Raven smirked as she pulled a chair next to him.
He grinned at her, the bags under his eyes showing clearly against his olive—yet ashy—skin, "You can talk. Ever since you got here, you haven't gone out at all."
"But I've been better…" she said slowly, hoping for some confirmation, "right?"
"Yea, you've been better. Just not the best." Dick smiled at her, his smile as slow as her words, "Have I been better?"
Raven thought on this slowly, picturing his face for these couple of days, taking in all the feelings she felt from the bond. Automatically, her head swung from side to side subtly, as if unsure on what to say.
"Maybe. The confrontation with Kori was awkward…" Raven bit her lip, "and I reckon it didn't help the situation one bit."
"Gotten worse, I reckon. She barely talks to me."
She shrugged, "At least she's talking to you. I mean, it is your fault, this whole angst-slash-tension thing that I just, for the life of me, can't push away no matter how hard I try."
"Nice, Raven. Rub it in why don't you?"
Another shrug, "Just doing my job, Dick."
Then there was silence. So inviting, like melted sugar strewn all over fresh fruit, the atmosphere was ripe and stagnant. It was the moment where one decided whether to pick the last fruit and suffer all consequences or fast for days on end. All was still also, anticipating, waiting, curious and beautiful.
"So…what was it that you wanted to see me for?" Dick asked, knowing what she had come here for.
The words flowed out like they were pre-recorded, "I've finished my research. I've analysed the risks. Anything else I can do for preparation has been done."
"And…?"
"It can be done properly—and safely—if I go through all the right procedures. I am no expert on magic, Dick, however…I think I can do it."
Dick frowned, his chin resting upon his fist, "You know that think isn't good enough right?"
As much as she wanted to be miffed at this comment, Raven shrugged it aside. She knew what he was saying was true and one little; tiny, minuscule glitch could prove disastrous. Raven just hoped that she was skilful enough to get through with it. If she didn't—Azar forgive her—then Dick's trust would have crumbled in her hands.
"What is it that we need to do?"
"Nothing special, really." Raven mused, "Silence, concentration, darkness…since the spell would be performed at midnight…" her thoughts gathered around the list, "all the magical items I already have." She suddenly felt her face pull downwards ever so slightly, "Trust, confidence and pure, untainted willingness to release yourself from the bond. The rest will be up to me."
Dick paused, "Sounds simple. Too simple, Raven. I want to know the complications; I want to know what it is that you have to do."
"A deceivingly simple looking spell, that is what I must do. Every intonation must be perfect, every repertoire every placement of those incessantly specific trinkets. It is the full melding of minds, Dick, and the complete divorce. There will be no shock greater than this, I assure you. It is an implosion and an explosion all at once."
"I can handle it."
"I hope you can, because I'm not so sure about myself." Her fingers tapped absentmindedly on the dinner table, "There is, I've just remembered, one thing that we both must do though." She paused, giving him enough time to look at her inquiringly, "The night and day beforehand, we must find complete solitude from each other and from everyone else. There must be you and only you within that time. You are to meet no one and to communicate with no one else. This is crucial." She pressed that word so firmly that she thought she felt him cringe.
He frowned, "What for?"
"Ab initio." Another pause, "Ab origine." Despite her fluency in Latin, she felt rather nervous quoting those phrases, "We must go back to the beginning, to our core selves. When we go into confinement, we have to gather everything and anything that has to do with who we are at the beginning, before—even though it sounds completely impossible—and separate from the external influences." Her lips pressed together in anxiety, "Most importantly, we have to try to remember and regain who we are before the bond. We have influenced each other greatly—more so than I'm comfortable to mention—and this influence, though it may produce advantages, is what we are trying to clear ourselves from. By, at the very least, trying to picture ourselves as only ourselves we may be able to salvage ourselves from being thrust into a catatonic state…though this is, admittedly, still a thin chance. I cannot guarantee your life, Richard Grayson." She added, not as an afterthought.
Raven felt him freeze at that, and she wasn't so sure whether it was because he knew his life was going to be in danger or because of the heavy emphasis she put on his full name. It was a part of him, a brand perhaps, that just made him even more than he currently was. Without that name, perhaps Richard Dick Grayson would have turned out completely different, perhaps with a different name and a different history, people would not have loved him so much. Perhaps, with a different name, he would still be the same, but Raven has an inkling that that was not the case. The name was important; it was an identity that you held onto no matter what happened. It was that one thing that people reached out for when they were lost in who they were and it is the thing that they rejoiced when they found themselves victorious. Simple, simple letters that were more spellbinding than any other spell.
