"Daddy?"
A little girl with light brown skin and honey colored curls held her arms out to him.
"Hold me, Daddy?"
Sam jerked awake and looked around wildly, the voice was so clear in his head he was halfway expecting to see a little girl in the room with her arms outstretched. Once he realized that it was nothing more than a dream and there was no little girl his labored breathing slowed down. He fell back against the pillows and rubbed his hand over his face. Even though he knew logically it was a dream it didn't stop his heart from beating rapidly in his chest. It wasn't from fear, it was from something else that he was afraid to name. He blamed his earlier conversation with Mercedes for the new twist his dreams had taken. The only other time he had imagined being a father was when he was about to marry Quinn but that idea died with the reveal of her infidelity. Marriage, babies, family...he all associated that with Quinn and when their would-be union imploded all of his dreams of that type of future went with it. For years he was content to be a bachelor and he never thought he would want to change that but now he wasn't so sure he wanted that future anymore.
He rolled over and watched Mercedes sleep peacefully beside him. She was changing him slowly but surely and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. When he realized that they didn't use a condom his first reaction was to freak out because what he told her was true he NEVER forgot the condom. He had never, ever been so into any woman ever that he forgot to wrap it up.
Until her.
There was something about her that had him breaking all the rules and imagining futures that he thought were dead to him. When he told her that he didn't want babies that was the truth. That had been his truth for so long he didn't remember anything else. But now as he lay beside her and listened to her even breathing he realized that 'his truth' may not be so true after all. He wasn't ready to build a nursery in his penthouse anytime soon but the idea of babies wasn't the terrifying prospect that it had been only a few short hours ago.
Sam rubbed his hand over his face again before lifting his head slightly to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand on Mercedes' side of the bed. It read 8:52 and even though Sam made it a point never to get out of bed before 10 on normal Saturday he was going to make an exception today because he was starving. He crept out bed as quietly as he could before tip-toeing to the restroom. He handled his business quickly before washing his hands and heading to the kitchen. Once there he said a quick prayer that Mercedes would have a larger selection of food than she did last time before opening the refrigerator. His prayers were answered when he saw that she had a refrigerator that while not stocked still looked a lot better than the barren wasteland that it had been on his last visit. He surveyed what he had in front of him and he quickly deduced that he had enough ingredients to make a pretty decent omelet.
He was halfway finished with the first one when he heard Mercedes' soft footsteps padding lightly towards the kitchen. Although his plan to surprise her with breakfast in bed was thwarted yet again he still put a big smile on his face to greet her.
"Good morning Merce..." Sam's voice trailed off in confusion as he took in Mercedes standing in the doorway of the kitchen fully dressed with her purse on her shoulder.
"Hey Sam." She said quietly but she wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Are you going somewhere?" He asked even though it was obvious that she was. "I was making omelets for breakfast." He finished lamely.
"Thank you," she said, still not meeting his eyes, "it smells really good and I would love to try some but there is something I have to take care of first."
"Oh...okay, well do you want me to take you?"
"NO!" She yelled, unnaturally loud, "I don't need for you to take me at all. I just have to run and get something, I won't be gone long. You can stay if you like and finish breakfast."
Sam eyed her suspiciously because even though Mercedes was clearly talking to him she refused to make eye contact with him. If this had been the first time they had slept together he may have been worried but he didn't see any reason why she should have morning after jitters. The only thing he could think of was that the condom scare freaked her out more than she admitted.
"Are you okay? I know we talked about being clean and everything last night but if you need me to be checked again for your peace of mind, I promise you it's not problem."
"What?" She looked at him dazedly, "tested?"
"Yeah...STDs, do you not remember talking about that last night?"
"Oh!" She yelled unnaturally loud again, "Oh, no...I wasn't even...I'm not worried about that." She shook her head slightly and shot a smile in his direction without making eye contact.
"Well, if it's not that then what it is?" Sam said harsher than he intended, he didn't want to push but it was clear that something was bothering her and he was almost positive that it had something to do with him.
