Author's Note: Happy beginning of the holidays!! Please enjoy and definitely review...it can be my holiday present! LOL ;-)
True North
By Jaclyn Parker
"Being with you is like walking on a very clear morning -- definitely the sensation of belonging there."
-Unknown
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"Okay, a little to the left."
"No, back more, closer to the fireplace."
"Hm, that's probably not a smart idea. Why don't we put it closer to the window?"
"But then we can't get around the back for the ornaments."
"Oh, that's true. Well, what about moving it about half a foot to the right?"
Suddenly there was yelp and then a mild crash as a body hit the large picture window by the front door.
"Enough! You know what? I think the tree looks awesome right here." Paul's muffled voice came from behind the giant towering evergreen. Jack and Holden quickly agreed, while Parker and J.J. just let out huge sighs of relief. All of the males finally let go of the 8 foot tree and stepped back.
Lily, Meg, and Emma finally paused in their three-way argument, looking at them with similar dismayed expressions. They exchanged glances and then all three frowned, before talking at once.
"Yeah, but…" Lily started.
"Maybe just…" Emma chimed in.
"It's only a little bit…" Meg piped up.
The women were interrupted as all five men groaned in unison. Then, with exaggerated motions, Holden and Paul dropped to the floor; J.J. and Parker flopped down on the sofa; and Jack turned to lightly bang his head on the front door. Emma, Lily, and Meg just stared at them before bursting out laughing.
The sound of a car honking and doors slamming startled everyone.
"The girls are back." Meg said, turning to look towards the kitchen.
"I still say that dance studio was crazy to have a holiday party on Christmas Eve." Emma muttered, crossing her arms. Lily smiled and propped an arm around Emma's shoulders.
"Oh Mom, technically it's only Christmas Eve afternoon. Plus, it got them out of the way so the guys could…"
"You cut down the tree!" Faith's voice interrupted from the doorway and she, Natalie, and Sage rushed into the room. They all dropped their coats on the floor as they ran over to examine the tall pine, branch by branch.
"Faith, Natalie, and Sage Snyder!" Emma's voice made the three cousins freeze and turn simultaneously to look at her with wide eyes. But all Emma did was point to the pile of coats on the floor and clear her throat once.
As the girls scrambled to pick up their discarded coats they apologized profusely to Emma. Hiding amused smiles Meg, Jack, and Holden looked at one another. They had snapped into duty with that tone more than once in their lives.
Emma smiled as the girls filed back into the room from the coat closet and clapped her hands together.
"All right, let's see now. The boxes of decorations are over there," Emma said pointing to four enormous cardboard boxes in the corner of the room. "The tree is here and in position…for now. The gingerbread dough is almost done rising as we speak and the apple cider is being warmed. I think I hear Ethan waking up from his nap so I guess that means the official Snyder Christmas Eve Decorating Party can begin!"
"Yes!" The younger girls cried and everyone laughed at their exuberance. Even Parker and J.J. had apparently shaken off their exhaustion from the tree expedition and were now grinning.
"What should we start with first?" Holden teased, his eyes twinkling very much like his mother's.
All five kids looked at him like he had lost his mind and, as if rehearsed, said together, "Decorating!"
Emma doled out jobs in the sufficient manner of hers and within ten minutes, Christmas music was playing loudly in the room with everyone talking and laughing amongst themselves.
"You okay?" Holden asked Jack quietly as they sat on the sofa having been given the job of trying to untangle the tree lights. About five minutes in, both men were already wishing that they had been assigned the job of hanging the many colorful stockings on the fireplace instead of Paul, J.J., and Parker.
Jack stopped short of a loud curse after realizing that he had three different strings of lights tangled into one giant knot and looked up at his cousin.
"You mean other than wanting to hunt down the guy who invented Christmas tree lights and strangle him with his own invention? Then yeah, I'm fine." Jack joked and Holden gave him a small smile, as he shook his head.
"No, really, Jack. There's been something bugging you all day." Holden said, biting back his own curse as he realized that he and Jack had been tugging on the same strand of lights.
He looked up to see the hesitation on Jack's face and knew that if he was uncomfortable talking about it with Holden, it could only mean one thing.
"Carly, huh?"
Stiffening for a moment then sighing loudly, Jack let go of the lights to look Holden in the eye.
"Yeah. I mean, I guess I'm just surprised at her that's all." Jack said and Holden frowned.
"About what?"
"Well, apparently when Emma mentioned the kids being here for decorating tonight, Carly was the one who suggested they stay over. She told her that she would spend the holiday with Lee and Mattie, and then see the kids later Christmas Day."
"Really? She let them go that easily? That doesn't sound like Carly." Holden said, tilted his head in confusion.
"I didn't think so either, but I don't know anymore. I feel like I don't know her anymore." Jack said, shaking his head. "Even with everything that's happened between us, I never thought that she would choose spending the holiday with Lee over the kids."
