Author's Note: I just wanted to take this moment and thank everyone for the amazing reviews; they keep me going. I'm glad you're enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it and I hope you stick with me because there is a lot more to come.
~ Jaclyn

True North
By Jaclyn Parker

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.
~Missy Altijd
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Jack awoke, images of last night running through his mind like a movie on rewind. When the memory of his making love with Carly came into focus he grinned and stretched, like a cat sunning itself. His smile froze as he realized that something was missing. When he opened his eyes, he noticed that he was alone in the master bedroom. Placing his hand next to him on the sheets, he deduced by their coolness that he had been by himself in the bed for some time.

Jack sat up and looking around the room he caught sight of the clock. It was just about eight-thirty and the morning sunlight was filtering in between the still closed shades. It was then that Jack noticed that his clothes had been folded and placed on the end of the bed. The smell of coffee drifted up to him and with a renewed smile, he quickly pulled them on and headed downstairs. Maybe he could convince Carly to come back to bed for a while before the kids came home. Even better yet, to take a joint shower and then come back to bed.

Those thoughts were derailed when he entered the kitchen to find her freshly showered and already dressed for the day. She was standing in front of the sink, looking out the window with a cup of steaming coffee hovering at her lips.

"Good morning, Beautiful." Jack said, sliding up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He bent his head to kiss her neck and smiled against the familiar scent of her skin.

Carly's heart skipped a beat as he held her and she closed her eyes briefly, all the strength she had been gathering since she had woken up threatening to leave her.

When she had opened her eyes that morning, in the arms of the man who she considered the love of her life, Carly had sworn she had never been happier. But it was only moments later that her brain began to overwork itself.

As perfect as these moments were with Jack, the pain that accompanied the inevitable crash landing of their relationship always threatened to tear her apart. She had only just managed to stand on her own two feet since the last time he had rejected her love and she was terrified of losing herself in him again.

Carly had managed to stay strong back in the beginning of October when he talked about getting back together, though Lord only knows how. She didn't even remember half of what she had said to him. If that nurse hadn't come in when she did, Carly wasn't sure if she would have been able to keep the argument up much longer.

Then that day on the farm, weeks later, they had both decided once and for all not to be together. Carly had stood firm again, but the walls of her shower at home had seen her true heartache as she had huddled at the bottom, sobbing for a dream she knew she would never get over having to abandon.

The truth was that Carly had changed after her brain tumor misdiagnosis, despite what people wanted to believe about her. Even the short affair with Holden, hadn't been about the sex as much as it had been about Carly trying to fill a void that she hadn't really even known was there. For years, her life had revolved around three things: her ambition to be successful, her wonderful children, and Jack, her true north.

When she acquired half of Metro it seemed that finally those three things were going to be achieved. Not only did she have full creative license of the bar, she and Jack had gotten closer over the horrible ordeal with Parker's trial, and she was making progress in rebuilding relationships with her children. But one fateful morning in April, after a night of making love with Jack, her world had come crashing down on her one too many times.

Jack had called their coming together a mistake and it was then that Carly realized that while she knew that she had changed, Jack didn't believe she had. Or at least, chose not to believe it. Either way, Carly knew that it was time for her to reclaim who she had been so many years ago; a strong independent woman that wanted the love of a man in her life, but would not be defined by it.

Carly's decision might have been different if she thought that Jack had finally accepted who she was and could love her without conditions. But despite his beautiful words from last night, in the light of morning they were still just that: words.

Sure, some would say that his ending the engagement with Janet was more than a large enough gesture but they didn't know Jack like Carly did. He did not take to change well and deep down she knew that part of this turn of events was due to a fear of the unknown. Carly knew that her heart wasn't strong enough to stand what she considered the most likely scenarios in front of them. Either he would end up resenting her when he was through with this phase of his or he would decided that he really would rather be with Janet and leave her to pick up the pieces of her heart…again

But she knew now that it wasn't just her heart that she had to protect, it was the hearts of their children. The soul-tearing pain that she knew was to come would be little to bear if she could spare her children the same thing if her and Jack hadn't really learned from their past mistakes. After everything, she owed them that much.

