XXII.
Rite of Passage
I blinked my eyes open. RJ was already gone. I looked around and saw that the door was open. He has some guts exiting out in a proper way. Isn't he afraid of getting caught? I looked at my window. I have only slept a couple of hours. The sun hasn't even risen yet. I listened to the house breathe steadily; peacefully. I figured everyone was asleep when the door creaked softly and Leah entered the room without knocking. My blood started boiling once I settled my eyes on her. My whole body started shaking without my permission. What does she think she's doing here so early in the morning?
"What do you want?" I hissed poisonously as she settled in her favorite chair in my room.
"Go ahead, phase. I don't care. It's not like I could not defeat a pup," she said coldly. "Jacob didn't choose me to be his Beta because I was weak so you need to watch your mouth, little girl." I glared at her and she glared back. We stood there for a minute, anger boiling inside each other. I could tell she was controlling her anger way better than I was. I imagined my skin tearing apart while phasing and attacking her. She finally looked away. "You truly are my daughter. You don't give up either."
"If that's the case then I'm not really like you. You always run away," I retorted nastily.
She sighed. "I guess you're right. I've always ran away. But when it comes to fighting for those I love, I'll never run away. I was just hurt too many times and if I don't escape for just a little bit, I'll take out my anger on the people I care about."
"Why did you lie? Did you see me as not fit to know the truth?" I asked, not bothering to hide the hurt and bitterness in my voice.
"It wasn't like that! It will never be like that, Andy, never!" she said, returning the hurt but it was worst for me. The scent hovered in my nose, breaking my heart.
"Then maybe it's because you're still running away. You were hurt about Ethan leaving you that's why you kept everything from me!" I accused.
"No. You needed a mother and a father figure to help you and guide you. I could never be that. I cannot age because I imprinted on an immortal so I could not take care of you. If you grow up, you won't listen to someone like me. I mean, I'm barely older than you are in my looks. You needed Sue and Charlie to stand over you. Do you think I enjoyed what I did? It broke my heart to see you everyday calling Sue your mom. It broke me to pieces when I knew I should be the one who received those kisses and hugs and loving looks from you but it went to someone else. I love my mother with all of my heart but she has already received love from three children as she helped them grow up but me... I've always wanted a child and when I found out that I might never had a child, it broke me apart. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought I finally have a small child that would complete me. You don't know how much pain I had to endure, Andy, just to make sure you're safe. It's unfair of me to say that I have experienced pain for all these years more than you because that's not the case. I would say we both experienced pain that we both cannot endure." The hurt was getting stronger and stronger until her pain was the only thing that hovered in the air, making it unbearably thick. Tears were pouring in her cheeks and falling to the ground. She wiped the angry tears with the back of her hand but some still clung in her lases.
I didn't know what to say. Those were the exact words that RJ told me the night before. I should have listened to him. He took the news better than I did. We were both in the same situation but we both dealt with it in different ways. I guess I'm too much of a coward. I guess anger was the resolution of a coward and an ignorant. If I was wise enough to do what RJ did; to accept it and understand, maybe I wouldn't be hurting Leah so much. I wouldn't be in this situation either. I don't like not having anything to say. If I don't say anything, it would look like as if I was giving in. It would look like I was accepting my wrong.
I pulled myself in against my chest and placed my face in my knees once more. Say something, I kept on thinking. Say something, dammit! You're the victim here, aren't you? Why are you admitting defeat?! Say something!
"I know you need time to clear your mind. But if you're ready enough, we'll be at the Cullen's house the whole day today. I need to patrol the area also. Besides, Jacob would want the new pups to be trained just in case we really do need to fight," she said after a minute. I heard her shuffling out of the chair and I lifted my head up.
"I haven't phased into a wolf yet," I told her clearly, lifting my face from my knees. She looked back, doubt and confusion mixing all over her face and in her scent.
"What do you mean?"
"I haven't phased into a wolf yet," I repeated.
"But I thought you already did. I mean, you were so pissed last night."