"It's nothing, I just need to take care of something. I feel better once it's all taken care of, okay? It's not you I promise...it's me." Mercedes made an obvious effort to make eye contact with Sam which only made him more suspicious. One of the things he admired most about Mercedes was how she never backed down from meeting him eye to eye so to see her now having to make an effort to make minimal eye contact had him really worried.
Although Sam had several questions about Mercedes demeanor he knew he wasn't getting any answers while she was so fixated on taking care of 'something'. He hoped she would be in a better state of mind when she returned because this vacant shell that she was presently was slightly disconcerting.
Sam reached forward and grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him slightly and he tried to ignore the slight jerk she gave at his initial touch. He leaned forward and placed a soft whisper of a kiss against her lips. He watched as her eyes fluttered closed before he leaned again and pressed his lips more firmly against hers. She stood stiff for just a second before melting into the kiss. He slid his tongue against the seam of her lips and she opened them just enough to allow him entry. He turned his head to the right and brought his hand up to cup her cheek as he deepened the kiss. Their tongues dueled for dominance before finally Sam retreated from the warm suction of her mouth and stepped away completely.
Their breathing came out harshly as Sam's eyes raked over Mercedes body and he fought the urge to grab her again.
"Hurry back." He said roughly.
Mercedes looked as if she wanted to say something but she nodded jerkily instead before grabbing her keys off the kitchen table and rushing out the door. Once she was out Sam braced himself against the kitchen counter and tried to force himself to calm down. All he wanted was a kiss. He just wanted her to be present in the moment for just a second instead of avoiding contact with him. But now he was stuck with a hard-on that he didn't want to get rid of on his own and no guarantee that Mercedes would want to have anything to do with him when she got back.
Sam sighed as he looked at the congealed omelet still lying in the now cold pan. He flung the offending mess in the trash and focused on getting the ingredients for another one put together so that he could get it started when Mercedes came back.
About half an hour later Sam heard a key jangling in a lock. He almost called out a greeting but a bagel to the face taught him better to just assume so he headed towards the living room to make sure it was actually Mercedes. Thankfully it was her and Sam studied her demeanor as she made her way back inside. She tossed her keys into a bowl on the coffee table as she juggled a couple of cups of coffee in her hand. Sam reached forward to help her with them and she sent him a small smile of gratitude. Sam's heart lifted to see that she was making eye contact with him again but he still noticed that she seemed a bit...off. Not as frantic as she had been before but now more subdued, almost somber.
"Is everything okay now?"
Her eyes widened at his question and she gave him a quick nod. "It isn't yet but it will be," she said cryptically but somehow also sadly.
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah, actually I'm starving."
Sam studied Mercedes' drawn face for a second longer before leaning forward and giving her a big smacking wet kiss. She giggled at the unexpected gesture and Sam smiled in return. Even though it hadn't been long at all it still felt as if it had been forever since her heard Mercedes laugh.
"Come on, I'm about to make you the worlds' greatest omelet ever."
"Ever?" Mercedes asked dubiously.
"Ever." Sam stated matter-of-factly. "I promise you babe, you haven't had anything better than mine."
"Mmmm-hmmmm," Mercedes laughed, "we'll see about that."
Forty-five minutes later Sam and Mercedes rubbed their full stomachs and they lounged on the couch in each other's arms.
"Admit it." Sam demanded.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Mercedes countered.
"Admit that I made the best omelet ever."
"I don't even see how I could do that honestly when I haven't tasted every other omelet in the world."
"Admit it!"
"So, you want me to lie?"
"What?" Sam asked incredulously. He grabbed Mercedes and quickly flipped her so that she was under him on the couch. He began tickling her sides as she screamed with laughter and tried to buck him off.
"Admit it!"
"Never!" She screamed back in between fits of laughter. Finally Sam grabbed her arms and forced them over her head and effectively pinned her to the couch.
"Admit it." He whispered against her lips.
"Nope." She whispered back.
"Admit it..." He murmured against her ear before sliding his tongue down her neck and whispering it again. Mercedes began to squirm under him but Sam refused to let up until she admitted it. He ran his nose down her cleavage before skating his teeth across her covered nipples.