And so, somehow, from a place so deep inside of her that she didn't know existed, Carly opened her eyes and managed to pull away from him.

"If you want coffee I just made a fresh pot." Carly said her voice neutral and without even looking at him she could feel his confusion.

"Carly, are you okay?" Jack said, stepping towards her but she just sighed and moved beyond his touch.

"Get your coffee, Jack. We need to talk." Carly said simply and then walked into the living room to prepare for what was coming.

She didn't have to wait long.

"Forget the damn coffee, Carly. What is going on?" Jack demanded following her, the frustration clear in his voice and on his face.

"Jack, last night was…"

"Amazing." Jack finished for her, his eyes dancing.

"A mistake." Carly corrected and she watched his face freeze at her words. Everything inside of her was screaming to take them back immediately but she ignored it. She had to.

There was a time, not so long ago, when Carly would have felt vindication in making him feel the same way that he had made her feel that day in late April. But today, this morning, all Carly felt was numb.

"Carly, what are you talking about?" Jack asked, completely lost.

"Jack, I know that you were in a weird place last night and after everything that happened, I don't blame you. But I meant what I said before. We can't do this." Carly told him, praying he didn't notice her hands trembling as she lifted her coffee to her lips.

"Can't do what?" Jack asked, his mind spinning.

"This. Us." Carly said using one hand to wave in the air to accentuate her words.

"Okay, I know that last night was crazy but that doesn't change the way I feel about you. I love you, Carly." Jack said, moving to step closer to her but stopping when her eyes flashed him a warning.

"Jack, I love you too, but that has never been the problem has it? It's everything else that comes with that love; the hesitations, the mistrust, the fights, the ability to hit where it hurts." Carly said and he shook his head at her words.

"What about the laughter, the children, the incredible way we make love, or having someone there who knows you better than you could ever know yourself?" Jack counteracted each one of those points and looked at her sternly. "Come on, Carly. Stop this. You want to be with me as much as I want to be with you."

"Jack, you just broke off your engagement to another woman less than 12 hours ago! Think about that for a minute, would you?" Carly said, exasperated.

"Trust me, Carly. I know exactly what I did in the last 12 hours. And don't try and act like you aren't happy that I'm not marrying Janet. Ever since we became engaged, you couldn't stand her." Jack said, cocking his head to stare her down.

"Oh God, of course I couldn't stand her, Jack! Since when have I ever been able to stand any of the women you've been with?" Carly scoffed at him, her look clearly marking him an idiot for thinking her dislike landed solely on Janet's feet.

Jack made a face as if to say that statement proved he was right and moved towards her again.

"But that doesn't change my decision about us." Carly's words stopped him in his tracks. "Everything you said last night meant more to me than you'll ever know, but you have to understand, Jack, that we are different people now. You've changed, I've changed. And maybe…we've changed too much."

"Carly, you don't really believe that. I know you don't." Jack said, his eyes running over her face. A smile crept onto his lips and he quirked his eyebrow. "I tell you what. Why don't we put this conversation on pause and go back upstairs where I can show you…"

"Stop it! Just stop it, Jack!" Carly cried loudly, slamming the coffee mug down on the nearby table and throwing her hands up by her face as if about to cover her ears. She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. "There are reasons…God, so many reasons…that this just can't happen."

Jack was quiet for a moment and then frowned.

"Is one of these reasons named Lee Reynolds?"

"What?" Carly's eyes shot open and stared at him in shock. Of all the things she expected him to say, that wasn't even close.

"Lee. You know, the man you met only two and a half weeks ago but whose company you apparently can't get enough of." Jack bit out, all of the pent up jealousy finally being released. Never mind the fact, that after blatantly asking Carly back, he had proposed to Janet in about the same timeframe just last month.

