Author's Note: Please be forewarned that this chapter contains material that requires this story to be rated M.

True North
by Jaclyn Parker

"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined ... to strengthen each other ... to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories."
-George Eliot
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Carly finally stepped from the shower, throwing the shower cap in the sink, along with a bobby pin or two that she heard clink as they hit the porcelain. After toweling off briefly, she lathered herself with the new vanilla body cream that she had splurged on at the local Bath & Body Works. As she bent over to lift the matching black lace underwear set that lay on the bathroom counter, Carly realized she still couldn't believe that she was going to Jack and Janet's engagement party. Even with the kids going and Lee there to support her, she still felt like she was going to be sick just thinking about it.

"I must be insane." She whispered to herself, putting the undergarments on and briefly surveying herself in the mirror.

With three energetic and demanding kids and a unpredictable job schedule, it wasn't easy to find time to go to the gym. So, instead, she committed herself to doing a set cardio and ab routine every other morning before things turned to chaos. And for a woman in her mid 30s with two biological kids, Carly had to admit that she knew she looked good.

Her bust had always been well endowed and even after breast feeding, it had miraculously stayed relatively put. Though average height, she had long legs and a long torso, which was enviably flat and rather toned. Granted, a lot of it also had to do with genetics, but Carly was proud of the way she took care of her body and it showed.

"Not that anyone's here to appreciate it." She muttered under her breath and roughly yanked on her bathrobe.

Carly padded back into her bedroom, taking the last few bobby pins out of her hair. Shaking it loose, she debated whether or not she had time to straighten it before she had to leave. As soon as she entered the room, Carly was filled with the sense that she was not alone.

Evening had fallen while she was in the shower and shadows were cast all over her room. But the brightness of the rising moon coupled with the dimmed light from her bedside lamp allowed her to clearly identify the figure sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Jack!" Carly said, gasping and placing a hand over her pounding heart. "You scared me to death! How did you get in the house?"

"The key. It was still under that stupid fake rock. You should probably find another place for it." Jack said, his voice low and even.

Carly just shook her head fiercely, her hair whipping her in the face.

"Jack, what the hell are you doing here?" Carly asked, completely confused and more than a little angry.

"I had to see you." Jack answered as if that was all the explanation he needed to give.

"You had to what?" Carly asked, astounded.

"Something happened tonight, Carly, and I just knew I had to see you." Jack said, his eyes never leaving her face.

"Where are the kids? Are they okay?" Carly asked, a mother's fear starting to fill her.

"They're fine. They're at the farm with Emma. They're going to stay there tonight." Jack told her, rising from the end of the bed.

As he slowly walked towards her, Carly impulsively stepped back. Jack stopped a good four feet away and just held out his hand. She looked at him questioningly and then reached out to take the object he offered her.

The gold plated compass filled the palm of her hand, the warmth from his body still lingering on the metal. The black face and gold needle winked up at her in the dim light of the room causing her breath to catch in her throat.

It was an exact replica of the compass that he had given her years ago in the boathouse; to find her way back to him he had said. Then, a couple of years later, she had smashed it out of pent up frustration, hurt, and anger during the situation with Julia Lindsey. Jack had eventually gotten her a new one, but over the following years it had gotten lost in the shuffle of their relationship. Carly had to admit that she hadn't been able to bring herself to look for it in a very long time, but not a single day went by that she didn't think about that special symbol of their love.

And now it was resting in her hands and once again, Jack had given it to her. Carly looked up at him, her eyes wide in bewilderment.

"I don't understand, Jack."

"Janet gave it to me tonight, as an early wedding present." Jack said and she just shook her head again.

"But why..." Carly started to ask and then frowned. "Did Sage hint at this? Or Parker or J.J.?"

"No, I asked the same thing. Janet mentioned that she saw me constantly looking at compasses in stores and she knew somehow that this was the perfect for gift for me. And she was right." Jack said and Carly's eyes closed briefly, holding the compass tightly in her hands. Then, realizing what she was doing, she quickly held it out to him.

"Take it." Carly said, her voice soft and wavering.

Jack just stood there, his eyes not leaving her face.

"Jack, take the damn compass." Carly said, a panic rising in her. He reached out and took it back, his hand momentarily holding on to hers. Her breath caught and she jerked her hand out of his possession, holding it to her body like he had burned her.

It was too much.

For weeks, ever since she had turned him down in that hospital room and closed herself off from feelings that she believed she had no right to have, she could sense everything swirling around her like a hurricane. The desperate antics of Sage and Parker on Halloween night and her reaction to it all had just reminded her that she needed to keep it together for the kids' sakes if not her own sanity.

