Hello everybody! I know its been like forever and ever and maybe some more and I apologise, but really, it was impossible for me to write these last few months. But now I'm back and I'll try to be a bit more constant from now on, I promise. Well, if you all haven't totally lost interest yet please, please review and let me what you think! Love, PA

Chapter 10 – Unhealthy behaviors

She is staring and she knows it, but for some reason she just can't seem to turn it off. It's been like this for the last couple days. It's slowly driving her insane and she's pretty sure that in the near future her poor mind is going to break and she won't be able to stop it. Her destiny is St. Mungos and she knows it. And its all because he's sitting there, his eyes focused in a board as he chooses the best move for his bishop. She's doing her very best to tear her eyes from his well-crafted face and continue working on her essay (which happens to be due to the next day, mind you) but well, it seems her nervous system has got some sort of communication failure for her mental commands are not reaching her eyes. Not by a mile. He smiles when his knight snatches Remus' queen and she can't help the breath that catches on her throat. She feels someone poke her arm and is finally startled out of her trance to find Mary looking at her questiongly. She tries to act as if she was thinking about their essay and she can't believe she pulled it off. Thank God it wasn't Alice. She wouldn't be able to pull that one off with Alice.

She continues writing the same page she had been working on for the last twenty minutes and feels a little aggravated about her unusual slowness. Damn him. And damn her stupid hormones. She knows why she's been staring even more these last few days and she can't help but feel stupid and frustrated. It's such a clichéd way to act. And she hates being a cliché. But she can't help it. She can't help picturing his damp hair and his chiseled stomach and his tanned muscles and it feels infuriating. She can't help thinking fate has it out for her because now she can't find her concentration anywhere. Why did it have to happen to her? She was on her way to breakfast early when she remembered she had forgotten her new quill and decided to rush back and get it. Just as he was leaving the bathroom. In a towel. A bloody towel! She had, of course, been rendered speechless. At first he was startled, he obviously thought she had already left (which she had) but when she stood there staring he had smirked. So she tried to fix it and, Lord what a disaster that'd been, she spluttered words around until finally something resembling sorry came out. And then he shook his head and laughed, wet drops landing on her hands and pristine uniform, making her shiver slightly.

"It's alright." - He said, his eyes laughing along with his twitching lips. "Honestly, Evans, your face is almost the color of your hair...."

And he disappeared inside his room. Still grinning. The sodding hot idiot. And she stood there. Merlin she had been floored. And she hated it (but she loved it too, if she were honest). And now she couldn't function if he was in her near vicinity. Hell, sometimes she couldn't function when he wasn't anywhere near her. And in about twenty minutes they had patrols together. She hated fate and hormones. She sighed. "Merlin, am I dead."

x – x – x – x – x -

He was contemplating his next move. He could either take Remus' pawn with his bishop and hope he would open up his queen or make a safer move with one of his own pawns. Risky choice it is, he decided. He could feel her eyes on him. She had been like that for a couple days now. Ever since she had ran into him leaving the shower in the Heads' Dorm. He couldn't help but smile at the irony of it all. She had blushed to an impossible level and had stuttered. Lily Evans had blushed and stuttered because of him. That had been priceless, one of the top moments of his life for certain. Check. He glanced backwards discreetly to see her talking to Mary. But she still had that look, the coy and airy one that meant she was covering for something while trying to act smooth. Merlin, he knew all of her looks, or at least most of them. He was pretty damn near positive it wasn't healthy for him to know so much when they had been friends for so little time, but he couldn't help it -he had been watching her for the longest time.

It had been a tiresome week for him, having to deal with Quidditch, Order training and now Head duties. But the thing that was taking most of him was living with her. Working with her? Fine, he could handle that. He had figured out a system that allowed him not to be an utter fool when working around her: focus on the task and act normal. Forget she's the girl of your dreams and talk business. But living with her? Merlin, he was not ready for that (and he was glad that day with the towel to find she wasn't quite ready either). Like the other day when he found her babydoll forgotten in the bathroom sink. It was a deep burgundy, silky and lacy and the visuals that flooded his head at the thought of her in it, he felt guilty to even remember it. He had, obviously, taken a long cold shower that day. But despite all those things he still missed her. They were always busy and running around and when they weren't he was a little afraid of pushing her and so they hadn't been spending anytime together. Alone together.

