XXIII.
Two Sides of a Coin
Snap out of it, I told myself. What's going on with you? I hate not being in control of myself. This is the best example of not being in control. Get a hold of yourself. What's going on? Their stares burned in my skin but my gaze was stuck in RJ's eyes. Get a hold of yourself.
Oh my God. Jacob's voice came from somewhere distant, irrelevant. You imprinted on my son?
I started panicking. Was that I bad thing? I thought I saw RJ smile. It's ok. I imprinted on her first.
Imprint?
It's your...way of finding your mate. If you imprinted on someone, that's supposed to make a "stronger wolf". Leah explained to me. I could feel the heat rising up on my face.
I'm supposed to... I trailed off. I could not really say the words.
RJ chuckled. You make it sound like it's a bad thing. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything...yet.
Oh God, all this flirting really makes me sick. May I remind you RJ that she's my daughter. I don't appreciate you flirting with her.
Don't worry, I won't. RJ said innocently. At least not in front of you.
Leah growled. I could hear you. We're connected through our minds, remember?
Oh, I said that on purpose. I plan to flirt with her behind your back.
Curses flew from her brain. Jacob and RJ only chuckled louder and louder which angered her more. I dare not say anything. I was too embarrassed.
But that's sort of interesting, don't get me wrong, Leah. You know it is, Jacob said as he tried to gasp for breath. It was weird hearing an out of breath wolf. He was both panting and wheezing.
Why is that? I couldn't help asking.
Well, you're the first wolves who imprinted on each other. I mean, that never happened before. I imprinted on Nessie, Leah on Ethan, Seth on Lexi, Sam on Em, and the rest of them. We never have anyone imprint on someone from the same pack. And you both imprinted on each other.
God, could we talk about something else? I don't really like this topic. Could we just train them? Leah asked, disgust in her voice.
Oh come on, Leah. You have to get used to it. He's already thinking about your kid after that late night adventure, as you would like to call it.
Yeah and that's what I don't like about it.
Leah, you're being overprotective, I piped up. I don't think I could do anything else anyways.
She's right, Leah.
RJ stopped and we could hear him conversing with someone. Hang on, guys, Edward wants us to come back to his place. Well, at least he wants you Jake to go there. He said someone came with news.
Who? Jacob asked puzzled and troubled at the same time. RJ showed to us their conversation. It was so weird.
Jacob, just come here, Edward's voice filled all of our heads.
What's going on?
I think it's your responsibility to come down here to see before you get your training started.
Is it urgent?
I wouldn't bother you if it wasn't.
All right, we'll be there.
But you're the only one to phase, do you understand?
Why?
We need to talk to you.
Can't I talk to all of you through you?
No. I want to focus on someone else's thoughts and not yours only.
Very kind of you to say. We'll be there.
Jacob started walking back to the house. We all followed, the same questions filling our heads. What was so urgent that made Edward disturb our upcoming training? I don't know him much but I was sure that it is important. I have smelled enough of his personality to know he's not someone who take things lightly.
Yeah, Andy, you got that right. Jacob said, making me blush big time. I forgot that I was not alone in my head any longer. They could hear me and I could hear them. Edward's not someone who messes around. He's too serious for that and he knows how vital this training is.
Then why is he calling us back?
I have no idea.
Within minutes were back in front of the house. Jacob stepped behind a huge tree and he disappeared from our heads. He must have phased back to a human like what Edward told him to do. We noticed two cars parked in front of the house. I recognized one of them and obviously, so did Leah. She also stepped behind another large tree and phased back to a human. I looked at RJ, who also looked back with the same question burning inside our heads. What's going on?
"What are you doing, Leah? Edward told me to go there by myself," Jacob said irritated when he saw Leah dressed. "Stay with the pups."
Leah shook her head stubbornly. "No way. I want to go. They could watch in the window."
"Do you really want to do that? They're both alone and stuff?"
Leah looked as if she was going to give in but she gave us both a hard, cold look. I knew what she was thinking without seeing it in RJ's head. If we did do something, I knew I'd be punished. RJ stepped up and touched her leg with his paw. I heard him promise her he would never do anything.