That moment hung in the air for a couple more seconds before he relaxed, his facial expression softening despite the morbid news that he had just gotten from her. But then again, he had probably known and well, actually, he did since she had been repeating this over and over like a broken tape player. It just hit harder this time, she assumed, and if it was hit hard enough, objects tended to dismantle.
"I'm going to miss everyone." Dick said suddenly after the long period of silence, "I am going to miss you, Raven Roth, with your sarcasm and your logic. I am going to miss Vic and his overall warmness. I am going to miss Gar for his stubbornness and bad sense of humour and…" she saw, and was slightly confused, by how his eyes clouded slightly in that moment, "I will miss Kori. I'll probably miss her the most, actually."
Raven felt genuinely surprised by this and didn't bother to conceal it.
He smiled at her, "I'll miss everything about her. How friendly she is, how open she is to everything, how she laughs and how beautiful she is." Raven quirked a brow at her, "Don't get me wrong, I love Babs but…" he chuckled, "you'll think it's completely corny but I'll always love Kori, no matter what. Kori may not have been my first love but she opened my eyes to a lot of things and I'll always love her, for that and for many other things."
She had to smile. It was one of the most heart-warming things that she had gotten him to say recently, and it made her a bit more hopeful. This was the Dick Grayson that Kori fell in love with and the one he hid so nicely sometimes.
"You just had to be sickeningly cute, didn't you?" She smirked.
He shrugged, chuckling along with her, "I try."
And there it was.
It was thin, trickling and she should've detected it from a mile off but she had been too wrapped up in the emotional discussion with Dick. It was diluted but there was something significant about it that made it unforgettable. She had known it straight off; maybe a couple of seconds late, but she had known it. She would have known it if all five senses of hers had been shut down and thrown away and she both feared and loved it.
Raven bit her lip before turning around.
Amethyst locked on green.
Someone inhaled.
She couldn't breathe.
"Hey." It was Dick who broke the ice, "You're here early."
Raven licked her lips in an attempt to force down her sudden speech impediment. Her throat felt coarse and dry and her lips felt like they were itchy and peeling. She didn't know why she suddenly felt self-conscious—her fingers had suddenly rushed to finger her own short strands—because she shouldn't be self conscious; she was over it, over him. She needed to be.
Garfield frowned, "I couldn't stand another long day in that freakin' lab when I could've been here. I wanted to come early anyway." He shrugged, it seemed so casual, "I heard you guys had come back and wanted to see for myself."
Her empathic powers went crazy, wanting to envelope him fully with her vines and to develop his emotions like buds and yet…she shies away from him, from wanting to know what his feelings were, and her powers obliged, though grudgingly. They had only been apart for a week and a bit and she had felt some sort of change from him. She wasn't sure whether it was purely physical—she thought he had grown thinner and she noticed that his hair was also shorter—but there was a change and it made her sigh in relief; she didn't know why, but it just did.
She wanted to slap herself, to really, really slap herself; why was she acting like an idiot with no mouth?
"Yea, we're back. Raven dragged me back here. You? You're gonna get treatment from here from now on?" Dick asked.
Garfield nodded slowly, "Probably." Was that a lie? Raven thought it was, but she wasn't so sure, her damned emotions were getting in the way, "It's good to have you guys both back." He smiled. Vague.
"Feels great to be back. As always." Dick stated sincerely, "Vic's in charge though now."
"Yea…I heard." Garfield looked quickly from Dick to Raven, and his face moved, "Say, Dick, can I borrow Raven for a sec? It won't be a while." He added as an afterthought.
Dick threw a look at Raven, asking her whether it was OK, and she nodded lamely. Confrontation was beneficial, it helped the healing process and…and it would be nice to converse with Garfield again, even if it wasn't in a romantic fashion.
"I'll see you in a sec, Dick. We still need to…straighten a few things out." Raven said, pressing a hand at his shoulder before walking out of the kitchen to have some sort of discussion with Garfield in the corridors.
