NB: And sometimes I can't write crack, even if I want to.
Sometimes everyone loses.
Hirato realizes this while watching an almost imperceptible shiver trail down his lover's spine. Chilling rain has seeped through the blond's clothes, and although Akari is excruciatingly beautiful, black is unbecoming of him. Light hair sticks against pale skin, water dripping unchecked along angular features and into a dark shirt collar. The captain cannot distinguish between raindrops and tears. Such emotional frailty rarely overcomes the physician, but if ever an occasion precipitated heartache, Azana's funeral would qualify.
The brunet opens an umbrella over his grieving companion. Akari strides away. Hirato supposes the researcher feels responsible for his subordinate's death, misguided as this guilt is. Perhaps hours in a frigid downpour is some silent vigil or remuneration.
Afterwards, Akari accompanies him wordlessly to Airship Two. It's unnerving to see the doctor like so—quiet, obedient, docile. Like the black suit he's wearing, these things are ill-suited to him. Hirato desperately wants his coldly analytical yet endearingly irritable physician back, but he is quite cognizant of the infeasibility of that desire at present. He guides the blond into dry clothes and a warm bed, lingering long enough for a fleeting kiss.
"I'm so sorry, Akari."
"It's not your fault." But it is, the brunet thinks. Lies are heavy, he knows. Unburdening himself of this one would be heavier still.
"Rest. I'm going to work. I'll be back soon."
Circus' Second Commander then makes for the ship's bridge. It's a minute's walk from his quarters, but when he arrives, every trace of the affectionate lover has vanished, only to be replaced with icy malice. He's not just angry. He's hellishly irate. Tsukitachi intuits as much from a brief glance.
"How is Akari-chan?" the red head inquires softly.
"He's very upset." Hirato scrubs his face wearily. "Azana was like a protégé, you know."
"Some protégé. Tries to kill Akari-chan twice, even after everything he's done for him. I wouldn't have attended the funeral, much less mourn the bastard."
"Well, you know Akari."
"Yeah." Tsukitachi regards his friend. "And I know you too."
Amethyst eyes narrow venomously. Azana wandered into Hirato's cross-hairs the moment he dared to threaten Akari, and while the blond once stopped him from killing the man, his own capacity for forgiveness is comparatively limited. In matters pertaining to the doctor, it's virtually non-existent. Unfortunate, then, that Akari is grief-stricken and wakeful while the traitor Azana sleeps. Unfortunate and infuriating.
"Will you tell Akari-chan?" The first captain's golden gaze is thoughtful, appraising.
"He'd never forgive me."
Lies are heavy, and Hirato has long become accustomed to their weight. Nevertheless, lying to Akari feels a bit like drowning.
Even he can't win them all, it seems.