"Jack, what are you…?" Carly said, her mind still trying to play catch up with his leap.

"Do you love him?" Jack asked and she stared at him. Her brain latched onto his question as to what stood out as her escape. At least it did in "Carly-land".

"Yes, I do. Very much." She found herself saying and Jack blinked in genuine surprise at her answer.

"Then last night meant what to you exactly?" Jack asked quietly.

"Last night wasn't about me, Jack." Carly said, just as quietly.

By implying that she had only made love with him out of a mixture of pity and guilt, she knew that with those words she had effectively achieved her goal of pushing him away. In the moments that followed, Carly could literally feel Jack pulling away from her from deep within her soul.

"I should go." Jack said, his voice low and deceptively calm.

"Jack, please, I don't want this to change…" Carly started to say but at the wounded and angry look in his eyes she stopped.

How could this not change everything? Of all their fights, Carly had never deliberately set out to hurt him when he told her he loved her. But this time, in his mind, he had broken his engagement for her and she had just thrown it back in his face. The fact that Carly believed she was doing what she thought was best for everyone was of little or no consequence to him right now. Hopefully in time he would see why she had done it and forgive her.

But today wasn't that day.

Jack opened the front door, grabbing his keys from the desk where he placed them last night.

"Jack, I'm sorry." Carly said, meaning every single syllable.

Jack didn't say anything, didn't even turn around to acknowledge her words. He just stiffened and walked out the door, not even bothering to close it behind him.

Carly moved to shut the door, pressing her forehead against the cool wood. She could feel the tidal wave coming, but knew she had to keep it together for a few minutes more.

Picking up the phone she dialed a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Emma?"

"Carly, is that you?" Emma asked, gripping the phone tighter.

"Listen, Jack's on his way back to the farm right now."

"Okay..." Emma said, not sure why she was getting this phone call. She wasn't surprised that her nephew had gone to Carly. She had known that was his destination the moment he had taken the keys from her last night.

"Emma, please don't let the kids see him. He not…he's not in a good place right now and they shouldn't see him like this." Carly said, her voice catching but she forced herself to keep going.

Emma was silent for a moment as she listened to the other woman on the phone. No one could ever accuse Emma Snyder of being part of "Team Carly" but at that moment, there was something in the younger woman's voice that made the matriarch of the Snyder family want hold her former niece-in-law close to her and never let go.

It almost sounded like defeat.

"Emma?" Carly said, hearing nothing but silence on the line.

"Okay, Carly. Maybe…maybe I'll take them into town and we'll eat breakfast at Al's. Then…do you think that maybe they'll want to see a movie? I'll even have Mattie call that uncle of hers to see if she can come along." Emma said and at Carly's sigh of relief, Emma knew that she had been correct in assuming that both Jack and Carly needed time to collect themselves.

"Thank you, Emma. I just can't…thank you." Carly said and after a quiet goodbye, she hung up the phone.

As Carly replayed the morning in her mind, her chest began to feel tight. Her hand came up to press against her sternum, as if putting pressure on the ache that was growing wildly out of control would stop it from coming all together.

Through the film of tears that were starting to form, she blindly dialed one last number and couldn't help the sob that escaped her when the line was answered.

"I can't…could you come over?" Carly asked and the immediate response had her smile through her tears.

Not more than 15 minutes later, Carly opened the door to find herself face to face with a very concerned Lily.

Taking one look at Carly's expression and watching her struggle to find a breath, everything that Lily had been holding back from her former best friend slid away.

"Carly, what happened?" Lily asked and Carly just shook her head, walking away towards the couch.

"I…I let him go, Lily." Carly said and then it was as if her words truly sunk in. Her eyes widened and she looked over at the other woman standing in her living room. "Oh, God, I love him so much and I let him go."