"Sam..." She hissed out through clenched teeth.
"Hmmm, what was that?" He asked playfully, "Was that you admitting that I made the best omelet ever?"
Mercedes glared at him but she stubbornly refused to answer. Sam shrugged his shoulder before focusing his attention on the other breast. Mercedes continued to writhe underneath him but she still refused to utter the magic words. He kept his touch light and teasing which was just enough to get her hot and bothered but not enough to give her any fulfillment.
Finally after about the tenth rake of Sam's teeth against Mercedes right breast she clearly had taken all she could stand.
"Alright! Shit! You made the best omelet ever! Happy?" She screamed.
"Yep," he growled right before he slammed his lips into hers.
Once he released her hands it seemed that there were hands and tongues everywhere. The air around them cackled with electricity as they kissed and stroked and rubbed every inch that they could on each other. Sam was in the process of shimmying Mercedes' shirt from her body when he heard the phone ring.
"Fuck it. Whoever that is can leave a message or call the hell back." He growled into Mercedes ear and she mewled in response.
The phone rang a few more times before he heard, "Hi, you've reached Mercedes. Sorry I missed you but if you leave your name, number, and brief message I'll get back to you as soon as I can!"
"Mercedes? Hi, this is Will…Will Scheuster…Emma's husband. I just wanted to call and let you know that Emma is in the hospital and she's having the baby! She's been in labor all night but she said that she didn't want to bother you until it was almost time. Well, it's time! She's about to start pushing and the doctor said he or she will be here real soon. If you could come by the hospital I know Emma would really love it…so, I hope you get this message in time. Hope to see you soon!"
Sam and Mercedes both stared at the machine for a moment in disbelief before suddenly becoming a simultaneous flurry of motion.
"Oh my God! Where are my shoes?" Mercedes looked around frantically. Sam grabbed the shoes that were right under her nose and handed them to her. She quickly slipped them on before looking around again.
"Where are my keys?"
Sam grabbed them out of the bowl on the coffee table and jangled them in her face.
"Oh…where are my—"
"Calm down, Mercedes." Sam grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. "You have everything you need right in front of you. Give me a second to get dressed and we can be on our way, okay?"
Mercedes closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then when she opened them the frantic look was gone from her eyes.
"Okay."
An hour later Sam and Mercedes skidded to a stop in front of the front desk of the maternity ward with a huge teddy bear in Sam's hands. A bored looking nurse eyed them speculatively before asking them somewhat kindly what they needed.
"Uh yes, a friend of ours is having or has already had a baby." Sam explained quickly.
The nurse's bored look turned slightly annoyed after hearing Sam's obvious yet uniformed question.
"Who's the patient?"
Sam's cheeks pinkened in embarrassment, "sorry, the patient is Emma Pillsbury."
"She's in roo—"
"Mercedes!"
Sam and Mercedes turned to see a smiling Will Scheuster headed their way.
"I'm so glad you two could make it…together." Will said looking at the both of them curiously.
"Uh…yeah…"Mercedes stuttered, "after I got your call I thought…I should let…I told Sam…and you know…"
"Congratulations!" Sam said brightly taking the attention off of a flushed Mercedes. He grabbed Will's hand and gave it a hearty shake. "So what was it? A boy or a girl?"
"It's a little boy, his name is Liam." The smile on Will's face grew impossibly ten shades brighter as he beamed about his brand new bundle of joy. "He was 7 pounds even and 20 inches long. He's got Emma's eyes and hair and my mouth and nose."
"Awww…" Mercedes visibly melted at the description while Sam on the other hand rudely mused over how that combination was going to come out. He only hoped the kid didn't inherit his dad's hair texture because a red afro never looked good on anybody—ask Carrot Top.
"When can we see him?" Mercedes asked excitedly.
"Very soon, the nurses took him to clean him up and everything but they should be back by now. Regardless I was given strict instructions to bring you in the second you got here. Emma can't wait to see you."
Mercedes smiled brightly at his words and followed behind him but she stopped short when she realized that Sam wasn't behind him.