"No. I guess it's harder for me to phase into a wolf. I would have phased last night but I guess you have to make me even more pissed than that."
She smiled unwillingly. "I thought I was doing the best job but I guess I was wrong."
I rolled my eyes. I guess I could never stay mad at her for the rest of my life. It's hard to forgive her either but I guess I should really start now. I'll just let time heal me. One thing is for sure though, our relationship will never ever be the same ever again. I just don't know what direction it'll take. "I'll never consider you as my mother. It'll confuse my brain if I did. But you'll always be more than a sister now.
Her eyes sparkled and happiness wafted from her. "That's good enough for me. Thanks."
"Sure."
"We still would want you to go to the Cullens later on. I'll ask what Jake plans to do with you."
"What, are you guys going to force me to phase?"
She shook her head. "The Volturi is a very, very dangerous clan. They would not stop unless they eliminate the threat that the Cullens has given them ever since they confronted us almost twenty-five years ago. The Cullens would need as much as help as they possibly could get."
"So you're going to force me to phase. I understand. I mean, RJ wanted me to phase to a wolf last night anyways." The thought of RJ made me smile. I looked away from Leah. But it was too late, Leah lifted the only eyebrow that was visible.
"Yeah, I heard about your late-night adventure with RJ last night," she said in a blank voice, making it hard for me to decide what she was thinking. Her scent gave off a suspicious aura. She must think I did something with him.
"No. It was nothing like that," I told her blushing. But she had an understanding look in her face.
"It's okay, Andy. You could tell me everything, remember?"
"I wish you would do the same with me," I whispered bitterly.
"That's not fair. I thought we are better now?"
"I just don't think our relationship will ever be the same again, Leah. The trust that I had for you before is gone now. It's up to you if you want to build that trust up to something close to how much what we have before but it will never be the same. There will be parts of me that will doubt you."
She looked down. "I guess I should not be surprised. I mean, I've been hurt before and those events caused me to have anger and trust issues. I wouldn't want you to have the same issues that I have but I placed you in a painful situation. I'd rather things go differently but I tried as best as I could. Don't worry, I'll try my best to regain your trust. I don't want to lose any part of your life now." She took a long look at me before finally leaving.
I stared after her. How I wish the same thing, Leah. I wish this never happened but I guess everything between us is just complicated right now. I'll try my best too, don't worry. I'll try my best to give myself reasons to trust you once more.
The bell rang and I quickly dodged out of everyone's way. Forks High seem to be more populated than the last year. I guess that's because Forks' population seem to be growing and growing these days. I mean, it's no New York but the town seem to be more and more crowded. Maybe it's because of the house by the La Push beach. They said that was something worth visiting even if it was now only rubble and dirt. The memory of the white house burned in my throat. I now knew the truth behind that house. It used to belong to Leah and Ethan. I still don't know what happened to it but I guess it was something bad.
"Hey, Andy," a voice popped from behind. I turned and realized it was Brad. He was about five feet and nine inches, just three inches taller than I was. He wasn't muscular but he was lean enough. He had a tuft of straw colored hair. He was cute with his deep set brown eyes but he has a certain something that I'm not particularly fond of. His young face looked eager today. His scent was hopeful. I hope he wouldn't ask me to go out with him again. I tried every way possible to turn him down lightly.
"Hey, Brad. What's going on?" I asked lightly. Please don't try to ask me out again. Please don't.
"Did you know that the prom committee already set up flyers about the prom this year?"
"Really? I guess I haven't noticed them. Thanks for the heads up."
"Well I was...I was wondering if you'd like to go with me to the prom."
Sheesh don't you ever get tired of being turned down? "Oh, I'm...sorry. I can't go with you."
"Oh." The hope was snuffed out of him.
"Sorry," I was sorry. I admire his persistence but being turned down way too much can get a bit annoying. I started walking away, not really knowing what to say to him.
"Would you tell me why? I mean, for years I've been trying to figure out what I keep doing wrong; why you wouldn't want to go out with me."