I know I wouldn't survive if I do anything to her anyways, Leah, so go. We're just going to watch through the windows, he added.
Leah looked back before giving the hesitant Jacob a little push. She was hurrying, I could tell. That was understandable; seeing her brother was something she'd want to do. Leah loved Seth so much. Seth, living in Seattle, barely got the chance to visit us so I understood why Leah would want to tag along Jacob.
RJ and me settled down beside one of the large windows in the Cullens' living room. When Jacob and Leah entered the room, Edward said something I couldn't hear. Good thing RJ heard everything. The Cullens were all sitting in the couch, looking as artificial as mannequins in a store. Leah looked around, asking something.
Where are they?
I understand why you'd want to come Leah and I guess it's a good thing too. They're all in the dining room. Esme wanted them to eat something first. They don't look really good.
What's going on, Edward? Jacob asked. Something didn't happen, did it?
Something did happen.
Is Seth all right? Leah asked frantically.
RJ was confused. Who's Seth?
Seth is Leah's brother. I forgot, you've never met him, have you?
No. When Leah said something about her brother, I thought she was talking about Jeremy. I heard you say Seth but I thought you were thinking of a friend.
Jeez, you jump into conclusions a lot, don't you?
He chuckled. I can't help it. I don't want to lose you.
That's cheesy. Imprinting changes people, huh?
I guess. I like it though. You know you like it too.
Shut up, we're missing what they're saying.
Oh right.
Seth entered the room with my cousins, Sean and Liv. They both looked so much like him, tall and gangly. Sean, the oldest, was fifteen years old. I have seen Seth's pictures when he was younger and Sean looked exactly like him. Liv, fourteen, did look like Seth but had that certain gentle face that came from Lexi. From here, I could smell their personalities. The brothers were both eager and excited about something. Seth wasn't looking good though. He looked older than he really was. I guess his job takes a lot from him. Poor Seth. I saw both Bella's and Leah's expression. They were both hurt to look at Seth that way. I heard from RJ's head that they were thinking of the consequences of time to them and to those they love.
They don't like seeing people they care about aging. I guess that's the consequence of their immortality. I said, thoughtfully.
Yeah. Hey, there's someone else coming.
I was shocked when Nicole also entered the room. She was being followed by Sam, her father. Something flicked in Leah's face and saw it in RJ's head. I looked at RJ. That must be some mistake.
Sam and Leah were...
Yeah, that's what I heard in her thoughts.
B-b-but that's not possible. She never mentioned him before.
Come on, Andy, if she didn't say something about Ethan, do you think she'll say something about Sam Uley?
I felt kind of disgusted. Imagine finding out that you're mom went out with your best friend's father. In a way, it felt like you were betraying your friend. I didn't like that. I wish Leah said something. RJ showed me the memories that came surfacing in Leah's head when she saw Sam. It was hard to see. Their relationship was going strong until Sam phased into a wolf. He was the first boy to phase into a wolf for the longest time and when he did, no one was there to help him. When Emily went to our reservation to visit, Sam imprinted on her and I saw the bitter memories as well. I was relieved to see that Leah wasn't bitter any longer and it was because of her imprinting on Ethan. I saw how much she still loves him. An idea flicked inside my head.
What are you guys doing here? Jacob asked, staring shocked at the group. They looked uncomfortable.
Well, Jake, we're here to give you new pups.
Pups? Leah asked looking at the kids. Then she met Sam's eyes and a conversation they had a long time ago flashed in her mind. She met Nikki when she was a year old and she expressed to Sam that she did not want Nikki to be a part of our pack, in fear that Nikki might not find someone.
Yes. Sean and Liv started phasing the a few days ago.
You too, Nicole?
Yeah.
Since when? Jacob asked.
Just the other day.
Nicole, how are you feeling? Leah asked kindly, worry in her voice and her smell.
Honestly, I don't really feel that good. I feel like my skin is going to rip apart any time. I get angry easily, people think I was having cramps.
Well, we'll help you. Trust us, we'll help you.
What can you do?
We're here to guide you, do you understand?