"Are you coming?"
Sam glanced around the hospital corridor nervously, "uh, maybe I should just stay out here or go sit in the car or something…"
"Sam, what's wrong with you? Are you nervous about seeing the baby?"
"No!" he practically shouted but he quickly brought the volume down when he realized how loud he sounded. "No…it's just that Emma wants to see you, not me."
"Ugh, Sam you know that's not true. She probably didn't think to call you because she probably assumed that you wouldn't want to come. I'm sure she would love to see you, so come on."
Mercedes grabbed Sam by the hand and dragged him towards Will who was patiently waiting for them to follow. After walking by several door adorned with decorations proclaiming, "It's a Girl!" or "Congrats on Your Baby Boy!" They finally reached a door that had a huge picture of a stork holding a blue bundle it its beak. Will pushed the door open and the first thing Sam saw was Emma lounging peacefully on her bed and beaming down at her baby boy.
Mercedes let out and audible gasp and squeaked out, "he's so adorable."
Sam shot her a dubious look because it was impossible to see what the kid looked like from where they were standing in the doorway. He gently pushed her forward and he watched as her hand started fanning rapidly in her face. Once Emma heard them approaching she looked up and Mercedes and beamed.
"Thank you so much for coming, I'm so glad you could mak—oh, hi Sam." Emma shot Will a confused look but he just sent her a slight shrug back. Mercedes saw the confused look on Emma's face at Sam's surprise arrival and she apparently felt the need to stutter out another explanation.
"I hope you don't mind that I brought him Emma. It's just that…well, when I got your call…it's just that…well…I—"
"Congratulations Emma!" Sam said brightly, nudging Mercedes lightly in the back to get her to stop rambling. "I'm really happy for you guys, I hope you don't mind me showing up."
"No, it's fine! In fact, I'm so happy you're here. I was going to call you once we got home, I figured you wouldn't want to come back to a hospital after…well, I'm just glad you came."
Sam shot her grateful smile for not bringing up the reason that he didn't like hospitals. He hadn't stepped foot in one since his Dad had died and that was a memory he rather not think about at the moment.
"Would you like to hold him?" Emma asked as she held out the baby towards them.
"Oh, I'd love to—"
"No, I don't think that's a good idea—"
Sam and Mercedes both glanced at each other after they gave their answers. Emma gave a little nervous laugh and said, "I figured you wouldn't want to hold him, Sam, its okay I'm not going to force you."
"No, it's not that I don't want to, it's just that I don't think…" He trailed off uncertainly. Truth be told he really didn't want to hold the baby but he didn't think it would be nice to say that.
Mercedes rolled her eyes at him before turning to Emma and saying again that she would love to hold him. She quickly went into the bathroom and washed her hands before coming back in the room and holding her hands out eagerly for the baby. As soon as she had him in her arms tears started to well up in her eyes.
"He's so precious," she whispered, "I can't get over how tiny he is."
Mercedes made her way to the couch next to Emma's bed and she sat down gently with the baby. She looked up at Sam and slightly inclined her head indicating that she wanted him to sit next to her. He considered telling her no but for some reason he felt compelled to be near her at that moment. Seeing her with that baby was breath-taking. Sam was literally having trouble catching his breath as he watched her slightly rock the tiny baby back and forth. He sat down next to her as gently as possible and he finally got a good look at the baby. He was tiny and scrunched up looking and red and he shouldn't have been considered cute in any way but yet and still he was. Sam ran his fingertip over the tiny tuft of red hair that was peeking out from Liam's little beanie.
"Do you want to hold him?" Mercedes asked softly.
"I don't think I would be good at it."
"You'll be fine," she whispered back.
She told him how to place his hands so that he could cradle the baby and once he did it correctly she laid the baby gently into his arms. Liam's weight was hardly registered to Sam. He stared down at the little boy's red sleeping face in wonder. He didn't like kids, he really, really didn't but it was so hard to remember why in that moment. He turned slightly to see Mercedes watching him with wet eyes.
"What?" He asked gently, nudging her playfully.