Everything from the amazing moments last night to the horrifying turn of events this morning came crashing down on her and her stomach rolled.

'I think…" was all Carly managed to get out as she raced towards the downstairs bathroom.

The enormous emotional upheaval was too much and everything in her stomach emptied out into the porcelain bowl.

Images of Jack's face, the love and hope that she had caused to change into pain and anger, ran through her mind. In turn, it brought forth such a strong physical reaction that Carly continued to be sick until finally she was just dry heaving over the toilet.

After a long moment, she became vaguely aware of Lily holding her hair back as she finished and then handing her a mixture of water and mouthwash in a glass.

Dutifully, Carly rinsed out her mouth and placed the glass on the sink counter. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she saw a haunted face looking back. Carly's knees suddenly felt weak and the pain that had been an ache in her chest exploded, causing her to let out a strangled cry as she began to sink to the ground.

Lily didn't hesitate as she wrapped her arms around Carly's waist and lead her back into the living room. Unable to hold her up any longer, she just held the sobbing woman close as she gently lowered them both to sit on the couch. Rocking her as she would one of her children, Lily whispered soothing words into Carly's ear.

After a while, Carly's tears slowed and she seemed to wake from the painful trance she had been in. Sitting up, she realized what she had done and whose arms were hugging her. She looked away in embarrassment, furiously wiping her face.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't know who else to call." Carly said, her voice ragged and hoarse.

Lily grabbed at one of Carly's hands and held it, then used the other hand to hold Carly's chin. She gently, but firmly, applied pressure to turn her face to meet Lily's own gaze. When she spoke there was no judgment, no accusation. There was only concern and a slight hint of fear.

"Enough. Tell me what happened."

Slowly but then gaining speed, Carly recounted the previous night and this morning. She left some intimate details out but gave Lily enough of what happened for her to look at Carly with wide eyes.

"You told him you slept with him out of pity?" Lily asked, this time her voice held a more than a fair amount of disbelief.

"No! Not…in so many words." Carly said, the nausea rising in her again. Lily could see what was happening and shook off her own shock for the moment in order to counteract Carly's.

"Okay, what about the whole thing with Lee. Did you mean it? Do you love him?" Lily asked and Carly frowned.

"Yes, but…"

"So Jack was right? Lee is the real reason you turned him down."

"No," Carly said, shaking her head emphatically. "I love Lee, but he is definitely not a threat to Jack. Believe me."

"Why?" Lily asked, then bit the bullet and voiced the question that she had been wondering for a while now. "Is he gay?"

Carly looked at Lily, her eyes wide in shock and then burst out laughing. Waves of hysteria rolled over her and Lily started to panic until Carly finally quieted down, wiping renewed tears from her cheeks.

"No, he's not gay. Although things would certainly be easier if he was." Carly said, letting out a leftover chuckle. "I never had a brother but that's the best way I could describe my relationship with Lee."

"Okay, then what's the problem?"

"What isn't the problem, Lily?" Carly sighed and pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, trying to stop the sting of tears again. "In case you completely forgot where you were last night, the man just broke off his engagement to Janet! Jack is running scared and all he did was end up in the one place that was familiar to him. I won't be a rebound fling. Not with him."

"Carly, I know you and I know damn well that you don't believe a word you just said to me. The timing was lousy, I'll give him that, but I think it's been coming a long time now. He loves you and you love him!" Lily frowned as Carly just shook her head like a stubborn child.

Finally Lily couldn't take it anymore and pulled Carly's hands down from her face. Meeting her friend's troubled blue gaze, Lily narrowed her eyes.

"Last night, Jack knew exactly where he was going when he left the farm. He knew exactly who he was headed towards and he knew exactly what he wanted to say when he got here." Lily said firmly and when Carly bit her lip, she leaned forward to make sure Carly heard her clearly.

"So tell me the truth, Carly. When you know all of that…which one, you or Jack, is the one who's running scared?"