Chapter 18: SSStylish!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Several minutes previously...
Ranger squared off with Gollum in a strange dark depressing place, it was like something coughed forth from hell.
"You mind telling me where we are?" Ranger demanded.
"This is where all the violence and none kid freindly content in anime's 4kids has dubbed ends up," Gollum replied. "This place is formed by the agony of the hardcore fans who live with the barrel of a loaded gun pressed under their chin as they watch our butchery of anime's like Yugioh and One Peice."
"You bastard," Ranger growled raising Luna and opening fire! Gollum screamed in agony as bullets ripped through his scrawny none bishonnen body. His left leg was blown apart in the barage and crashed to the ground followed by the rest of Gollum who lay on the ground in a pool of his own gore. Ranger lowered the still smoking Luna and frowned.
"Okay that was way to easy," he muttered.
"HOW RIGHT YOU ARE!" Gollum's voice called.
Before Ranger's very eyes Gollum's body desolved into a pool of black gunk. Ranger's eyes shot down to his feet and saw to his alarm Gollum's head rising out of the floor! He jumped back and Gollum's massive head lunged at him jaws wide open!
"You cannot defeat 4kids!" Gollum proclaimed as Ranger jumped over his head.
Gollum shot out of floor rising up jaws wide open as Ranger slapped a fresh magazine into Luna and took aim...
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Present.
"We're doomed," Lewoh moaned as she stared at the asphalt street.
"Get a hold of youself woman!" TSS snapped pulling her to her feet. "There has to be some more exposition before we make an actual plan!"
"Oh I can handke exposition," Ace said bringing her motor bike to a halt next to them. "See 4kids is going to takeover the world by controling the internet, the most powerful media outlet around. See after busting the Pen and using Ranger as Mcguffin, we're utterly screwed."
TSS nodded. "Ah it makes perfect sense."
"No it doesn't!" Lilo snapped.
"Holy shit look at that!" Some random extra screamed.
Everyone looked up to see a massive winged creature with horns and overly large fore arms.
"Holy," Ace started.
"Shit," TSS finished.
4kids broke off a peice of the hotel and threw it down at them! A little kid screamed as it closed in on him!
Suddenly a blast of lightning came flying out of the darkness and destroyed the falling debrie! Everyone turned about to see Larxene strolling towards them, pistol in one hand knives in the other.
"I take it I made it just in time for the epic battle sequence?" She said casually.
"Yeah just about," TSS replied.
"So any idea's how to kill that thing?" Ace asked.
TSS thought it over for a moment. "Okay from what it said in the exposition the portal is being kept open by Ranger, if we can release Ranger the portal should close up."
"Okay that solves one problem but how do we kill the power of 4kids?!" Ace demanded.
"Well 4kids hates anything particularly decent in regards to anime. Just look at One peice and Yugioh!" TSS replied.
"But we can't risk any decent animes like Code Geass or Bleach!" Lilo shot back.
"What about Naruto?" Stitch suggested.
"GOOD anime's Stitch. Good was the key word there!" TSS snapped.
"But Naruto good," Stitch replied.
"Episodes 130 to 240 all filler!" TSS snapped.
"And let's not forget the side filler," Larxene added.
"Why don't we overwhelm it with crappy refrences?" Lilo suggested.
"How would that help?" Ace demanded.
"Didn't anyone watch Last Exile abridged?" Lilo asked.
"What's Last Exile?" Larxene asked.
Lilo sighed. "Okay listen, Ranger is badass right? So that makes 4kid's defenses badass. But if refrences counter badass then if we use enough refrences we can over power their defenses and lead to a crushing victory!"
"Wait for us?" Larxene asked.
"Yes, now as the McGuffin girl I have to go charging into that burning building to save Ranger." Lilo replied before running towards the hotel followed by Stitch!
"Lilo wait!" Lewoh shouted running after her daughter.
"Hey wait a second what refrences should we use?" Ace called after them.
TSS ran after them. "Try ghost busters or Lord of the rings!"
Ace stared blankly at TSS and the others as they ran away.
"Wait did they just ditch us?" She asked.
"Yeah," Larxene said before glancing about at the dozens of 4kids employes around them. "So back to back badassery?" She suggested pulling up her pistols.
Ace sighed pulling up her SMG and a pistol. "Sure, got your stick?"
Larxene smirked. "Hold it."
"Heat it up." Ace said taking aim.
"Smoking," Larxene replied taking aim as well.
"Let's shot these prehistoric bastards how we do things down town," Ace said before they both commenced fire. The 4kids employees screeched in pain and charged them even as they were merciliously gunned down.
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Meanwhile inside TSS reloaded his MP5 as Stitch finished off two of the last 4kids employees in the lobby. Dozens of 4kids mooks lay dead around the room and Lilo and Lewah had a double sweat drop.
"Can we avoid senseless murder?" Lilo asked.
"Be queit and keep refrencing things." TSS growled as they rushed for the stair case.
"Meega gonna get real dizy," Stitch moaned as they rounded the bend up to the second floor.
"Not bad Stitch but we'll need more refrences than that obsucre one." TSS commented.
As they climbed the stairs however however a knife came flying down at them and they jumped back nearly falling down the staircase. They looked up to see a woman with pale skin and red eyes. She smirked at them pulling out several more knives.
"If you are planning to reach the portal I'm afriad you will not be doing anything to help your friend." She said baring two sharp fangs.
TSS smirked.