Yes.
How about you two?
I helped them out, Seth said.
You helped them out?
They were both phasing when I got home the other day. I just told them what you would have told them, Jake, if you were there.
Okay. So you all could phase without a trouble?
I saw them all shake their heads. Nicole was another wolf. With the knowledge that her parents were the people responsible for Leah's hurt a long time ago, I wonder how will it affect our relationship. What if she does the same thing to me?
You know, Sam's thoughts have been bothering me for a while now. RJ said, suddenly cutting off the conversation taking place inside the house.
What thoughts? I asked distracted, still gazing inside the house, thinking about Nikki who was nodding at something they were saying. RJ replayed all the thoughts that Sam Uley had over the conversation.
I can't believe she still married that...bloodsucker. How could she? I know it's unfair. I know she imprinted on him, but a bloodsucker? Why couldn't she imprint on a human? Oh God, Sam, are you being jealous? No, of course not. I'm just upset she imprinted on that thing.Now they have a daughter. I wonder if she already knows? He can't even be there for his daughter. He had to go for whatever reason that coward grabbed. If I was in his shoes, I would have never left. I have responsibilities here. I have responsibilities for my daughter, for my wife; for my family. I guess that's the difference between wolves and leeches. Whatever love people offer them, they're still cold, heartless beings that take and never give. They took my people's freedom to phase if they want. It's because of them that we have to become things we do not want to be. Because of that, I will never, ever forgive them. If these Cullens were so innocent, then why are vampire royalties coming after them? God, it makes me so sick to think that there are leeches controlling this world behind the scenes. That just makes me sick.
As I heard more and more of Sam's thoughts, I got angrier and angrier. How dare this pitiful man say all of those things? I am not fond of what Ethan and Leah did but anger swirled in my gut. No matter what way you look at it, I am still their daughter. I do not like it wen people talk about my family. What a hypocrite. From what I learned, he was helpless when he imprinted on Emily. He makes it sound like Leah could have chosen who she wants to imprint. From what I experienced just minutes ago, there was nothing you could do when you imprint. God, what a hypocrite!
Chill out, Andy. If you don't control your anger, you might do something irrational.
I took my anger out on RJ. Oh, don't you dare get on his side! Don't you dare! He's such a hypocrite, I can't believe you'd actually agree with him!
Stop biting my head off. I'm not agreeing with him. All I'm saying is you need to calm down. I don't like what he's thinking either and neither does Edward but he has the right in his own opinions. You could see how much of a hypocrite this man is. You could see how...narrow minded he could be. But that does not give us the right to attack him. He is still under the people who we need to protect. Do you think there won't be people who won't think of us as monsters just because we are connected with the vampires on our own people? Out of everyone else, we would be the only two who would be criticized on our own people. It's ignorance and we can't do anything about it. Look at him, he had experiences fighting with the Cullens and yet he generalizes the vampires. There will always be people like that. Just calm down, okay?
I tried to calm down by taking deep breaths, putting up a barrier to stop me from thinking about what he said. But his words burned through that barrier and pounded against my thoughts.
He has a point though. RJ said suddenly. I whipped my head around him so fast I thought my neck would crack.
What?! I hissed poisonously.
It is because of the Cullens that we are in this position.
So you're blaming them and siding with him?!
Did you hear me say that? No. I just stated a fact. If the Cullens never came, we wouldn't be in this position. I do not blame them but just stating something that I have thought also.
How could you say that?
Well, when they arrived, didn't we phased into wolves? I don't hate them for it, either. If it weren't for their arrival, then I wouldn't have imprinted on you.
Yeah, but he's still blaming all of this to the Cullens. That's not forgivable.
But whatever you look at it, it's still a true fact. Truth does not necessarily mean the pleasant things, Andy. Besides that's not his only good point.
Don't tell me you agree with what he said?!
No. Not everything. But the fact that the Volturi are behind the scenes, controlling things in these world. I don't like it.
Yes, but they're the ones who regualtes vampire activities. If it weren't for them, we might have been exposed a long time ago. They're not really bad guys. Just very power hungry. I don't know who wouldn't be power hungry when they could control the world's most dangerous predator. Edward's voice filled our heads. He must have been in the conversation all along.
