XXI.

The Beauty of Madness

I could not breathe. The anger that stirred in my gut spiraled harder and harder, losing control. I was going to blow; I was going to explode if I did not say anything. I tried to grasp on something to control myself. I tried to remember the positive things in my life but all of those were just a part of a big lie. My whole life was a lie. Maybe that was what hurts the most. I already defined who I was but now, I don't know.

"Those kinds of things just confuses a person," I said, my voice shaking. I looked up and they both had pure terror in their eyes. Good, at least they know how to react properly, I thought bitterly. "I mean, my whole LIFE was a lie?!" My voice started getting louder and louder as it neared the end of the sentence and I was screaming my lungs off.

"You don't understand," Leah begged but I shook my head.

"No, I understood completely. You were just too much of a coward to ever say anything!"

"Hey, don't talk to your mother like that!" Ethan warned.

"No! She does not deserve to be called my mother! And you are definitely not my father!" I was screaming. I have never screamed this much before. "That's what you were ever good at, Leah, running away! You ran away when Sam got married, you wanted to escape when you were in his pack, you were desiring for a sanctuary when you found out that you were a wolf. I could tell that you spent your life trying to run away from those who actually care for you! When you think it's too painful to bear, you escape! That's what you're good at! You were scared and pained after what he did to you and you ran away from his memories! You denied me the truth because they were too painful for you to bear. It was never about me, it had always been about you!" I didn't care about the young girl in front of me. I wanted to hurt her feelings as much as I could for what she did. How could she?

"Stop it, Andrea!" Ethan commanded with a hard voice but I continued on.

"How many people have been involved in this, Leah?! How many? I could guess our whole family knew about this! How about our friends? Did they know?! Did you do this to make me a laughing stock of everyone from our reservation and in this town?!"

Before I could say anything else, the Cullens rushed in the room. "You need to calm down, Andrea," the wise man said that now I knew was Carlisle. I looked at him with disgust. He was in part of this lie that I called my life.

"Get away from me," I hissed and he backed away.

"You need to get out of here. Just go," Edward said in a firm but quiet voice.

"I'm not going to run away like her," I said harshly, pointing at Leah who turned her face away, her swollen eyes were leaking a new batch of tears.

"If you don't, you will get mad enough to phase into a wolf," Bella reasoned. I looked at them very hard before turning away. I headed for the back door. The air was unbelievably rich with scents tonight. It was fresh but the scents of the visitors also mixed in it.

It was hard to calm down but as I walked around the forests, I started to calm down incredibly. As long as I did not think of those inside Charlie's house right now, I could keep my temper at bay. So I could phase to a wolf? No, I shouldn't think of those things. It just reminds me that I was living a lie. Anger slowly replaced worry. I realized I was getting farther and farther from the house or any road. Great, now I'm lost.

I settled down a patch of grass. I was good at knowing which part of the area I was in just by looking at the trees but now its dark, it was so much harder to retrace my way back home. I wasn't even sure if I want to go home. I rested my head in my knees, covering my face. What will I do? I was just so confused. I can't go home but I can't stay here forever. I don't want to run away but I don't want to face them either. How could they do that to me?

A scent came unexpected as a whisper of the wind caressed my skin, trying to comfort me. It was sweet; the same smell that all of the Cullens had but the scent was mixed with a hint of blood. The owner was revengeful. I wondered who it was. I looked up but I saw only trees and bushes that seem to be eerier than necessary.

I stood up and started walking once more. There was no point in staying here and my instincts say danger was near. I wandered aimlessly around the trees, occasionally stumbling on a lose root or falling over because of a hanging branch. It was frustrating not to know my own way this way. When I had gone a few miles away from the spot, I looked back to make sure no one was following me. Once I turned around, my body froze with fear. In front of me was something huge, it was as huge as a horse. I could only see the outline so I had no idea what it was. It ran towards the trees, disappearing from sight. I let out a breath of relief and settled down a patch of grass. It was already late. I have to find the road, at the very least. I started formulating plans when I smelled another scent, but this time I recognized this very clearly, yet there was something different with this smell.