I was by the sidewalk, he was following me. I turned to look at him. The truth was, I really don't know why I don't want to go out with him. He was nice enough but I just don't want him. Maybe this was how RJ feels towards me. "I just want to be friends."
"Can't we be more than that? I'll try everything to please you."
Okay, I don't like it when guys beg. I mean, I like guys who never give up but never beg. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to be more than friends. I guess I just feel comfortable this way."
"I think you should try being in both sides."
I placed a hand on my head. This boy's giving me a headache. I opened my mouth to say something but a pair of hands pressed on my eyes, preventing me to see any longer. The playful smell that mixed with a very special talent told me right away who this was. I was annoyed but I couldn't help smiling.
"What are you doing?" I asked as I pushed his hands away. I turned to see RJ smiling from ear to ear.
"Hey beautiful," he said playfully. I rolled my eyes and turned to the poor boy in front of me. Brad saw everything and was now looking down in his feet. He took a deep breath and stared at my face once again.
"Ahm, Andy, who's he?" he asked, fearing for the worst.
RJ stepped up and held out his hand while wrapping the other around me. "I'm Richard but you could call me RJ. I'm Andy's boyfriend. And you are?"
Brad and me looked at him wide-eyed. I was shocked while he was hurt. "I-I-I'm Brad. I'm Andy's friend." I could smell the resentment, hurt, and bitterness. He didn't held out his hand but turned and walked away.
Once he was out of earshot, RJ cut off the touch between us. "He's a bit annoying, isn't he? I mean, he wouldn't even fight for you, or something."
"Hey, he's a friend."
He laughed. "He doesn't want it to be that way."
"Yeah, but thanks to you, that would stop. I don't know if I should be thankful or should scowl at you for hurting him like that."
"I think I would take thankful." I punched his arm firmly but might have hit it way too hard. I heard something crack. Great, my hand's jammed. "Ouch, that hurts. What did you do that for?" he asked, rubbing the spot.
"What are you doing here anyways?" I asked rubbing my knuckles.
"Did you forget? We're supposed to be going to the Cullens today. Jacob told me to swing by here. You seriously need to get your license. People can't go around picking you up."
"Can we not talk about why I don't want to get my license right now? If you're just picking me up, why did you have to interfere between me and Brad? I could have pushed him away."
He shrugged. "We need to be careful. We don't know what will make you mad enough to make you phase. We don't want precious people like Brad getting hurt, can we?"
I lifted an eyebrow. "So you were here and was just watching me? Why didn't you come any sooner? I could have used your help."
"I thought you were up and able to push him away?"
"You were correct, I might have hurt him trying to gently push him away."
He laughed. "Well I didn't want to interrupt your quality time. I thought he might be a boyfriend or something. I didn't want to get in the way of your date. But I read your mind. You were getting frustrated. But it wasn't like his mind. He was crushed."
"Yeah, well he's been crushed before."
"Ah and he remembers every single one of it too. Man, if I have been turned down by that many times, I would have given up."
"I guess that is what makes you and him different, isn't it?"
He looked at me. "Why did you turn him away?"
"Just...didn't want to go out with him. I just want to be friends. Is that too much to ask?"
"Maybe you should give him a chance."
"You already established that you were my boyfriend. You can't do that and take it back again."
He turned away. "I guess you're right. Besides, I won't let anyone have you anyways." I looked at him shocked. There was just so much plain honesty in his voice that I didn't have to smell for any lie. It was too serious to be a joke too.
It was the first time that I have been in the Cullen residence. In the distance, it took my breath away. It was a huge white house, like Leah's and Ethan's, but if that house was huge, this was gigantic. It had both a classic and a modern feel in it. The architecture reflected the sophistication of the family living inside it. I can't believe that I have never been in this part of town before. It was amazing. I looked at RJ driving beside me. His gaze was fixed in that house, like a magnet attracting a piece of metal. I could smell the amazement in his scent too.
Once we got out of the car, I noticed everyone was there already. I was a bit nervous to finally see how these vampires live and how they act. Maybe with as much perfection and beauty as they did yesterday. The door loomed over us, like the rest of the house, daring us to enter and finally find out how these vampires live their lives.