It was odd, those few seconds of following Garfield into the corridor. She felt rather detached, actually, something that maybe she was a little proud of. Maybe she wasn't such an idiotic fool after all, maybe she did have a good head on her shoulders and was just surprised…yes, that's it…she was surprised.
He had better posture, Raven realised as he stood over her, not menacingly and yet not in such a friendly manner either, "How're you?"
"I'm OK." Raven replied shortly, feeling like this was an appropriate response.
"Well, I'm OK too…been better," he sighed, "but OK." Garfield paused for a moment, his ears twitching quickly, "I like your hair."
Raven's hand shot so suddenly to her strands that it surprised her; it wasn't that she was self consciously stroking her own hair but it was the speed that she had done it. She was unsure of the compliment though, was he joking? Was he sincere? He had always, always told her that he had liked her hair better long, even if—he had assured her—it wasn't the reason that he had started dating her.
"I got it cut a couple of days ago. The weather's starting to warm up." Raven shrugged, "You look…thinner."
"Meds." He grinned at her, not adding anything else to his answer.
Raven nodded and felt the silence swarm over them, threatening to throw them into an even more awkward moment. She noted how both of them were standing at least a foot apart and none of their body parts touched; it was too early and rather—though it may sound ever so slightly exaggerated—dangerous to be touching. Really, despite her nonchalance, all she wanted to do was wrap him into her embrace and kiss his sadness out of him. She wanted him to do the same, to utilise physical contact in order to help her. Her head shook on its own accord, she was stronger than this and she would prove it.
"So," Garfield said finally, leaning against the dull silver walls with his arms crossed, "You and Dick, eh? Never thought I'd see the day. Well, OK, I kinda did see but…"
"Your presumptions are incorrect," she snapped, "I am not so insensitive to start up a relationship only a couple of weeks after our break up, even if I liked Dick."
Garfield threw his hands up in protest, "Look, I just thought that—"
"You don't think, Gar. That's the problem. The nerve of you—!"
He growled, "I'm sorry, OK, I'm sorry. I'm just…" he shook his head, "I dunno. I just need some headspace. It was a long flight." He looked at her square in the eye, "You two just seemed rather cosy together, and it's been going on for a while."
"Well." Raven crossed her arms too, slightly put off at where they're conversation was going, "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to snap. I just haven't adapted back to Jump."
"Where did you find him?"
Raven threw him a look that caused him to chuckle, "Where do you think, genius? I found him at Gotham."
"I feel sorry for you. Gotham's a nasty place."
She shrugged, "I feel sorry for me too." Her lips didn't feel so numb anymore, "It's pretty pathetic."
He moved as if to hold her; her hand, her shoulder, her face to comfort her, but then shrunk back as if he thought better of it. Raven felt relieved, her heart was beating too fast to be ignored if he had touched her, and she would be damned if she was broken first.
"This isn't working out, is it?" He suddenly asked, as if he hadn't known all along.
Raven had to shrug again; her shoulders had begun to ache, "No, not really. Though I think it's working out better than I thought it would."
"What? You thought I'd be crying and begging you to give me another chance?" They weren't harsh, despite the words; his tone was soft…almost like he was…like he was begging.
"No." She answered immediately, "I thought that we both would have been doing it."
"Maybe."
That maybe was almost as solid as a yes, and Raven took some comfort knowing that he had thought the same. She also started to wonder why, when it came to things, did no one notice that they were alone, and if they did, why did they let Raven and Garfield be alone together? Though most didn't know the whole story, they should've known enough to keep them apart. Being together with him, even if they were a feet apart with no parts touching, was still pretty electric and the electricity felt even more significant for an empathy. Memories slammed into her body like a harsh wave, and she had to do everything in her will to fight it.
Garfield brushed imaginary dust off his own shirt, "You know what, I'm gonna take a gamble and be honest."
"OK."
"I miss you." He didn't look at her when he said that, "I came down early to see how you were doin'. I'm not expecting anythin'—and I wouldn't want you to—but I miss you."
She nodded in reply; it was all she could do to stop herself from throwing herself into his arms.
"I met the most amazin' kid in S.T.A.R Labs this week." Raven didn't say anything at this sudden turn of topic, "He's lived in the place for all his life, tryin' so, so hard to beat the disease he has. His parents only visit him on the weekends and I doubt he has anyone his age in that place. He's doing it, though, he's getting there."