"Who's there?" a voice came from somewhere behind the trees where the huge thing disappeared. I recognized that voice.

"RJ?" I asked unsure.

"Andy?" the voice replied as a young boy, the same age as I was, came forward in the moonlight that shined like a spotlight. RJ towered over me, standing over six feet and five inches. He had short black hair that, like Jeremy, have highlights of brown. I smelled his usual fresh scent; an indication that he was still a boy in so many ways. He was playfully innocent and had the enthusiasm of a ten-year-old boy. I was surprised to see him only wearing jeans that was muddy and artistically torn in different places. His muscular toned body made my hormones jump like crazy. His handsome, boyish face lit up with a grin, showing his white teeth. I had a huge crush on him ever since I have first seen him but he had never returned the feelings, just making it clear that we were only friends.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked confused.

"What are you doing here?" he returned the question with the same puzzled look I have.

"I asked first and don't lie. I'll know if you lied."

He gave me a look, even though he could not see me. "I was patrolling the area."

"Why?"

"Jacob told me so." I could not smell any stench of a lie so I believed him. But why would Jacob want RJ to patrol the area and why at night? Before I could say anything further, he continued,"Now you're turn."

"I had a fight with everybody," I told him blankly.

"Why, what happened?" he asked.

"I found out something that I'd rather not know."

"Would you tell me what it is?"

I stared at him with a piercing look but I knew he didn't notice it. "Hey, you're asking too many questions. Don't you think it's my turn?"

"Oh, sorry."

"What did Jacob want to patrol the area for?"

"I don't really know. I mean, he just told me to patrol the area every night since..." he trailed off.

I lifted one of my eyebrows. "Since what?"

"S-since he had the crazy idea that poachers started hunting in these areas," he said unconvincingly. I smelled the lie right away. I wanted to say something but if he didn't want to talk about what happened, then I wouldn't push on.

"Okay," was the only thing that I was able to whisper. I tried to conceal the hurt but some of it drifted along my voice. I shook my head. "Well, I better get going."

"No, I'll walk you home. You're obviously lost," he offered. I nodded but remembered he couldn't see me.

"Thanks," I said as I stood up and walked over the spot where he was. Once the moonlight hit my face, something weird happened. I was glowing, my skin seem to have diamonds embedded in it. My eyes widened in shock. I looked up to see RJ staring at me but he wasn't staring at my skin, like I expected him to do. He was staring directly to my eyes and into my soul. A blank expression spread out in his face and something came alive in his eyes. "Are you all right?" I asked uncertainly.

"Y-y-yeah," he snapped out of it, blinking then looking at my skin. "Whoa, what's going on with your skin?"

"I don't really know," I said looking down at my arms.

"Do you still want to know what's really going on?" he asked hesitantly.

"You don't have to tell me," I told him but I wanted to know.

He settled down to where he stood. He invited me to do so also and I sat down beside him. Suddenly his smell changed. A new scent mingled in his smell. A scent that made me more comfortable around him.

"Andrea, I became a wolf," he said seriously, looking into my eyes and peering into my soul like he did before.

"Oh no, not you too," I groaned, standing up. "I have no time for this."

"No, please, listen," he begged, grabbing my arm with a firm grip. There was such a conviction in him that it was hard to ignore. I sat down beside him again, waiting for him to continue his story. "You've noticed that I have not been around school a lot have you?"

I nodded. For at least three weeks now, RJ would sometime go to school but most of the days, he was absent. I wondered about that but I have never had the guts to ask Jacob about it. I guess I just don't want to look like I care.

"Well, for three weeks now, I have been phasing back and forth to wolf and human form. Jacob told me that we phase into a wolf for the first time when we get really, really angry. Sometimes, our anger would also cause us to phase if we have been doing so for quiet a while but most of the time, we have the choice to transform into wolves.

