Ranger24: It's time to get Bondish. And Beer loving! Enjoy the greatness!
Chapter 8: In private.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
It was a fine day when at a local dinner Ranger stepped inside, the guitar case holding his sword on his back. He set it down and to a set it the bar. The owner, Pop's, smiled as Ranger sat down.
"What'll it be Mr. 24?" Pop's asked.
"Vinila shake, shaken. Not stired." Ranger replied.
"Got it one shaken shake, coming up." Pop's said turning around to the kitchen.
"But Suki!" Said a male voice from behind Ranger. Standing behind him, was a young man with tanned skin and black hair done up in a pony tail seemed to be almost begging to one of the dinner's waitress's. Ranger recognized the auburn hair Suki.
'I just hope neither brings me into this.' Ranger thought to himself as Pop's set his milkshake on the counter.
"Look Sokka you know how I said I liked the dark haired, sword carrying, most likely a badass type?" Suki said.
"Yes." Sokka said.
'Please don't drag me into this.' Ranger silently pleaded.
"You see Ranger over there?"
'Shit.' Ranger thought.
"He's a fine example of that." Suki continued.
"You're kidding." Sokka said flatly.
"No I'm not." Suki shot back. "Heck if you were more like Ranger…"
Ranger finished his shake and slapped his money on the counter.
"Later Pop's." He said grabbing the guitar case and walking out of the dinner. All the while Sokka glared at him.
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Later as Ranger arrived at Fanfiction May Cry Sokka was watching him from an alley.
"What's this guy got that I don't?" Sokka muttered.
"Hey!" Shouted Lilo who happened to be standing behind him with Stitch. Stitch growled at Sokka. Sokka backed up a step.
"What are you doing?" Lilo snapped glaring at him.
"Umm… Nothing?" Sokka said before running for it.
"After him Stitch!" Lilo shouted! The two of them chased after him and he kept running right through a crowd of people who were window shopping!
"Help! I'm being chased by a little girl and her blue dog, Koloa thing!" Sokka shouted turning into a very narrow alley filled with all sorts of junk. Lilo and Stitch came to a halt in front of the alley.
"That's right! You'd better run!" Lilo shouted.
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Later that night Sokka kept his eyes on Ranger who was making his way down the street.
'There has got to be dirt on this guy.' Sokka thought to himself. Then suddenly Ranger turned aside and enter a building. Sokka ran after him and entered into a large night club. Scratch that, the bad Techno informed him it was a rave. Add that to the blinding multi colored lights and the number of glow rings, it was defiantly a rave.
He ran to the edge of the stairs searching the distinctive green cloak and guitar case. Then he spotted Ranger walking over to a couple. He spoke words Sokka couldn't hear over the music and the distance. The man took offence to what Ranger had said and tried to punch him but to Sokka's Ranger kicked the man in the chest and sent him flying into a wall. The woman lead Ranger away towards the bathrooms.
"Oh man this is so dirt!" Sokka shouted running after Ranger. He reached the bathrooms and then saw the two… go into the ladies room? Sokka ran to the door and pressed his ear against it.
"Have you ever been in here before?" Asked a woman's voice.
"You, the club, or the ladies room?" Ranger asked.
Suddenly there came a roar from inside the room almost drowned out by the sound of the music. Then to Sokka's shock a series of gun shots rang out! Then came the sound of something heavy hitting the floor. Sokka dove behind a floor pot as the door opened.
Out stepped Ranger wiping a bit of blood of his cheek. Sokka watched as Ranger walked past and then he ran to the bathroom door and opened it. There was no sign of the woman.
"Holy shit," Sokka whispered. "Ranger's a killer!"
"Hey!" Shouted a gruff male voice. Sokka turned around to see several shocked girls and a bouncer.
"Why are you trying to get into the ladies restroom?" The bouncer demanded. Sokka gulped.
Two minutes later Sokka was thrown out of the club with a black eye.
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The next night Sokka followed Ranger to a pub. He sat at the bar while Ranger was sitting at a table with the Shadow Syndicate. This time he was close enough to hear what was said.
"Excellent work last night Agent Ranger." TSS commented sipping from a wine glass with a liquid in it that looked horribly like blood.
"Just doing my job." Ranger replied with a smirk.
"Your next mission is much less legal but the city council needs these guys taken care of." TSS continued.