"What are you talking about?"
Jack and Holden looked up sharply to see Parker standing there with a hammer and more nails.
"Mom's not with Lee." Parker said, frowning at them, and Jack smiled sadly.
"Parker, it's okay. I…" Jack started to say, but Parker cut him off.
"No, Dad, you don't understand. Lee and Mattie went to back to Australia for Christmas. They left Monday night. Mom's known they were going for weeks. She told us that she was going to volunteer at WOAK for the Christmas Eve dinner. She even said that you knew about it." Parker told him quietly.
Jack shook his head, the wheels in his mind turning to try and process the new information. "But the WOAK dinner was postponed until tomorrow night because of a delivery truck oversight. Brad and Katie told me when I was visiting at the hospital this morning."
"What's going on?"
Having seen the seriousness on their faces Lily had wandered over from her job of setting up the Christmas village in the front window with Meg and Faith. Holden quickly explained what was going on and Lily let out a sigh.
"So if she's not doing either of those things that means…"
"She's home alone." Parker finished for her, his voice conveying his obvious distress at the thought.
"Why wouldn't she tell anyone? Or at least tell me?" Jack said, starting to get upset himself.
"Well gee, Dad, I don't know. Maybe because you guys haven't even talked on the phone in weeks!" Parker bit out, not being able to curb his frustration at the situation between his parents. There was a short silence before Parker spoke up again, this time his voice resigned and much quieter.
"Or maybe...this was just one more thing she didn't want to fight about anymore." Parker said and Jack's eyes flew to his son's face. The overwhelming sadness and worry that he found there made Jack's heart hurt. Parker just stared at him for a long moment before heading back over to the fireplace where Paul and J.J. were waiting for him.
Jack stood and looked over at Emma, who had been keeping the other kids busy but had heard every word of the conversation. She met his gaze and gave a small nod of her head, before rushing forward to prevent Ethan from dropping one of the ornaments.
Lily caught the exchange and moved to take Jack's place on the couch, grabbing the strings of lights from his hands. She knowingly looked up at him and smiled softly. "Drive safe. Oh, and tell Carly to bring that sweater back that she borrowed from me last week!"
Nodding with a small smirk, Jack moved swiftly to get his jacket, his car keys already in his hand. It was only when he stood on the doorstep at Milltown that Jack realized that he had no idea what he was going to say to her.
Except for that brief and horrible moment in Katie's hospital room two days ago, Jack hadn't spoken to Carly in almost a month. How was he going to explain that he wanted her to come to the farm with him when, like Parker said, he hadn't even been willing to talk to her over the phone? He rationalized that he would just tell her that it was for the kids and that would make her go, if nothing else.
Deep down he knew, though, that he didn't want her there only for them.
Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. Despite the fact that he had prepared himself to see her, when she opened the door he still felt the breath leave his body.
Carly's blonde hair was blown straight and sleek, the strands looking like they would slide through his fingers like silk if he just reached out to touch them. She wore a fitted deep red cashmere turtleneck and the pair of dark blue jeans that he knew she loved best because of the way they showed off her butt.
As luck would have it, Jack wore a deep evergreen colored sweater with his own dark faded blue jeans along with his dark brown winter coat that made his eyes look like melted chocolate in the right light.
Together they would have made one hell of a Christmas card.
Jack's mind was brought back to the fact that Carly was now talking when he was drawn back to her lips and the ruby red gloss that she was wearing. He dragged his eyes to meet hers and shook his head slightly.
"What?" He asked, blinking hard.
Carly frowned, realizing that he hadn't heard her mild rant about finding him on her doorstep and decided to try a more direct approach.
"Why are you here, Jack?"
"Why are you sitting home alone on Christmas Eve, watching 'It's A Wonderful Life' on repeat?" Jack countered, hearing the over televised Christmas movie in the background.
"I'm not. I've watched 'Miracle on 34th Street' and 'A Christmas Story' too." Carly said, trying to joke but quickly stopped when she noticed Jack wasn't having any of it. "Go home, Jack, I'm fine."
A quick gust of wind swirled a gentle dusting of snow at their feet and caused them both to realize that they were still standing in the doorway. Carly sighed and moved to let him slide into the house.
"Well, I'm glad you're fine, Carly, because the kids aren't." Jack said, turning to face her as she shut the door. Her eyes cut to his and he frowned. "They miss you."
Carly smiled gently, the longing in her eyes evident. "It's Christmas Eve, I miss them too."
"Why didn't you tell them that the WOAK dinner got cancelled?" Jack asked and Carly shook her head, shooting him a look.
"Jack, have you met our kids? You know they wouldn't have gone to the farm tonight if they had known."
"So? You could have had them here tonight and brought them to the farm tomorrow morning." Jack said.