But there's got to be a better group of vampires who could regulate the nomads and other vampire clans.
What, are you talking about us? No. We don't want to take that responsibility. We don't need that.
And that's what you were trying to prove to the Volturi-that you were not a threat, I finished thoughtfully.
Edward agreed. We've never been the political type but I guess the Volturi was extremely threatened after they came here. We have been a threat, because Carlilse knows so much about things. He would make a very, very good leader. But Carlilse never wanted to be a leader. He just wants to keep the peace between clans of vampires. The others are heading out now. I want you both to train as hard as you could, do you understand? We haven't formulated a plan yet but I am sure that your training will come vital sooner or later.
We expressed both our agreements as Jacob and Leah came out with the rest of the pack. I saw Sam and Seth walk out of the house and enter their cars. Sadness engulfed Seth's face and I could smell the longing as he looked back to the pack. I knew he wanted to come back and I wish he could too. But he shook his head and the longing was minimized. He must be thinking about Lexi. He will never regret quitting being a part of the pack to be with her. Even if I was a part of this pack for about an hour, I knew Seth enough to realize that. I don't know what his responsibilities were in this pack but I doubt he was useless. Once the cars sped out of the Cullen's property, everyone had phased into wolves.
It looks like you guys do not need any help, Jacob said. I examined the minds of Nikki, Sean, and Liv. The brothers were nothing but excited to become a part of the pack. They've always known they were something special. But Nicole's thought hold nothing but resentment. She did not like to be this. She thought being a wolf made her a monster.
You're not the only one, Leah suddenly said. It was obvious that I wasn't the only one who was observing Nicole.
You'll get used to it, don't worry, RJ told her cheerfully.
We headed back to the spot where we were about to train a few moments ago. Having three more pups join us made the place a little bit crowded but despite that, Jacob was very happy. I guess they've been alone too long.
Hey, Leah, Jake suddenly called out.
What?
Well, I was wondering if you'd like to race.
You still can't beat me. You had too many chances.
I didn't say I was going to race you.
What?
I want to see who is faster between you and your daughter.
Daughter? Nikki suddenly asked, puzzled. Leah, I didn't know you had a daughter.
Yeah, and she's right here.
Who?
Andy.
What?! Nikki's mind probed us all, looking for any signs of her best friend.
I have stayed silent for a long time, just listening to their conversations and thoughts, that's why she did not sense me right away. I sighed. It's a long story, Nikki.
I didn't know you're this too. I felt a whole lot of resentment when she thought of the word "this".
What, Leah, do you want to race her? Jacob asked eagerly.
God, Jake, you're so immature. You want to prove that I could be beaten.
I smiled. What, are you scared, mom?
You wish, little girl.
Oh fine, it's on. You set the rules, Jake.
Okay. First to that biggest pine tree and back to this line. Jacob drew out a line that was about two feet long. We got behind it, waiting for the signal. Ready, set, GO!
I almost tumbled but gained my footing successfully. Leah was fast. She was ahead of me by two inches and was increasing the distance between us. Leah was a small wolf which helped her in her agility.
What, are you enjoying eating my dust, little girl? she taunted. I only smiled. I wasn't even using my whole strength. When we were half way to the big pine tree, I sped up. The wind howled in my ear, whipping my face. It caressed the skin underneath all the fur. By then, everything was a blur. I concentrated on reaching the tree, savoring the feeling of exhilaration. I only thought of the sound of my paws pounding the dirt beneath me. I made the final turn and headed back to the others. I didn't thought of Leah or where she was. I just ran. I saw images of myself, a big blur of white, in the other's minds but I didn't lingered on it for a long time. I just ran.
I made it to the line and didn't want to stop. I could feel the blood rushing all over my veins, my heart pumping at a very fast rate. I was breathless but I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to end the coolness as the wind hit my face. I forgot that I was in a competition but when I did, I looked around. I could hear Leah panting. Did she win?
Oh my gosh. You're faster than I have anticipated, Leah panted out.