"A fellow vampire?" He said pulling up his MP5. "Well let's see how a 4kids vampire fares against one who is liscensed by Dark Horse comics."
He glanced at Lilo, Lewoh, and Stitch. "You guys cut across the next floor and continue on up, I'll handle this."
"But TSS! You've been a Secondary character all story!" Lilo said alarmed.
"I'll be fine, this is my first real fight scene all story, now go!" TSS shot back.
Lilo took one last look at TSS before she, Lewoh, and Stitch ran through the door to the second floor.
TSS smirked taking aim at the vampire.
"Mind if I ask your name so the writer doesn't have to keep calling you other vampire or she?" TSS asked.
"My name is Selena," the other vampire snapped.
"Well then let's get to the senseless violence then," TSS said.
"My pleasure!" Selena said diving down at him throwing a knife at him! TSS opened fire with his MP5, Selena was riped up byt he bullets as her knife went flying right into TSS's head! The two collapsed to the ground blood spraying from their wounds. They lay still for a few seconds before Selena began to snicker. Then TSS began to laugh as he yanked Selena's knife out of his head. Selena pushed herself off the ground poping out the bullets he'd fired at her.
"Well this might just be fun!" Selena laughed charging TSS drawing another knife.
TSS grinned wickedly. "Well then let's keep the party going!"
Then he meet her charge yanking out his crowbar and they clashed crowbar to knife! THey spilt apart and enaged in a furious close quarters brawl with crowbar and knife! Every now and again TSS fired off a burst from his MP5 and Selena would stumble back and take revenge with her knife going into his shoulder.
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Meanhwhile outside utter badassery reined as Ace and Larxene pwned the 4kids employees. Larxene had lightning, bullets, and knives flying in all directions while Ace got in close and brutal with point blank shooting. And of course they had to refrence something so...
"Twenty-two already!" Ace called to Larxene blowing the head off another four kids employee.
"I'm on thirty seven!" Larxene called back!
"Oh am not having some blonde Equare Enix character outscoring me!" Ace snarled blasting another 4kids employee in the groin before finishing him with a curb stomp.
Suddenly a slimy something wrapped itself around her leg and yanked her into the air with a cry! She looked down as she hung up side down at a large bulbous creature with large fangs and dozens of large tentecals.
"Oh crap! These guys are so depraved their going for tentecal!" She said alarmed.
"Well drag their asses, kicking and screaming into the twenty first century!" Larxene snapped.
Ace yanked up her rocket launcher and fired it right into the creatures mouth! "No Tentecal rape! This is rated T for a reason!"
The rocket hit home and blasted the creature apart. Blood and entrails splashed across Ace as she fell to the ground and landed.
"Oh great," she muttered looking at her ruined biker suit. "Now they think they can pull fan service using me."
She ripped off her suit to reveal her usual atire underneath. "Sorry, no fanservice."
Then she brought up her launcher and fired it into the crowds of 4kids mooks blowing them apart effortlessly.
"I think I'm losing count!" She called to Larxene who broke another enemy's neck with a swift kick to the under side of his head.
"Oh nobody likes a show of," Larxene snapped.
"Indeed," Said a smooth voice.
The two of them turned about to see a man with long blonde and extremely bishonnen looks hefting a large zweihander.
"Who the hell are you supposed to be?" Larxene demanded.
"My name is Hamelton. I'm here on the orders of 4kids to stop you two from being badass." He said simply.
"What?" Ace demanded.
"You see, we can't allow female characters to do anything impressive or it will make the main male character look bad and more capable of being straight. Thus we have to turn the two of you into useless and ineffectual support characters, like Sakura until the chunin Exams." Hamelton replied.
"Like hell!" Larxene snapped firing her pistols at him only to have him block them with his massive sword.
"I'm also here to increase increase the shoujo in this series to appeal to the fangirls." Hamelton added.
"Okay! That's where I draw the line!" Ace snarled firing a rocket at him which he dodged.
"Now hold still so I can make you useless and ineffectual," he said striding towards them.
Larxene glanced at Ace.
"Kick his ass and worry about the small fries later?" She suggested.
"You know it," Ace growled.
Then with feirce cries they charged him weapons ready! Hamelton smirked and swung his zweihander with incredible speed due to it's size! Ace rolled out of the way while Larxene jumped back and opened fire with her pistols! The bullets however stopped just inches from hitting his body.
"My shoujo armor protects me from your womanly bullets," Hamelton explained.
"Womanly? Okay now your just pissing me off!" Larxene snapped charging up a lighting attack as Ace took aim with her launcher. Hamelton laughed and twirled his sword through his fingers.
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Meanwhile Lilo, Lewoh, and Stitch where making their way higher into the hotel Lilo looking rather put out.
"I can't believe they cut our make up scene." She complained.
"It's called the author wants to give some side characters badass fight scenes," Lewoh explained.
"Well it sucks," Lilo muttered.
Suddenly the wall below them exploded and TSS came flying through covered in blood followed by Selena who had her knives ready.
"TSS!" Lilo shouted in alarm.
She tried to run to his help but Lewoh grabbed her by the shoulders!
"No! He's fighting his solo fight! You can't interfer!" She exclaimed.
"But TSS needs help!" Lilo shot back.
"Now you die! I'm three ttimes as hot as Seras!" Selena shouted in excitement
Just as Selena was going to land the death blow however TSS shoved his crowbar into her chest right through her heart. Selena stood there for a moment clutching at her wound. TSS snarled and stood up. He twisted the crowbar in her chest.