"One afternoon, I went to Jennifer's house just to visit her. I must admit that I have been quiet busy with school work for the past few months and I haven't had time for her lately. But when I came to her house, I noticed a black car parked in front of her house. Her parent's car were gone but her car was parked beside the black one. I began to get suspicious but maybe it was nothing so I went to her door. I knocked for a couple of times but no one answered. I realized the door was open so I walked in, as obnoxious as it may sound. I walked around the house calling her name, but she didn't answer. Finally I opened the door to her room and saw her with another man; a college student.

"For a few moments, I was blinded and something wanted to explode inside of me. I was shaking so uncontrollably and I knew that if I didn't get out, something bad will happen so I rushed out of her house and into the forest. Pain shot up from my back, to my arms, and my legs. I just ran and ran, half blinded from the pain that was going on with my body and the image of her with that man.

"Then, Jacob's voice started echoing inside my head. At first I thought it was just my imagination. You know how sometimes, people's voices are inside your head, telling you what not to do or what to do? I thought it was just that but Jacob's voice was so strong that I actually thought he was there with me. He told me to wait at the base of a tree to my left so I did so. I looked down at my body. My shirt and pants were starting to rip apart and...furs were growing really fast in my arms and legs. I screamed because I didn't know what to do and I was turning into some kind of monster. But inside my head was still the picture of Jennifer and the pain intensified.

"'Oh, man, she cheated on you. I'm sorry,' Jacob's voice told me inside my head. I must have been really delusional at that time. He comforted me and tried to make me calm but I still screamed and screamed. Finally something weird happened. My senses were a lot sharper and I have really heavy breaths. I was on my arms and legs but I realized they weren't arms, just legs. I became a wolf.

"Then right in front of me, a sand-colored wolf appeared. I started to panic. What if this would attack me? What if he thinks I'm a threat to his territory? But Jacob spoke again inside my head. He told me that it was him and changed into a man in front of me. I was...well creeped out. He confessed something to me.

"He said told me that I was not Billy and Sarah Black's daughter. You see, Sarah died when Jacob was little and Billy never did remarry again. The truth is, I am Jacob and Renesmee Black's son," he ended in a small voice. I was shock and immediately felt sorry for RJ. I wasn't the only one who was lied at.

"You know, my story is a bit similar to that," I said and finally told him what happened. He listened intently, only asking a few questions, and then thinking. He just let me rant on and on. I was glad that he was there to just listen. "So I guess I'm not the only one who was lied at."

"Yeah, but just understand that they have reasons why," he said kindly. He looked at me. "Could you stay mad at them forever?"

The truth was I really don't know. I mean, I could be unforgiving but not forgiving that many people is too tiring. "I guess not."

"Well to tell you the truth, it seems to me that you're ready to phase into a wolf," he said cheerfully. I looked up.

"No, I don't think so."

"Oh come on, it's really easy."

"No, I think I'll pass. I'm not really up to enduring excruciatingly painful situations," I said.

He laughed but badgered on, "If you don't then sooner or later it will get out. Would you want to become a dangerous, wild wolf in front of someone you care about?" He had a point. I knew he didn't lie but I still want to have proof that what he's saying is real.

"I'll try if... if you phase into a wolf," I requested in a small voice, unsure if he would really do it. He met my eyes and saw the resolution in it. In turn, I saw his hesitation and doubt but slowly that all went away and whatever resolution I had in my eyes took over his also.

"I do not know if I could do this. I am afraid that I might...harm you. I mean, I am still getting the hang of transforming and stuff," he said in a small voice but he stood up and started shaking. He ran to a nearest tree, out of sight. A moment later, a huge pale russet colored wolf emerged and laid down where RJ rested a while ago.