Carly knew she had never loved another man the way she loved Jack Snyder and never would. It would be impossible. He was so deep inside her heart and mind that there were some moments in her life that she couldn't tell where she left off and he began. It had been like that since years ago when, in the sweltering heat and under a big Montana sky, a late night argument had ended with a passionate kiss.

Something had happened in that instant where two souls had tangled up and fused together, knowing that no matter what amount of time or distance their physical bodies endured, those same two souls would not be denied each other. It was incredibly wonderful and yet…

It was incredibly frightening.

"Jack, you need to leave. Whatever you said to Janet tonight was just pre-wedding jitters. You can take it back." Carly said, running her hand nervously through her now loose curls and the other holding her robe closed even tighter.

"No, Carly, I can't. We called everything off. Or I should say that I called it all off." Jack said, watching Carly's reaction to his words very closely.

Carly gasped and placed her hand up near her throat.

"No, Jack! Oh God, how did Janet…all those people at your party…" Carly was caught so off guard that couldn't finish a complete sentence.

"Janet took about as well as I thought she would. When the screaming started, I think Emma took care of the guests. I don't know to be totally honest. It was very much a blur." Jack said, his heart tightening at the pain he had caused tonight. His mind flashed back to what had happened only a short while ago.

Janet sat there listening to him try to explain, her facial features getting tighter as each word came out of his mouth until finally she exploded. Anger, hurt, betrayal, confusion; they all poured out of her as she paced around the kitchen alternating between yelling at him and crying heart wrenching sobs. Then after what seemed to be hours, but Jack knew was probably only a matter of minutes, she suddenly grew deathly calm. She grabbed her purse and jacket and moved towards the door.

"Janet, wait. Please don't drive." Jack said, grabbing her arm but quickly released her again at the look she threw his way.

"I'm going to call a cab once I get outside. I just can't be in this room with you anymore or else I'm going to be sick." She replied, staring at him with such frostiness that Jack swore he felt his blood run cold. The last thing she said to him would stay in his mind for a long time to come.

"I am going to go get a room at the Lakeview and then hit the bar to drink myself into oblivion, Jack. I am going to allow myself this one night to feel sorry for myself and try to forget that you or your precious Carly exist. But in the morning, I will get up, I will hug my daughter and I will realize how much better off I am without someone like you in my life. And you…you, Jack Snyder, are the one who will be sorry, not me."

And then she disappeared out the kitchen door, the screen door slamming shut behind her as if to accentuate every word she had just said.

Emma found him moments later, sitting at the kitchen table and holding the compass in his hands, just staring at it.

"Everyone went home." Emma said, coming to place a hand on his shoulder. "Liberty went with Brad and Katie. She's incredibly upset but I think they'll be able to calm her down enough to get some rest tonight."

Jack closed his eyes briefly, hating that his actions had caused that young girl anguish. But he knew now that he had waited too long for the situation to end up any other way.

"Your kids, and Mattie, are upstairs. I told them that you would be up in a little while to explain to them as best you could." Emma continued but Jack just sighed quietly. She knew she was going to regret this but she asked anyway.

"Unless, there is somewhere you need to be?"

Jack finally lifted his head and just looked at her. Then, God bless her heart, all Emma did was hug him hard and hand him the car keys that she had been holding in anticipation of this very move.

Quickly kissing her cheek, he took them and left the farmhouse, not pausing to look back.

Coming back to the present, Jack looked at Carly and gave a small smile.

"I couldn't do it anymore, Carly. It wasn't fair to her, to the kids, to me, and it certainly wasn't fair to you."

"To me? Jack, this has nothing to do with me!" Carly tried to reason with him, but he was the one to shake his head.

"You have everything to do with this, Carly. Whether you meant to or not. This "gift" was just the last sign I needed to know that while I care about Janet, very much in fact, it doesn't begin to compare to what I feel for you."

"No," Carly said, closing her eyes and trying to get her brain to function correctly before opening them again. "Jack, it's just…"

"You are the reason I am on this Earth, Carly."

Everything Carly had been about to say disappeared in her mind and she found herself just staring at him.

"The thought of seeing you, hearing you, even fighting with you makes getting up every morning worth while. Yeah, you can make me angrier and more frustrated than anyone I have ever met in my life, but you have also been the one to give me my greatest joys." Jack's eyes stared into her own, the fierceness of his gaze rooting her to the spot.