"I expect the pay will be good." Ranger said. TSS smirked pulling up a big black briefcase.
"I could tell you, but maybe I should show you." TSS said.
He opened the case and Sokka had an anime jaw drop. Inside was layer upon layer of twenty dollar bills! It was enough to buy a fringing car!
"It's a deal." Ranger said closing the case and picking it up.
"Be careful." TSS said. Ranger grinned.
"Aren't I always?" Ranger asked rhetorically.
Then he left with Sokka close behind.
About ten minutes later they arrived at the city docks. Sokka watched from behind a crate as Ranger stood silent, waiting for something.
The out of the dark came several limousines. Out of them stepped two dozen men in black suits, or trench coats. Each wore a matching hat that went with the outfit. Then as they approached Ranger many pulled out shot guns, pistols, and sub machine guns! Sokka gulped.
"No way he's going to take on the whole mob by himself." Sokka whispered.
The lead mobster stepped forward.
"Do you have the money?" He asked.
Ranger held up the briefcase.
"Right here." Ranger replied.
"Good, time to cut out the middle man." The mobster said his eyes flashing red! The gangsters raised their weapons but before they could open fire Ranger yanked out his M6C and opened fire! Two mobsters fell dead before the rest opened fire! Ranger strafed right gun in one hand brief case full of cash in the other. Two more mobster's fell dead blood spraying from their chests.
"You're making this to easy!" Ranger shouted still firing! Three more mobsters fell dead as Ranger landed on the deck of a docked freighter, ducked for cover, reloaded, and then jumped back into the fight gun flashing every time he pulled the trigger! Mobster after mobster fell dead to Ranger's accurate fire.
Sokka meanwhile cowered behind the crate as stray rounds ripped through the thin ply wood!
"I'm getting the hell out of here!" Sokka shouted before running down alley. He glanced over his shoulder to see even more gun fire breaking out behind him! He didn't even notice as he ran out of peir and fell in the water.
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The next night Sokka snuck over to Fanfiction May Cry. He glanced about, no little girl or freaky blue, Koloa, thing here to stop him this time. He turned the handle, the door was not locked. He hurried inside and ran to Ranger's desk pulling open the drawers.
"There has got to be some more evidence in here." He muttered. But all he found were some old bubble gum wrappers, unfiled paper work, a couple of flash drives, a few CD's, a broken PEDZ dispenser, and a The Who CD. He groaned and sat down in the chair.
"What does it take to find some dirt on this guy?" He asked to no one in particular. He glanced at the stair case. Maybe he could find something in Ranger's room.
He hurried up stairs and entered Ranger's room. It was an absolute mess, dirty clothes on the floor, the bed wasn't made, and empty chip bags were mixed in with the whole mess. Still he could find nothing incriminating.
"God damnit!" He muttered stubbing his toe on the old book case.
"Hello there, my precious." Hissed a voice. Sokka whirled around. There on the window cill was Gollum! The wicked creature leapt down into the room.
"Now, my precious, we gets our revenge on the nasty cruel warrior with the green cloak." Gollum hissed and Sokka backed up.
"Who the hell are you?" He asked terrified.
"Never mind that, here take this bell." Gollum said tossing Sokka a little silver bell with a skull carved into it. Sokka frowned staring at it.
"What the heck is…" He started looking up but Gollum was gone.
Sokka ran to the still open window and glanced outside. "Where'd he…"
"Ranger! Where are you? I need money." Came Ace's voice. Sokka was frantic now as he heard Ace climbing the stairs.
"Ranger? Where the hell are you?" She shouted. In a panic Sokka leapt out the window. Thing is he was two stories up.
Ace kicked down the door and found the room empty. She looked around frowning.
"Okay… I don't see any Ranger, or money."
Meanwhile outside in the street Sokka yelped in pain as he hobbled along the street, his left ankle was sprained.
He hobbled his way along until he reached the street. There he sighed and sat down on the pavement.
"Can this night get any worse?" Sokka asked.
Then there came a growl. He glanced across the street to another alley. There something was moving. Sokka stood up ignoring his sprain. Then out of the dark emerged a massive monster with purple hide and knife like fangs! It roared in fury as Sokka screamed in fear as it moved out of the alley!
"HELP ME!!" He shouted backing up. The only place to hide was in a nearby dumpster! He knew he wouldn't get away though.
"BINGO!"