"Oh my gosh." The words could not help escaping from my lips. I reached out my hand to touch the wolf. His fur was really warm and if RJ's playful scent seem to emmit even stronger. I laid in his fur, enjoying the warmth and softness. I lost track of time and I started drifting in and out of consciousness. RJ must have noticed I was asleep a couple of times because he gently shook me off and hid behind a tree to transform once again.

"Okay, princess, it's time for you to go home," he said guiding me with his arms.

"Gosh, don't ever call me that," I replied, rolling my eyes. He just laughed and we settled in a comfortable silence while we walked in the forest. A couple of times I hit a low-hanging branch and that would set him off laughing. I had no choice but to laugh along him. "Speaking of names," I said after a while. He looked at me to show he was listening. "I've always wondered what 'RJ' stand for."

"Well... It's kind of embarrassing."

"Why? It's your name."

"I guess my parents named me after themselves, you know, Renesmee and Jacob but that's not what it means. It's Richard James but I really don't like it. It sounds too... corny."

"Are you kidding? It's actually cute. Too long, but cute."

"Ugh, it sounds like a royal king or something."

I laughed," Don't you want that?"

"No. I'm not into royalty. I don't think I'm the royal type anyways."

Silence settled us once more as we trudged on over bushes and dead branches. Something have been nagging my brain but I really didn't know how to put it. He has listened to me more than enough throughout my life. Why am I hesitating now? Maybe it's because of the secrets that settled over our heads, like dark clouds threatening to storm our lives and destroy it with one strong swift of wind.

"There's the road," I said pointing at the concrete over a few miles away. "You don't have to walk me home."

"No. I think I held you way too long. It would be irresponsible of me not to apologize to your parents about the lateness. and don't worry, I have to cover for you. Besides, I'm not going to let you wander around these streets this late at night, unprotected. Forks is a small town but that doesn't mean crime doesn't take place in these areas. You would be naive to think of that."

"Convincing enough but I'll be fine," I waved the offer off. I don't think I'd want RJ to be drag into the mess that was in my family right now. His presence made me feel better but I think that's enough from him.

"Come on, I can protect you. It's my responsibility anyways, as a wolf, I mean."

"Fine. But once we're at home, you don't have to talk to anyone," I said as I walked away and he followed. The road was empty it meant that it was truly late at night. If it weren't for the street lamps, we would both be plunged into darkness.

"You know, you can ask me that question that seem to be burning in your throat," RJ said suddenly. I looked shocked but he only smiled. "Yeah, I know about that."

"How?" I asked.

"When I was younger, I had glimpses of what others think. At first, I thought it was just normal. I would answer others when they did not really asked a question. Sometimes it was the other way around. When I let my guard down, others would hear what I think."

I doubted what he said. "Well, it sometimes is like that. I mean, sometimes you could guess what others think and others could guess what you think."

He shook his head. "I thought it was like that too but there's a difference. I could actually hear what they think without even guessing at all."

Now that he told me, I noticed the same smell Edward's talent gives off when I sniff RJ's scent. It was still subtle so that may be why I did not caught the smell until now, unlike Edward's which was as plain as daylight.

"My talent developed even more when I turned into a wolf. Ever since then, I could hear everyone's thoughts and I could choose people who would be able to hear me. It's really driving me crazy. But I guess it's practice."

"Practice? For what?"

"I have to get used to being inside my pack's heads."

"Wolves could hear each other's thoughts?"

"Only when their in wolf form but not in human form. If you look at it, it's pretty interesting."

I suddenly blushed as I realized what he's saying. He could read everyone of my thoughts right now. I was embarrassed about what I have thought before and I looked wearily at him. He didn't seem to be listening but I knew he was. I wonder if he was bothered. He smiled and shook his head. Oh my God, he could really hear me! That got him laughing loudly.

"It's hard for me to talk to you now that I know," I told him honestly.

"I guess. But you really shouldn't be bothered by it," he smiled again. I could feel my knees weaken. Stop, don't think about that, you idiot. "Hey, don't get me wrong, your talents is very interesting also."