"You go ahead," I said, giving RJ a little nudge. I could sense the nervousness in him also. But that really didn't make sense. I don't know what he should be nervous for. He walked past me and stopped in front of the door. I heard him gave out a sharp exhale of breath before knocking. We waited for a few seconds before the door was opened to us. There stood the small vampire girl. I was stunned on how much beauty she posses. I forgot about that.
"Hi, come in," she said cheerfully, stepping aside to let us in. RJ came in but I reluctantly entered. Everyone was there. Some of them were sitting at the pure white couch while others were spread out across the floor. I disliked being in a crowded room because different scents and smells all came to me at once, overwhelming me. I hated being stuck in a classroom but I guess I just got used to it over time. This was too much though. I had not only have a different range of smells from their personalities but two dominating smells hit my nose with force. One was too sweet that I thought my nose would go bursting while the other was like someone left a wet dog and let it stink the house for way too long. We looked around nervously. Everyone was looking at us expectantly too.
"Oh, hey you guys," Jacob said cheerfully, he was sitting by the corner playing with a dog bowl that has the name "Fido" scratched on the side. Did he just ate out of that? I shook my head and focused on Jacob. I have never believed in the saying "like father, like son". I mean, they're still two different people but I cannot deny that when I look at RJ and Jacob, I would probably think they were the same person. They just look exactly alike. Though there are differences, don't get me wrong. Jake had plain black hair and plain black eyes. He was taller than RJ too and more dark-skinned. His face was less angular than RJ. Besides that, they could pass as twins.
I smelled the air surrounding Jacob Black. Even his scent was so much like his son's; cheerful, playful, and friendly. But there was toughness and a hint of sarcasm too. But the dominating smell was the smell of a leader, a true smell of an Alpha. Something that RJ does not have yet.
"Hey, Jake," I replied politely.
""Everyone, this is Andrea and Richard James. They're our new pups," Jacob said, looking around.
"Yes, we already met Andrea but Richard James, we have not met yet," Bella said standing up and holding out her hand to both of us. I shook it, unsure of what else to do. Her hands were a bit cold and had some certain hardness but still soft. Her smell wafted to me, giving me another idea of what her personality is like. But her mood today is a bit weary.
Jacob looked unsure. "Yeah, ahm Bells, he is Nessie's and my son." Bella's eyes widen. I guess it's hard realizing it's her grandson. Different levels of shock came to my nose, everyone must not have known he was Bella's and Edward's grandson.
"I-It's a pleasure to meet you, Richard James," she said, unsure.
"It's RJ," he corrected gently. I understood why he was so nervous to come here. He must be nervous to meet his grandparents for the first time.
"RJ," Bella repeated with much thought.
The huge Emmett suddenly spoke out,"Awww, Edward, you're a grandfather now. Now I could call you gramps."
Edward grinned but didn't say anything back. He studied RJ carefully, probably measuring him up. I saw the similarities in their looks as well. RJ must have inherited what little seriousness he posses from him. They were looking at each other and I could smell their talents at work. They must be conversing in their mind. What an interesting thing to do.
The door opened once more and Leah came in. "I've found the perfect spot. Do you want to come, Jake?"
"No, we must plan all of this out. It's a bit dangerous for you to be out. Alec is still there," Carlisle said. "If he sees you, a confrontation is unavoidable. We can't afford to lose you or him. We don't want a confrontation with the Volturi this early. We must not give them another reason to come here. It's a lose-lose situation."
Leah shook her head. "But that's only if he sees us. What if he doesn't?"
"We cannot make unnecessary risks," Ethan said firmly. We all looked at him, forgetting he was there. It was still a bit weird for me to know who my real father was. I still cannot look at him that way.
"Just to make sure, why don't we check where everyone is?" Bella suggested, leaning over the glass window. "I mean, we have been keeping an eye on everyone lately."