"You bitch, no vampires hotter than Seras, have you seen those honkers of hers?" He demanded.
"In 4kids anime's breasts have a size limit..." Selena whispered.
"Sucks to be you then," TSS said simply before yanking his crowbar out and watching Selena collapse into ash.
TSS sighed and then rushed up to join them.
"I miss anything?" He asked.
"Just our screen time being cut," Lilo growled.
"Well that sucks for you now come on," TSS said before leading them up the stairs.
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Meanwhile outside Ace and Larxene were having quiet a hard time of it with Hamelton. All of their attacks were failing to hit him and he was simply doing a basic sword slash attack on them ith his huge ass Zweihander. And now he was keeping them from refrencing stuff.
"My god this is annoying!" Larxene snarled as she dove behind a car with Ace.
"You have any idea's on how to kill this guy?" Ace asked reloading her rocket launcher.
Larxene shook her head. "We maybe channeling Lady and Trish's character in this fic but even their not awesome enough to kill this guy."
"Then who is awesome enough?" Ace demanded.
Larxene frowned rubbing her gloved fingers together.
"Well?" Ace demanded.
"I'm thinking!" Larxene snapped. "But it's hard! The DOA chicks won't work, Tifa's not awesome enough, and any other female characters always get shown up by their male counter parts."
"Then we need one who never gets shown up except by other girls," Ace replied. Then they both paused as the answer dawned on them.
"Starbuck," they both said at the same time.
"So how we going to pull this off?" Ace asked.
"Start with saying frak and taking no shit from anyone?" Larxene suggested.
"But we don't have anyone around to take shit from," Ace pointed out.
"Then we'll have to do Starbuck and Kat," Larxene answered.
"But I haven't watched enough Battlestar! Who's Kat?" Ace asked.
Larxene pulled out her zune and pressed play. "Thank god for downloading full length episodes of TV shows."
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Meanwhile in the hotel TSS, Lilo, Stitch, and Lewoh finally reached the top floor of the hotel.
"Okay which room were we in?" Lilo asked.
"I don't remember," TSS said.
"The end room," Lewoh said leading to end. They made their way down the corridor and TSS kicked down the door. Inside the room the lines of the symbols and scripts still glowed on the ground with a small white beam of light going from floor to ceiling.
"Okay how do we close the portal?" TSS asked.
"What you expect me to know?" Lewoh demanded. "I'm a minor character!"
"Oh great," TSS moaned.
"Uh, big trouble!" Stitch yelped looking over his shoulder.
Everyone turned about to see dozens of 4kids mooks come swooping in on trails of smoke! TSS yanked up his MP5 and pulled the trigger but not even a single round was spat forth from the sub machine gun.
"Fuck! Out of ammo!" TSS snarled tossing aside the empty weapon and pulling up his crowbar as the mooks swooped in! Lilo and Lewoh sheild their faces with their hands while TSS and Stitch got ready to fight!
Suddenly the small locket around Lilo's neck flashed white and the 4kids mooks screamed as they evaporated! TSS and Stitch blinked in suprise while Lilo looked down at the locket around her neck. TSS raised an eyebrow in suprise at the sight of it.
"Is that a peice of the pen?" TSS asked.
"More like a smaller scale copy," Lewoh said. "It can hold of the 4kids mooks but anything stronger and it won't stop them."
Lilo glanced at the portal, then at her locket. Then she screwed up her face and rushed at the portal!
"Lilo!" Lewoh shouted in alarm!
Before anyone could stop her Lilo jumped into the portal and vanished!
"Oh crap!" TSS said as more 4kids mooks came through the door! Stitch snarled and leapt at the mooks. TSS not to be out done charged forward as well to join the furious battle! The two of them beat, bite, and bashed every single one of the 4kids mooks. They showed no mercy as blood splashed across the floor.
Suddenly the mooks stopped coming and TSS and Stitch paused confused as there came the sound of foot steps.
Then through the door came a man with long dark hair and green eyes. He had a thin face but he was wearing heavy body armor. At his side was a blade with a strange heart shaped hilt. To say the least the image didn't seem to fit with the rest of him. He was short and not much taller than around five feet.
"You really have done well," He said smoothly resting his hand on the pommel of his sword. "You defeated Selena and made it to the top of the hotel. However the joy ride ends here. 4kids has ordered that I reign you all in."
"And who the hell are you?" TSS demanded.
The man laughed and smirked. "Maybe this will remind you."
He screwed up his face and released an awful whooping cough. "Gollum! Gollum!"
Their eyes widened in alarm and TSS raised his crowbar.
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Meanwhile below in the streets Hamelton strood down the streets searching for Larxene and Ace. He casually slashed a car in his path in half before resting his Zweihander on his shoulder.
"Come on out ladies, are my sexy bishonnen good looks to much for you?"
Suddenly Larxene jumped out from behind cover pulling out her throwing knives! She swung them at Hamelton and a blast shot from her weapons at the bishonnen bastard. He swung down his Zweihander and redirected the attack into the concrete. Larxene shot past him firing more blast of lightning at him.
"Take that you fraking toaster!" She shouted as he turned to follow her. He smirked.
"A battlestar galactica refrence as obscure as that won't beat me," He said before charging after her. Her speed however was just barely enough to keep him from reaching her. She jumped over an SUV and Hamelton cut right through it with his massive sword.