"What talents?" I lied automatically.

"Oh come on, I just told you I would be able to tell if you're lying."

"Sorry."

"Anyways, like I said, your talent is interesting too. Smelling other's personalities, moods, and lies are very useful. You don't know their thoughts but you could get the idea anyways. Most of the time, you could use those things to predict what they will do next and it's more dependable than actually hearing what they think. Jacob told me that there are way too many people who could read each other's minds. There are ways to trick people who could read minds, as Leah demonstrated a long time ago when she was trying to hide her imprinting."

"How did you know that?"

"Jake and Nessie showed me."

"They have powers too?"

"No, only Renesmee. She could show people her memories and her thoughts but Jake only showed me the memory when we were wolves."

We were finally nearing the house. I guess I really didn't wander away that far. If I just kept going east, I would have spotted the road that led to Charlie's house. Why did I move away anyways? I remembered the smell that made my instincts scream at me to run away. It was a scary scent of revenge.

"You should be careful around people. If you could smell out that scent again, avoid it as much as possible," RJ said obviously listening to my thoughts.

"You should really ask people if you would read their minds first, you know," I said a bit irritated.

He shrugged. "I can't turn it off. And you're in danger; you and your mother in fact."

"How did you know that?"

"I saw it in your head a couple of times. You're worried." It was true. When silence settled us, I couldn't help thinking about the things Ethan said. Then the question that briefly stopped nagging my head returned in full force. I wanted to ask him so badly.

"Hey, RJ?" I asked to make sure he was still beside me as we approached the house.

"Finally, you'd ask me."

"You already know what the question is. Just answer me."

"No. I still would think it's polite to ask me the question as if there's nothing wrong with me."

"Come on, there isn't anything wrong with you."

"Well, if I answer your question, I would feel I'm abnormal or something."

"Fine, fine. I'll ask you," I said rolling my eyes at his expectant face. "What do you call Jacob and Renesmee? Still their names?"

"I don't think I want to call them mom and dad. I have been used to calling them by their first names and I don't think they mind at all. Titles aren't really important. I love them and that's the only thing that matters. But that's not what you want me to ask; well not all of it anyways."

"Okay. Do you think their lies are justified to their reasons? Our whole lives are made up of lies and stories to keep us safe; do you think that's fair?" I asked as we stopped in front of the front door.

He was silent for a minute. I would have thought of him to think of what he'll say considering he already knows what I was going to ask him, but I guess not. "I think they did so for our own safety. I think if they have a choice, they wouldn't have chosen this. I think it's hard but necessary. Besides, it shows us how much they care because imagine how many people were involved in this for seventeen full years. They knew the consequence when we found out that's not in the right time and how much we would be revolted about the idea but they still risked it; all of them. It also took them a lot of guts to stand by us for all of these years without letting us know they're our parents. I know that must have hurt so much. The guts and pain that they had to endure, that's what I respect and that's why I think I'll be okay with it. Besides, does it really matter? I love them and that's that. Now I've done my job and that's that," he said and pointed me to the door. With a small smile he left into the night. I took a deep breath before entering the house. The expensive sports cars were already long gone.

Once I was inside, Charlie and Sue were waiting for me in the couch. They were both worried sick, I could tell but once they saw me, their worried scents were replaced by angry yet relieved smell. I couldn't help but smiling, though I hid it as well as I could.

"Where have you been?" Charlie asked in a very dangerous tone. I suddenly wished RJ was here with me to help me out of this situation. Before I could answer, a loud knock on the door saved me from an unavoidable punishment. Sue reluctantly opened it, probably wondering who would be knocking at this late hour. When she opened it, it was RJ.

"Charlie, I'm sorry to be bothering you so very late but I think I should explain. You see, Andy just found out about everything and well I think it would be fair if you didn't punish her when she would want time alone."

"What do you mean 'about everything'?" he tried to look innocent.

