Limits

(In Ethan's Eyes)

I opened my eyes. In just a few hours I have to leave. I don't want Charlie to find me here. I know he will jump to the conclusions that I was up to no good. Humans usually have the wrong impression. Not everything succumbs to the desires of the flesh. I could prove that but I don't think Leah would approve of it. I glanced down at the exotic beauty resting in my arms. Her chest was moving up and down in a steady pattern while her breath came out in a beat that would hypnotize anyone. She looks so peaceful and vulnerable when she sleeps. I know she does not want to look this way but that was when I was attracted to her the most. Watching her gave me the desire to finally feel her hot lips pressed against mine. Maybe Charlie's assumptions are closer to the truth than I have given them credit for. I wanted her but I would give her the time to finally surrender herself. I needed control over this desire. I took a deep breath to steady myself. I know it was unnecessary but I guess old habits die hard. The air brought her smell, the only thing that I was not attracted to. But of course there was no necessity for breathing. A mere stench would not keep her from me.

The past two months have been like seconds for me but I would trade my eighty-nine years of being alive for those two months anytime. She had made me feel things that I have never felt before since I have changed to a vampire. There have been many women who wanted me but not one of them had the same impact she has over me. It had never been fascination with her but something so much stronger. My love for her was like a tidal wave crashing over and over again on me, never letting me resurface. But then, I would not have it any other way. I was glad to see changes in her also. She laughed more. There was a change in her aura that made her undeniably beautiful. She was finally starting to open up to me. We would talk for hours at end about anything that would come up. It surprised me how easy she was to talk to. To be honest, I didn't think I would find anyone who had the intelligence to keep up with me. She was sophisticated and incredibly smart. She has strong opinions and truly sticks to them. She says things as they were. I couldn't help thinking I was lucky to find this beautiful and intelligent treasure. I would do anything to keep her and her whole family safe.

Then I remembered Jane. I knew she will come. Somehow I know Aro's command to stay away from us will not keep her from actually coming. It only delayed the arrival. I remembered her words clearly as if she has only spoken of them yesterday. She came to me just before we confront the Cullens four years ago.

"Oh, this is an unbelievably good day," I remembered her saying as she entered my tent. "It was foolish for the Cullens to make an immortal child but then from the very beginning, they were all fools. I cannot wait to find that Bella girl and tear her into pieces."

"Why do you hate her so much? What is it that she has done to you, exactly?" I asked her in disgust but she didn't notice the tone of my voice.

"She's untouchable. I cannot give her pain."

"You are so sadistic, do you know that? You enjoy the pain of others; its disgusting."

She looked at me, anger burning in her eyes. "What do you want? Why did you call me here like some common mule?"

"I made my decision. I cannot accept your offer as your mate," I told her. Then she erupted. Suddenly, pain erupted all over my body that made me kneel down in my knees. I felt my eyes being pushed back in its sockets. The dead veins in my body seemed to be burning, something gnawed the vein walls from the inside out. Every limb in my body was broken then healed then broken again. My skin was burning. It felt like I was being staked alive. Before I knew it, I was writhing on the floor.

"If I cannot have you, then no one can!" she screeched, intensifying the pain.

"Jane, enough," Aro's voice from somewhere. "It's time to go. We do not want to let them get away do we?"

The pain stopped and I was left breathless on the floor. Every part of my body ached. How could someone so small give such a pain like this? Before Aro stopped her, I was wishing that she would just end me just to stop the pain.

"You will leave after we are finished with the Cullens, do you understan Ethan? You will fight for the Volturi or I myself will end you. After this, you will go, I do not care where, but you will go. Tell Jane whatever you want but you will not tell her that I am forcing you to leave," he hissed deadly in my ear.

After we encountered the Cullens and their allies, I approached Jane once again and told her that I was thinking of joining the Cullens. Of course at that time it was a lie after Aro said I needed to leave. The truth was I did not want to be here any longer. I was actually glad that Aro was forcing me to leave.

"You will not survive their ways. Before you know it, you will beg me to take you in once again but I don't think I would be charitable then," she hissed as left me writhing on the floor after giving me another dose of her power.

Jane was unbelievably sly and with the help of her brother, she would be able to persuade Aro and the rest to let her come here. Of course, the Cullens were not exactly in the favorite list of the Volturi. They were extremely threatened when the Cullens showed up with a huge population of vampires who were willing to fight for them if the need will come. The Volturi saw the Cullens' influence in their people and knew that one day, this family would finally defeat them and take over as the "royal family" of the vampires. If Jane was to die in the hands of the Cullens, then an inevitable war will occur.