"Come on! Show a little of that back bone!" Hamelton taunted.
Larxene suddenly spun about and charged him. Hamelton smirked and swung a mighty two handed stroke at her! She slid right under the blow however and jumped into the air! He whirled about to face her but what he came face to face with was Ace's rocket launcher. His eyes widened in alarm and he tried to raise his sword but was to late. Ace's rocket hit him right in the chest! There was a flash of flames and the mighty blast of the explosion.
When the smoke cleared Hamelton collapsed to his knees as Larxene landed gracefully beside Ace a sadistic smirk on her face.
"What took you so long?" She asked Ace.
"Stopped for coffee," Ace replied.
"Not quiet a refrence to the season two episode Scar but hey it worked." Larxene said cheerily.
"You little..." Hamelton hissed out.
Ace and Larxene rolled their eyes and yanked out their pistols.
"Just shut up and die," they both said at the same time before blasting his head open like a gourd. Hamelton's lifeless body collapsed to the ground, headless.
"By the way nice refrence to the finale," Larxene said turning to Ace.
"That was in the finale?" Ace said suprised.
Larxene sighed. "Nevermind."
Then they both turned to face the hotel and the massive creature on top of it.
"So any bright idea's on how to bring that guy down?" Ace asked.
"Every watched X men?" Larxene asked.
Ace's eye's brightened. "Are you kidding? I love Wolverine!"
"Yeah to bad the movie was a bust in the reviews," Larxene lamented. "Sure the speacil affects were good but apperantly some people felt it lack substance."
"Well screw them!" Ace snapped.
"Anyways, fast ball speacil?" Larxene suggested.
Ace raised an eyebrow. "Two large problems with your plan. One niether of us has the strength to throw the other to the top of a twenty story hotel; two neither of us has adamantium claws."
"Then we'll improvise," Larxene replied.
Larxene ran to the top of a near by over pass.
"You fire a rocket! I'll do the rest!" She shouted.
"Alright!" Ace replied lifting her launcher and taking aim at the beast a top the hotel. She fired off the rocket and it shot into the air, screaming towards the creature.
Then Larxene jumped from the overpass and in a flash of light landed on the Rocket riding it like a surf board. Ace raised an eyebrow.
"Isn't Ranger supposed to do that in Fanfiction May Cry 3?" She shouted.
"Hasn't been written yet!" Larxene called back charging the rocket with lightning before throwing of her sunglasses. A feral grin split across her face as she jumped off the rocket at the last second and the lightning charged missile slammed into the creature with a deafening boom! Larxene warped right next to Ace about four feet in the air and landed with her usual cat like grace.
"Not bad eh?" Larxene said with a smirk.
"Wolverine still does it better," Ace pouted.
"Oh calm down, just because Ranger couldn't take you to X-men orgins: Wolverine, before it left theaters is no reason to get all depressed. Just wait for the dvd." Larxene said in annoyed tones.
"Umm... I think it might be a good idea to look up," Ace said pointing up at the hotel's roof.
Larxene raised an eyebrow glancing up at the roof before swearing violently. The creature still stood unharmed by the attack.
"Nothing quiet does as well as the orginal," Ace commented.
"Oh shut up," Larxene growled.
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Lilo groaned and opened her eyes to find herself in a bland and undecorated corridor, deviod of life or interest. Several doors lined the walls and she slowly walked over to one of them. She opened it a jar and poked her head through to see line upon line of men and women mindlessly typing away at computers. Poorly thought up motivational posters lined the walls and if any more indentifying marks were need to tell her where she was there was a massive banner at the far end with the 4kids logo on it. Lilo gasped.
"Oh my god, I'm in the one place worse than hell and zionsville Indana! 4kids coperate Head Quarters!!" She said terrified.
"Did you just say several naughty refrences to religon?" A smooth voice said from behind her.
Lilo whirled about to see dozen's a of 4kids security personal standing behind her holding maglites.
"Oh crap," Lilo moaned.
"Naughty language means you must be censored, American kids can't handle that kind of language. We're helping make it so that the world is robbed of all religon, individuality, logic, or personallity thus making it a better place to live," the mook closest to her said.
"Now hold still," another said reaching towards her.
Suddenly the locket flashed again and the mooks cried out in alarm as they were vaporized. Lilo grinned lifting up the locket by it's chain.
"Thank you McGuffin," she said happily before hurrying on down the corridor.
She wandered about for hours and hours slowly going lower and lower into 4kids Head Quarters. After a while she became aware that several 4kids mooks were following her but didn't dare let themselves be caught in the blast from her McGuffin. Then came upon a door marked basement. Hesitantly she opened the door and stepped down onto a dark stair case.
There in the center of the room, in the center of a shaft of light similar to the one in the hotel, was Ranger. He was soaked in blood and impailed to a cross through the heart on his own sword. He hung there motionless, like a macabre mockery of Jesus.
"Ranger!" Lilo called but Ranger didn't answer. He didn't even move.
"Hang on I'm coming!" Lilo shout jumping from the stairs and catching herself on Ranger's sword. She yelped in pain as she felt an intense heat coming from the swords grip. She adjusted her hands to around the cross guard and the pain lessened. She straddled him planting her feet on the arms of the cross tightening her grip on the cross guard.
"Don't worry I'll get this out of you." She said heaving with all her might. The sword however wouldn't budge more than about a centimeter. She gritted her teeth in frustration and tugged again blood trikleing from the wound.