"You are doing really good with him."
"Why? Because I haven't dropped him like a hot potato?"
"Ha, ha. No. I'm just really surprised by you."
"In a bad way?"
"No, in a really good way."
"Why?"
"I thought you were Mr. Anti-baby so seeing you like this…it's nice, that's all."
"To be honest," he whispered conspiratorially, "I'm a little surprised by myself too, I didn't think I would like this but it's not so bad."
Mercedes smiled softly and leaned forward and gave him a kiss. They were broke apart by the loud throat clearing noise in the background. Will was watching them with a wide smile while Emma patted at the tears streaming down her face.
"So Mercedes," Will started, "do you want to explain again how you and Sam ended up here together?"
Two hours later Sam and Mercedes finally exited Emma's room amid a flurry of kisses and hugs and knowing glances shot in their direction by Emma and Will.
"So do you think they know?" Sam asked sarcastically as they walked by the same perturbed looking nurse at the nurse's station.
"Very funny," Mercedes said drily, "I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I blame the baby."
"It can't possibly be that you were just overcome by the hot guy holding the cute baby?"
"Nope…it was definitely just the baby." Mercedes shot him a quick wink and Sam breathed an internal sigh of relief. Whatever funk she had been in earlier seemed to have disappeared and she was back to her normal self again. Unfortunately for Sam though, Mercedes' good mood dissipated with every mile they passed and by the time they got back to her apartment she seemed more sullen than she did first thing that morning.
"Do you want to grab a bite to eat?"
"No, I'm not hungry." She muttered softly as she gazed out the window. Sam tried to keep his irritation at bay but not knowing what was bothering Mercedes was driving him crazy.
Once they got back to her apartment she turned to him and said good-bye and all but leapt out of the car and ran up the stairs to her apartment. Sam was so stunned and confused by the sudden turn of events that he didn't even register that she was gone until she was halfway up the stairs. Sam angrily snatched his keys out of the ignition and bounded up the stairs behind her and he was just fast enough to wedge his foot in the door before she could shut it behind her.
"Sam? What the—?"
"What the fuck is going on with you?" Sam yelled, he was frustrated as hell and Mercedes literally running from him was the straw that broke the camel's back.
"Don't yell at me," she murmured dangerously, "I want to be alone and this isn't your house. Get out."
"No." He replied stubbornly, "Not until you tell me what the hell is going on with you. Something's been off with you since this morning and I want to know what it is. I want to help you make it better, so please, just tell me."
At Sam's soft plea Mercedes' fierce expression crumpled.
"You're going to hate me…" She cried, "And I won't blame you at all."
"I could never hate you Mercedes," Sam said soothingly even though he was terrified at what her answer may be, "whatever it is we can get through it."
"I lied." Mercedes said simply as she wiped a few wayward tears from her eyes.
"You…you lied? About what?" As he waited for the answer different scenario and different scenario ran through his head and they were all more terrible than the last.
"The birth control, I lied about the birth control."
Sam gave her a confused look, "so what, you're not on it or…"
"I am on it but I haven't taken it the last few days so…"She let the implications hang in the silence.
"So, you could be pregnant?"
"There's a chance, yeah."
"Oh." Sam said quietly. "Okay…so, what do we take a test or go to the doctor or what?"
"We don't have to do any of that." Mercedes reached into purse and pulled out a small white paper bag with a pharmacy logo on it.
"What is that?"
"It's Plan B."
Sam noticed how the bag trembled slightly in Mercedes shaking hand but when he looked at her face it was clear that she was resolute in her decision.
"That's what you got this morning?" Sam asked even though he already knew the answer.
"Yes." She said quietly without meeting his eyes.
"Why?"
"Why?" She asked incredulously, "because we had unprotected sex and because my birth control may no longer be effective. If I don't take this pill now then there's a real good chance that nine months from now we could have a kid."
"Would that be such a bad thing?" Sam asked softly before he could stop himself.
Mercedes looked at him as if he had grown two head before bursting into laughter.