I knew it was all my fault. Leah, her family, her pack, and the rest of the Cullens would not be in grave danger if I was not here. But how was I to know? I only wanted to try the Cullens' way of feeding for a week. But then that week stretched on for years. I must admit that I did take a risk but I trained myself to be stronger. I avoided the smell of the humans completely, not breathing for hours and filling myself with the blood of animals. I challenged myself to master this way. I found out that it was harder than I thought it would be. But when I was about to give up, I laid my eyes on this beautiful wolf for the first time.

I saw her wearing an amazing white silk gown that truly complimented her figure and giving her complexion a smooth boost. Her hair was tied in an elegant bun at the back of her head. She was alone and sobbing. I was hungry that time and saw this opportunity to finally taste human blood. I thought that her sadness was an advantage for me. My victims would be more vulnerable if they were experiencing nothing but grief. I did think that it was too bad I was going to use her as a way to replenish myself. She was such a beauty but then my eyes could not satisfy my hunger. I thought maybe I could turn her to one of us but I knew it was impossible. I know I could not stop after living off animal blood for so long. But as I was about to attack her, she turned into a small grey wolf before my eyes, shredding her white gown. I was stunned at the sight but my reflexes saved me from being seeing. I jumped up and hid in the leaves of a huge pine tree as she turned around. I followed her as she ran. I have perceived her as weak and delicate so I was surprised as she ran with such speed and agility. I realized that I have seen her before. She was with the Cullens as one of the wolves when we witnessed for the Volturi.

I looked at the watch, it was almost four and soon, Charlie will be up to get ready for work. I carefully unwrapped my arms from her and stood up. I was about to jump out the window to return when she spoke.

"Are you going already?" she asked softly, disappointment in her voice. I strode over to her and kiss her forehead.

"Do not fret my love. I will be back," I whispered to her.

"Hey, remember that I'm going to introduce you to my parents later on," she said, a bit of anxiety mixed in her sleepy voice.

I laughed, "I already know them. Why are you going to introduce me to them?"

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. They do not know that we're...together."

"What about my coldness?"

She smiled, "I'm sure you'll find a way."

I kissed her in the cheeks and left. Lucky it was still dark outside. The whole world still rested and those of us who do not rest have the freedom to roam around the dark. I loved visiting my Leah but I just can't do that when the sun is up. Then there was the fact that, like Leah, the whole world seem to be vulnerable when at night as if all the threats was just some sad facade. At day people seem to do anything just to prove that they're strong but when the night comes, all of it changes.

I ran back to Carllisle's house. I wondered if anybody had noticed me gone. Of course none of them slept. They were either studying, learning music, or spending time with their partners. The others of our kind usually hunt humans at night. But since the Cullens do not hunt humans, they educate themselves. As a result, besides the Volturi, they were the most educated and sophisticated clan of our kinds. I have never studied much but now I was beginning to learn more and more about the world through Carlisle's books. If I was not with Leah, I read and learned how to play music. I was mostly interested in astronomy.

I entered the house in silence, trying not to disturb the others in whatever they were doing. Edward and Bella must be in their home cottage with Nessie just a few miles away while the others must be upstairs. I climbed up the second floor and entered my own room. There was Edward examining the small collection of books in my shelf.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, sitting down on the velvet couch.

"Nice collection," he said. Edward was the kind of person who you could not help wanting to be like. He was a scholar, a soldier, a musician, and a father. He bases his decisions in what he thinks is the right thing to do.

"Yeah. Astronomy really interests me. So, what is it?"

"You were right, Jane will not give up," he answered quietly after a minute. I told him Jane would not give up and whatever they saw or heard was not the final from the Volturi.

"Did Alice see anything?" I asked seriously.

"Alice never saw Jane change her mind. She only saw Aro talking to her and I heard in her thoughts that she will obey but that does not mean she will not find a way to persuade Aro and the others."

"What do we do?"

"I do not know yet. As long as she does not decide to come here I wouldn't advise to do anything."

"Please do not tell the wolves yet," I pleaded silently. He looked at me directly in the eyes. It was filled with wisedom that was unfathomable.

"You wouldn't want Leah to shut you away again," he said knowingly.

I nodded,"She's just started making improvement. I don't want to see her that way again."

"When will you tell her?"

"I don't really know Edward. It's hard to keep things from her but I don't want her to shut me away again and tell me to abandon her. Sometimes I think that she brings to herself her own misery. She has the choice to be happy but she chooses to wallow in sadness and grief. She chooses to be bitter and distant to others."

"She really changed ever since you came. The whole pack is even affected by her change," Edward agreed.

"Please, let's just keep this from everyone, please?" I pleaded once again. He nodded.