So who won?
You did.
Really?
Tough break, Jake. Even if I'm not the fastest wolf in La Push any longer, I doubt you can beat her, Leah said smugly as she approached Jake. I know you saw how fast she is.
Everyone was dumb struck. They replayed the race over and over again in their heads. I watched myself as I ran, a white blur, from the pine tree and back. It was a few seconds before Leah caught up. Then Jacob's head was filled with times he raced with Leah. She really was the fastest wolf in La Push.
Congratulations, kid. You beat me, she said after she regained her breath.
No. You're still the fastest wolf. I'm a half-breed. I have the advantage because I'm a vampire and a wolf. I've seen in your heads how fast they are and they're no joke. So I can't take the title of being the fastest wolf.
She looked at me, trying to decide if this was some kind of trick. When she didn't find any in my head, I could tell she was happy. She suddenly had this warm feeling. I guess telling her this means something much more to her than I intended it to be.
We spent the rest of the afternoon training. Jacob made me run about ten miles while he timed me. Whenever I completed a lap, he would make me run ten miles longer than the previous and challenged me to go faster. If he didn't want me to run, Jacob told all of us to train in hand-to-hand combat. Leah, who defeated a Volturi guard when she was pregnant with me, taught us how to kill a vampire. She told us that we needed to rip the pieces apart and then burn them to ashes.
That was how our house was burned. I needed a way to kill Jane. If I didn't burn the house, then ripping her apart would have been useless. Even if you rip them apart, vampires could reconnect their body parts and all of your efforts would have been useless.
Jasper came out to help us out. He was supposed to be the one who had enough experience in fighting with his own kind. He also offered to become a vampire punching bag for us to practice on. Though he didn't let us win. He just let us have first hand experience in fighting a vampire. Leah won a couple of times, Jake won about five, RJ won just once, while the rest of us didn't even make it five minutes. I would have made it longer if Leah and RJ didn't keep on insisting me not to fight or they would flinch every time I took a hit. It was irritating me.
By the time that we headed back to the house, it was only Jasper who was presentable enough. We all looked down right messy. Since I was the only one who ripped clothes when I phased, Leah and Nikki offered to buy me new ones but Esme met us in front of her house with fresh clothes for all of us.
"I hope this would fit you all. You've been working so hard and I understand if you'd need to take a quick shower upstairs," she said pleasantly like a mother, never growing tired in taking care of children even if it wasn't her own. She was so gentle and kind that you would feel terrible and guilty if you deny something she was offering.
"Thanks, Esme," Jasper said as he placed a loving hand on her shoulder as he walked by. It amazes me how these vampires who have no connection in their blood whatsoever could love each other as if they were family. I wanted to be apart of something like that.
We all changed separately, since the Cullen house had so many rooms and so many bathrooms that in just a few minutes, we were all fresh enough. We trooped down to their living room where everyone was gathered once again. Visitors had come from somewhere and since we were a big family now, we had to welcome them together. I was surprised to see it was Sue, Charlie, Renesmee, and a woman I have only seen in a few pictures in the house. She was smiling from ear to ear. I looked at her appearance and saw the resemblance she had with Bella. She must be her mother.
Rene Dwyer looked so comfortable even though this is a very awkward situation. First of all, she was with her ex-husband and his new wife. That would be enough to make anyone, anywhere awkward. And then there was the more serious note. I know she had noticed her daughter's unnaturally perfect beauty. She had lived with her for how many years now and I knew she must have noticed something completely different from her now. Yet she didn't looked alarmed or even intrigued. She just looked happy.
Renesmee was sitting by Alice's computer. Of course, Rene already knew she was her granddaughter. How could this woman not notice all of the peculiar things in her family? I sat at a corner, trying to be as invisible as possible. The Cullens and the visitors talked among them. I could smell grief in Bella's scent that was also visible in her face. This was the same look Quil had when Old Quil died. That expression was in Jake's face when he thought his father was permanently paralyzed last year. It was the look Leah had on her face whenever she look at Sue's face. It was the grief of seeing your loved ones get on with their life while you are stuck like a statue for eternity. I felt RJ wrap his arms around me, letting me see what he was thinking.