"Are you serious? You hated babies yesterday and never wanted to have one but now all of a sudden it might not be such a bad thing? This isn't a joke Sam!"
"Did I say it was? You've apparently had all night to wrap your head around this, can't I have a few minutes?" He asked, barely holding on to his anger.
"There's nothing to wrap your head around. I'm taking this pill and our…issue won't be an issue any longer."
"So that's it, if we're meant to have a kid, oh well fuck it, because I've got this little pill?"
"Meant to have a kid? Are you insane? We fucked up! You forgot the condom and I forgot the pills. This was nothing but one big massive fuck up."
"Then why haven't you taken the pill yet?"
Mercedes ranting and raving was brought up short by Sam's words and she looked as if she were searching for something to say so Sam pounced.
"If you were so sure that this was all one big fuck-up then why didn't you take care of it in the parking lot of the pharmacy? Why have you been carrying around that little pill all day long when you could've taken it a hundred times? Why even tell me about it? Plan B is nothing but an emergency birth control pill so technically speaking if you take it then you're not really lying about being covered by birth control, now are you? Why have you been clearly agonizing over this all day if it were nothing but a fuck-up?"
"Shut up, Sam."
"No. I want you to look me in the face right now and tell me that this is what you want to do."
"What I want isn't important. I have to think about what the right thing to do is. What the responsible thing is. I can't afford to make life-changing decision solely on what I want to do."
"Why not?"
"This is ridiculous. I'm not going to go around and around with you on this, my mind is made up. I'm taking the pill."
"Ok, fine." Sam stalked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and brought it back to her and thrust it into her hands. "Here you go, if you want to take care of our little issue then by all means let me help you."
Mercedes reached into the bag and pulled out a green box and lifted the flap and the both stared down and the single tiny pill.
"This is the right thing to do…this is the responsible thing to do…" Mercedes repeated over and over again.
As Sam watched Mercedes repeat her mantra over and over again he felt the anger drain out of his body. He pressed his forehead against hers and reached between them and popped the pill out and placed it on her hand.
"Whatever you choose to do, I'll support you." The words felt heavy and they hurt coming out but he knew they were true. He played his hand and he lost. He tried to get her to consider another path but she didn't want to so it was time for him to leave it alone. Ultimately it was her body and he would never force her to do something with her body that she didn't want to.
Mercedes stared at the pill for a few seconds later before crying out, "This is stupid! It's just birth control! I take it all the time and never blink an eye so taking this pill is going to be exactly like taking the normal pills."
"Okay." Sam said noncommittally.
"I mean," she rambled on, "there may not even be a baby and all of this worry and anguish will be for nothing. I could be taking this pill for nothing, what's a few missed days, right?"
"Right…"
"It's the smart thing to do, you know? It's just me covering all the bases. It's just me making sure I'm not bringing an unwanted burden into the world."
Mercedes comment made Sam snap to attention. He had been trying to be supportive but he couldn't agree with that statement that she made. Frankly, he couldn't believe that she said it. If their possible, would-be child was nothing more than an unwanted burden to her then he wanted to know why.
"Unwanted burden? I can't….I can't believe that's how you would see our baby."
The absent glazed over look that had descended over Mercedes the second she laid eyes on that pill evaporated within an instant as her eyes flashed with fire.
"Excuse me?"
"An unwanted burden, you just said you didn't want to bring an unwanted burden into the world."
"I'm aware of what I said, why do you think I was referring to myself? I haven't been the one that has been going around and letting everyone and their mama know how much I don't ever want children."
"I know but sometimes people change—"
"Since last night?" Mercedes asked in disbelief, "When I told you that I was covered on the pills the first thing—the FIRST THING that came out of your mouth was how you didn't want to have children. Remember that thousand pound weight that was lifted off of your chest? Well I do, because it's been sitting on mine ever since."
"Mercedes, I…"
"It's fine Sam, if you don't want kids then you don't want them. At least you're honest enough to admit that and you aren't one of those people that has a kid and then resents them for the rest of their life."
Sam buried his face in his hands and wondered briefly how his words could come and bite him in the ass so magnificently. It was amazing how a few carelessly thrown out words could so totally alter someone's future—or the creation of someone else's.