He was a mostly excited and a little nervous, and he was barely ever nervous. They had their first patrol together today. A couple hours alone with her roaming the dark loomy corridors of the school and he wasn't sure he could take it. Especially not with the staring. It was funny that now the roles had been reversed. She was staring and he was pretending not to notice. He knew how it worked with boys -they were all dying to see someone naked (or even half-naked). But he would never have guessed the effects a little flesh would have on her. And he wondered if she would have acted the same whether it was anybody or if, maybe, it could be only him. And, Merlin, he hoped for the second. He only had fifteen minutes until rounds now. Time seemed to be running by these last few days, he thought.

x – x – x – x – x -

Her essay was still one page long. Talk about frustrating. And he was sitting there playing chess absolutely undisturbed. It wasn't fair. At all. What a time to decide to turn into a teenaged girl. She looked at the clock and noticed she still had ten minutes until leaving for rounds. God, time was passing excruciatingly slow these days, she heaved. She didn't realize but she was staring again. She watched the way he waited for his friend to make a move, his eyes intent and the light from the fire dancing in his glasses. His sleeves were rolled up and she could see the nice contours of his forearms. She noticed everything about him lately and she was pretty sure it wasn't very healthy. She saw him tease Sirius when he came down the boys' stairway -he looked casual but his hair was rather tame and it made it obvious he had "plans"- and she hope he couldn't tell she had put a little extra effort in her looks today. At first she tried to convince herself she was doing it for herself (a girl can want to look hot for herself, right?) and it had nothing to do with their upcoming rounds. Fat chance. Her hair was not in her usual ponytail but flowing freely on her shoulders, her skirt was just an inch higher and she was wearing very very faint make-up. She was confident he couldn't tell (but he could). She searches him for signs that he has done the same thing and the only thing she can come up with is that his hair is even messier today. Those raven strands used to drive her up the wall, she chuckles, because secretly she always wondered what it would be like to run her fingers through it, to make it even more chaotic, to reel in the feel of it. A hand is waving in front of her all the sudden and it takes a few seconds before she can realize Alice has joined them. Damn.

"You know, it's a miracle you haven't pushed him against a wall and snogged him senseless yet." Her cruel best friend states with a mock wonder tone. "Maybe you've been saving up for patrols, Lil?"

"One: it's not funny. And two: shut up or I will have to avada you." -She retorted glaring at her brunette friend who kept on smiling. "I don't want to, but you know I'll do it."

"Oh, pish-posh." - Alice said dropping herself beside her with haughty grin. "We both know you love me too much."

"Sometimes extreme measures are necessary." She shrugged.

She looks back to where he had been sitting but he's no longer there. Only five more minutes and she's lost him. She wonders what she would do if he didn't come back. Can she yell at him like she used to, would they go back to when they didn't know how to talk to each other unless it were a shouting match? She isn't sure she can go back. She knows too much about him, and he understands her too well. A hand touches her shoulder lightly but warmth spreads quickly from that point and she knows its him.

"Hey. Ready?" - He asks with that voice of his, just as he takes his hand away from her and she wishes he had let it there a little longer.

"Yeah." - And though it's not much it's the best answer she's got. Because he's standing there (too close) and she can smell his shampoo and there's only so much a girl can take.

x – x – x – x – x -

They walk out the portrait hole and he can tell, even without looking at her, that she is doing her best not to look his way and he can't help the smirk that gains his lips. He decides its too much fun to watch her squirm and instead of starting conversation as he had planned he lets the tension grow between them as they walk in silence for a few minutes. After a while he can feel her eyes on him reluctantly, as though she was forced to look by a power mightier than her own, a feeling he knows all too well. He loves that this thing is now backwards (or at least appears to be so) and decides to take pity on her. Well, kind of.

"You should really stop picturing me undressed, Evans..." He said lazily in a sarcastic tone and she nearly jumps out of her own skin at his comment. "It really takes away from patrolling, you know."

"Like I... I mean...." She stammered. "Oh, shut up, Potter. I was not picturing you starkers..."

"Yeah, whatever.... If I pretend I believe you, will you stop doing it?" He asked this time pretending to be annoyed while he puts a tapestry back in place, but in truth fighting back the urge to smile.