"No, they belong at the farm tonight. It's family tradition and they look forward to it every year. Besides, you would have completely freaked out." Carly said and as much as Jack wanted to deny it, he knew what she said was true.
"Well, I could have dropped them off afterwards." Jack kept trying to argue his point, choosing once again to ignore the fact that he had done little more than a "tuck and roll" drop off with the kids for weeks.
"They deserve to enjoy tonight without worrying having to get home to make me feel better." Carly said slowly, still trying to figure out what he was up to.
"They deserve to enjoy tonight with all of their family, especially you." Jack corrected her and her eyes widened as she finally realized why he was there.
"Oh, no, Jack! Absolutely not! I am not going to the farm!" Carly said, shaking her head and moving away from him to walk towards the couch.
"Come on, Carly. You can't stay here by yourself on Christmas Eve. It's ridiculous." Jack said, shaking his own head.
"No, what's ridiculous is the fact that you came here, after not speaking to me for three weeks, to invite me to a house filled with people who would rather not see my face!" Carly said, the tension of those weeks rising in her.
"Carly, that's not true! Everyone over at the farm knows that I came to get you and they want you there." Jack said purposely avoiding the first part of her statement. "Okay, well, the truth is the kids don't know I'm here, but everyone else does."
"Why didn't you tell the kids?" Carly asked, crossing her arms.
"I wasn't sure you'd come and I didn't want to get their hopes up. But…I think Parker knows where I went." Jack said honestly and Carly closed her eyes, the ache to be with their children written all over her face.
Jack sighed softly and took the opportunity to move closer to her. When her eyes opened again, he was an arm's length away.
"Look, the past few weeks I've acted like a jerk and…I'm sorry. I guess I've just been having a hard time dealing with…" Jack trailed off and then tried again.
"My breaking up with Janet was completely my decision and I shouldn't have expected you to change your life around because I realized something too late. I mean, after all, you did try to tell me that you didn't want to be together a while ago. I guess I just didn't want to accept it."
Carly bit her lip, trying desperately not to cry at his soft spoken words.
"If Lee makes you happy…then I'll find a way to accept that too. He seems like a good guy. Hell, the kids all like him and at least he doesn't have a record." Jack said, causing a short laugh to slip out of Carly's mouth since she had no doubt that he really had looked him up in the system.
Jack gave her a small smile and then shrugged.
"I have to accept it because I can't do this anymore, Carly. This distance between us isn't only hurting our kids, it's hurting me." Jack said and Carly frowned.
"I miss you. I learned a long time ago that having you in my life in any capacity is a million times better than not having you there at all." Jack told her and then shrugged again, not being able to say it any clearer than that.
It must been clear enough because he suddenly had Carly in his arms and he was hugging her tightly as she wrapped her arms around his neck
"Thank you. Thank you for understanding." Carly whispered, her voice catching. As desperately as she wanted to tell him the truth about her relationship with Lee, Carly managed to hold it in for both their sakes. Instead she hugged him for all she was worth before pulling away.
Jack reached up and with his thumbs wiped the tears from her cheeks. They both froze at the contact, their senses tingling with feel of his fingertips on her face. Her blue eyes searched his face and he sighed, dropping his hands and stepping back.
"So what do you say we go surprise our kids?" Jack asked, forcing his voice to be normal.
Carly hesitated, as if she was going to say something important, but then just nodded. "Sure. Um, let me grab a few things and then we can go."
After a silent thirty minute car ride, they were opening the kitchen door to the farm. Emma turned to look at them from where she had been putting the now baked gingerbread men on a huge platter for decorating later. Jack took Carly's coat and the shopping bag of gifts she had brought and put them in the mud room, leaving Carly and Emma alone. Carly stilled and gave a small smile in Emma's direction.
"Merry Christmas Eve," Carly lamely said, rubbing her hands briskly to warm them.
Emma put the plate down on the kitchen counter and just stared at her for a long moment.
"Well," Emma said, raising an eyebrow at Carly, making the younger woman begin to wonder if Jack had lied about her being invited. Just as she was about to say something, Emma grinned. "It's about time you showed up. I was beginning to think you got sideswiped by Santa's sleigh in all this snow."
Carly blinked a moment then grinned back. "No, but it's definitely starting to come down pretty hard. The kids are going to have one heck of a sledding day tomorrow."
"And the adults are going to have a blast digging out the cars." Jack said coming back in and rolling his eyes.
"Ha, maybe you will. I'm going sledding!" Carly said and Jack made a face at her then smiled. Emma watched them closely, wondering if they even knew how quickly they had slipped into their teasing banter.
"Grandma, are the cookies done yet?" Natalie said, wandering into the kitchen. She stopped shortly seeing Carly and her eyes widened. Half turning she yelled, "Hey Sage! Come 'ere!"