"If I hadn't said all of that stuff would you still be getting ready to take that pill?"
"Don't do this…please."
"No! I'm not going to push you into a decision but I think I deserve an answer. If I was someone else and I never said those things would you be getting ready to take that pill?"
"If you were someone else I would have already taken it." She said brokenly.
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I'm smarter than this. It means that I know better. If it were anyone else I would have already made a rational, responsible decision hours ago and been done with it. But when it comes to you… well, needless to say rational flew out the window a long time ago." She shrugged helplessly.
"So what do you want? Without factoring me into the equation, what do you want?"
"I don't want to play this game with you," Mercedes said with a stubborn set to her jaw, "it's pointless and I can't afford to go there right now."
"Why not?"
"Because this isn't a question about whether or not I want frozen yogurt or ice cream this is about a child! A human being! Playing the 'what do you want' game is selfish and stupid, and I refuse to do it."
"Why?"
"BECAUSE what I want and what's best for a baby is not the same thing."
"Why?" He persisted.
"Ugh!" She screamed out in frustration, "Because I want you."
"And you think I wouldn't be good for a baby?" Sam tried to keep the hurt out of his voice but hearing that Mercedes say he wouldn't be good for their child stung more than he wanted to admit.
Mercedes seemed taken aback by his question but she still answered, "Honestly? No."
Sam sucked in a deep breath at her words, "Wow…I didn't realize you had such a low opinion of me."
"Now, wait a minute that's not fair. I don't have a low opinion of you…it's just an honest one."
"How can you stand there and say that you don't have a low opinion of someone that you don't think would be good for a child?"
"YOU DON'T WANT ONE!" She screamed. "I would say the same exact thing about a person that hates dogs but still has one anyway."
"A dog and a person aren't the same thing."
"Obviously Sam," Mercedes snapped, "it's a hell of a huge difference between an unwanted puppy and an unwanted child."
"So, you've got me all figured out, huh?"
"Well, it's not like you've given me any reason to think differently." She sighed, "Look, I don't want to fight with you, okay? It just is what it is."
"No, it's not. You say you want me, but for how long? If you really think that I'm so horrible with kids are you going to stay with someone like that for the rest of your life?"
"I never said you were horrible with kids—"
"Answer the question! You say you want me but for how long?"
"Sam, do we really have to do this right now?"
"Why won't you just answer the damn question?"
"Because I don't know!"
"Then what the hell are we doing?" Sam looked at her accusingly. "If you want something for your future that you apparently think I'll never be on board for then why are you wasting your time on me? I know the sex is good but is it really worth sticking around in a dead end relationship for?"
"What relationship?" Mercedes finally snapped. "What relationship do we have? Sure we had a good talk last night but let's not forget that up until a few days ago you weren't even speaking to me. We haven't been on a date, and the only people that know about us 'being together' found out on accident. We're not a couple. We're just two people who for some fucked reason can't stay away from each other."
"So what you're saying is that this thing between us is good for nothing more than a good fuck."
"Don't be crude Sam."
"I'm not being crude, I'm being honest. Isn't that what we're doing here? You can't stay away from me and I sure as hell can't stay away from you but aside from a few good rolls in the hay you think we have no other use for each other."
"Am I wrong?"
"About what you want? I can't say, but you are wrong about what I want."
"And what is that exactly?"
"I want a chance. Just a chance."
"A chance to do what?" She asked dubiously.
"A chance to show you that I want more. I know that I've been a complete ass ever since the moment you laid eyes on me but there's more to me than that."
"I know that Sam, I don't think—"
"Let me finish," he asked gently, "I wish I had met you years ago, I wish you could have known me before Quinn."
Mercedes eyes narrowed a little at the mention of Quinn's name but to her credit she didn't say anything.
"Back then the idea of a marriage and babies made me happy. I couldn't wait to have the house in the suburbs with the huge backyard for my kids to play in. I wanted it and I couldn't wait for it to happen but then after finding out what Quinn did it just killed that dream in one fell swoop."