"Come on Ranger wake up! We need your help!" She said succedding in pulling the sword down into his rib cage by accident releasing even more blood.
"Just get up! I promise I'll clean up the shop for you and I won't complain about it!" Lilo said desperatly as she yanked on the sword again, blood spraying across her face. It didn't move at all though, stuck in the wood and with her weight actually forcing it in deeper.
A single tear rolled down Lilo's face and landed in the pool of blood on the floor at the base of the cross. It was soon followed by another and then another.
"Just wake up Ranger! Please! I'm sorry I let Stitch eat your Ice cream! I'm sorry I ran up the phone bill! I'm sorry I redecorated your office without permission! Just please wake up!!!" She pleaded between sobs.
"Touching," a cold cruel voice said from behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see Gollum in his armor with dozens of 4kids mooks behind him. "Unfortunatly such a scene as this is to graphic for the children of America. We'll have to force you to leave."
He waved his hand to the mooks. "Get her."
Lilo yanked up her locket and the first few mooks screamed as they were destroyed but the rest grabbed her and pulled her off of the sword, the cross, and Ranger.
"RANGER!!!" She screamed as she vanished into the mass of mooks.
Then they were gone. Ranger hung there still and silent, alone in the midst of the light.
Then his left hand twitched.
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Lilo opened her eyes to find herself back in hotel room. Standing before her was Gollum in his armor smiling at her coldly.
"A nice try little lady but 4kids will not be denied victory. The portal will not be closed." Gollum gloated.
"Ranger could still kick your ass in a fair fight!" Lilo snapped a defiant look on her face.
"Ah but he's dead and who's left to face me?" Gollum replied pointing to something behind her. Lilo turned about to see a badly beaten TSS and Stitch being imbolized by a 4kids mooks. Then there was her mother being held down by a few less but she was out cold.
"What did you do to them!" Lilo demanded.
"Their being censored. In a few moments their personalities will be bland and one dimensional," Gollum said simply.
"Well Larxene and Ace could still beat the crap out of you!" Lilo snapped.
"Those two are to exhausted from fighting my minions to present a threat to me. They hardly have the strength to move down there." Gollum replied.
"Then I'll stop you!" Lilo said defiantly.
At this Gollum broke out into sinister chuckles.
"You? You're the McGuffin girl! You can't fight." Gollum said raising his hands. "Now hold still and allow yourself to be censored!"
Dozen's of 4kids mooks shoot towards Lilo and be gan circling her! She reached for her locket but to her alarm it was gone.
"Looking for this?" Gollum asked lifting up the locket before crushing it in his hand and letting the powdered remains slip onto the floor.
Lilo glanced about terrified. This was it, they'd lost.
"Get her." Gollum ordered.
The mooks shot towards Lilo with wailing cries!
"RANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lilo screamed closing her eyes bracing for the pain!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
The sound of the gun shots finally stopped and was followed by the sound of two spent clips being ejected. Then there was the thunk and as the empty magazine's clattered to the floor.
Then a familar, tired voice spoke.
"Damn Lilo, you don't have to shout."
Lilo's eyes snapped open and filled with delight as she saw the familar green cloaked badass.
"Ranger!" She said pracicatlly crying with joy as TSS, Stitch, and Lewoh fell to the floor as their guards fell dead from Ranger's deadly gun fire. TSS rubbed his neck smirking.
"It's about damn time," TSS growled.
Ranger turned around and smirked. Lilo's eyes however widened in alarm as she saw Ranger's sword still sticking out of his chest.
"Ranger..." She said slowly.
Ranger glanced down at his sword and frowned.
"Oh right, yeah it seems this sword is so intune with the Twilight it won't kill it's weilder if the weilder is a Twilight Warrior." Ranger said pulling the sword out after returning Sol and Luna to their holsters.
"That makes hardly any sense," Lilo snapped.
"Well it was that or risk becoming a Gary Stu by being a half Devil." Ranger replied flicking his blood off his sword.
Gollum glared at him.
"You bastard! I'm going to put you back on that cross and make sure you hold that portal open!" He snarled.
Ranger glared back resting his sword on his shoulder.
"Not going to happen," he said coldly.
He raised his sword and proclaimed! "FINAL TWILIGHT FORM!"
There was a flash of silver light and a gout of flames ignited along Ranger's sword! When the two phenomen subsided Ranger was revealed, all in silver with Ddriag s Caul looking like a massive beak like jaw with a motorcycle brake at the hilt. Two tubes emerged from the hilt in form of a rose engraving. Ranger then set the sword on his shoulder pulling up a black clothe from his shirt over his nose and mouth while throwing his hood over his head.
"Impressive," Gollum said drawing his own sword which was bedecked with strange ruins and glowed a strange purple. "But the power you weild now is no where near as great as that which 4kids has granted me."
At that moment the door was flung open as Ace and Larxene rushed in panting heavily.
"Did we miss the big final battle?" Ace asked.
"No you're right on time." TSS replied.
"SIlence!" Gollum snarled!
In flash he shot towards them sword ready! Before he could touch any of them however Ranger grabbed him by the shoulder and threw him against the far wall! Gollum righted himself however and landed with a thud on the floor. Ranger glared at him eye glowing silver blue.
Forgetting someone?" Ranger asked. "Besides, I'm not done yet."
He swung Ddraig s Caul over his shoulder where it came to a rest on his back. He slammed his fists together and bolts of slilver energy shot from his fists.