Sage scampered in and came to an abrupt stop, similar to her cousin a moment before. Her own eyes grew and a grin broke out on her face.
"Mommy!" Sage cried and ran into her mother's open arms. "I can't believe you're here!"
Carly laughed and hugged Sage hard before allowing herself to be pulled into the living room by both hands.
"J.J., Parker! Look!" Sage said and the two brothers looked up from their jobs to see their mom standing in the doorway.
"Awesome! Mom's here!" J.J. said and jumped up to hug her with Parker not far behind him.
As Jack watched their three children surround Carly and chatter on about what they had been doing so far, a peace settled over him. He might not be able to have his true dream, but tonight he felt getting extremely close.
Parker looked over to where Jack stood and he smiled.
'Thank you,' he mouthed to his dad and Jack just winked at him.
"Alright, now that Carly's here we can string the popcorn. Think you can handle that, Ms. Fashion Designer?" Emma said to Carly.
Carly rolled her eyes but there was a smile on her face as she accepted the bowl of freshly popped popcorn and settled on the couch. Natalie and Sage immediately settled themselves on the floor at her feet, apparently deciding that this was their new job assignment.
Faith watched Carly warily which Carly accepted, knowing that the young girl's memory of what had happened between her and Holden was far from gone. However, Lily noticed as well and effortlessly sat down on the couch with Carly. As Faith watched their friendly interaction, she slowly relaxed until she too was seated with Sage and Natalie on the floor, joining in the happy conversation.
Jack paused a moment from where he and Holden were stringing the now untangled lights in the boughs of the tree. His eyes traveled around the room as he took in his family.
Parker, J.J., and Paul were teasing Meg with a large Christmas wreath, lightheartedly trying to get her to step into it and see if she could get it past her growing stomach. Emma was occasionally lifting Ethan in the air to help hang random decorations around the room, before sneaking him bites of a pre-dinner gingerbread man. Having already finished one long string for the tree Carly and Lily were now gently throwing pieces of popcorn to the girls, who were trying to catch it in their mouths. One bounced off Faith's nose and they all started laughing.
Jack watched Carly's eyes dance as she leaned over to whisper something to the girls on the floor and they all grinned back at her. Suddenly pieces of popcorn were being pelted in Lily's direction, making her yelp in surprise and laugh harder before gently shoving Carly back into the cushions of the couch. Carly received her mock lecture after which they all dissolved into giggles again and started a new strand of popcorn on a string.
Jack felt a jab in the ribs and looked over at his cousin.
"You know, if you don't stop staring at her, she's going to think you like her or something." Holden teased, inclining his head towards the female group on the couch. Jack shot him a look, mostly because he was embarrassed to have been caught staring. Yet, his eyes were again drawn to that area.
"She belongs here, Holden." Jack said and shook his head. "I don't know why she can't see it."
"Have you told her that?" Holden asked him pointedly.
"I've tried. But what does it matter anyway? She's with Lee." Jack said, frowning.
"She's not with Lee now." Holden said, firmly.
"That's only because he's in Australia with Mattie." Jack told him, scoffing at his cousin's words but Holden just tilted his head in Carly's direction.
"You know what, Jack? Even if Lee was in Oakdale tonight, somehow I still think Carly would be here. Call it a gut feeling." Holden said and Jack gave a small sigh, his eyes stealing back over to the woman in question.
Suddenly Sage wanted Carly's attention, holding up her right index finger. The pout on her face and tears in her eyes indicated that she had pricked it with the needle. Carly made a sympathetic noise and gave her a small pout in return, so similar to their daughter's that Jack wondered if it was a genetic trait. Carly then leaned forward and kissed the tip of Sage's finger gently. Apparently, even at ten years old, a mother's kiss was enough to take the hurt away because Sage smiled and went back to the conversation she had been having with Faith and Natalie like nothing had happened.
As if she felt his gaze Carly looked over at Jack, her eyes connecting immediately with his. Without hesitation she grinned at him, giving him a smile so genuine that Jack could do nothing but instantly smile back. As he did, a warmth spread through him at the sight of the pure happiness in her eyes.
A rap on the back of the head with a large stray candy cane made Jack turn and glare at Holden.
"What is it with my family hitting me on the head this week?" Jack asked, ignoring the confused look that he received from Holden. "What's wrong with saying, 'Hey Jack'?"
"I've been saying 'Hey Jack' for the past five minutes. You've just been too busy making goo-goo eyes at Carly to hear me." Holden said and Jack rolled his eyes.
"I have not! Now can we get back to this tree before Emma strings us up as decorations?" Jack said and moved around to the other side of the pine. Holden heard Jack start humming "Jingle Bells" under his breath and chuckled softly.
"Goo-goo eyes." Holden muttered firmly before he too started to hum.
Soon the whole room was singing together in a loud, happy, and not completely on key, group.