"But I can't see everyone at all. I will not be able to see the wolves," Alice answered. She placed her two hands on her forehead. I could smell frustration. "It just gives me a headache not seeing what will happen to you guys, especially now that I care too much about you people."
"But you don't have to look at our future. What if you look at Alec's future?" Leah pointed out.
"No, we already know that he will see you guys because of his decision. We already know that is inevitable."
"Besides Alec, there's the Volturi too. What will we do about them?" Rosalie asked.
Bella gasped,"Wouldn't Alec try to stay with the Volturi anyways? I mean, they both have the same enemies."
"Jeez Bells, that sounds like we're being out numbered or something," Jacob pointed out.
"Besides, Alec already made up his mind. He wants to get to us before the Voltuir does."
"Gosh, this is just too complicated!" Emmett complained, plopping himself down to the white couch. I was afraid that the couch might give in under his weight.
"Hey, hey Emmett, if you break that, I'll make you pay for it and buy another one just like it. Those things don't come cheap, you know," Esme warned and that seem to put a lighter aura around the room for a few minutes.
"What we need to make this situation less complicated is to get the Volturi to open their eyes," Carlilse said thoughtfully, pacing back and forth in the room.
"You mean we need to let them see that we're not a threat to their power over the vampires," Edward cleared out.
"So how could we do that?" Jasper asked.
"What about we called all the witnesses again?" Ethan asked Carlisle. "I'm sure the Volturi would have some too. They'll probably try to get your witnesses to go to their side. I know some of them would not want to go against what the Volturi would want but then there were some vampires who doubted the Volturi's intentions too."
"Why? What did they say when you were in their side?" Jasper asked.
"Well, their main reason was because you created an immortal child. But there were a lot of us who saw right through their plan. They're interested in taking some of your people too, like Alice. They didn't bother taking any of us in because they think our powers are not really necessary. Out of all the witnesses, they were thinking about taking me in but I don't think Demitri would be at all pleased. If they accepted me, then there would be a problem in the guards. They analyzed everything and they decided to keep the one that they have the longest out of gratitude for his loyalty anyways. But Alice; Alice, you were Aro's favorite. Then he's also interested in Bella. He was also thinking of getting Edward but then he already has a power like yours but it would be nice to know what everyone's thinking at the same time and not focus on only one subject."
"So you think that there's a possibility that some of our witnesses switched sides?" Carlisle asked.
"It is possible and some of their witnesses would come to you too," Ethan pointed out.
"It's still a lose-lose situation, Carlisle," Edward said.
A thought occurred to me but I pulled into myself again. I don't know . RJ touched my hand and his voice echoed through my head.
Go ahead. You can do it. Just suggest it to them. It won't hurt to try.
B-but... They're already conversing. I don't think I have enough experience to say something when they're formulating their plan like this. I don't think they'd appreciate it either.
It won't hurt if you give it a try. Go on.
I looked at him and took a deep breath. "This really is a lose-lose situation," I said quietly but they all whipped their heads toward me. I could feel my face heating up. I wanted to stop but RJ dared me to go on. "What if you showed them proof that you don't want to take their position?"
"What are you saying?" Jasper asked sharply.
"Well, you could show to them that you don't have that much of an influence over the other vampires. What if you face them without a single witness? Just you? Well, I guess we have to come along too because we are, in different ways, a part of your family and they would expect you to be with us."
"Good point. But it's a little too risky. If the Volturi found out we don't have any witnesses, they might think that's their opportunity to eliminate us," Carlisle shook her head. So much for being useful.
"But what if the witnesses hid in the trees and fight for us just in case they decide to attack?" RJ supported. I stared at him and he met my gaze. I could feel heat rising up my face once more. Why do I always feel this way?
Carlisle shook his head again. "They would know and it's not a guarantee that the witnesses will fight for us. And I don't really want to cause an all-out war. Neither would the nomads and other clans who have lived for so long without a war."
"Maybe we could find a way to make Andy's suggestion a little safer for all of us. I mean, that's all I could think that might work," Bella said thoughtfully. I looked up to her, hopeful but she was in deep thought. "If we find a way to appear there without a witness and avoid a war."