You know she knows about the secret of our pack right?
I didn't know that?
Yeah. She knows enough.
Why? Isn't it dangerous?
Well, it would be more dangerous if she suspected something. It would be better if she knew from us about us. The trust that we have placed her would make her keep our secret.
How about the Cullens?
No. That's the only case. They don't want to be forced to turn her. Like Charlie, they just told her that not everything is as it seems. Convincing her was more difficult than Charlie but Bella managed.
I guess all's well that ends well.
Yeah, you could say that. We fell silent, observing their talks. The Cullens fidgeted as if it was normal to them but I knew it was just a charade to avoid any suspicion. I analyzed her scent. There was something alluring in that. She was eccentric, though she's middle-age now, she still had that desire to become young. I heard RJ chuckled softly behind me, his chest rising up and down beneath my back, his warm breath brushing my ears.
What?
Well, you thought she was acting young.
Yeah. And?
I think she's a little bit young to be a great grandmother, to tell you the truth.
Yeah, well you were conceived quiet young.
But my mother have matured early.
I guess.
Have you ever known that my mother and father isn't married yet?
Really? I didn't know that.
Yeah. I wanted to learn more about them and they told me that they decided not to marry yet.
Why? I stared automatically at Jacob and Renesmee. Jake had his arm around Nessie, smelling very happy, while listening to Rene talk.
Because Nessie wanted her whole family to be there when she tie the knot with Jake.
Well, everyone's here now.
Yeah. I think they're going to tell them any moment. They're just looking for the right moment. Oh by the way, they want you.
He was right. Rene was staring intently at me. I wonder why? But RJ didn't let me in his head any longer. He unwrapped himself from me and made me stand up. I approached the couch hesitantly. Then without warning, Rene wrapped her arms around my shoulders into a very tight hug.
Her smell hit me hard, like a punch in the gut. It wasn't the scent of her personality or her mood that shocked me; it was the scent of her blood. It dazed me, making me dizzy. My muscles tensed and something bitter mixed with my saliva. I had the strong urge to bend down to her neck and feel the hot, red liquid on my lips. Her taste burned my throat, lingering in the back of my tongue. Something exploded inside of me, roaring its lungs was going on? I felt a hard grip in my arm, guiding me away. Rene broke free from me, the roar got even more louder, and I had the desire to grab her and bite her neck but the grip got even tighter so my attention switched to it, thinking of breaking the arm. I stopped when I realized it was RJ. I asked him what was going on but he showed me nothing.
"It's finally nice to meet my step-daughter," Rene said. My attention went back to her and her irresistable smell. The roar dared me, urged me to take a bite, a sip from her neck. The grip got firmer. I was in so much pain and confusion that I only smiled. Finally RJ showed me something but it wasn't the explanation that I was looking for but the image of me as I smiled. I didn't look like I was smiling but more like grimacing. I changed my facial muscles and the image changed. I was smiling but too sweetly it looked fake. Rene returned it with a worried hurt look. She finally broke any contact with me and RJ led me away, heading for outside.
Once we were outside, the night air washed over me like a wave, cleansing my insides. I sniffed it, relieved that it wasn't thick with Rene's scent. The roar was silenced but I feared it wasn't forever. I looked at RJ for explanation. I could sense worry and resentment. Did he hate me for what happen? But that wasn't my fault!
"What's going on with me?" I asked him, trembeling, my voice sounding like a soft whimper. "What happened?"
He sighed. "It's your vampire side."
"But-but I'm not a vampire."
"You have to sides, like a coin. Both those sides showed itself today. Those two defines your desires but like a coin, you have a different, greater value than any of those sides."
"So what does that mean?"
"You're part vampire, Andy, and it's natural that you'll have desires for blood. Have you never noticed why you're fascinated with blood?"
"But I-I-I don't want to kill her. I-I'm not like the vampires."
"I don't know why this would be the first time but maybe since the wolf side emerged, the vampire side would also come out."
"So what now?" I asked, my knees finally breaking, making me crumble down.