"It's the little things like getting our kids to school in the morning or shuffling them from place to place like damned cab drivers or simply debating whose turn it is to cook dinner. It's the comfort of having someone at home who understands the ugly truths of a being a cop's wife, but also knows that it's part of who I am. The other part of who I am, Carly, belongs to you; a strong, fierce woman who also has dreams and ambitions of her own but will do anything…and I mean anything…for her family."

Jack raked a hand through his hair and gave her a self-conscious smile.

"Don't you see? When I'm with you, Honey, going to the fanciest restaurant in town or just snuggling on the couch watching a movie is perfection to me. Us, our family together…that's all that I need."

"Jack…" Carly whispered out then stopped not able to get past the tears that were in her throat.

"And then there are the nights, Carly. God, the nights are more than one man can bear to think about." Jack said, his voice dropping low and he began to move toward her with a clear purpose in mind. "There are times when I feel like I might explode with how much I need to see you, to touch you, to taste you on my lips."

Jack was now a breath from Carly, whose body was literally aching at his words. He reached up and wound a hand into her hair, cupping the back of her head as he drew her towards him.

His lips were soft on her cheek, almost feather light, as they trailed down her jaw line. Carly's head tilted back of its own accord, allowing him better access to her neck where he could see her pulse racing as the tension built up in her body. Jack's eyes settled on a water droplet that had somehow been missed by the towel and nestled itself at a dip in her collarbone. He bent down and licked the droplet off, at the same time sliding his other hand into her robe and dancing across her bare stomach. Jack grinned as he felt her entire body tremble in response.

He drew back and lifted his head to meet her gaze. Carly's eyes were heavy lidded with desire and her body hitched with the controlled breaths she was now forcing herself to take. Her face was flushed and her lips were moist and slightly parted. He could see the private war that was raging in her eyes but then, as if a switch was flipped, her gaze cleared and became set with something that caused his own pulse to start racing.

Carly shifted so that her sore wrist was resting on his shoulder and her other hand dropped between their bodies. It was a gentle caress but a blatant one and Jack's eyes widened before narrowing again in desire.

He growled and with one swift movement, Carly found her back pressed up against the bedroom door with her legs wrapped around Jack's waist. His mouth pressed against hers, kissing her as if he depended on her for his life's breath. Carly clung to him, giving back everything that he took tenfold.

Jack whirled around and in a less than graceful move he dropped them both onto the bed. To her credit, it barely broke Carly's stride as she rolled so that she was on her back, allowing him easy access to strip her of her robe. Jack stood and had to remind himself to breathe as he took in the image before him.

Clad only in her black lace underwear, Carly's back was slightly arched and her blonde curls were spread around her head. Her blue eyes were dark with a passion that he knew was for him and him alone. Her kiss swollen lips were parted and as he watched, the tip of her tongue darted out to moisten them. It was a picture that he had conjured up more than once and yet the reality of having her with him again out did any and every fantasy that he had been having since they were apart.

Carly's hands reached up and quickly undid his pants, her hand sliding into the dark material to find the part of him that her entire being currently ached for. Jack hissed out a breath and quickly undressed, so that he was now lying next to her, curling her into his body. Within seconds he had also relieved her of her remaining clothing and then there was nothing between them, not even air.

Jack pulled back slightly to let his hand dip between them and Carly's answering gasp let him know that he had found what he was looking for. She ready for him, evidence that he still affected her the same way he always had. As he caressed the most intimate part of her Carly arched towards him, pressing herself as close to him as she could get.

"Jack," she cried huskily into his ear. Her breath tickled his neck and she felt him twitch against her stomach. A mischievous grin crept onto her face, and despite everything inside of her telling her let him continue the delicious actions on her lower half, she forced herself to pull his hand away from her body.

He looked up at her, confusion on his face but she just smiled at him, before gently pushing him to lie on his back. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, then his mouth, she was momentarily distracted as he reminded her why she could never stop with one goodbye kiss.

Carly carefully straddled Jack's waist and immediately his strong hands gripped her waist, his thumbs playing with the soft skin at her hip bone. He could feel the warmth of her as she settled over him and he looked up at her with hooded eyes, need filling every part of him.

Carly carefully positioned herself and then, with the sigh of a deeply satisfied woman, she made them one. She lay down on his chest, kissing his neck gently as they just relished the feel of what could only be described as coming home. Carly would have been content to stay like that for hours and as she felt Jack kiss the top of her head, she knew he had no complaints. But something else deep inside of her, some primal instinct, began to take over. She found herself beginning to rock back and forth, allowing their bodies to create the most beautiful intimate friction.