"But that's a long shot, Bella. The Volturi might not let us live. They could make a lie that makes us look bad so there will be no doubt that it was us who were wrong and they will have the permission to execute us," the amazingly beautiful Rosalie suddenly said. "They would strike two birds in one stone. They eliminate the threat without making the other vampires mad at them."
We all feel silent until Edward growled. "No. Don't do that, Alice."
Alice stood up with such speed that she was a blur. "Why can't I? I can do whatever I want!"
"Will someone explain what's going on?" Bella asked worried, making her irritated.
Alice gave Edward a scorching look before looking at Bella. "Bells, I think it's time for me to talk to Aro and the rest of the Volturi."
Bella's eyes grew wide in terror. She shook her head. "No! Don't you dare do that!"
"Don't you see? If I tell them that I'm going to come with them in exchange for all of your lives, then maybe they'll let you go."
Jasper was growling along Edward. "Don't do that, Alice. It's not sure."
"But it's the only thing that we could do. If they didn't still realize that we're not a threat, then I'll make sure you guys get away. It's mainly me that gave me the reason to come here."
"But not you alone. There's got to be another way," Bella pleaded.
"There is no other way."
"Then let me come along," Bella answered readily.
"No! They need you!" Alice disagreed firmly.
Bella shook her head. "You're not the only one they want, Alice. You heard Ethan, they want me too."
"You stay here," Edward growled at Bella, gripping her wrist as if she was going after the Volturi at that moment.
"We don't have to do that yet, Alice," Esme pleaded in her quiet gentle voice.
"No, we have to decide now."
"No, Alice. Your mother's right. We don't have to do this right now. We still have a lot of time," Carlisle agreed with his wife. "We can consider that option and we can still formulate some others so you don't have to rush out of here, do you understand?"
"Yes," she said reluctantly.
"Good, now we need to focus on training these young pups here," Carlisle said, looking at us.
"There's still the spot outside," Leah said.
"Too dangerous. There's a spot here, about twenty yards away from this house, that you could use as a training ground. We could see you and help you right away just in case something goes wrong," Carlisle said. Leah looked at him sourly but said nothing.
"Okay, pups, let's go."
I was still a little bit nervous. I didn't know how these guys would make me a wolf. Would they make me mad? I was still mad at Leah for keeping my life full of secrets but I don't think they would pick on that wound at all because it wasn't only me who got hurt. Leah would probably go berserk if they try getting me mad that way.
"Okay, Andy, I heard you haven't phased yet," Jacob said, turning towards me after walking to the wide spot where Carlisle told us we could train.
"You know, I kind of feel stupid, Jake. We're like little kids who's forbidden to go to certain places because they can't see us," Leah said irritated.
Jacob sighed. "They just have our interest at their heart. And this isn't bad. This spot is wide enough." He stared at me once more as if there was no interruption. "Andy, I think we should just try making you phase."
"Are you going to make me mad?"
"Maybe that's one way but we know that might take a while."
"Then what?"
Suddenly, without warning, Jacob phased into a huge rust-colored wolf, the size of a fully grown horse. Fear spread throughout my body and blocked my lungs. It was automatic for me to feel fear. The others backed away, letting him circle around me. My body was frozen and my feet were rooted to the ground. He was growling, not loudly, but rather fiercely. I knew any moment he'll spring. I was right. He sprung but not to me but to Leah. Something just clicked and I jumped between him and Leah, protecting her.
Oh my gosh. You did it! Jacob's head suddenly filled my head. I looked back up to him and saw that Leah had already phased too. She was a small grey wolf.
Welcome to our pack. Her voice came to me. I could hear their thoughts and their emotions, not only smell it. Through their eyes, I could see myself. I was as white as witner snow.
You look amazing!RJ's voice filled my head like the others. I turned to see him in his pale russet-colored wolf form and something strange started happening. I was slipping out of myself and getting lost in his grey eyes. I was slipping. My identity was losing its grasp on me, but that didn't matter. What was happening?