Suddenly out of the dark leapt Ranger sword drawn! He stabbed the creature in the side of the head! Sokka took the opportunity to dive into the dumpster! Ranger slashed and stabbed at the monster repeatedly until it finally fell to the ground dead.
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The next day at the dinner Suki had her back turned to Sokka while he pleaded his case to her.
"Suki I'm telling you the truth! Ranger is a killer!" Sokka shouted.
"Sokka seriously, begging me while I'm at work?" Suki snapped back.
"Suki you have to stay away from him! I followed him around and saw him kill a monster with this really big sword he hides in that guitar case he always carries around!" Sokka continued.
"You only just figured out that he has a sword hidden in that thing?" Suki said raising an eyebrow. Sokka blinked in surprise.
"You knew that already?" He asked.
"Yeah everyone in town knows it, even the blind, legless, one ear deaf, homeless guy on thirty fourth street knows it." Suki answered.
"Oh." Sokka said a slight bit embarrassed but he quickly recovered.
"I've kept an I on him the past two days, he's killed a lot of people!"
Suki started walking away.
"Sokka…" But he grabbed her by the arm.
"Suki just stay away from him." Sokka said seriously.
At that moment the door to the dinner opened and in stepped Ranger. Sokka watched him walk over to the bar and sit down. Then Sokka ran out the door. Ranger glanced at Sokka's retreating back.
"Was it something I said?" He asked.
"No." Suki said with a sigh. "He's frigin paranoid. He said he's been following you around."
Ranger sighed. "That never goes well.'
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Later that night at a bar Ace snatched up a large wad of cash.
"You know Ranger you'd probably be in less debt if you didn't lose all your money in poor gambling skills." She said as Lilo collected a small sum she had scored, also of Ranger's money. Ranger muttered a curse.
"Hey Ranger." Lilo said as she handed her money to Stitch. "There was this guy with a pony tail watching the shop from an alley the other day."
Ranger sighed. "Yeah I know."
"My someone is doing something stupid senses are tingling." Ace said.
Ranger groaned and stood up from the table, grabbing the guitar case that held his sword.
"I'd better go save his ass. Lilo if I'm not back by 11; lock the door and get to bed." Ranger said heading to the door.
Lilo waited until he was out the door before she turned to Ace.
"Party at the shop?" She suggested.
Ace grinned. "Fine by me."
"Okay, where's Stitch?" Lilo asked glancing about for the experiment.
There he was at the bar with four empty beer mugs in front of him. He had his arms wrapped around two other drunks.
"Nobody knows how dry I am. Hickup! Nobody knows how dry I am!" All three sang as Lilo and Ace had anime sweat drops.
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Meanwhile at Sokka's apartment Sokka was just finishing up packing his bags. The silver bell was on his bed. He slammed the lid shut on the suit case and headed out the door.
"Well time to start a new life until that killer leaves town." Sokka said sadly.
He reached the elevator, but to his surprise it opened for him. Standing there, was Ranger eyes dark and looking positively terrifying. Sokka screamed and ran down the hall back to his room.
"Please don't kill me!" He shouted running to his room and heading to the window fire escape!
When he reached the window he glanced back and his heart pounded with fear. Ranger was at the door! He jumped out the window and ran down the fire escape to his car. He slammed his key in the ignition and hit the gas. He drove off into the night.
Hours later, far past midnight he drove into the near by desert of dust. His headlights were the only thing still bright as he had nearly fallen asleep at the wheel.
Then out of the dark, something loomed up! Sokka hit the brakes and wished he hadn't. Standing in the road, visible only by the yellow beams of the head lights. Sokka shook in his seat fully awake now.
"Please don't kill me!" He screamed as Ranger reached for something in the folds of his cloak. To Sokka's surprise he brought out the bell that he'd gotten from Gollum and left on his bed.
"You kind of left this at your apartment. Besides we need to talk." Ranger said lowering the bell. As he did the metal ball on it's chain inside clinked against the sides. Then from behind him opened a purple black rift in the air! Sokka's eyes widened in horror as out of it began crawling dozens of monsters!
"Look out behind you!" He shouted!
Ranger whirled around, drawing out his ever trusty pistols! Ranger opened fire without mercy, blood spraying from freshly opening wounds on the creature's hides! He emptied his weapons into the creature's, tossed his guns into the air, threw a pair of clips into the ammo slots, caught them and fired of a pair of head shots into the last one standing.
