NB: Sometimes I write crack!fics. You can skip this if you like.
Sometimes Akari wins.
From his privileged viewpoint, Tsukitachi wonders what's more efficacious: Hirato's clever machinations or Akari's subtle persuasion.
The red-haired leader of Airship One visits Research Tower in hopes of having a nightcap… or an afternoon-cap, as it were—in which case there would be several. He's utterly staggered to find Circus' Second Commander settled behind a computer, hat and overcoat discarded while impossibly high stacks of files loom precariously around him.
"Hirato?" Tsukitachi tries and fails to conceal his surprise. "What are you doing?"
"Hmmm?" The brunet looks up; he's uncharacteristically subdued, precluding the possibility of some elaborate trick. "I'm digitizing old field reports."
Relationships make lovers stupid, the First Commander is quite aware. But surely Akari couldn't have fucked Hirato senseless enough for data entry. The brunet is military, after all. "Why are you doing Akari-chan's job? Did you accidentally break his fingers and this is compensation?" Please say yes.
Hirato sighs in the manner of the perpetually long-suffering. "No. And it's not his job. It's the nurses' job."
"Once more then, for the cheap seats: Why are you doing it?"
Narrowed violet meets gold, intimating that Tsukitachi will suffer untold tortures if he repeats what follows. "Because they all want him."
"Excuse me?"
It's a hushed whisper. "The staff. They all want to... defile Akari. I found very descriptive notes slipped under his door." The second captain resumes his task, leaving a very bemused first captain to track down a very conniving researcher.
The blond is making rounds, of course. But his irises sparkle as Tsukitachi approaches. "Who's your new secretary and what have you done with Hirato?"
Akari laughs. Actually laughs. "He's absurd. He thinks I'll be molested, and that I don't know he's the jealous type. I guess his manner of addressing me so properly has been channeled into misguided chivalry. The logic is incomprehensible, honestly."
"Doesn't he realize that the staff is too frightened of you to try anything?"
"He has evidence suggesting the contrary... or so it seems."
"Well, it is entertaining to see him like this." The captain wants to admonish the researcher for reducing his best friend thusly, but he can't help being impressed. "You know, I don't think we've ever done paperwork."
The physician arches a brow. "Really? He's twice as efficient as the nurses."
A few drinks later, a particularly disturbing thought occurs to Tsukitachi: "Who wrote them?"
Akari doesn't falter. "Who indeed."
Yes, sometimes the doctor emerges victorious. And it's precisely then that Tsukitachi wonders if Hirato is as deleterious an influence on him as he is on Akari.