"Deal." She agreed but when he smiled she realised she had just admitted to be doing what he said. "I mean...."

She nudged in the ribs with her arm, hitting him with no force at all. He looked at her, his face dead serious for a few moments but then he broke: he laughed at her. But it was just that kind of laugh, the one that renders her helpless, the one she loved most so she can't really help when she laughs along.

"You know, you're easier to trick then I thought." He said playfully.

"Well, you're just as insufferable as I thought." She retorted right back.

"Maybe so, but at least now I won't have to walk in silence for hours on end..." He shrugged and a smile crept her lips.

"Prat."

"Perv."

"I'm not a perv!"

"Well, you just admitted you were picturing me starkers..."

"I did not! You tricked me."

"Still."

"Prat."

And they laughed again. It was just so easy being with her. It was everything he had always hoped for. He loved her witty humor and her ready temper. And he loved her shy demeanor. And he had just now found out that he loved her eyes when she laughed. The green orbs seemed to create miniature tornados within them and reflect tiny crystals. It was breathtaking and alluring to say the least.

"So, what did you think of your first week as Head?" She asked casually changing topics.

"I think I will be lucky if I live the entire term." He answered his eyes widening slightly. She chuckled.

"Come on, it's not that bad..." She said checking out inside a classroom.

"Yeah, I know, it's just, I wasn't counting on it." He shrugged.

"So, you'd really turned it down before?" She asked hoping she sounded nonchalant when in fact she was filled with curiosity.

"How'd you know?" He turned to face her, one eyebrow raised.

"In the meeting... Dumbledore said "this time"." Lily replied watching him intently.

"Oh, that." James answered dejected. "Yes, I did turn it down before."

"Why?" She didn't mean to sound so eager but her voice betrayed her.

"I just have a lot on my plate right now." He shrugged evasively.

As they walked and talked, laughing and joking, he couldn't help but let himself loosen up with her. It was just too easy, too tempting. He loved every minute they spent together and it made him regret even more what he couldn't tell her. Because he could sense her curiosity and it made him a little unnerved; knowing that somethings he wouldn't be able to tell her. But he pushed those thoughts aside while they walked and she told him a tale about a fourth year she had caught sneaking around on her first year as a prefect. Her little nose wrinkled as she put emphasis on a disgusting part of her story and he felt his heart swallow in his chest. Despite everything he couldn't deny this Head Boy business had some perks. Great perks. Unbeatable perks even.

x – x – x – x – x -

She dropped her shoes on the floor next to her bed and discarded her socks in the same distracted manner. She was smiling while she searched her trunk for her pajamas and without even thinking about she twirled in place. Realization hit her immediately after her childish behavior and she banged her head lightly against the wall. Before today she could pretend that he was just another boy. That the thing about him was just that he was attractive (oh, sweet Merlin, was he ever) and that her feelings were just her hormones going haywire. But now, now the pretending was done with. She had twirled. Twirled! Oh, for Christ's sake. She stared and she twirled: both completely un-Lily-like behaviors. The boy was driving her bloody bonkers. And the worst part was that he wasn't even trying (or at least she didn't think so).

They had been so synchronized today. Even when he had made fun of her she felt strangely elated, even though it had been widely disconcerting having him mock her openly. And she was still unnerved by his mind-reading abilities. Because she had so been picturing those phenomenal abs of his. But still, in their two hours together time had flown by, like patrolling was actually fun. And she knew that patrols were definitely not fun so it just had to be the, well, company. And the company's hazel eyes, tanned forearms and soft-looking hair. She hit her head against the wall a little more forcefully this time. Merlin, what was going on! She remembered that time when she had found him alone in the Astronomy Tower. It had been then that her eyes had begun to follow him more closely. And tonight, as they walked the same halls together, she couldn't help but feel, well, privileged to be allowed this proximity. And she reveled in it, oh how she did. His eyes were just ever teasing and his smile was always there for her. And the image of his lips, those soft-looking, perfectly plump, dimple-adorned lips were haunting her. And she found herself staring even more and her hands clammed up because she closed them tightly to prevent them from reaching up and touching him, because, quite honestly, the urge to do so was almost unbearable. She hit the wall again.

"Merlin, I fancy him."