A.N:
Hello to detective Smelly Socks :)
Well enjoy the chapter and REVIEW!
Please?
Hehe,
Faking the Sunset
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything to my dismay. except for a lovely PINEAPPLE. :D
"Eight years?" Mrs. Hamilton asked incredulously. I took a deep intake of air and nodded. "So you were forced into marriage when you were ten?" She asked.
"Oh no" I shook my head and some colour returned to Mrs. Hamilton's face as she thought we were joking. "Edward was eleven." And once again her face blanched. I heard Edward snort next to me; I tried to control a laugh erupting at the sight of Mrs. Hamilton in front of us.
"And uh, you've been having these difficulties for the last eight years then?" She coughed to try and focus on us as if we weren't people from a crazed cult or something.
"No, Edward left eight years ago and I only just ran into him the other day when he looked us in the closet…"
"You locked Bella in a closet?!"
"I was trying to fix the lights and run away from my brother who was suggesting places and positions…" he winked suggestively.
"For you and your brother to do?" Mrs. Hamilton's eyes doubled in size.
"No! He has Rosalie to care for his needs."
"Is your brother a sexaholic Edward?"
"I guess you could say that…" He chuckled.
"Is that why you felt pressured into locking Bella in the closet?"
"No!" We both shouted in unison.
"Well I think we may need the rest of your family in here so we can focus on the broader view of your issues. Would that be okay with you both?"
We both shot each other worried glances but turned to face Mrs. Hamilton and nodded. She picked up her phone and spoke to the receptionist.
"Can we please have the other Cullen's in here please Jane?"
A few minutes later, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper walked inside the office. Each had a different look of emotion spread across their face. Alice was bouncing around and excited, Rosalie looked bored; Emmett was laughing and whacking Jasper on the back who looked as if he was a child being sent to the principal's office.
They al sat on the other sofa, squeezing and trying to position themselves to fit. It didn't help that Emmett took half of the sofa up with his giant muscles.
"There's nowhere to sit!" Rosalie fumed.
"You can sit on me…" Emmett winked and Mrs. Hamilton quickly jumped out of her seat.
"No! I would like Rosalie and Emmett to be as far as possible if it wouldn't cause any inconvenience…" Emmett chin dropped and looked as if Mrs. Hamilton had suggested throwing him off of a building.
Rosalie tilted her head and decided to sit next to me. "Now that we're all settled, I think it's time for group discussion..." Mrs. Hamilton smiled warily. "I think we should start off with each of you writing on a piece of paper how the selected person troubles your situations. It'll all be anonymous and we'll try to work out how to solve it. Understand?" She asked as she ripped up some pieces of paper. She handed each person a pen and paper.
"So we'll start at my side and go clockwise. Edward goes first. Just write how he makes situation more troubled and what the main problem is."
"What if we need more paper?" Emmett laughed.
"You don't know enough words to fill up half a page, Emmett…" Rosalie smirked.
After a few chuckles and a meow, the only sound to be heard was the scratching of pens to paper. Everyone was busy writing what sounded like long paragraphs. I wasn't sure what to write. Finally, I pulled my pen down to the paper and wrote one line, "Terrible at goodbyes." But then I realized it wasn't very summative. "Leads people on and then goes AWOL."
"And stop, I'll collect your papers now." Each sheet of paper was handed back and Mrs. Hamilton slipped on a pair of glasses. She gave out a big sigh as she read them all. One page was filled back to front in small cursive writing which I assumed belonged to Alice by the little love hearts everywhere.
"So by looking at this, it appears Edward is extremely dramatic, a heartbreaker and 'never gets any'…" Mrs. Hamilton said as she shook her head.
"Is this supposed to be helping us?!" Edward shouted. "Oh and Emmett, go get screwed you horny bastard!"
"Well maybe if Rosalie would like to accompany-" he started until Mrs. Hamilton cut in. "Enough!" She shouted. Edward sat down and glared at Emmett. Mrs. Hamilton was pulling her hair out, trying to regain control. "I'm not sure if you know this put I'm taking notes on this, I'll be working out ways on how to solve all of your problems. Usually I'm restricted to marriage but I can sense your family has a few… issues, you need to resolve before anything further can progress."
Edward crossed him arms angrily from next to me and Emmett just started shaking his head.
"Next I would like you all to write about Bella, from what I've heard some of you don't know her very well but I would like you to write about how you know her so far."
I started to twiddle my fingers anxiously. Finally once they had stopped and handed back to Mrs. Hamilton, it felt like school all over.
"Apparently Bella is a bit clumsy and can't stand on her feet, was someone's first proper best friend and doesn't know anything." She concluded.
"I know things!" I shouted, not meaning to say it out loud. Mrs. Hamilton nodded and scribbled in her notebook.
"Next is Rosalie"
We all scribbled our summary and issues and handed the sheets back.
"Too vain to bother with many people, uses her looks to get her places and forgot the condoms last time."
"Emmett!" She screamed. "Don't you have any self dignity?!"
Emmett was in hysterics and close to tears until Mrs. Hamilton told him he was up next.
"Never shuts up about sex, diverts any conversation towards a sexual reference and has no dignity."
Emmett mumbled under his breath, one word louder than the rest, sex.
We repeated the steps with Alice and Jasper.
"Alice is very judgmental with others clothing, won't let people dress to their own standards and is way too chipper all the time…"
Alice gasped in horror. "I just give people my opinion and divert them from evil! Evil flared pants, evil flared pants…" She muttered to herself and started rocking back and fourth.
"Jasper is always extremely emotional and depresses everyone when he's depressed, makes everyone else sloth-like when he can't be bothered leaving the house and apparently doesn't have a stable emotional climax…" Jasper remained unfazed by everything that was said about him; as if she was just repeating the same thing he heard everyday.
"Okay everyone, I have worked out what each of you shall do to try and correct your problems. Edward, you are to write a journal of all of your feelings and emotions and not show them to anyone but yourself. Bella, you are to have a walking frame to help you stand and a neon vest to warn others of your presence. You are also to answer everything somebody asks you to prove you are listening. Rosalie, you are to go without a mirror and any means of make up and hair stylers. Emmett you are to go without sex and the mention of any sexual reference. Alice, you are not shop and wear only one outfit which I will provide, you cannot add anything or take anything. Jasper you are to appear the opposite of how you truly feel. For example, if you are happy, act sad. Now you are each to do these for two days and I will have you all on guard of each other. I would like you all to place $50 in this bowl which you can all have back once you've each completed the two days. Are we clear?"
Everyone nodded, depressed and pulled out their wallets and purses. I pulled mine out, emptying my purse entirely.
"I shall see you all in two days time." Mrs. Hamilton sighed as we left her office solemnly.
As we walked past the reception, the receptionist, Jane ran out and handed me an orange vest and walking frame and Alice with what looked like a potato sack. She fell to her knees and started to yell, "Why?!"
It was a bit strange that they had these behind the desk, but it made me hope we obviously weren't the only people to be so strange.
One thing I was sure of, these two days were going to be hell.
A.N:
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