"I'm taking this one more step!" He shouted as a he was suddenly engulfed in silver blue light!
Then he emerged, changed.
His cloak was shortened and parted up to the ribs. His leather vest was jet black and lined with silver embroidery. Silver pauldrons rested on his shoulders with spines taipered into points. His clothes were sharpened and streamlined. His hood was more angular with a sharper focal point where it bent down above his eyes. To say the least everyone was staring at him.
"Holy shit," TSS said.
"That's new," Ace said.
"Where do you get something like that?" Larxene asked.
"It's called being a badass," Ranger replied.
"It doesn't matter if you've got an awesome new outfit! I'm still going to kill you!" Gollum snarled rushing Ranger with his sword! Ranger didn't even move.
Gollum's sword cut straight through Ranger's left arm before he spun aand stabbed Ranger through the gut! Then Gollum yanked his sword out and laughed as Ranger's armed struck the ground with a thud.
"SEE I TOLD YOU!!" Gollum cackled.
Then to his suprise the severed limb disolved into a strange grey mist and floated up to Ranger's stump. Then it began to reform the arm erasing the wouund left by Gollum's attack. At the same time a similar mist was rapidly filling in the stab wound Gollum had made! In less than ten seconds Ranger was as good as new.
"So that's how it is eh?" He said a smirk spreading across his face. "Well then let us begin."
Then in a flash Ranger shot forward and clashed blades with Gollum who was force back about ten feet from the force of Ranger's attack! Ranger relented his attack struck again hammering Gollum with a rain of heavy blows! Gollum defended against the attacks trying to back out of Ranger's striking distance but Ranger's sword was simply to long to get more than a foot or two away before he was forced to defend again!
Ranger then swung a blow for Gollum's head and Gollum ducked barely swinging his own blade at Ranger's legs. Ranger however bent his knees forward as he spun and Gollum's sword merely swirled his cloak. Then they both came around and with a mighty clang and spray of sparks their swords clashed again!
Just as their swords collidied however there was white flash and they suddenly found they came out in a ridiculous box canyon with TSS, Lilo, Ace, Larxene, Stitch, and Lewoh standing near a large mass of standing stones, Ranger standing a top a large bending cliff, and Gollum running clean across the canyon floor. Larxene glanced about in confusion.
"Blood Gulch? What the hell is going on here?" She demanded.
"It's the portal," Lewoh answered. "It's becoming unstable, we're running out of time!"
"Before what?" Ace asked.
"If the portal becomes to unstable then it will destroy the enitre world with the sheer release of energy!" Lewoh replied.
"Well, that's not good," Ace muttered.
Suddenly Gollum turned about raising a fist. A purple cloud burst into existence above the cliff where Ranger stood. Out of the cloud shot dozens, if not hundreds of 4kids mooks all streaming towards Ranger! Ranger however swung his sword furiously slashing and hacking away at the mooks with blinding speed before he actually began spinning like a top slicing apart the minions of 4kids. Gollum then thrust his sword towards Ranger and a blast of purple flames burst from his sword and shot towards Ranger.
Ranger finished of the last of the mooks and saw the fire ball coming! He swung Ddraig s Caul onto his back and slammed his arms together in the shape of a cross!
"Twilight Reflection!" He shouted!
A slivery barrier burst from his arms just as the fireball made contact! The blast forced Ranger back as more 4kids mooks rushed him. Then he released the technique and swung out his sword releasing a massive purple tounge of flames right into the incoming mooks! The mooks howled in agony as they were obliterated by the flames and swung his sword back into place before falling to one knee panting heavily.
Then he began to laugh as TSS, Larxene, Ace, Stitch, Lilo, and Lewoh ran up to him.
"Are you alright?" TSS asked.
"Ranger you have to let us help you, you can't defeat him alone," Lilo said.
"Just shut up for a moment, this is my fight! Mine!" Ranger snapped pushing himself to his feet. "All of this chaos, if it wasn't for my foolishness in the past so much pain could have been avoided. I have to make things right!"
"You're wrong!" TSS snapped. "No fight can be won alone. If you only think of yourself then you're nothing but a damned fool."
Ranger paused standing at the edge of the cliff staring out towards blue base where Gollum had fled. Then he sighed.
"Alright then, if you guys can hold him down for a few seconds I should be able to finish this with a single blow." He relented.
Larxene raised an eyebrow. "I have an idea, if you can keep him busy for a few minutes you'll get your chance."
Ranger threw a smirk over his shoulder. "Oh don't you worry about that, girly. It'll be a peice of cake."
Then in a flash he was gone.
"Did he just call you girly?" Ace deadpanned.
"Yeah whatever," Larxene growled before turning to face Lewoh and Lilo.
"Hey McGuffin girls, you said that the energies from the portal were causing this change of location? Can you alter those energies in anyway?" Larxene asked.
"What do you mean?" Lewoh asked.
"Well, we need to go somewhere speacil." Larxene replied.
TSS threw a glance at Larxene, an eye brow raised.
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Ranger reappeared on the right side of Blue bases roof atop on of the many barriers. Standing right across from him was Gollum leering at him.
"Let me tell you something Ranger," he said in as insulting a tone as he could muster. "The sword you're weilding is a key, using it you could not only seal the portal but also return everyone who's been censored to themselves."
Ranger frowned. "Why should I believe you?" He demanded.