"Charlie, she already know we're not her parents. You should have figured that out when you saw your daughter a while ago. Ethan and Leah must have finally told her," Sue answered wearily.

"So you really shouldn't punish her for running away to have some time to get her thoughts in order," RJ persuaded.

"But look at what time it is. It's almost three in the morning," he said angrily.

"That's my fault, I believe. You see, I was patrolling the area and I happened to see her by herself. I haven't seen her in a while and I couldn't resist talking to her. Besides, she got lost and I wanted to guide her home."

"Patrolling the area? You mean...?"

"Yes, I'm a part of Jacob's pack; I'm a wolf. And I already know I'm his son too."

Charlie stood there dumbfounded. "Great grandson," he whispered.

RJ smiled slightly. "I wouldn't call you great grandfather so don't call me your great grandson." I couldn't help thanking him inside my head. At least he could hear what I was thinking. He saved my life.

"Very well. I won't punish anyone of you but if this happens again, I won't hold back. Do you both understand?"

We both nodded and he headed for the door once again. He stopped as he was just about to leave. "Where are the others, Charlie?"

"They're at the Cullen's house. I think Jacob and Leah are there too. It's kind of nice having a new pup in that pack. Stephen and Alex are already starting their families and I could tell they're both awfully lonely when Seth left them too."

"I understand. I'll see you around then."

I headed upstairs to get some sleep. I was exhausted, looking back at the day. It was amazing how in just a few hours, with a few words, and a few actions, a person could change another person's life greatly.

I was lying in my bed when RJ suddenly crept in my room through the window. I was about to scream when he pushed a hand over my mouth, preventing me to make a sound. He pushed his right forefinger in his mouth, telling me to be quiet. I told him in my head that I understood. When he lifted his hand off my mouth and settled down in the bed beside me.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered urgently at him. I don't think Charlie would appreciate what he's doing when I'm already in the verge of being severly punished.

"I just want to make sure you'll sleep properly," he answered with a stunning smile. I couldn't smell the lie but there was something hidden; the change in him was evident that probably came along him shapeshifting.

"I'll be fine."

"Yeah, I know but I couldn't stop worrying. You might not be able to sleep right when you have things like that bothering your head."

"You worry too much." I shook my head. "I don't think I'll let those things bother me."

"Those kinds of things can mess up people."

"Okay. Now you know I'm safe in my bed, would you let me be now?"

"Would you mind if I stay for a while just to really make sure you're not having nightmares?"

"I don't think it's my time for the boogeyman to take me," I rolled my eyes. He just laughed and studied my stuff. "Hey, if you break anything, you know you'll pay for them right?"

"Sure, sure," he waved off. After studying a particular book, he looked at me. "Won't you ever try becoming a wolf?"

"Why would you want me to become a wolf?"

"Like what Charlie said, Jacob and Leah are lonely. You can't believe how much they were happy when I turned to a wolf," he explained. Again he didn't smell like he lied but he didn't smell like he told the whole truth either.

"Would you tell me the whole truth?" I requested him.

He smiled. "I guess there's no way of hiding anything from you. Okay. I'll admit it. I want to see you as a wolf. You already know I'm a wolf. I want to know how much of a wolf you are and I'm intruiged at what you'll look like."

I was in the forest once again. There was the small form of the boy again. I wonder if he's lost. I started walking nearer and nearer towards him but he was also walking in an alarming speed.

"Leah," he whispered.

"I'm not Leah," I answered unsure. For some reason I have a feeling of what will happen next but that didn't stop it from happening. I was falling once again.

I opened my eyes suddenly. I was a bit confused why there was some kind of pressure around me. I looked down and saw that RJ's arm was resting in my waist, holding me close to his pretty warm body. He was fast asleep, all the alarm and protectiveness gone. The boyish features were clearly evident. I looked back at what what happened today. I would consider all of it as madness. But if this boy beside me was really a wolf and I was a part of that whole mythical madness, then madness is beauty.