Another nod, Raven still didn't know what he was getting to.
"I'm going to learn from him." He smiled at her; soft and sad, "And I miss you. I'm going to miss you a lot."
There was something that Garfield wasn't telling her, but she didn't press him like she would've in the past. Whatever he meant, whoever this kid was, it was part of Garfield right now, and it was his choice whether to share it or not. He was older now, she could tell, even if it had only been a week or so since she had seen him, and she was glad; Garfield had found a way to grow without her. It meant that they were both finding ways to be themselves with only themselves.
She straightened up, "By Azar, don't start being such a sap now, Garfield. You know that you and I both don't need it. And if someone passes through they'll think I bullied you!"
"You always bully me. It's not like they're gonna do anythin' bout it."
"Touché." She smiled back at him, "Not like they'll care." Her smile grew into a smirk."
"Well…" Garfield said, "I think I've got to get goin'. I need to talk some things over with Vic, seeing as he's now leader and all." He mock-groaned, "God, like he doesn't have a big head already."
"Not as big as yours." She teased, "I've no idea why no one has ever called you a bobble-head."
"They love me too much." There was a look that she couldn't interpret when he said that, "Well, I'm goin' now."
He motioned to walk off, but before he did that, he leaned forward to brush the side of her head. Her hair stood on its ends and she felt every movement that his finger had followed in that brief moment; the pressure, the pause, the…everything. She pursed her lips, not daring to breathe as he did this, and it was done as soon as it had started; she didn't know whether to be pleased or disappointed.
Garfield stood up straight, smiling that child-like smile, "I'll miss you."
Then he walked off into the endless corridors of the building and she had waited—like the fool that she was—until all of him had gone and she couldn't hear or feel his presence any longer. It was then that she could exhale, could relax, unlike those few minutes she shared with him that felt so stiff and…formal. He was definitely hiding something—she could feel it!—and his last words reinforced her idea; it was like he was going away where they couldn't meet but…but that was all emotionally right? He wasn't seriously thinking of moving away physically right?
Raven shook her head and re-entered the kitchen, refusing to contemplate on this. She found Dick sitting in the exact same spot in almost the exact same position. This time, however, it looked like he had been waiting for her as he faced her straight away.
"So? How was it?"
Ravens shrugged, "It went OK…then bad…then OK…then weird." She shook her head, "I can't possibly be friends with him again, the concept is ridiculous."
"It'll work out fine. Gar understand, I reckon. He knows you're hiding something and is still willing to talk to you."
"He's hiding something. I don't know what and I…I care but…it's none of my business."
Dick grinned at her, giving her a sarcastic thumbs up, "That's the spirit."
"You really make my day, Dick." She drawled, rolling her eyes, "I don't know how I can get through life without you."
"Never mind that, Raven. Think of yourself." Dick frowned, "When are we going to do this?"
It was Raven's turn to frown and she made no movement to sit down next to him. She was standing face to face to him but she didn't feel like sitting down. Not right now, not after her brief conversation with Garfield.
"Tomorrow we prepare."
Dick raised a brow at her, "So soon?" He brushed a strand of black hair out of his eyes.
Raven nodded.
He didn't ask why, he just nodded back at her and murmured nothing under his breath. He had put complete trust in her, and she could feel it through their bond, coursing strongly and thickly like a gushing river.
"I'll say I'm sick."
Raven nodded in agreement, "I'll say that I have family business to attend to in Azarath."
"I'm going to call Babs then. It might be the last time we speak." Dick bit his lower lip; a facial expression that wasn't seen so much on such a confident person, "Do you have a plan for when…if…it fails?"
"I have prepared a sort of…automated message to be sent out. It will be pretty obvious." Raven had to smile at the thought of her message, "They will know."
Dick cleared his throat, "Are you sure?"
She smiled at him; cold and nothing, "Of the signal? Yes?" Her insides started to churn, "For our lives?"
Raven thought about everything that had happened in the Tower, everything she had experienced with her friends, with her family. All the disasters, the joy, the strange and the normal…she had experienced it all and they had all been beautiful experiences. Precious, fragile and rare. She held onto them in her chest.
"No."