"I never lie," Gollum replied. "I'm simply telling you because there is no way you can possibly defeat me and I would so enjoy watching you suffer your enternal torment, knowing that you failed everyone again."
There was a silence with the two merely glaring at one another for a few moments before Ranger spoke.
"So tell me Gollum? What is your goal in life?" Ranger asked.
Gollum gave a derisive snort. "Master only wished to see the preacious destroyed. Let's just say his lack of ambition was his weakness. This battle is merely a peice in the puzzel."
Ranger smirked. "Oh I see," he said sarcasm clear in his voice. "Now how about I let you in on a little secret of my own, Gollum. This peice won't fit."
"Hmm?"
Ranger pulled Ddraig s Caul from his back and stabbed it into the barrier and kneeling down before it on one knee. He lowered his head and closed his eyes.
"What stands between the shadow and the light? What watches from the thin mist? Rises with the dawn, sings at dusk. The Twilight is where they walk, between the shadow and the light. Deeds unspoken but never forgotten. These are the Twilight! Of wisdom in mind and fury in heart! Remember them when in hope you doubt." Ranger recited a sense of awe gathering around him.
Then he opened his eyes and rose to his feet swinging Ddraig s Caul back into place Gollum glared at him.
"So the legends of the order of Twilight are true, no matter how few are left as long as one lives the world remains intact." Gollum growled.
Ranger nodded.
"Yeah. And if you think that's cool," he said a smirk crossing his face. "Then watch this."
In a flash Ranger vanished and before Gollum could do anything Ranger came up from below him and head butted him! Gollum went flying into the air with Ranger delivering a right hook to Gollum's face! A tooth went flying from Gollum's mouth as Ranger delivered a brutal left as they landed above the canyon!
The was another flash of light and they suddenly found themselves in a large comples of ruins. Gollum brought up his sword and Ranger drew out Ddriag s Caul! Their blades rang furiously as the clashed again and again brutally hacking at one another! Then a third flash happened and they found themselves in midair over the city as chaos reigned in the streets below as people tried to flee from being censored by the dozens of 4kids mooks!
Ranger kicked himself off of Gollum and the two laned on opposite roof tops! Gollum raised a fist and a massive white tiger burst to life above him snarling! Ranger raised Ddraig s Caul and reeved it in mid air releasing a torrent of flames! Out of the flames emerged a massive emerald green asian style dragon with small wings that looked barely able to lift its thin serpentine body. Then Ranger and Gollum shot towards one another, their summoned beasts colliding in midair mere seconds before the two clashed swords again!
Then there was another flash and they were in a bog slashing at one another! Then another flash and they were at the lip of an active volcano! Again and again they changed location heedless of any Dangers as they battled it out! At one point Gollum briefly got behind Ranger and tried to get a death blow off! Ranger however stabbed himself through the chest just barely in time to block Gollum's blow before yanking his sword out of himself!
"Nice one!" Gollum snarled clearly frustrated as they resumed their furious duel! Finally they came out a top a strange pale blue spike covered castle. The castle was sent on a precarious ledge that looked more likely to completely fall off of the edge rather than stay in place.
Below them Lilo and Lewoh stood side by side holding their hands in a Tiger hand seal.
"Nice work you two!" Larxene said pulling out her knives. "Now hold us here."
She, TSS, and Ace rushed towards the castle entrance as Larxene leapt on top of the gate. "You to cover me, I've got a feeling we've got trouble coming."
TSS and Ace glanced at one another, Ace pulling up her Rocket launcher and TSS reloading his MP5. They came to a halt at the edge of the cliff to see dozens of monsters streaking towards them screaming for blood.
"I hope you're counting Alucard," TSS muttered.
"Am I the only one who thinks we're pushing this to be one big refrence?" Ace asked before opening fire.
Meanwhile Larxene raised her knives into the air and closed her eyes.
"Square Enix, I ask you. CUT ME SOME SLACK!!!" She shouted as lightning came crackling down onto her knives.
Ranger glanced down at Larxene only to be punched right in the face by Gollum!
Larxene lowered her knives which were now glowing red hot with sheer power, shaking slightly. "I did it." She muttered.
"Stupid Twilight! You can't kill Precious!" Gollum screeched spittle flying from his mouth as Ranger crashed against the side of the castle. Before Ranger could stand up Gollum raised a hand and dozens of thorny spikes shot up impailing Ranger!
"NOW RANGER!" Larxene shouted.
Ranger smirked and broke off the thorns holding him in place! Then in a flash was behind Gollum, an orb of Twilight energy roughly the size of a truck tire in his hands.
"I believe it's time, TO RECONSIDER THAT STATEMENT!!" Ranger shouted before blasting Gollum clean through the castle where he went flying straight towards the edge of the cliff! Before Gollum could do anything Larxene leapt into the air and with a gracefull spin threw her knives at Gollum! From between the knives burst and electric net that went flying into Gollum trapping him Ranger as jumped after him!
"Stitch start the music!" Lilo shouted!
Stitch pulled a Ipod speaker and hit play cranking up the volume to maximum!
Fall, can I break away?!
Push me away, make me fall,
just to see another side of me.
Push me away you can't see what I see, the other side of me.
Gollum desperatly threw his sword at Ranger who threw Ddriag s Caul at the sword! The Twilight blade meet it's foe tip to tip and shattered the weapon! Ranger suddenly shot down to Gollum kicking him in the face before grabbing his sword as there was another flash of light and they were back at the top of the hotel!