The feelings rising inside of her were so strong that she could sense herself quickly losing control, her motions becoming more and more erratic. Jack's hands at her waist tightened and he began to guide her movements, steadying her. She gratefully let him take over and she bit her lip, looking down into the face she had, up until that night, only recently seen in her dreams. He asked a silent question with his eyes and she answered with her own.

Jack held her to him as, in one smooth movement, they changed positions; Carly now on her back with Jack over top of her. Neither of them had to consciously recognize the fact that they were still joined; the transition was as familiar and yet as exciting as the first time they had moved in sync while making love.

Carly's arms wound around his neck, her hands moving to lace themselves in his thick hair. She pulled him towards her, her lips seeking his own. He willingly obliged the request, nibbling at her before succumbing to a deeper kiss. Much in the way that her arms had wound around his neck, her legs now wound around his waist with her ankles crossing just at the small of his back. Using the leverage she had now she pulled his body closer, drawing him deeper to her so that they were now pelvic bone to pelvic bone.

Jack broke the kiss with another soft hiss and he looked at her, quirking his eyebrow.

"Are you trying to kill me?" He panted out, burying his face in her neck as she shifted her legs and repeated the move.

"Of course not. I have plans for you, G-man." Carly said and it was her turn to gasp as he circled his hips to hit just the right spot. Her head fell back, her eyes squeezing shut and her mouth falling open in a gasp. "Oh, God, Jack."

That was all it took for them to stop teasing and begin making love in earnest. Their rhythm increased and soon, Carly found that familiar curl of heat start to pool deep within her body. She tightened her legs around Jack and tried to pull him closer, almost as if she was trying to get him to fuse to her body.

"Jack…please." Carly said, her voice almost a whimper and she tried to put into words what she wanted. She should have known that it wasn't necessary for as soon as she said his name, Jack circled his hips again.

Stars burst from behind her closed eyelids and the heat that had been collecting, spread like wildfire throughout her limbs. Her nails raked down his back, not deep enough to draw blood but enough that it was all it took for him to join her in her ecstasy.

She felt him tense within her and with the last of her strength, she pulled him as deep into her body as he could go, wrapping her legs and arms around him fiercely. His whole body shuddered and then he was perfectly still.

They stayed like that for a long moment but then Carly could tell that he was struggling to hold himself over her. She smiled, gently pulling him down to rest against her body gladly accepting his weight. The familiar sensation of his heart pounding in tune to her own, made her want to weep out of joy.

Minutes later Jack began to pull away, causing Carly to automatically hold him tighter. Jack chuckled low and pressed a kiss to her neck.

"I'll be right back." He said and she reluctantly let him go, feeling decidedly empty in more ways than one as she watched his tight backside slide off of the bed. He grabbed his boxer shorts from the floor and slid into the dark hallway only to return a couple of minutes later with a warm washcloth in his hands.

When everything was said and done, Jack just quietly slipped his boxers off again and lifted the covers of the bed. Pulling Carly to him with his strong arms, he curled around her body, his front to her back, fitting himself to her as if it were second nature.

Carly laid her arms over top his, where they were wrapped around her stomach and held tightly. As Jack covered them up again and turned off the bedside light, he gently kissed her lips and then nuzzled his face into the back of her hair. His eyes were heavy and he felt sleep beginning to claim him. Just before he dropped off he smiled and whispered in her ear the words that he had been dying to say all night.

"I love you, Carly."

Before she could even count to ten in her mind, Carly knew that Jack was completely dead to the world. Yet, even in his slumber, when she turned in his arms Jack moved in sync with her. He adjusted himself so that she was now molded to his side, her head lying on his chest, tucked under his chin.

Carly gently lifted herself up onto an elbow and studied his face, memorizing every detail, every shadow that fell across it. Her fingers reached out to lightly trace the angles of his chin and then over his soft lips, before trailing down his throat to his strong chest where her hand flattened to rest over his heartbeat. She laid her head down on top of her hand and just listened to the reassuring muffled "thump thump".

"I love you too, Jack." Carly whispered in the dark, meaning it with every fiber of her being.

She let out a soft sigh and closed her eyes, warm tears sliding out and splashing onto her hand.

"And that's why I hope that you'll forgive me someday for what I have to do."

Carly allowed sleep to overtake her, knowing that in a few short hours she had to bring both of their worlds to a crashing halt.