He smirked and picked up the bell.
"Well, let's see what you've got." He said raising it to shoulder level.
"Don't ring it again!" Sokka shouted!
To late, Ranger rang the bell and another portal opened. Out of it crawled a massive bone white creature with black spiky strands coming out of it's back forming a pair of odd wings. It had no eyes or mouth but it roared still.
"MUST DESTROY TWILIGHT WARRIORS!!" It shouted. Ranger frowned.
"Didn't you die in Fanfiction May Cry 3?" He asked.
"FOOL!! YOU HAVEN'T WRITTEN THAT PARODY YET!!" It roared in answer.
"Oh right." Ranger said nodding. Then he yanked out his sword as the creature tried to crush him with a massive fist! He slashed with his sword and looped off the hand. The creature howled in pain and threw it's other fist at Ranger who slashed the fingers off! It roared in and blood spewing from it's new stumps! It then tried to body slam Ranger but Ranger stabbed the blade straight into the chest of the monster!
Blood sprayed out as Ranger let go of the sword and it held the creature in place. He pulled out his pistols.
"Next time, stay dead." Ranger said.
Then he opened fire bloody holes being ripped into the creature's chest! As he continued shooting the sun rose. The creature's skin boiled and melted. Ranger yanked out his sword and it fell dead.
"Worst funeral ever." Ranger said dryly.
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That afternoon the two were back in the dinner. Ranger already had a shake in front of him.
"And that's the whole story." Ranger said.
"That didn't make any sense what so ever." Sokka said rather confused.
"That is why you'll never be the main protagonist." Ranger replied.
At that moment Suki set an identical shake down in front of Sokka.
"There you go, one drink guaranteed to not make you sing the beer song." Suki said smiling.
"Are you nuts?" Ranger proclaimed.
"Well normal people don't sit around and drink." Suki replied.
"Oh, you have no idea!" He said standing up! "Ready normal people?"
Suddenly Peter Griffen, Chris Griffen, Homer Simpson, Axel, Demyx, Church, Tucker, Grif, and Jiriya. Suki blinked in surprise.
"Ready!" All shouted. Ranger pulled out his pistol. Axel hit the juke box.
Ranger: "Oh what is the mother of liquor?
What get's you drunker quicker?
What comes in bottles or in cans?"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "Can't get enough of it!"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "Can't refuse it!"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "Makes me feel like a man!"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "I could kiss and hug it!
But I'd rather chug it!
Fill my belly up to here!"
Ranger continued raising his pistol into the air.
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "I can not refuse a…"
All: "Beer! Beer! Beer!"
"Beer. Beer. Beer. Beer. Beer. Beer." They all chanted as one until Peter and Chris stepped forward.
Chris: "I can't remember,
How much I have had.
I drank a twelve pack,
With my dad."
Peter: "That's my son the drunkin manly stud.
I'm proud to be his bud."
Chris: "Here have some pretzels."
Peter: "No,
I'll call it quits.
Those things give me the shlitz."
They all laughed.
All: "Drink with your family,
Drink with your friends."
Ranger: "Drink 'till you're fat,
Stomach distends.
Beer is liquid bread it's good for you."
All: "We like to Drink 'till we spew!
OH! Who cares if we get fat?"
Grif: "I'll drink to that!"
All: As we sing once more…"
Ranger: "Oh! What is the mother of liquer?
What get's you drunker quicker?
What comes in bottles or in cans?"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "Can't get enough of it!"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "Can't refuse it!"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "Make's me feel like a man!"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "I could kiss and hug it!
But I'd rather chug it!
Fill my belly up to here!"
All: "BEER!"
Ranger: "I need you to,
Give it to me!
Speed it to me!"
Then he got down on one knee pistol raised high in the air!
Ranger: "THE MOST WONDERFUL DRINK IN THE WORLD!!"
All: "BEER! HOORAY!!"
Then Ranger fired his pistol into the ceiling and several of the others belched. Pop's came out of the kitchen and glanced at the ceiling.
"You have to pay for that you know." He said.
Ranger24: Please note that I don't drink. I'm to young. But the song is just to much fun to resist. The "Beer song", by Weird Al Vohanic. Next time we learn why it's best to leave washed up singers in rehab. Next chapter; Rock Queen. Read and review.