No one can see anything on the other side of me! I walk, I crawl, losing everything and waiting for the downfall!
Below Ace and TSS finished off the last of the mooksand looked up as Ranger came down on a helpless Gollum frozen in place by Larxene's attack!
No one can see everything on the other side of me!
"Lok'tar!" TSS shouted!
Ace rasied an eyebrow. "Okay what the hell are we refrencing?"
I walk, I crawl losing everything on the downfall!
Then Ranger came down on Gollum who just managed to raise a hand to try and stop him. Ddraig s Caul slammed against Gollums clentch hand and their was a blast of silver light against purple light!
Fall!
Then a massive explosion engulfed the roof of the hotel and a cloud of dust was kicked up.
From within the mist Gollum's old whooping cough finally emerged. When the dust cleared Gollum was back in his old form and Ranger stood a top a pile of rubblle no longer in mastery form with his sword resting on his shoulder.
"Wait something isn't right here precious," Gollum said before releasing another whooping cough. "4kids gave us limitless power? How could you defeat us?"
"It's simple," Ranger replied. "I knew that the actual final fight sequence in the Devil May Cry anime, although badass, didn't pack enough punch to defeat 4kids. So I utelized the final fight from the greatest Machinma ever made, Martin Flach's Tales of the Past 3."
"You actually took the time to watch that?" Gollum said incredulous.
"Yep," Ranger replied.
"Well then seeing as who you changed the fight scene and beat the crap out of me you'll probably let me go right?" Gollum asked as the sun began to rise over the city.
"Oh hell no," Ranger answered pulling out Luna. "You honestly think I'm that stupid?"
Gollum's eyes widened with anger.
"But honestly I pity you as a character. You got your ass kicked by Merkat boy." Ranger continued.
"YOU BASTARD!!!" Gollum screamed rushing towards Ranger fangs barred!
The sun rose up over the side of the building just as Gollum was about to reach Ranger.
Ranger smiled.
"Jackpot."
BANG!!
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About ten minutes later came strolling out of the hotel only to have Lilo nearly run him over in a glomp!
"Hey ease of kid I'm a wounded man!" Ranger said trying to get her off him.
"What are you talking about? There's not a scratch on you?" Lilo demanded.
"Let's just say that twilight stops to wound but doesn't queit get rid of all of the pain." Ranger replied.
She let go of him and he smiled.
"Thanks for the help up there but next time don't force the sword into my rib cage." He said.
Lilo rubbed the back of her head.
"Yeah... Right."
"Oh by the way you're going to be living with your mom from now on ya here?" Ranger said walking away from her.
"Well thats a nice way to say good bye," Ace dead panned.
"TSS get me the hell out of here," Ranger said walking towards TSS warthog.
"Whatever you say man," TSS said turning to follow Ranger.
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Almost a month later at Fanfiction May Cry Ranger was as usaul sitting at his desk. And the place was a total pigsty. TSS leaned against the door frowning.
"So this is the end of the story?" He asked.
Ranger nodded. "Yep which means only one thing left to do and that prepare for Fanfiction May Cry 4."
"Wouldn't it be more linear if you started with number 3's manga?" TSS asked.
"Yes but unfortunatly I'd have to do casting for that which could take a while but I have the cast sorted out for 4 already." Ranger replied.
"I see, well let's get started then. To the production set!" TSS said opening the door.
Ranger stood up and grabbed Sol and Luna before swinging his guitar case over his shoulder. Then he strood out of the shop and climbed into TSS waiting Warthog.
A few minutes later they were out on the roads just on the city limits. Ranger was trying to take a nap in the side when someone wrapped hard on the side of hog. He opened one eye to see Ace riding along right beside them on her motorcycle.
"Hey if this about money..." He started.
"No We're in Fanfiction May Cry 4 to you dumbass," Larxene snapped pulling up alongside them on her own motorcycle.
"You think we're going to be missing out on this?" Ace asked.
Ranger smirked. "Well then if everyone wants this fic to start as soon as possible then let's hurry up. TSS, floor it!"
"My pleasure," TSS replied increasing the pressure on the gas. The hog shot forward with the two bikes roaring along on either side of it.
Meanwhile back at Fanfiction May Cry Lilo gave an idignant sigh.
"Could he at least try to keep this place clean?" She muttered pulling up a mop as Stitch grabbed a broom. Lilo quickly opened the door and stuck a 'Now cleaning' sign on the handle. Then she turned with Stitch to face the massive mess pulling up a pair of spray bottles and twirling them like a pair of pistols.
"Come on Stitch, let's rock!!" Lilo shouted before she and Stitch epic poosed with their cleaning equipment.
"Meega get the last line!" Stitch proclaimed.
THE END.
Ranger24: My god this has got to be the longest chapter I have ever written. Anyways folks I'd like to thank everyone who stuck with me through this convoluted mess I called a Fanfic. I'd also like to thank my girl Ace 7 for being willing to play Lady (love ya!). I would also like to thank SonofSparda13 for creating the abridged version of this series which I used several jokes from. Also I'd like to thank TSS for not complaining about playing the role of Morrison without me asking him first. Then there's Alter Shead who has agreed to play the part of Nero in the up coming sequel Fanfiction May Cry 4. Keep your eyes out for a tailer for that some time soon.
Other wise folks I once more say thank you for sticking with me through this. See you in Fanfiction May Cry 4! THANK YOU FANFICTION! WE LOVE YOU! GOOD NIGHT!!!!