"What Quinn did was so fucked up, but not all women are like her."
"I know, but I was young and stupid and my pride was hurt. Instead of dealing with why I felt so hurt I focused all of my energy on hating Quinn for what she had done. I was mad at her for humiliating me at the altar but it took me years to figure out that's wasn't really why I was bitter. She ruined the idea of marriage and babies for me. She strolled in on our wedding day knocked up with some other man's kid and humiliated me in front of my friends and family. And ever since then I've associated marriage and children with that feeling and that feeling wasn't anything I wanted in my life ever again."
"Sam, I'm so sorry."
"It's fine. It's in the past, where it should be, and I don't want it ruling my life any longer."
"So, what are you saying?" Mercedes asked softly.
Sam tugged on her hands and led her to the couch and sat down. He took a deep breath and prayed that the words came out right, "I'm saying that I want more with you. That for whatever fucked up reason we have something and I think it can be something great. I just…I don't want to miss out on something amazing because I'm hung up on something hurtful my ex did in the past. I don't know what the future will bring for us but I want you to know that I'm open to the idea of marriage and babies…one day."
Sam reached forward and wiped at the tears that were falling down Mercedes face, "please don't cry, I didn't mean to upset you."
"You didn't," she choked out, "I just didn't expect that."
"Sorry," he murmured sheepishly.
"Don't be, I'm glad you said it."
"Well, what about you?"
"What about me?
"What do you feel?"
"Terrified."
"Why?" Sam asked slightly scared to hear her answer.
"Before I was only a little scared that I would lose my heart to you but now I know I have and it scares the shit out of me. I didn't want to fall in love with you, I told myself over and over what a bad idea it was and yet here I am."
"You're in love with me?" Sam asked as he tried to keep the huge smile off of his face. This wasn't the first time someone had told him that they loved him but it was the first time he had felt the need to break out into a dance when he heard it.
"Yes, but I'm not happy about, you're not a part of my plan." She said teasingly.
"Your plan?"
"Yes, I have a 5-year plan and you are not a part of it."
"Well, I guess it's on to plan B then…"
"Clever, Sam…really clever." Mercedes gave a dry laugh but her smile didn't reach her eyes as she stared at the pill in her hand.
"What do you think I should do?"
"It's your choice."
"I know that but I still want your opinion."
"I didn't really want you to earlier but now I think you should take it, and I think you feel the same way."
She gave a slight nod as her eyes filled up with tears again.
"I'm being so stupid about this!" She said loudly as she swiped at her tears. "It's just a stupid pill."
"It's more than that and you know it. Just accept it for what it is and stop trying to downplay it. There's a chance that if you don't take the pill that you could become pregnant but if you do then you can prevent it."
"Yeah, and if I take this and it does prevent a pregnancy then it means that I actively did something to stop our baby from existing."
"You can't look at it that way."
"Why not, it's the truth?"
"Every time I put on a condom I'm actively preventing a pregnancy just like you do when you take your pills every day."
"I know but this just feels different. This feels like I'm ending something instead of just preventing it."
"Babe, you don't have to take it, but I think you'll regret if you don't."
"I just…I keep seeing this little face in my head and…" Sam pulled Mercedes into his arms and let her cry into his chest.
"Shhhh...I'm right here," he murmured softly into her hair as she cried.
Finally after the last of her tears were dried she leaned away from and reached for the bottle of water that she had laid on the coffee table earlier.
"I don't want to take this," she said huskily, "but I know I have to. No matter what we feel about each other right now, neither one of us is ready for a baby and we won't be for a long time. If it's meant for us to be together and to have kids then we will…one day."
He nodded in agreement and watched with sad eyes as she placed the pill in her mouth and took a quick swig of water. He knew she was making the right decision but that didn't make it hurt any less. Once Mercedes got the pill past her tear swollen throat she leaned back against him.
Sam didn't know what the future would bring for them but he did know what he felt in that moment and even though the words felt foreign in his mouth he needed to say them and he knew that she needed to hear them.
"Mercedes, I love you."